Switch Space

[petrel]

Re: Oh, God, not another question about....

Topping from below.

Are we more likely to get topped from below, because of our submissive sides? Or are we more likely to be "wise to their tricks", again, because of our submissive side?

(edited to omit some info not necessary to the question)

I think as a switch you are more likely to be able to see potential for exploraiton from both partners - not exactly being topped from below but that you could recognise potential switchyness in a sub / Dom before they see it themselves

Or is this totally off the mark?

anyway - I have never been topped from below so I can't comment from my own personal experience but I think that we would be more likely to be 'wise to their tricks', perhaps more likely also to let our sub top from below but not because we don't know exactly what they are up to!

Sorry - not making alot of sense going to go to bed I think!

 

[SpectreT]

No, your post made perfect sense! We might be more likely to notice the attempt to influence, but we'd also be more likely to let it slide, is what you're saying, if I understand your post. Good, well-thought out answer! Thanks!

 

[SpectreT]

Bump

C'mon, even if my question sucked, somebody else has to have an opinion!

or even a better question.

 

[Sandia]

cymbidia

For the first time ever, he was coming to a scene as Dom. It fit him seamlessly. It was a really good fit for us both. So good, actually, that at one point i started dropping. I think he and i both realized it almost at the same time - and he pulled me out of the drop at the same time i was trying to shake it off. We don't know each other well enough yet to play while i'm in a place where my responses aren't trustworthy.

I've never in my life dropped with someone the first time we played.

May I ask what "dropping" is?



Sandia

 

[cymbidia]

Of course, Sandia.

Actually, R has chided me privately on my use of the word "dropping". Since it can be so easily confused with the idea of "sub drop", which is a bad thing.

However, in my usage of the word, i meant it to indicate sliding into my own private universe of acceptance and embrace of the sensation associated with the interactions between him and me - or what's more commonly called "sub space".

To me, for me, it **feels** like a drop in my awareness of the world. To me, for me, i slide into a focus that's so tightly fixed on him, me, and the flow of enery/sensation between us that the rest of the world and time and everything else drops away from my reality. To me, for me, it's a total and unimaginably wonderful headspace, a soft wild wet welcoming warm embracing sighing shaking, sharing unconcious/heightened conciousness place where what i'm feeling takes on attributes of crystalline immediacy. (I borrowed that last term from one of my stories - Pierced, i think.)

Dropping.
It's a very good thing in my interactions.
It doesn't always come to me. I can't always get there. It's not repeatable by using the same toys in the same order. There's nothing mechanical about it.

It's a thing of mood and energy flow and timing and headspace and openness and time of the month and who knows what else. But it's definitely worth the sometimes-bumpy ride getting there, oh gods yes.

Did i answer your question thoroughly?
Any other questions?

 

[Sandia]

Dropping

Yes, Cymbidia, Thank you!

Sounds like a very pleasant experience. Kinda like an orgasm, but more so. Of course, you've opened yourself up to two more questions: Why did you avoid it this time, and what exactly is "sub dropping... a bad thing"?

Thanks for your patience,
Sandia.

 

[Sandia]

Hooded

BTW, Cymbidia, I read Hooded some time ago and I'm just now connecting it to you. I thought it was wonderfully descriptive and vivid. I liked the last paragraph particularly:

“Yours,” I panted from the deepest part of my submission, the word sounding rusty coming from dried lips and a drier mouth. My legs were shaking almost uncontrollably under his and my words did the same under his lips. He began to move inside me, his thrusts rapid and hard. “Yours,” I swore again, the word a promise and an oath, bound to him from the darkness of my bondage and the depths of my soul.

Sandia.

 

[DRxBlue]

Good Question, Sandia...GREAT Answer, cym!

i had worked out a definition of the term "drop" from context. It does seem to be a uniquely cymbidian expression.

