Talking during sex

[NightL]

and how to introduce some dirty talk in the bedroom without asking her directly about it,

so... magic? Why can't you ask directly? That ultimately is the problem. You have a partner that you can't bring yourself to communicate with. If you can't talk to your partner about likes, dislikes, fantasies and maybes outside of the bedroom you sure as hell are not going to will her into talking in the bedroom.

What is the big deal? Just talk it over - so incredibly simple yet so many choose to make communication so bizarrely difficult.

Do you discuss food, art, literature, movies, flowers in the garden, fine wine or even expressing dislike over a neighbour's dog barking? Why can't you talk about sex?

I am actually very intrigued about an answer to that question "Why can't you talk about sex with your partner?".

 

[TheCliffinator]

so... magic? Why can't you ask directly? That ultimately is the problem. You have a partner that you can't bring yourself to communicate with. If you can't talk to your partner about likes, dislikes, fantasies and maybes outside of the bedroom you sure as hell are not going to will her into talking in the bedroom.

What is the big deal? Just talk it over - so incredibly simple yet so many choose to make communication so bizarrely difficult.

Do you discuss food, art, literature, movies, flowers in the garden, fine wine or even expressing dislike over a neighbour's dog barking? Why can't you talk about sex?

I am actually very intrigued about an answer to that question "Why can't you talk about sex with your partner?".

Baby steps, baby steps... first I have to get her to stop using such clinical language when referring to sex. Actually, I think I might already have gotten that far.

 

[NightL]

...but you are both not babies - try adult steps. Just start communicating, it is so incredibly easy to do.

You implied in your previous post that the issue was of your partner, yet went on to say "how to introduce some dirty talk in the bedroom without asking her directly about it" - well actually this is a problem you have created for yourself. You actually have to ask sometimes and if your partner loves you she will probably be all too willing to give something a go that brings joy and fun.

Somewhere along the road you became partners - that required communication. If you were to buy a house together, that would require communication. If you want(ed) to have children together, communication. What show to go to, movie to see, holiday location, asking her to scratch that itch in the middle of your back that you can't reach - communication. Maybe your partner is just sexually giving you all that have asked for, and if you have asked for nothing she probably believes she is satisfying you.

Are you satisfying her? How do you know? What sexual fantasy does she have that you are yet to try? If you don't know, why don't you know? What are the things, from her perspective, that you could be doing better, paying more attention to or just giving it a go even if it is purely for her pleasure? Have you asked her?

You could try "I love you and have been loving our intimacy. I wonder if we can make it even better? I want to know how to make our sex life even more special for you. I have a couple of suggestions for us to try but I mostly want to hear about what I can do for you. I think it will be fun to explore this." - then listen very carefully.

Remember, trying and bursting out laughing together if it all goes silly is fun as well.

If you believe your partner is being too clinical when referring to sex, maybe she is just responding to you being just a little too precious and anal. Think about it, "baby steps" and "without asking her directly about it".

"how to get my partner to be more" is such a common question here at How To... and always seems to be asked by people too frightened to just start talking with their partners. I agree that the two of you probably have a problem here, but I am reading it as of your own creation.

The most intense, rewarding and satisfying relationships have only got there through listening and talking. So what are you going to do about it?

I will ask that question you avoided again "Why can't you talk about sex with your partner?"

 

[TheCliffinator]

You implied in your previous post that the issue was of your partner, yet went on to say "how to introduce some dirty talk in the bedroom without asking her directly about it" - well actually this is a problem you have created for yourself.

Thanks. I'm perfectly aware of this. My original post on the topic wasn't 100% serious. Later hater.

 

[charmy]

i'm with you, i'm normally so into making love, looking into eyes etc, i don't really wanna hear about what suzie did to sarah. A moan of joy and grab of my arse soon shows me what she wants. lol tho women tend to yak for ages afterwards i figure is from been happy. I'd rather just hold her and feel the after shakes of her knees. Its yummm when she rests her head on ya chest and purrs.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

I'm probably repeating here, but I like it if my partner says things during sex.

But it doesn't have to be "dirty." Really just anything that indicates a connection, or intimacy.

"that feels good" "you feel good"
"I like your....."
"yes"
"faster"
"slower"

Honest, it doesn't have to be poetry, it doesn' t have to be "porn star" quality.

 

[jacktar48]

I'm probably repeating here, but I like it if my partner says things during sex.

But it doesn't have to be "dirty." Really just anything that indicates a connection, or intimacy.

