Talk like Steven Wright

[ms_ann_thrope]

I just made simple syrup. It was harder than I expected.

 

[Que]

She said,"Your socks don't match.."

I told her, " Yes they do; I go by texture."

 

[doctor_insanus]

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

 

[jomar]

The other day I saw a restaurant that said breakfast anytime. So I went in and ordered french toast in the renaissance.

 

[Que]

...I came to the general board...I made the mistake of poking my head into the political threads.

I ended up, in general, bored.

 

[Colonel Hogan]

Sometimes on television someone will do an experiment with chemicals, explosives or electricity and then say, "Don't try this at home."

I always wonder why it wouldn't work there just as easily?

 

[Joeybagadonuts]

The other day I...


oh wait, that wasn't me.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

I just finished watching the last episode of Dexter. It was a real serial killer.

 

[Que]

I tried to think of some observational humor....

....But with my nose buried in my smartphone I wasn't able to observe anything.

 

[Joeybagadonuts]

I put my humidifier and my de-humidifier in the same room and let them fight it out.