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Taraka!!!

RomanticLass73 said:
Shocks the heck outa me most o' the time LOL




You say potaaayyyyyto, I say potaaaaahhhhto.......... :p
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You say to may to, i say to mah to...
 
RomanticLass73 said:
...lalalalalalalalalalalalala...
Let's call the whole thing off!
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*snickers*

Is it bad that i know all the words to that one?
 
entitled said:
It happens quickly with you around. :kiss:
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:D well it's such a good crowd equalizer no one need feel under or over dressed...and can devote their energies instead to getting under and over...US :p :devil:
 
asian_princess said:
:D well it's such a good crowd equalizer no one need feel under or over dressed...and can devote their energies instead to getting under and over...US :p :devil:
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Works for me!
*grope fondle molest*
 
Geez, I wander away for a minute and everyone gets nekked and licky slurpy!
*pinches A_P's toosh and sends a lick in Ent's direction*
 
RomanticLass73 said:
Geez, I wander away for a minute and everyone gets nekked and licky slurpy!
*pinches A_P's toosh and sends a lick in Ent's direction*
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:kiss:
 
RomanticLass73 said:
Geez, I wander away for a minute and everyone gets nekked and licky slurpy!
*pinches A_P's toosh and sends a lick in Ent's direction*
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*slaps RL on her own toshie as she skips past*
well, we were just getting prepared for you...we know how impatient you can get waiting for us to get nekid and wrestle wit you :rolleyes: :p :nana:
 
asian_princess said:
*slaps RL on her own toshie as she skips past*
well, we were just getting prepared for you...we know how impatient you can get waiting for us to get nekid and wrestle wit you :rolleyes: :p :nana:
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why thank you! how very considerate!
 
Big Ape Fall Down Go Boom

SummerMorning said:
Ok ... rant about King Kong then. :rolleyes:
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King Kong? Hmmm. First off, I haven't seen the new movie yet. Just the old original B&W version. And you know, I like it. I mean Kong is a good story. Mysterious island, primitive natives who just happen to have managed to build the FREAKING GREAT WALL OF CHINA, and giant monsters fighting.

One think I don't get about the wall, is why couldn't Kong just climb over it? A giant ape capable of scaling the Empire State Building should be able to do that, no prob. But maybe he's just being polite. Fences make good neighbors and all that. Plus, gotta keep those virgin sacrifices coming. Mysterious monster-infested islands and frat parties. Coincidence of similarity? But I digress.

So fast forward, and the Quest for Kong gets a bunch of gun-toting white guys killed. So the victorious feme fatale resnatching survivors decide "Let's take him to New York!"

Pure genius. Obviously, these guys are with MENSA.

So, predictably, the giant ape gets loose and goes on a rampage the likes of which has not been seen in New York since the 1860's, when angry mobs burned large portions of the city, killed and looted, and were finally broken up by the Union Army using the time honored technique of massed gunfire and artillery bombardment. (I'm a little fuzzy on the details of exactly how all that got started, but I think it involved some cartoons depicting George Washington in a Danish newspaper.)

Anyway, Kong's rampage was something like that, except without the artillery bombardment. But you mostly know the story already. Ape snatches pretty girl, climbs tall building, is annoyed by airplanes, and finally falls to his grisly death. Sort of like the plot of Hamlet, except some of the main characters actually live through it. (Ok, really nothing like Hamlet. But I really like Hamlet and just wanted to bring it up.)

So here is the great unasked and unanswered question. The enigma which the movie totally fails to reveal:

What in the name of GOD are you supposed to do with the corpse of a multi-story simian? I mean, you can't just haul him off to the local cemetary. Imagine how many plots you'd have to buy! You can't just go out into the country and dig a big hole to bury him in. He'd contaminate the ground water over a huge area, and wouldn't finish decomposing until about the time powdered wigs come back into fashion. (These things are cyclical, you know.) You'd have to have a strong coffin, but where could you find a coffin large enough? But there are solutions other than burial.

Drag him off to a large empty lot and build a gigantic mosoleum around him. But PRAY that nothing cracks that sucker open, or the stench will be almost, but not quite, as bad as the time back on the island when the natives tried substituting 10,000 beef and bean buritos for the virgin sacrifice. (Kong liked it well enough, but nearly a third of the island's fauna went extinct.)

There are still more potential solutions. Improvise and stuff his corpse into the hold of a huge cargo ship, then seal all the hatches and send it far away from anywhere you give a rat's ass about. This has the potential for catastrophe as well. You think the Exxon-Valdize accident was bad? Just let a drunk captain wreck THAT ship! I'm making myself sick now, so I won't explore that option any further.

Then there is the option of a funeral pyre. But the thought of that much burning hair would cause any sane human being that did not live at least 5 states away to reject that notion out of hand.

The problem with all of these solutions is that they are difficult, expensive, time-consuming, and require tremendous ammounts of manpower. Not only that, but any one of them could lead to multiple lawsuits and years of delay. Meanwhile, the broken bleeding body of the world's largest land animal is disturbing the traffic flow in normally serene and peaceful New York. (Yeah, that last part was over the top. Sorry.)