"that feels good" "you feel good"
"I like your....."
"yes"
"faster"
"slower"

Honest, it doesn't have to be poetry, it doesn' t have to be "porn star" quality.

Just don't say, "This is how your sister likes it too."

Seriously, though, I prefer "Loving" to "Dirty." Whatever that is. But preferably nothing that makes me think of something other than what we are doing at the moment.

People are saying, "Oh, what are you so nervous about?" but there is the possibility of saying something that is SO alarming to the other person that she is totally repelled.

I'm thinking about the Seinfeld episode where his date seductively mentioned her panties and he quipped, "You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?"

She was shocked and horrified and rushed out, then told everyone what a pervert he was.

So for the guy who wanted to "ease into it," I think he may have the right idea.

 

[paulabt]

I like to be called a whore and a slut while I'm being fucked. I also like him to tell me how my boobs are big and bounce while he is thrusting inside me, and what a tight pussy I have.

He likes me to talk dirty too. I tell him to fuck me a lot, I tell him to fuck me harder, faster, suck my nipples, and eat my pussy. But what really turns him on is when I tell him he is just a cock to me, a way of servicing my needs, a rod I need to cum on.

being verbal makes sex even hotter and raunchier.

 

[RockHardKP]

The hottest exchange was about 2-3 months after my wife and I started dating. We were in her apartment at college and she started going down on my. She was licking and sucking very seductively, making sure not to finish me off too quickly. She looked up at me and started talking in between sucking

"Did you fuck Stephanie (ex-girlfriend) with this cock?"

"I know you did..........I can still taste her nasty cunt"

"She must have creamed all over this thing............god she tastes good!"

I gave into the sensations and came shortly after. She rolled onto her back and started fingering herself. "It pisses me off thinking about you with that bitch ......but it fucking turns me on. She closed her eyes and came loudly.

 

[SkylarFalling]

I've never understood why people are so anti-laughter! Sex is fun and very often funny, even when you're not trying to be. I say far better to embrace that and laugh together. Now pointing and laughing at the other person, that's probably a bad idea unless that's their kink.

We often laugh! I find it all kinds of sweet and intimate and sexy when he buried up to the hilt and for whatever reason we're just giggling hopelessly with our foreheads pressed together and our legs all wrapped up.

We don't always talk - often because I can't form words, but I enjoy the intensity without words sometimes.

Another thing is genuinely chatting. If we're having a drawn out session and we pause for breath sometimes we have non-dirty talk. Still flirtatious but not all out. Or sometimes we start having sex halfway through a conversation (it happens, somehow) and he finds it really entertaining to make me try and continue even though I stutter and mumble every time he thrusts in.

 

[jacktar48]

We often laugh! I find it all kinds of sweet and intimate and sexy when he buried up to the hilt and for whatever reason we're just giggling hopelessly with our foreheads pressed together and our legs all wrapped up.

We don't always talk - often because I can't form words, but I enjoy the intensity without words sometimes.

Another thing is genuinely chatting. If we're having a drawn out session and we pause for breath sometimes we have non-dirty talk. Still flirtatious but not all out. Or sometimes we start having sex halfway through a conversation (it happens, somehow) and he finds it really entertaining to make me try and continue even though I stutter and mumble every time he thrusts in.

That's nice.

I'm jealous...I want that kind of intimacy.

 

[amofiga]

so... magic? Why can't you ask directly? That ultimately is the problem. You have a partner that you can't bring yourself to communicate with. If you can't talk to your partner about likes, dislikes, fantasies and maybes outside of the bedroom you sure as hell are not going to will her into talking in the bedroom.

What is the big deal? Just talk it over - so incredibly simple yet so many choose to make communication so bizarrely difficult.

Do you discuss food, art, literature, movies, flowers in the garden, fine wine or even expressing dislike over a neighbour's dog barking? Why can't you talk about sex?

I am actually very intrigued about an answer to that question "Why can't you talk about sex with your partner?".

I can't speak for the OP, but I've known some women who are wide open to any and all discussion about their sexual feelings and needs and I've known some who are quiet shy and in fact, rather defeisive if you bring up things that they are insecure or embarrassed about. I'm know women who can talk so dirty it would make a drunkey sailor blush and I've known some who cringe or choke with certain words. "Simply talking" about things with a partner isn't always as easy as some people would like to thing. If you have a partner who is secure and objective enouth and uninhibited enough to talk about anything and everything, you are blessed. If on the other hand they are embarrased, shy, or inhibited.....it can be a touchy proposition.

