Tech Support

BlueSugar

Faceted Sensualist
Joined
Jun 13, 2003
Posts
7,608
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system
performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry
applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5,
and then installed undesirable programs such as NHL 0.4, NFL
5.0, NBA 3.0 as well as Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no
longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashed the
system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail. What do I do?

Signed, Desperate


===========================
Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please
enter the command "http: I Thought You Loved Me: htm" and
try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the
Guilt 3.0 update. If that appl ication works as designed.
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications
Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, over use of the above application can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a
virus in the background, that will eventually seize control
of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to
reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported
applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it
does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications
quickly. You might consider buying additional software to
improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0
and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support
 
an answer: from the GB

Dear Tech support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included
in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all
other programs and launches during system initialization, where it
monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3,
Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the
system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking
about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the un-install does not work on
this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks, Joe


Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT
program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and
still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your
system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is
gained.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from
the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because
Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with
more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under
Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just
deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must
assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,
regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter
the command
C:\APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will
have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return
to normal.

The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the
GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but VERY high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife
1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not,under any
circumstances,install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck, Tech Support
 
Thank you Blue for the best reading in months......... what a great mind.... and the computer.. what have we created!!!!!!!!:rolleyes:
 
Thanks Blue! This cracked me up. I'm getting married this weekend, and my fiance is a computer geek - this definitely got him laughing! :)
 
Hehehe, that's good! That's why I only deal with Penguins (Linux).
 
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