Talk dirty to me! My thoughts on cybersex etiquette.

[jenni_bean]

First two posts are perfect. I would add one. Sometimes it clicks for one person but not the other. Let them get off if you can sense they are enjoying it but you don't need to stick around.

 

[Nekidinaz]

Manners always count...

I believe knowing how to engage in conversation is a learned skill and not everybody knows how to carry on a conversation let alone one that involves being erotic and sexy, or "dirty" or "naughty". I love erotic and sexy chats as long as that's what they are not totally filthy or nasty....know what I mean?

That being said, I have enjoyed some fun naughty conversations that were started when someone PM'd me with comments about one of my posts here...that's always a fun way to begin a conversation

As for "getting off" then signing off...I love to cam chat and I experience guys chatting and watching me pleasure myself all the time while they get off and then say good-by...if they say anything at all...lol

It doesn't bother me though since I know lots of guys are just 'wired' that way. I enjoy myself when I'm pleasing myself or having an orgasm and if it pleases them to watch and get off and then leave, I'm glad they took the time to enjoy me, but that's just me, I do understand what you guys are saying though

If anyone else enjoys sexy chats, naughty or dirty or whatever, I'm always game...and maybe we can have some fun back and forth sometime and learn something from each other, after all, I do think it's great fun...lol

 

[freckles10179]

chatting / sexting

Let me start by saying that for me a good conversation and some what a of a connection makes the lit experience for me waay better. For me it is all about the approach also , if some guy sends me a text asking if i want to see " dick picks " i am instantly turned off ! Don't be rude at least chat for a bit before you dive in to the good part .

Sometimes the way to break the ice in my experience is through common interest and or asking them about themselves what they do? or even if they did / had anything interesting things happen this weekend .

 

[LikeableMe]

Don't leave me hanging!

It takes girls a little longer, but we get there eventually. Logging out the moment you shoot your wad is not cool. Gentlemen make sure their partners finish too!

Someone did that to me, disappeared and then came back hours later to say he'd finished and gone offline and was ready for another round! Pursued me for a while, but I never played with him again. At least tell me you've cum, even if you're not going to stick around.

 

[therearenowords]

I hate: overly polite (I know, but be interesting), asking for skype. kik etc, and no dick pics or gifs! (thats a second PM kinda thing )

 

[Hipshot1554]

Someone did that to me, disappeared and then came back hours later to say he'd finished and gone offline and was ready for another round! Pursued me for a while, but I never played with him again. At least tell me you've cum, even if you're not going to stick around.

Wow, so uncool!

 

[vibes]

I hate: overly polite (I know, but be interesting), asking for skype. kik etc, and no dick pics or gifs! (thats a second PM kinda thing )

You do realize this is not all so simple, yes?

 

[LitMasterJ]

Someone did that to me, disappeared and then came back hours later to say he'd finished and gone offline and was ready for another round! Pursued me for a while, but I never played with him again. At least tell me you've cum, even if you're not going to stick around.

That's a dick move. Literally.

 

[clistenovena]

I really can't be arsed with cybersex. I've tried it, had a bit of fun but it's not my thing.

My preference is for mutual discussions on sexual attitudes, perspectives and experiences. I am interested in hearing about other people's fetishes but have no interest in role playing them on line.

I'd much rather hear about what convinced you to become a hot wife and how this has affected your life or about how you're struggling with pressure from your other half to bring others into your sex life, or why you decide to be unfaithful.

I find this variety of cyber sex far more stimulating.

This I completely understand. Maybe it's the psychology of it all that appeals. Maybe. Or it's just all the sex talk.

You do realize this is not all so simple, yes?

I think some feel it *is* so simple. Hence, the issues that crop up as problems. Again, maybe. I'm probably just over-thinking it again.

 

[13Fantasies]

I sure hope so, because I'm a very different girl. I'm the anomaly.



Nope, not me! Sext me first, babe. Then if you're good, I might want to get to know you. If a guy wants to get to know me first he gets friend zoned (I can't help it), and we never end up having sext. It happens every time I don't have sext with a person first. But the people I have sext first with, we keep on sexting and become friends. I want to make sure my would-be friends are good lovers. There is nothing worse than making a friend, falling for their mind and then finding out they suck in bed.