Thank you, cym for a razor sharp definition. i hope that your use of the term "to drop" catches on and becomes part of the "Deviant's Dictionary". (i wish you could collect royalties from it! lol)

Considering the result, i'm so glad you asked about the term, Sandia. (A warm welcome BTW) i'm still quite a newbie here too, but time in BDSMland is not like time anywhere else in the continuum.

i discovered this forum just over 3 months ago, and now it seems as if i were born and raised here. In a way, it's even true.

i am literally a new person, in nearly every respect, since this community and the lifestyle's worldview have had their effect on me.

i'd say that the changes have all been quite positive, some unbelievably so. The best part is that now, when i feel like a freak, it makes me pround, happy and in good company.

i hope that you achieve similar benefits from your studies here,

Doctor Blue

 

[Sandia]

Re: Oh, God, not another question about....

Topping from below.

Slightly different from previous questions, where I asked if we were more likely to do it.

Are we more likely to get topped from below, because of our submissive sides? Or are we more likely to be "wise to their tricks", again, because of our submissive side?

(edited to omit some info not necessary to the question)

Spectre, what exactly is "topping from below?"

Thank you,
Sandia.

 

[Sandia]

Re: Good Question, Sandia...GREAT Answer, cym!

i had worked out a definition of the term "drop" from context. It does seem to be a uniquely cymbidian expression.

Thank you, cym for a razor sharp definition. i hope that your use of the term "to drop" catches on and becomes part of the "Deviant's Dictionary". (i wish you could collect royalties from it! lol)

Considering the result, i'm so glad you asked about the term, Sandia. (A warm welcome BTW) i'm still quite a newbie here too, but time in BDSMland is not like time anywhere else in the continuum.

i discovered this forum just over 3 months ago, and now it seems as if i were born and raised here. In a way, it's even true.

i am literally a new person, in nearly every respect, since this community and the lifestyle's worldview have had their effect on me.

i'd say that the changes have all been quite positive, some unbelievably so. The best part is that now, when i feel like a freak, it makes me pround, happy and in good company.

i hope that you achieve similar benefits from your studies here,

Doctor Blue

Doctor Blue,

What a friendly and welcoming welcome! I DO hope so too.

I've already met one friend here, of whom I can say I feel truly blessed to have met. (And that's a word I don't usually use!)

Thank you!
Sandia.

 

[cymbidia]

Re: Dropping

Sounds like a very pleasant experience. Kinda like an orgasm, but more so. Of course, you've opened yourself up to two more questions: Why did you avoid it this time, and what exactly is "sub dropping... a bad thing"?

1. I avoided it bacause that dominant and i were new to each other. It was our first time playing together. He didn't know me well enough for me to become, for all intents and purposes, unresponsive. He needed me to be alret, to tell him what was too much, not enough, not good pain, really wonderful do more kinda sensation, etc. I didn't know him well enough to go there, either, to a place where he had complete and utter and total control over my physical being.

I know him well enough now, though.


2. Sub-drop.
Wow.
We've had some pretty big discussions about sub-drop round here. Essentially, if i understand it correctly, it's a HUGE emotional let-down after hard, emotionally involved play. It can come hours and hours after the play is concluded. Some people experience it all the time. Some of us don't experience it at all.

Here's a link:
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=90456

 

[SpectreT]

Re: Re: Oh, God, not another question about....

Spectre, what exactly is "topping from below?"

Thank you,
Sandia.

Let's see..... BDSM-to-English Phrasebook, page 89.

"Topping From Below": A slightly derogatory term for situations where the submissive partner is directing the scene during the scene. Using either subtle or very overt methods to influence their Dom(me), for example, using smartassed remarks just to earn a spanking, or any other kinds of emotional "nudging" of the overall situation.

I italicized "during the scene" because in situations where people are getting to know each other's style and exploring each other's limits, I feel its not only appropriate, but necessary for a submissive person (or both partners, when they both switch) to discuss their wants and needs from the relationship, to talk to their Dominant about their favorite toy or activity, or even how the energy and emotion flow during play. That's just part of any good relationship.

