switching: would you?

[sweetnpetite]

No, not switches and whips! I'm wondering if anybody (I guess this is more for those into scenes) likes to switch from dom to sub. So you think this weakens or strengthens your position. and of course those who would NEVER, feel free to explain why.

 

[bunny bondage]

i, for one, could never switch over into "dom-mode". it's just not in me. at all. i dated a guy a few years back who wanted me to try it, and so i did, but i just didn't feel natural in the position. everything was kind of....well, faked. i'm just a subbie, it's who i am!

 

[sweetnpetite]

I think i would enjoy bring a "soft domm" I don'y wany to spend all ,y time comming up with tasks or anything, but i'd really like to be the agressor, have things my way. Its

 

[sweetnpetite]

its only fun with a willing partner though...

 

[Pixie Mischief]

the people who kinda sent me here said they think my bf is a switch..
BF did say he liked control 50/50
LOL but even then... he doesnt realize.. its only when the mood suits him LOL He likes "Agreesive" girls.. but it would seem thats an understatement.

but I'm shy... LOL Thats the prob we have.

 

[WynEternal]

Yes, I can. While I was always submissive to my Mistress, early in our relationship, we discussed my desire to be Domme (or try my hand at switching). At times I was allowed to do so with other subs, usually under her watchful eye. We both knew that at a look, I could be on my knees in front of her, no more than a slave. It was a wonderful learning experience and one which I enjoyed.

 

[white_mage_goddess]

Me and my b/f switch. I'd say that 75 percent of the time he doms,I sub...but we do get the occasional itch for a role reversal. I do enjoy subbing more and he does enjoy domming more, but overall I think we learn to appreciate each other more by switching. We are both very into variety. We like something different every night. To me at least, having the same variety of kinky sex every night is just as boring as having the same variety of vanilla sex every night. When we go to bed at night I never have any idea what to expect. Tonight he might be tie me up, blindfold me, whip me spank me, etc. Tomorrow night he might prepare a rose petal bath for me, then massage me in scented oils, feed me grapes, and make the most sweet tender love imaginable. The next time he may want to be on his knees as I order him around and make him my slave. And of course there are plenty of nights for just raw fucking or just plain 'nilla sex. For us, variety is truly the spice of life. I like sex. He likes sex. All variations are more than welcome.

 

[amsubone]

Yes, I can. While I was always submissive to my Mistress, early in our relationship, we discussed my desire to be Domme (or try my hand at switching). At times I was allowed to do so with other subs, usually under her watchful eye. We both knew that at a look, I could be on my knees in front of her, no more than a slave. It was a wonderful learning experience and one which I enjoyed.

i think that situation would be particularly helpful and provide some wonderful insights. You are most fortunate. my total lack of experience really keeps me from moving forward in my search for a more D/s oriented relationship.

i do enjoy this forum. Thanks to all of you. i have learned alot through your postings.

 

[lektra]

I think I could switch, but not with someone who has established him/herself as dominant to me in a relationship.

 

[NemoAlia]

The few experiences I have with switching (from sub to Domme) have been quite nice, actually. Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to make the leap from just tease-Domming to being serious. So, switching is temporary for me, and usually at the surface of the experience.

 

[Vulpesvulpes]

Ready willing and able!

I often think of myself as a 'switch' but it probably does not describe me any better than any other label.

I enjoy being the dom in a relationship and especially in the bedroom.

On occaission however, I like to be on the receiving end. Sometimes my wife will straddle my face and 'force' me to lick her pussy. I also like it when she puts on a strap-on and fucks my ass. The trick is that I have to be in the exact right mood (which isn't often).

One of my favorite variations is to insert a butt-plug into my ass and have sex in the missionary postion. I attach a pair to nipple clamps to my nips and another pair to hers with the chains hooked together. As I am thrusting, her breasts jiggle all over her chest (they are quite large) and pull on the clamps.

I feel like even in a situation where I am in the "sub" role, I am still the one in charge and can modify or stop the action as I want to.

BTW- This is my 100th post! Av here I cum!

 

[Pixie Mischief]

Vulpesvulpes: sound like my bf abit. hes very eager to please me. would do almost anything I want I'm sure.. but only when he feels like it lol we arent into anything as extreme as some in this forum I came here to learn about stuff. If I wasnt shy I could have so much fun with him. OH well gotta work on that hehe

 

[lektra]

Re: Ready willing and able!

BTW- This is my 100th post! Av here I cum!

Happy 100 Vulpesvulpes!!!

 

[ammre]

I used to not think i was in the D/s scene becasue at times i would be the seducer or the controller... i would be on top pinning him downa nd teasing him and snapping the ruler all over his chest and other such fun things... but like.. while i did that i don't think i could ever take to being like that normally... i'd say it's a 25/75 thing... 25 per dom 75 sub.... i like it when he takes the initiative and gets agressive...
i like being pinned down and banged like a door in a hurricane...