So I have yet another modest proposal. Americans should be allowed to do what Americans do best. Capitalism. Let the free market have the mega-monkey. Imagine the possibilities for the enterprising entrepeneur! I will simply give one example, and leave other options to the imagination of anybody who has managed to read this far without getting bored and wandering off to look at porn sites or watch TV.

Just think of the side show industry present in America, and especially in the early 1900's. Just the size of any one of King Kong's organs would set records and be the object of study and awe for decades!

Imagine some outside-of-the-box thinker buying the pavement-slickered simian's spleen. He could have it cut out by a team of professional butchers and chainsaw wielding lumberjacks. Then he could hire an army of taxidermists to preserve the fleshy innard before it putrifies. Already, the partial disposal of the dead diva abducter has been accomplished, with profit made for the city of New York (presumably) and many jobs for a small army of professionals. And it doesn't stop there! Now our friend the capitalist entrepeneur buys or rents a large truck and hires a driver to haul the Spleen of Splendor to it's new home.

Let's just say, for sake of argument, that he's from Iowa. Have you ever driven through Iowa? I have. From south to north and north to south on the interstate. Aside from the time you spend passing through Des Moines, there is nothing to see. Well, that's not entirely true. There is corn. Lots of corn. Corn as far as the eye can see. In every direction, from horizon to horizon, is corn. No rivers. No lakes. Not even any decent sized ponds. I think the corn drank them all.

There are a few breaks in the corn. There is the occasional farm. There is the occasional dilapidated building in the middle of nowhere. (I think they are put up already in a massive state of apparent decay by the Federal Department of Dilapidated Buildings, just to add "character" to an area.) There is also the occasional patch of soy beans. There are a few trees, normally all clustered around the farm buildings where they were obviously planted by farmers who were sick and tired of looking at all the damned corn.

And every now and then there is an exit ramp to a state highway with a pig house near the intersection. GOD HELP YOU IF YOU EVER HAVE TO STOP NEAR ONE! When you are upwind, it's not so bad. When the wind shifts, you suddenly understand what the word "stench" really means and you get introduced to the concept of "a plague of flies." But again, I digress.

Now I'm sure that Iowa is a wonderful state. I'm sure that there are lovely towns and great people and all the neat stuff most states have there somewhere away from that interstate. In fact, a couple of my friends are from Iowa originally. Come to think of it, they are both a little touched in the head, probably from an overdose of corn and pig fumes. But they're good people. But this misses the point. The point is, for travellers passing through, it's like watching a PBS documentary on the history of drapery, except without all the excitement.

So if you're driving along through Iowa, and you see the sign of another barren exit ramp pointing the way to some other distant town you'll never actually see from the interstate, you won't be taking a side trip. But if you see a sign for the next exit coming up and it says:

EXIT NOW TO SEE THE
WORLD'S LARGEST SPLEEN!
Formerly embowled in KING KONG!
Only 5 miles to SPLEEN LAND!

How can you pass that up? Maybe, just maybe, you might skip it if you'd already seen the World's Largest Kidney exhibit in neighboring Kansas. And you were running late. To a party at the Playboy Mansion. But most people will scream "A DISTRACTION! THANK GOD!" and pull over.

This just goes to show you, if you cut a huge organ out of the world's largest anything, and have it taxidermied, you can make a mint. Not just from collecting fees for bored travellers to see the wretched thing, but also in the sale of refreshments, snacks, t-shirts, hats, mugs, hairy spleen-shaped bota bags, etc. The possibilities are endless.

King Kong could be parted out and put on display all over the world! New York could make so much money they'd be BEGGING another group of nutjobs to comb uncharted places and bring bad giant monsters and release them for another lucrative rampage of mega-critter splatting fun. An entire sequel movie could be made on this premise.

After writing all this I'm so pumped I'm ready to get started on the script. "King Kong II: The Disembowlment" or something like that. Or maybe I'll just go look at some porn sites.

-Taraka
 
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Wasn't Asparagus Some Ancient Greek Philosopher?

entitled said:
Right. i keep celery away from you and you keep asparagus away from me, and we'll both be a little more happy.
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You know, I actually like asparagus. It's not one of my favorite things, but it is perfectly edible with copious ammounts of hollandaise sauce.

I saw somewhere that once, long ago, there was a national ad campaign to help boost asparagus awareness and get people to eat more of it. It was a good idea, but the advertising firm hired for the project wasn't exactly top notch. They couldn't come up with a good original idea so they copied sombody else's ad campaign, with disastrous results.

You see "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream." is a great slogan. Very catchy.

But "I cuss, you cuss, we all cuss for asparagus." was not such a hit.

:D
 
RomanticLass73 said:
Hahahahahahahahaha Hehehehehehehehehehe
*stops to catch breath*
Oh my. You DO hate celery.
*still have great big smile on my face*
And you hate it so very entertainingly!! Hate something else.... please? :D
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RL, thank you so very much. And for the later "clever boy" compliment as well. That's the nicest thing I've read about me today. Happy Nanna Dance! :nana:

I do believe I will rant around here from time to time. It's more theraputic and causes fewer "legal issues" than doing it in the supermarket. ;)
 
Nice rant. One minor detail overlooked, though. This IS a porn site. ;)

i personally like the asparagus slogan, but that's just me.

G'morning. Where's my coffee?
 
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