And a scene doesn't have to take place in the bedroom or rec room. It doesn't have to be about sex at all. It could be about, say, clothing choice when you're going out to dinner, to name just one example.

"Topping from below" is generally considered a bad thing, because the ostensibly submissive partner's energy isn't devoted to their dominant or their sensation. It's divided, some of it devoted to "Directing Traffic". And that reduces the overall value of the scene to both partners.

 

[Sandia]

Thank you Spectre

Now that you mention it, I'm quite familiar with the phenomenon...

 

[Sandia]

Munch

T., I read through five pages of your quest back at the end of May, and well, my show's about to come on, so I'm just going to ask: Did you ever form a munch?

Sandia.

 

[SpectreT]

No Munch Group....

Though we seem to have enough (relatively) local people right here on Lit who are interested that we probably could start one pretty easy.

 

[MLadyPain]

Re: No Munch Group....

Though we seem to have enough (relatively) local people right here on Lit who are interested that we probably could start one pretty easy.

No where near your area but I really encourage you to start a munch group - its amazing the folks that come out of the woodwork LOL Plus makes a handy, and safe, place for folks to meet potential real time partners.

A big fan of munches,
MLP

 

[SpectreT]

I'm taking my ball and going home!





Seriously, I have finally reached my wits' end. I was originally going to PM this to the right people, but I discovered there are too many right people. I couldn't get to them all in PM's if I spent the whole week going at it.

What better place than here to explain why, exactly, I haven't posted much at all lately. It's my thread, after all, put together out of an overriding interest in the slightly marginalized BDSM shard I belong to.

And that's why I'm done posting for a while. In the last six weeks, there have been twelve (or more) insulting, shit-slinging, derogatory, inflamatory and accusational threads, five or six "How can we fix the board/threads/mods?" threads, and maybe three genuine BDSM-related threads. (Please allow for slight exaggeration of statistics, I'm too emotionally bundled to do the math right.)

I thought we were here for a reason, I thought we had a mission. I thought we were a community. Communities pull together, they don't tear apart.

I came to the M thread to learn more about myself by asking others. I learned more about myself than I knew by helping others, here and in other threads. I haven't been given the opportunity to do that of late, and that bothers me. Have we lost our way and our focus? I don't remember being part of any elitist crew, but I have been a monumental asshole on more than one occasion, here, in 2002. I've chased a few people off with my remarks. And that bothers me, too.

My friends, I'm done posting here on Lit for a little while. I'm still reading and lurking, and my PM box is always there if you need me, but I don't see myself adding anything constructive to the present shitstorm, so I'll just be in the storm cellar. Holler if your cat's in a tree or something. Chances are, I'll put on the cape and go help.

I'm a sucker like that.

 

[CarolineOh]

I think you have been a fine poster, Spectre. (Of course, I am apparently an elistist snob as well)
I understand if you feel you need some time out, but please know you will be missed, and I for one will be very pleased to see you return.

 

[tassie]

you're gonna have to empty that PM box mr t you elitist snob you

 

[DRxBlue]

i can sure see what you mean...

You have to carry a pretty sturdy umbrella to protect yourself from what's been falling from the sky just lately. You're not the only one who's battening down the hatches.

As long as you keep an eye open and remember the people you met here, you should be OK. Keep a little space in that PM box open. (did you ever get my note about DJ's?)

Posting directly to the people you like is a NECESSITY ... you must do it for your HEALTH.

Are you getting my "secret message"? A lot of us could find you rather easily and put you in a place where "safe words" might not help you.

Don't MAKE me send my "enforcer" to (your town). She's a tickler! Oh oh... i shouldn't have said anything, now she's getting that "C'mon, boss. Lemme go GET 'im!" look.

Follow your heart, i'm sure we (your friends) will see you again. You KNOW we're in there.

 

[morninggirl5]

SpectreT,

You are definitely going to be missed. Your voice has become an integral part of this place to me, and i've missed it recently.