 

[lark sparrow]

The few experiences I have with switching (from sub to Domme) have been quite nice, actually. Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to make the leap from just tease-Domming to being serious. So, switching is temporary for me, and usually at the surface of the experience.

This reminds me of my experimental switching experiences as well somewhat.

Although I enjoyed it, the connection faded quickly on my part. The partner would feel we were just getting started (as in building a relationship), and I was more in the mode of, ah well - it was very nice, but been there, done that. The truth being, once I had the control and had played with it alittle, it didn't interest me that much anymore, though temporarily I truly enjoyed the experience. Perhaps the bid for the control was more interesting than holding it for me. Possessing someone long-term just seems an unnecessary burden to me - not lifestyle switch/Domme material. And switching with the Domme I belong to seems an absolute impossibility, and we both like/need it that way.

 

[sweetnpetite]

the people who kinda sent me here said they think my bf is a switch..
BF did say he liked control 50/50
LOL but even then... he doesnt realize.. its only when the mood suits him LOL He likes "Agreesive" girls.. but it would seem thats an understatement.

but I'm shy... LOL Thats the prob we have.

I saw you on the other thread right after I started this one, and was going to suggest you come over! Glad someone else did, I was just too tired.

I was thinking, maybe your boyfriend isn't really a domm or a switch. (I don't know bc I'm not there) maybe he's just adventurous, and wants to try different things, and thats one of them right now. Or it could be that he's just into pain (giving and recieving) could be he's s&m (sado-masocist, not slave and master) without the b&d. or maybe he's just into bondage or domination and not the other. does he want to just tie you up, or just boss you around? does he want you to tie him up, or would he just be happy if you scratched his arms and back all up? I'd find out what specifically he enjoys because there are so many facets. Also, does he want roll-play, full BDSM relationship, or does he just want certain elements. You can tie a guy up with silk scarves without the whole roll play of "you are my slave, you must do as I commmand." As a matter of fact, I would recomend that (besides talking- which I know is hard when your shy) that you start there. Add little things to your love makeing sessions. Things that don't take a lot of vocalization, they are easier to get threw when your shy. Another great idea is to right each other stories about what you'd like done. only make up names and pretend that the stories are really about someone else. Its a good way to take the pressure off, and you can sort of "test" out your ideas before you try them out on him. Go slow though and let trust build. I'm not entirely sure I trust this guy from the sounds of it, but the advice works regarless of its him or someone else. Let me know if this bit of advice helps at all. I think I've babbled on enough for now!

 

[Sir James A]

I have met switches in BDSM circles who can do it quite nicely. They have come from both genders and all types of sexual preferences.
I could not do it. Since I was younger, I knew I was dominant with a capital D.
I do admire those who can, however.

 

[lark sparrow]

I agree with Sir James A. People/switches who pull off both roles convincingly and with depth as an expression of themselves are admirable, though it doesn't fit me in terms of a lifestyle either.

I wonder if in more general terms switching fits people in their full expression, though as a lifestyle more deeply explored, it is a bit rarer for someone to move fluidly between, and more common for people to eventually claim and concentrate on one side of the whip or the other? Anyone have statistics?

 

[Pixie Mischief]

sweetnpetite: I trust him with my life and I'm not a trusting person. He doesnt wanna tie me up LOL but.. he likes me to bite and scratch. we both like bitting. althought hes the one that says "harder......" not I LOL he bites hard enough as it is.. and he does kinda tell me what to do alot. BUT I cant argue.. He usualy has a very good reason. hes let me use toys and when I asked why he let me stick it up his ass he said "Because you wanted to. because it would turn you on. anytime you want to use toys on me go ahead" hmm when he was here he offered himself to me to do what I Wanted. I sat and stared LOL poor guy lol also when watching a movie he started rolling me over saying dont mind me just watch your movie LOL WTF?? flips me right over and yeah sure watch my movie LOL And hmm he likes to call me wench it seems. that annoyed me I'm not english didnt know what it ment. 2nd time I was like uh? he was like "means servent girl" I was like HEY!!!! he didnt let me finish my protest and said "I like what your serving" well geez!! last time LOL he called me that he shocked me. I SOO didnt expect that. I must have had this look on my face he probably wanted me to fight back LOL or say "MAKE ME!" LOL he was trying to roll me over I was like uh? then he got on his knees and growled "roll over wench NOW!!!" and smacked my ass a few times. I was like I was so surprised couldnt say anything.. other then roll over LOL
now this is just in person in 28 days.. ONLY in person. I did NOT add the "odd" strange stuff thats online LOL like him tearing up his cock cause I dont tell him to cum.. how was I to know he always waits for me to say?? after a year he said I should know. well I had guesses but really didnt know. I do now LOL
online. there is even more stuff. one night.. ok first I would appreciate if he stopped offering himself to me LOL I had a talk with him recently. He understands I'm shy and he said we would work on it. Anyway he claims online is different then in person (for him to do things) but he doesnt get.. even if I was to dissmiss all the online stuff.. LOL

anyway he started off with "may I kiss you?" we have a long distance relationship. It sucks but its the way it is. anyway I was like uhhh?? of course!