Eh... someone sent me a dick pic via PM. I thought it was very pretty and gave him my kik straight away...lol. (I guess about now a lot of girls don't like me because I am the girl guys expect...lol. Sorry.) But, the reason why I like forward guys is because I can be more picky. The aesthetics of the body is important to me. And, I like bold, cocky guys - in general, the ones who want to be friends first just aren't.




This seems more about matching kinks than communication. And maybe compromise. I think this comes later on in your third or forth sexting when you want to build a relationship, but I guess you are talking about roleplay here?




Seriously, omg. I'm so sorry for your experiences. I have never had any problems with this. I sext every day with people. I have regulars now, but when I first started on Lit I was sexting about five new people every week. I've never had a problem. I think you need to be more picky with screening. (Though, I have had some stalkers over the year. )




Yeah, I admit, I find it very hard to reject people. The whole reason why I sext is to connect - if the spark isn't there I have to let go completely as I don't have enough time in the day to keep 'friends'...lol. And that's very hard. I hate ghosting, I just can't.





Ah, yes, but then you get people who spend ten minutes writing a soliloquy, I lose interest. When you want it hard and dirty, Shakespearian language just won't cut it! This is about being matched with the right person. If the person you are sexting doesn't write how you want them to write, and vice versa then you are mis-matched. It's time to say goodbye. There are many different ways to cyber. In fact, one of my favourite ways is just by sending action/reaction videos. I'm a visual person so it's a fantastic for me - plus my partners and I share real orgasms that way




Well, there is a difference between roleplay and sexting, which both come under cyber sex, but many people get confused with the definitions.

I've always found my partners are equal with sharing pics. One time I got a guy who didn't share and so I said goodbye. He actually got angry with me, but he just didn't understand that I am a visual person and need images to connect.

I hate contradicting the discussion :/ but I always feel it is important to give an alternative view for a balanced discussion.

Racy, you are great.

 

[newhere2learn]

For me, be able to articulate things.and be polite. Don't exchange Kik, then expect me to provide war and peace, while you simply rub/stroke and reply; "lol" or "hot".


If you want to read, Lit is here. I like vibrant discussion, two way flow, not "ok lol".

 

[A_Son_Jay]

When you've found the right partner, and are comfortable with one another and know each other's boundaries or even lack of, it is such an intense experience and certainly heightens the moment.

I take great pleasure in doing this both in person with women and over the phone, it really get's the juices and my creative mind going, usually culminating in an unbelievable climax, to say the least.

 

[Devilynme]

I just found this thread while browsing and have to say it is excellent advice. I did lot of cyber when I first joined but it was hit or miss with respect to a compatible partner. I'm sure some of it was my fault, but when it clicked I loved it. Now I usually go to anonymous sites for something like that. It sometimes takes a while to sort through the jerks and find a good partner. My approach on these sites is to respond to most people who message me. Some I can eliminate immediately, others after a few back and forths, but the ones that click usually do so fairly quickly. It's like having sex with strangers!

 

[StrongMaster7]

I have been waiting for this thread!

I've posted before about how I used to chat all the time, years ago. And I had a series of very nice cyber relationships over several years. It was great. It was my habit to chat a lot for a few months, then take a break. After one break a couple of years ago, I noticed it was harder and harder to find ladies to chat with. There could be several reasons for this, but to the point.

The first two posts on this thread cover most of the basics, so I'll say this.

Please be up front about what you want and honest about how you feel.

Everyone: Thanks for filling out your profiles. This keeps me from reaching out to lesbians, other men, and ladies who aren't looking for what I've got.

Ladies: Some of you ask us to "get to the point", "come with a fully-formed scenario", "don't ask me what I like", and "dive in with your ideas". Others say "start with a polite greeting before telling me to suck your dick", "go slow, with details", "get to know me first, then we'll cyber".

Which is it?

The 600 lb gorilla in the room is the fact that chatrooms are >90% male. The women are inundated with chat requests, pelted with rudeness, and suffer from attention overload.

The other fact is that chat "in the public room" is almost extinct.

I had a great experience a week or two ago. I found a lady to chat with and we spent time getting to know each other, found that we weren't quite a match and we said so and parted ways. Civilized. Polite. Friendly. Honest. Rare.

I liken the situation to our oceans. We have damaged the fisheries to the point where there are no more vast schools. So, fishermen have to be more patient, and smarter. I had two very nice chats a few days ago. So it's possible.

 

[SeekingThrills]

For me, be able to articulate things.and be polite. Don't exchange Kik, then expect me to provide war and peace, while you simply rub/stroke and reply; "lol" or "hot".