Take the time you need, but please wander back by. Hopefully, you'll find the answers can be found here again.


mg

Edited to fix my wonder/wander mix-up.

 

[Sandia]

Spectre, I don't remember you chasing anybody away, or saying anything that wasn't nice.

You've always struck me as an extraordinarily nice person.

Your thread has been bumped. And I have a question for you (or anyone else).

What is it like to be dommed by a woman, And

Does femdom generally exclude sex?

Sandia.

 

[MzChrista]

No way big boy, you aint going nowhere until after we have a thread about male anal fisting, so get the fuck back here.

 

[artful]

Re: I'm taking my ball and going home!

Seriously, I have finally reached my wits' end. I was originally going to PM this to the right people, but I discovered there are too many right people. I couldn't get to them all in PM's if I spent the whole week going at it.

What better place than here to explain why, exactly, I haven't posted much at all lately. It's my thread, after all, put together out of an overriding interest in the slightly marginalized BDSM shard I belong to.

And that's why I'm done posting for a while. In the last six weeks, there have been twelve (or more) insulting, shit-slinging, derogatory, inflamatory and accusational threads, five or six "How can we fix the board/threads/mods?" threads, and maybe three genuine BDSM-related threads. (Please allow for slight exaggeration of statistics, I'm too emotionally bundled to do the math right.)

I thought we were here for a reason, I thought we had a mission. I thought we were a community. Communities pull together, they don't tear apart.

I came to the M thread to learn more about myself by asking others. I learned more about myself than I knew by helping others, here and in other threads. I haven't been given the opportunity to do that of late, and that bothers me. Have we lost our way and our focus? I don't remember being part of any elitist crew, but I have been a monumental asshole on more than one occasion, here, in 2002. I've chased a few people off with my remarks. And that bothers me, too.

My friends, I'm done posting here on Lit for a little while. I'm still reading and lurking, and my PM box is always there if you need me, but I don't see myself adding anything constructive to the present shitstorm, so I'll just be in the storm cellar. Holler if your cat's in a tree or something. Chances are, I'll put on the cape and go help.

I'm a sucker like that.

Mr T,...I have much respect for your insight. We all have sinned. MOST of us here are just like you,...we read to learn,...we post our opinions,..
we search for THAT which we seek,...and we take a few lumps along the way. Sometimes our opinions are joyously accepted by the majority, and sometimes not. Maybe it's a good thing for you to
take a break,..."Out of the water", so to speak,..
and maybe not. I for one will miss your insightful
posts. I wish you the best, and look forward to your normal posting routine ASAP.

 

[SpectreT]

Ah, Hell....

I can't even leave for 24 hours in a huff without everyone suddenly exchanging ideas and information in a constructive way again.

Youse folks tryin' to make a hypocrite outta me?


Sandia, there were a few people I pissed off around here. artful, here's one of 'em. I got on his case about some opinions, and accused him of being too thin-skinned.

Then there was Pierced_Boy (or is it lower case? can't remember). After I got into it with him, he edited all his posts down to periods, and stopped posting.

As to your questions, What's it like? It's... interesting. for someone like me, when I'm in that "zone", it's... right. Where I belong, and what is proper for me to be doing.

Does it generally exclude sex? Dunno. My last experience was with someone I was having sex with, so it was part of our play.

I rather imagine a male being dominated by a lesbian would be silly to expect anything sexual, though.



MzChrista? I'll need to check the fist you were talking about. some folks have virgin anal sphincters.


Doc, Buddy, I'm already working on a demo tape to send to the local stations. Maybe I'll make enough for gas money at it, but it just seems like too much fun to stay away from.


artful? we may not have started out on the right foot, but I'm glad to see I've been living up to my own expectations in the "quality of post" dept.


morninggirl? as you can see, I always seem to quit just one hill away from my destination. I wanted some good thoughtful threads, and those threads start popping up right after I bail.


CarolineOh? Hope you're happy. This fuzzy Beast is back, even if I was only away for like 29 hours.....