Task or Punishment?

[subish2009]

If he were mature enough to back off in order to cool down, don't you think that he would have said so in so many words? Presumably she would have reported it that way, though we can't be sure. It's entirely possible that he did exactly as you described it and she misrepresented him to us.

It's never easy to hold a reasonable discussion about relationship dynamics when you have only one side of the story.

Yeah, and even more so when that one side is delivered online.

 

[midwestyankee]

Yeah, and even more so when that one side is delivered online.

Exactly. It will be interesting to hear what the OP has to say in light of the most recent comments here.

 

[Trixabell]

Is this a blog to which only he and you have access, or do you also share the blog with other family or friends?

Yes, this is his blog that I am assigned to write in on specific days. I told him I would be writing about the Friday task but I know he thought it would be a positive blog post.

If he were mature enough to back off in order to cool down, don't you think that he would have said so in so many words? Presumably she would have reported it that way, though we can't be sure. It's entirely possible that he did exactly as you described it and she misrepresented him to us.

It's never easy to hold a reasonable discussion about relationship dynamics when you have only one side of the story.

This is very much the case. In his defense he came onto IM and I let him know I had made the post so he went to read it before chatting. I think he was surprised and taken off guard so he made the decision to discontinue the conversation in order to not make the situation worse. I think this was the right decision because I had been thinking about the situation for a few days and he had no time to think about the impacts of my blog before discussing it with me. I was very upset because the only time he decides to stop a conversation is when he is upset and as His subbie it eats at me to know that he is hurting.
Also it may be helpful to know that he has a 24/7 slave so dealing with a sub is a big adjustment and takes a lot of thought and work on his part.

I'd rather you told ME than your blog or at least told me first. So I'd be upset too.

This is part of the issue. I had contemplated the issue while it was just thrown at him while I waited for an instant response in chat. What upset him, as he told me last night, the most is that he did not think that anything he asked me to do should throw me off so much. I think he is frustrated that I was not able to complete it more easily. After a fairly long chat last night we have made some headway and will adjust the task a little but he will require me to do the same thing again but with a little adjustment here and there as to not mess with my head while I am working. I know you guys are only getting about 1/100 of the story here and its hard to explain it, but one dynamic at play here is that i work form home about 80% of the time so work and play are very easy, this task however was in a public work environment where I am the supervisor and involves a 2 hour drive. He said last night that he will alter the task but that on the drive up and back "your ass is mine". That I can live with. I get the idea that he felt I was trying to control and top from the bottom and once that happens its hard to get the power dynamics right again but I think we are definitely on the mend here.

Exactly. It will be interesting to hear what the OP has to say in light of the most recent comments here.

OP?? What or who is that?


Hope this explains it all a little better.

 

[FurryFury]

That explains a lot.

If you told me that you hadn't communicated with me because you hadn't worked through your thoughts yet and if the blog was just for me to read and no one else that would still bother me but I'd accept it.

I would be disturbed that I had not gauged you better though. I'd feel I'd have fucked up.

 

[midwestyankee]

OP?? What or who is that?[/B]


Hope this explains it all a little better.

You are the Original Poster. The acronym OP is also sometimes used to mean Original Post.

 

[subish2009]

That explains a lot.

If you told me that you hadn't communicated with me because you hadn't worked through your thoughts yet and if the blog was just for me to read and no one else that would still bother me but I'd accept it.

I would be disturbed that I had not gauged you better though. I'd feel I'd have fucked up.

Yeah, the bolded part. But I'm glad you both have had a chance to talk now and have a plan moving forward that you both feel good about.

I don't know...everyone's D/s dynamics are different and I am SO NOT the subbiest sub around, but if this task is new territory for you, I'd expect a little understanding if you didn't love it the first time. I mean, you still complied, right? It's hard to know what to say when we don't know the specifics. And you have every right to keep as much private as you like, but it does hinder the advice-giving, you know?

Do let us know how round 2 goes.

 

[Trixabell]

Yeah, the bolded part. But I'm glad you both have had a chance to talk now and have a plan moving forward that you both feel good about.

I don't know...everyone's D/s dynamics are different and I am SO NOT the subbiest sub around, but if this task is new territory for you, I'd expect a little understanding if you didn't love it the first time. I mean, you still complied, right? It's hard to know what to say when we don't know the specifics. And you have every right to keep as much private as you like, but it does hinder the advice-giving, you know?

Do let us know how round 2 goes.

I will update on round two, I expect it to come in a week or two.
As for specifics, feel free to ask, if its too personal I just send it in a pm.

 

[cloud_leopard]

I can't deal with tasks just for the sake of having a task. It always seems clumsy, awkward, and embarrassing to me. Completing a task simply for the sake of completing a task doesn't make me feel submissive, it makes me feel like a malfunctioning automaton.

That is exactly how I feel, and I've never been able to express it the way I wanted to. Thanks for saying that.

 

[Adakgirl]

I had been in a comfortable place for too long so this task overwhelmed me.

And perhaps your reaction to the task, shook him out of his comfortable place that he had been in for a bit too long ...too. You did say you thought you were ready for it and could handle it and were surprised by your feelings of being punished...instead of having happy submissive feelings...this is how we learn. It's not always about performing a task eagerly and being happy to do it. Submitting can be very difficult thing to do. Performing tasks can suck a whole lot out of you and some will be extremely exhausting and draining on you. It comes with the territory.
Don't expect to always get pleasure from it.
And remember as a submissive you have the option to respectfully refuse to submit to a task that you think might put you in danger of losing your job. You can always say no and would be wize to... if he expects you to take it into your workplace all day long.

 

[Trixabell]

And perhaps your reaction to the task, shook him out of his comfortable place that he had been in for a bit too long ...too. You did say you thought you were ready for it and could handle it and were surprised by your feelings of being punished...instead of having happy submissive feelings...this is how we learn.

We were both riding on a high from a scene that happened exactly a week before that if I had know what He was going to ask of me prior I would have wanted to say no or try to fake my way out of it (not something I have ever done or want to do). I was so amazed that I was able to complete something new and pushed a bit at a limit (public play). He was so proud of me and confessed that He was not sure that I would complete it and would have been happy with the fact that I at least tried something new with his guidance.
After that great scene my reaction to the work place scene had us both hitting bottom. The good news is that as of last night we are in a good place. We still have not been able to talk (hoping today) but we understand each other much better now and as usual communication is the key - I just needed to give him time to process my reaction and what changes he could make without it feeling like I am topping from the bottom.