If you want to read, Lit is here. I like vibrant discussion, two way flow, not "ok lol".

^^^^^^^This Soooooo much!
We have enjoyed a few really well intentioned and thoughtful interactions from really sexy Lit’rs.
But 2,3&4 word replies are a sure way to go away ‘empty handed’

 

[Phenorke]

Wow, so uncool!

Leave someone hanging, Don’t think it’s just guys who do that, I have had several women pull that on me.

 

[Dillharris]

Have been a member for years, have engaged in plenty of written shenanigan's but never verbal. Would love to try but, for some reason, way to nervous. Love to listen to the audio messages left but just can't bring myself to give out my phone number or speak to someone directly. Not sure what the hang-up is but it's certainly nerve wracking.....

 

[jerryb1966]

Great points! Mind if I add a few?

Don't pressure me for pictures!

I'm a very private person and I don't want naked pictures of me floating around on the internet. If that's a deal-breaker for you, I understand. But asking me for pictures over and over really kills the mood.

Don't leave me hanging!

It takes girls a little longer, but we get there eventually. Logging out the moment you shoot your wad is not cool. Gentlemen make sure their partners finish too!

Slow responses kill the passion!

It's hard for me to stay aroused if you take five minutes to respond to every message I send. Unless you're an amazingly fast typist, don't chat with multiple partners simultaneously. And don't write a paragraph each time you post. Shorter give-and-take is hotter.

Tell me details what you're doing!

This is more personal preference, but even during RP it's really sexy to get occasional updates about what the other person is doing and how turned on they are. Knowing there's another aroused human being on the other end of the chat is part of the fun.

I’ve had the opposite experience and don’t cyber anymore....only voice for me. I’ve had women that got a very descriptive very erotic chat from me and then left me hanging in chat or text.

 

[LauraWilling]

I have to agree with Brightandshinygirl and the original poster, Justforfun! There are other very good single additions also. I am only speaking for myself now.
I am always respectful when contacted. I tend to follow the lead of the person who contacted me. I do let them know I am open minded and not easily offended, as this is a site based on sexual subjects.

I do not mind sending a pic of me and have, but please understand, do not pressure me for more and more. I have a limited amount I can send and those are ones posted previously on Lit. All are pics of a younger me, I am not trying to mislead anyone. I've changed some as we all do, but fortunately, due to a number o reason, I haven't changed that much. I've been a serious fitness freak since Jr. High school. As a photographers model there are pitures of me all over the place, Internet pics I did not post show up still, even though I retired from "overexposure" and age 25 years ago, so a few more from me does not worry me. Just don't pester me for them.

Here's the biggies with me. Do not leave me hanging. If you are leaving, say so, I understand. It does not have to be a long explaination. "phone call" or :gotta go," etc. etc. will do fine.

Do not PM me and just say "Hi." At best you will get the same back, not an enthusiastic, sexy paragraph. I DO NOT do roleplay, no matter what name you call it. Remember it takes more than one word replies to make a conversation work.

I do not care for RP, honestly I do not think fast enough to make stuff up. I need reality and that often is not what the other person wants to go, so I get lost and they get mad at me. So don't even ask.

DO NOT ask to go to Skype, telephone,Kik or any of those and especially audio based apps. I am deaf, I do not use telephones for anything but texting and I don't give my number out to people I do not know in person.

Sometimes I have to take a break from Lit, so sometimes I may not be online for awhile. Even being retired and widowed (I am fine now, thank you), I do have a life outside Lit. But, if you PM me I will reply when I return or as soon as I see it.

This is wordy enough, but I think you get the idea when this is added to Brightandshinygirls excellent post.

 

[EdEc]

Great points! Mind if I add a few?

Don't pressure me for pictures!

I'm a very private person and I don't want naked pictures of me floating around on the internet. If that's a deal-breaker for you, I understand. But asking me for pictures over and over really kills the mood.

Don't leave me hanging!

It takes girls a little longer, but we get there eventually. Logging out the moment you shoot your wad is not cool. Gentlemen make sure their partners finish too!

Slow responses kill the passion!

It's hard for me to stay aroused if you take five minutes to respond to every message I send. Unless you're an amazingly fast typist, don't chat with multiple partners simultaneously. And don't write a paragraph each time you post. Shorter give-and-take is hotter.

Tell me details what you're doing!

