Teach Me to be a Domme

[Guest]

 

[Netzach]

I don't think you ever really get completely over the programming that tells you girls don't hit, shout, grab, force, or insist. That's part of what makes it more fun, feeling like you are totally going against the norms out there.

I would just set a time allotment and decide that I can do no wrong within, say the next 30 minutes. If that means I want to cuddle or have my feet licked or watch him crawl back and forth on the carpet 20 times to fetch a stick, so be it. That's fine and that's how it's going to be and that's what I want. Forget about his fetishes and making him happy for a moment and ask yourself what turns YOU on.

I think a lot of women forget this step and knowing what you want is what makes a scene work better for both of you, actually. It can be something really stupid or mundane, but if you want it and you make it clear that you will GET it because you want it, it suddenly becomes more erotic.

Definitely learn how to do things safely, definitely determine what he considers a limit and what he has personal objections to, but don't lose sight of what you stand to get out of this, don't feel like you have to be something you're not or do something you're unsure of. Set your own pace and goals.

 

[Marquis]

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Listen to her. You'll be well on your way.

 

[Jay Davis]

Remember that if you're the Dominant partner, You get what You want. His kick is supposed to be in providing it. It's nice if You keep his likes and dislikes somewhere in the back of Your head, but keep Yours front and center, and don't be the least bit ashamed--it's what he wants!

And if You find Yourself feeling self-conscious, try blindfolding him! Then You don't have to worry about him seeing You in a moment of hesitation or indecision--he'll think You're just teasing him, stringing him along.

Trust me on this...I'm a submissive male. Take charge, don't be shy, and cover his eyes. All of these are thing's he'll enjoy.

 

[subbie_333]

Another post suggested the "do anything you want for the next 30 minutes" approach, and, that can be good. But, i have found that some women try that, and, have a hard time thinking up things to do when that pressure is on them. So, i suggest that the two of you talk ahead of time, and, bounce around some ideas. Read a few stories together, and, even fantasize about things that can't/won't happen right away. The two of you will soon realize what turns y'all on. Then, on your own, bounce those ideas, roleplays, and, storylines around in your head. You will find yourself exploring some of those things further and come up with a few more ideas. With this approach, when that 30 minute clock starts, you will already have some specific things in mind. You will probably find that the first few times the reality won't match the fantasy and you may feel silly. But, remind yourself to enjoy the moment and enjoy the reaction you are getting from your partner. Afterwards, talk about what y'all enjoyed and didn't like. Some of the best scenes are spontaneous, but, most of those were the indirect result of a lot of previous discussions and fantasies.


subbie_333

 

[tealsphynx]

I had the same problem less than a year ago. I found the blindfold was a necessity at first. Start slow. do some research, find ideas that turn You on. I found the BDSM checklists to be helpfull too, tere's dom ones and sub ones. Both of you fill them out and compair answers. Talk about them, share your similarities and differences. Pick activity item to try first, ie spanking. Choose how you'll do it and with what (hand, paddle, spoon ect.). Then decide if you're going to bind him, blind him and what position he'll be in then spend a few minutes gently swatting him to warm him (and You) up. Go slow, if at first 5 or so minutes of feeling uncomfortable is all you can stand stop, but each time push yourself to go just a little longer experimenting a little more with the activity. Over time (took me about 3 months to get to where I could scene half an hour or longer)you'll find that either, yes you do enjoy Domming, or No, it's really not you...then perhaps talk with hubby about trying to switch for a whileThis site was pretty helpful to me as well as a few others, run through the library there should be more links and threads there on Domination. It won't necessarily happen over night, but for me I found taking it slow and trying one thing at a time until I was comfortable helped. Again: Blindfolds are a must if you feel self conscious and "silly" ....also if you've got a mirror in your room and you feel uncomfortable watching yourself (I do) cover it or go to a different room where there is no mirror. Good Luck!! And remember keep it safe, sane and consensual (I think I spelled that wrong...)

 

[Guest]

 

[Pleasureboy2]

probably you need to learn rope tying