 

[jacktar48]

I can't speak for the OP, but I've known some women who are wide open to any and all discussion about their sexual feelings and needs and I've known some who are quiet shy and in fact, rather defeisive if you bring up things that they are insecure or embarrassed about. I'm know women who can talk so dirty it would make a drunkey sailor blush and I've known some who cringe or choke with certain words. "Simply talking" about things with a partner isn't always as easy as some people would like to thing. If you have a partner who is secure and objective enouth and uninhibited enough to talk about anything and everything, you are blessed. If on the other hand they are embarrased, shy, or inhibited.....it can be a touchy proposition.

It's mostly a matter of social upbringing and the willingness to rebel against it.

There's way too much of that perverse old Puritanism in America still. Anything that is extremely enjoyable must be sinful, and even if you do it, you should be ashamed to admit it.

So do it in the dark, try not to enjoy it too much, and NEVER acknowledge in words that it happened. Even while it's happening.

 

[celticmedic]

We often laugh! I find it all kinds of sweet and intimate and sexy when he buried up to the hilt and for whatever reason we're just giggling hopelessly with our foreheads pressed together and our legs all wrapped up.

We don't always talk - often because I can't form words, but I enjoy the intensity without words sometimes.

Another thing is genuinely chatting. If we're having a drawn out session and we pause for breath sometimes we have non-dirty talk. Still flirtatious but not all out. Or sometimes we start having sex halfway through a conversation (it happens, somehow) and he finds it really entertaining to make me try and continue even though I stutter and mumble every time he thrusts in.

This - although in my experience, a lot of dirty talk before during and after - or sexting if you're apart - is awesome and totally spices things up. I used to sing I my last partner in bed - and ditto her to me. Which I loved.

 

[Roleplay_LouiseUk]

Sexual Dialogue

I hate it when my sexual partner doesn't even moan when it comes to getting it on. I love the communication between me and my sexual partner. Wether its talking, hands fondling, smiles or eye contact. Lets me know that I didn't dress up for nothin' or going all out for nothin'

 

[jacktar48]

I hate it when my sexual partner doesn't even moan when it comes to getting it on. I love the communication between me and my sexual partner. Wether its talking, hands fondling, smiles or eye contact. Lets me know that I didn't dress up for nothin' or going all out for nothin'

That's a good point. If you're trying to make someone feel good, it's nice to know it's working.

 

[alexanderten]

As someone said "sex doesn't have to be dirty - but it is if it's done properly."

Personally, I find "fuck me! yes, yes, fuck me! Oh, God, that's wonderful" a real turn on, but I agree that softer, more romantic words ("I love your body, you have gorgeous breasts") are just as successful. Never met a woman who acknowledged that she wanted to be called a slut/whore. Just not looking in the right place, I suppose.

And every woman you meet says "Gosh, you're big" which is great until you realise that six inches is pretty average!

 

[Phil_Good]

.....

 

[mbikeguy]

The more graphic the better for my wife.

 

[rickrick100]

I love it when my partner talking during sex but my current partner won't:

 

[ElwoodB]

I like the wife to talk dirty sometimes, but she has real problems with it!

I love the sounds she makes when I give her oral, fake or not. she sighs and whimpers with her eyes closed, really gets me going!

 

[Longbow_Sir]

I have to say I find certain comments during sex turn-on ie. "Yes baby , harder , fuck me Daddy ,yes there right there,.". But just grunts and groaning sometimes ends up being a turn off it makes Me feel like sex to them is a pain, just something to be endured.
I find it arousing when having sex to tell her what a slut she, or how tight she feels, or what I think of the shape of her ass maybe while giving said ass a couple of nice swatts .But to have a partner just lay there make no sound, or effort is an Absolute turn off !

 

[Cumference]

....But to have a partner just lay there make no sound, or effort is an Absolute turn off !

That old necro-feeling!

 

[Not Normal]

I was pretty quiet for a lot of years. A little moaning and the occasional grunt were mostly it. Several years ago I met someone here on Lit that turned that all around. Our relationship was long distance and purely in text and on the phone. My girlfriend now says she owes that women a debt of gratitude because she loves the dirty talk.

For me, I'm fine with any and all sounds, or words, so long as its genuine. If she screams loudly, moans softly, asks for something or just says "more" because that is what she is feeling, that is gold to me. Yell, whisper, laugh, moan, tell me a fantasy, whatever, just be in the moment.

I have no problem with laughter, joking or lightheartedness. Each time we have sex its different, and that, to me is good.

 

[desireunbounded]

We never used to talk, but now it's becoming more of a thing and we both love it.