This is more personal preference, but even during RP it's really sexy to get occasional updates about what the other person is doing and how turned on they are. Knowing there's another aroused human being on the other end of the chat is part of the fun.

I agree with very one of your points.

 

[cocktaildress21]

I have one hard rule for chats:

Don't believe anything is true.

Everyone lies. It's almost what chat's are all about - a chance to imagine things as we want them, not as they are.

I lie all the time, trying to match what I think the guy (or girl - or more likely, guy pretending to be a girl) is looking for. That's just a service I provide, no need to thank me. It's not about weight or age, it's about .. if you want a slut, I'll be slutty. If you want classy, I'll be that. I can be bitch or kitten, and I enjoy turning my partner on.

I've met guys from chat rooms .. maybe, oh, three times? I don't know how many I chatted with, but I'm guessing less than 1% of chats go anywhere else, so .. really, just enjoy the chat for what it is, and don't get your hopes up.

 

[bill3901]

Talkin dirty is probably my number 1 kink but the title of this thread just put the song by Poison in my head...lol

 

[thespiceoflife]

Who doesn’t enjoy some dirty chat, right? I know that I enjoy it quite a bit and have had some great fun talking with others of the same mindset.
But then there are the people that just don’t seem to get it. The ones that want to have some hot fun online but lack the courtesy or skill needed for an enjoyable time for both parties.
I’ve experienced enough these lately to compel me to express some thoughts on the matter. The following are my opinions and not to be intended as a guide or rule book when playing with anyone other than me.
Having said that, I am interested in hearing other people’s thoughts about it as well. So feel free to comment.

Permission

Always ask the first time at least! 
I love talking with new people but I like to know a bit about a person before getting to the naughty stuff. At the very least I need to know what a person is looking for to make sure it will work. 
Sending a message such as, “Suck my dick” first will definitely get you no where fast. 
The same goes with X-rated pics. Many, people on tumblr (myself included) have posts that it is ok for followers to send them naughty pics. It’s nice to have a few words to go with it to put it in to that context.

Honest communication

I am always up front about all hard limits I have when chatting. Be willing to do the same and it will be a much better experience! 
If you have a particular fetish, be up front about it as well. I can’t possibly list all my turn offs but I’m usually willing to incorporate others fantasies in to playing. However, it should have something for us both to enjoy. So, while you may think green jello enemas are the best part of sex, I’m not willing to spend a great deal of time on it.

Respect boundaries

No means no. Unless you’re roleplaying otherwise. If that is the case, it should be clearly communicated before hand. 
It should be an enjoyable time for everyone. If I feel my boundaries consistently pushed and disrespected I will not play. 
“You just need to let go and enjoy the moment”.
No, I can’t ant do that because I no longer trust you to be respectful of my clearly stated boundaries. 
“You just haven’t tried it with the right person”.
You are correct. You are also not that person. 
“You’re being shitty and disrespectful to my needs”.
No. You are being disrespectful and manipulative. 
I get plenty of comments such as those above. Honestly, if a person speaks or acts in such a way (again, with the exception of clearly defined roleplaying situations) they are an abuser and should see help. No means no.

Be prepared for rejection

Sometimes the spark is just not there. It is not meant as a personal slight. Often I end up chatting with people about more mundane things if our sexual interest don’t mesh. In some ways it’s more intimate than naughty chat and can developed in to friendship. It’s a big world out there. Keep trying and you will find the right fit!

Use your imagination!

It’s supposed to be fun and arousing for both people. I can’t even begin to count the number of times that I’ve drop out of a chat because it seems to be one sided. 
The occasional “mmmmmm, yes!”, etc is fine but every response can’t be that way. If I take the time to write out a descriptive and erotic message, the other person should at least attempt the same.

Fantasy, reality and pictures

I’m happy to role play fantasies and characters. Often this is much different from reality. I’m typically clear about my appearance but I’m ok with pretending otherwise for another’s fantasy. Even after clarifying that I still get picture requests that will ruin that illusion. Likewise, if your going to pretend to be young, smooth and muscular, don’t send me pics that contradicts that image. 
If you are wanting pics be willing and able to send some in return. No one likes pic collectors. 
Also, don’t send pics that aren’t personally owned. That’s rude and creepy.
Just a few random thoughts.

!

 

[thespiceoflife]

Good to read these comments even if they are a few years old. People who are selfish chatting online are probably poor lovers. Good conversation for me is probably the biggest turn on. It is interactive but gives rein to the imagination while retaining an air of mystery