after some making out and stuff.. he said:

he wispres to her
i love you my baby
my love it yours
and tonight
you may do with me as you please
a lay here a slave to your whims
=

well I was like good thing it was online or I'd have sat and stared at him again! I figured I'd work.. I mean if you want to get over being shy.. might as well start online..
so I teased him asking him how much he wanted me to fuck him he was like "uhh hu" I was like thats not the answer I want to hear. and teased and lick more and keept asking he said "bad ma'am" "I want to drive my cock into every hole in your body"

Well that sure was an interesting evening!!!! LOL

and I know.. verbal is my problem. I know what he wants. wants me to do things like grab him and say "FUCK ME" LOL but I can not do that. he doesnt have a problem at all with doing it..if he wants sex hedoesnt ask. he takes it LMAO rolls me right over! LOL but I do LOL I'm shy and stuff
I had a talk with him abit of a talk. HE says he understands and we will work on it. I was like Icant do that hes like "sure you can" LOL see we had a little arguement a few months about my being ummm too.. hmmm passive?? LOL
He lost his erection cause I wasn agreesive enough.. he didnt tell me til la few months ago.
MY GOD I never heard of such a thing!
I was happy things where before. But this is a relationship. It is not fair if only one is happy. Both need to be happy so I'm working on being less shy. Besides I need it. So I can stick up for myself more.

 

[Sir James A]

I agree with Sir James A. People/switches who pull off both roles convincingly and with depth as an expression of themselves are admirable, though it doesn't fit me in terms of a lifestyle either.

I wonder if in more general terms switching fits people in their full expression, though as a lifestyle more deeply explored, it is a bit rarer for someone to move fluidly between, and more common for people to eventually claim and concentrate on one side of the whip or the other? Anyone have statistics?

I'd be interested in seeing some stats as well.
I have known Dom's who have lived as submissives to better appreciate and understand things from that point of view. More than a few have gone that route.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I never thought I would.. but now I'm not so sure...

 

[RisiaSkye]

I agree with Sir James A. People/switches who pull off both roles convincingly and with depth as an expression of themselves are admirable, though it doesn't fit me in terms of a lifestyle either.

I wonder if in more general terms switching fits people in their full expression, though as a lifestyle more deeply explored, it is a bit rarer for someone to move fluidly between, and more common for people to eventually claim and concentrate on one side of the whip or the other? Anyone have statistics?

I don't know of any officialish statistics, but I can tell you that the local scene is heavily populated with MDom/fsub heteros, FDomme lesbians, and the perpetually lonely msub heteros. The gay leather (male) scene tends to keep its distance, for whatever reason. Switches of any stripe are a distinct minority, and true switches (without a preference for one side or the other) are all but unheard of on the local munch circuit.

I've also noticed a distinct tendency for people to dismiss switches in much the same way that the gay community dismisses bisexuals--as though one isn't sufficiently sub or Dom/me to truly understand or experience either side, just because one spends time on both ends of the spectrum. If you were to trust the unspoken hierarchy of munch group & other internal community politics, you probably wouldn't be led to expect that Switches are of any real value to the community. In my opinion, that kind of attitude just sucks.

I guess that means I'm special or something.

RisiaSkye
Lifestyle Switch

 

[bunny bondage]

poor little bisexual girl - no one will play with me

being bi i have often felt sort of "left out" of both the gay and straight communities. i had never thought of switches in these terms! what inovative thinking, RS! you've really made me think of switches in a new light, one i can relate to. and while i've never looked down on switches (hell, i like to be tied up, whipped, and ordered around, who am i to condemn anyone?) i was unaware that a similar plight was taking place in the bdsm social groups. there should really be a unity among us bdsm'ers, and it's just stupid to seperate ourselves out like that. ok, i'll hop off my high horse now and just say: good point, Risia!

 

[Jonnyray]

I'm not very experienced but I consider myself a mostly toppish switch. I do think it depends on the person you're with as well. THere are people I would top but not bottom, others I'd bottom but not top, amd others I do either. Some of it is the person and some of it is the mood too. Variety being the spice of life and all.

 

[Shadowsdream]

No...switching would not occur for Me. I have no submissive needs or desires nor would I accommodate a sub of Mine who had Dom thoughts. But I would recommend to that sub of Mine to move on and find the partner that could fullfill those needs for him or her.
Many switch early in their developement to discover who they are and what feels the best for them. Some switch for years simply to have the luxury of having the side of them fullfilled that they really need even if that must mean holding the crop or bending the knee against their real nature.
Fewer switch simply because it fullfills all of their needs in the most wonderful ways. They have found partners that have the matching needs that need to be fullfilled on both sides of the whip. They have maximized their heaven rather than diluted it.
From a lifetime in this lifestyle point of view I have had many conversations on this subject. I have seen many relationships end because of the switching when one of the partners bends against their nature.
It is amazing to see the dynamics of those who switch honestly as they fluidly dance to the music of their unique passions.