Tech Support: my fav

[thebullet]

My son was complaining about a tech support call he made the other day. He was trying to install a cable modem and had a problem integrating it with his home network. He called the support number and the tech asked "Is your computer plugged in?"
My son said "I've got a Bachelor of Arts in Computer Science. Give me a tech who knows something!"

That reminded me of my favorite true story about a Tech Support person. He received a call from an upset customer who said his computer didn't work and his monitor didn't light up.

The tech said, "Look at the back of the computer and see if the plug has pulled out."

The caller said, "Sorry, I can't see behind my computer."

The tech said, "Why not?"

The caller said, "The lights are out."

The tech asked "Why?"

The caller replied "There is a power outage in our building."

The tech said, "I want you to take your computer, put it back into its original boxes and sent them back to us."

The caller was worried. He asked "Why?"

The tech replied, "Because you are too fucking stupid to operate a computer."

 

[The_Fool]

Many of the techs in the call centers are clueless. They have a checksheet they go down, checking each item off. Once they get through that, they are clueless. BUT....that little checksheet usually takes care of 80% of the problems, or more.

 

[thebullet]

Hey fool. Are you Andy Reed's twin brother?

 

[The_Fool]

Hey fool. Are you Andy Reed's twin brother?

Not today...

Ask me tomorrow...

 

[BlackShanglan]

Many of the techs in the call centers are clueless. They have a checksheet they go down, checking each item off. Once they get through that, they are clueless. BUT....that little checksheet usually takes care of 80% of the problems, or more.

*nods* Many places have mutiple tiers of tech support. They work people through the checksheet-wielding, less-trained bunch first, then kick them up if the front line staff can't solve the problem. It's a pain if you're sure none of the checklist stuff is the problem, but as The_Fool says, a good percentage of the time it is the problem.

 

[thebullet]

Many places have mutiple tiers of tech support.

Okay, I'll admit that my son actually said in his little tech encounter, "Give me to second tier support". I just didn't think the average reader would relate.

 

[R. Richard]

Back in the old days of 5.25 inch soft cover floppies, I worked for an outfit that distributed a program on multiple diskettes. Tech support actually got a call from a customer who told them that the customer was supposed to put five diskettes in a floppy drive. However, the customer could only get three diskettes in the drive and had to really force the third one to get it to go in with the first two already in there.

The original tech support guy was right, some people are too dumb to own a computer.

 

[thebullet]

Hey Richard, if you want to play "Can you top that?" how about this one.

A guy called tech support to complain:
"My Cup holder doesn't work anymore"

 

[minsue]

Hey Richard, if you want to play "Can you top that?" how about this one.

A guy called tech support to complain:
"My Cup holder doesn't work anymore"

 

[thebullet]

And I have one from my own experience. I was in San Francisco installing a system on a six month contract. One morning at 5AM I got an emergency phone call from New Jersey.

A company I had written a package for was calling. Their payroll checks were totally screwed up. Nothing was printing where it was supposed to print. The union had a clause in their contract that they could go on strike if the payroll checks weren't given out on time and they were due that day by 3PM - (It was 8AM in New Jersey).

I told them I would drop everything. I called the airport and found a plane to Philadelphia. Then called a taxi, quickly packed a bag and was waiting to be picked up.

A few minutes before the taxi arrived I got a call from the company. Their computer operator had put Accounts Payable checks in the printer rather than payroll checks by mistake.

Never mind.

 

[Liar]

Last week:
(sucky translation to English by yours truly)


"Hello, yes, I have this problem with my printer. It's an Epson Laser 12345 [something, can't remember], and I need to change the toner cartridge in it. But it seems like it's too old, the cartridge that I used to buy is not for sale anymore. Is there a compatible one I can use instead?"

"All right, sir. What kind of computer do you have?"

"Pardon?"

"Do you use a Mac or a PC?"

"What difference does that make?"

"Well...which is it? A Mac or a PC?"

"Both actually, and Solaris, and Linux, it's a network printer in a mixed environment."

"..."

"Hello?"

"Um...open up the control panel."

"Right. You mean on the printer?"

"No, in Windows."

"Look, I just told you. All I need to know from you is what toner I can put in my printer."

"maybe if you go to www.epson.com..."

"Yes?"

"....and download the latest drivers for your platform--"

"That will do bugger all, I'm out of color! Get it?"

"...um....right...well...maybe you should contact your vendor."

"*sigh* Is there someone there who actually knows stuff that I can talk to?"

"I think he is busy."

"Ok, can he call me up? My number is--"

"Sorry sir, we don't call up."

"Huh?"

"We don't do that."

"Then I don't do Epson anymore. Thanks for being an imecil, you just cost your employer a shitload of orders. Goodb--"

"Wait! I'll...get the manager."

"Attaboy."



#L

 

[Alex De Kok]

There's a whole website for these tales

Have a look at Computer Stupidities and weep. Or laugh, as appropriate.

Alex

 

[R. Richard]

Hey Richard, if you want to play "Can you top that?" how about this one.

A guy called tech support to complain:
"My Cup holder doesn't work anymore"

The bullet:
What you are describing is a lack of training. The tech support guy/girl should have immediately replied: "Then you will have to throw your cup away! Glad to be of service. (Hangs up!)"

Actually, I wasn't trying to 'top that.' I used to work in several computer related jobs. I have had to support the Tech support people and I have stories you wouldn't believe. The level of stupidity of some computer (mis)users boggles the mind.

 

[scheherazade_79]

I bought a second hand laptop from the laptop superstore once. The second I hooked it up to the internet, I had all these pop-ups suddenly appear asking me if I wanted a penis enlargement. Then without warning, my computer rebooted.

I managed to keep it on long enough to do an online virus scan, which discovered around a dozen different viruses on the system.

So of course I called tech support... and beat this - according to the guy I spoke to, I personally, within the space of 2 minutes had infected my laptop with the viruses. That's pretty clever, don't you think?

I got my refund, but it took quite a lot of nastiness first.

 

[thebullet]

Well, do you want penis enlargement?

 

[Bridget69]

At least you had a computer which was generous enough to offer you things. LOL!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: There's a whole website for these tales

Have a look at Computer Stupidities and weep. Or laugh, as appropriate.

Alex

This was so goooooooooooooood!

The lady was using a power strip to plug her computer and other devices into. Windows was completely frozen, and she was unable to shut down the machine by using the power button. She mentioned the power strip, so I told her to flip it off. She said, "Ok, I gave it the finger. I feel better."