Taming of the Shrew

[Guru]

GREMIO


O this learning, what a thing it is!

 

[Guru]

GRUMIO


O this woodcock, what an ass it is!

 

[Guru]

PETRUCHIO


Peace, sirrah!

 

[Guru]

HORTENSIO


Grumio, mum! God save you, Signior Gremio.

 

[Guru]

GREMIO


And you are well met, Signior Hortensio.
Trow you whither I am going? To Baptista Minola.
I promised to inquire carefully
About a schoolmaster for the fair Bianca:
And by good fortune I have lighted well
On this young man, for learning and behavior
Fit for her turn, well read in poetry
And other books, good ones, I warrant ye.

 

[Guru]

HORTENSIO


'Tis well; and I have met a gentleman
Hath promised me to help me to another,
A fine musician to instruct our mistress;
So shall I no whit be behind in duty
To fair Bianca, so beloved of me.

 

[Guru]

GREMIO


Beloved of me; and that my deeds shall prove.

 

[Killswitch]

I was sure that Taming of the shrew was about a horror clown that drug little children, and women in to the sewer, and killed them.

 

[Guru]

GRUMIO


And that his bags shall prove.

 

[Guru]

HORTENSIO


Gremio, 'tis now no time to vent our love:
Listen to me, and if you speak me fair,
I'll tell you news indifferent good for either.
Here is a gentleman whom by chance I met,
Upon agreement from us to his liking,
Will undertake to woo curst Katharina,
Yea, and to marry her, if her dowry please.

 

[Guru]

GREMIO


So said, so done, is well.
Hortensio, have you told him all her faults?

 

[Guru]

PETRUCHIO


I know she is an irksome brawling scold:
If that be all, masters, I hear no harm.

 

[Guru]

GREMIO


No, say'st me so, friend? What countryman?

 

[Guru]

PETRUCHIO


Born in Verona, old Antonio's son:
My father dead, my fortune lives for me;
And I do hope good days and long to see.

 

[Guru]

GREMIO


O sir, such a life, with such a wife, were strange!
But if you have a stomach, to't i' God's name:
You shall have me assisting you in all.
But will you woo this wild-cat?

 

[Guru]

PETRUCHIO


Will I live?

 

[Guru]

GRUMIO


Will he woo her? ay, or I'll hang her.

 

[Guru]

PETRUCHIO


Why came I hither but to that intent?
Think you a little din can daunt mine ears?
Have I not in my time heard lions roar?
Have I not heard the sea puff'd up with winds
Rage like an angry boar chafed with sweat?
Have I not heard great ordnance in the field,
And heaven's artillery thunder in the skies?
Have I not in a pitched battle heard
Loud 'larums, neighing steeds, and trumpets' clang?
And do you tell me of a woman's tongue,
That gives not half so great a blow to hear
As will a chestnut in a farmer's fire?
Tush, tush! fear boys with bugs.

 

[Guru]

GRUMIO


For he fears none.

 

[Guru]

GREMIO


Hortensio, hark:
This gentleman is happily arrived,
My mind presumes, for his own good and ours.

 

[Guru]

HORTENSIO


I promised we would be contributors
And bear his charging of wooing, whatsoe'er.

 

[Guru]

GREMIO


And so we will, provided that he win her.

 

[Guru]

GRUMIO


I would I were as sure of a good dinner.

Enter TRANIO brave, and BIONDELLO

 

[Guru]

TRANIO


Gentlemen, God save you. If I may be bold,
Tell me, I beseech you, which is the readiest way
To the house of Signior Baptista Minola?

 

[Guru]

BIONDELLO


He that has the two fair daughters: is't he you mean?