I always fantasize about by wife and another guy or my wife and another girl. I think if ever faced with the situation, I would choke/freeze, but after getting over the hump I think we would both enjoy it. I think having the variety would be awesome. What support / information can anyone share in this area?
Swinging / Swapping / Sharing
- Thread starter jraymond
- Start date
Hubby and I have thought of this "play" time. I had some reserves about actually sharing him. If you and your other are comfortable with it and have set boundaries, experimentation is always good. But you'll find a lot of wierdo's who don't want to swap but to watch, take or only meet you for your other half. Just my experience, but Hubby and I are newbies at the whole play thing so I can't say if things get better once you try, only take it at your own pace, be open, and talk about it throughly. If there are any misgivens, stop and talk through it before you persue. Only then will it be truely good for you and your other.
Eilan
Absent(ish)
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- Jan 24, 2005
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- 10,431
Is your wife aware of these fantasies?
Here are a few things I'd recommend for anyone considering consensual nonmonogamy:
Make sure this is something you both really want to do, not something that one of you is doing because you think it'll make the other happy. That's a good way to breed resentment and hurt feelings.
Don't open up the relationship if you're having relationship problems. Adding another person or couple to the mix is not the way to save a dying relationship.
Don't allow someone to join you unless you both are absolutely comfortable with him or her.
The three (or more) of you should set up ground rules before you all get naked. I recommend that there be no sex on the first meeting. Make a coffee date or meet in some other public place and set up ground rules at that point. Things like pregnancy/disease prevention, acceptable levels of contact/intimacy (some people may not have a problem with sex, but they may see kissing as too intimate, for example, or two men might balk at incidental contact with each other's cocks) should be considered.
I'm sure others will add to this list, but it gives you something to think about.
Here are a few things I'd recommend for anyone considering consensual nonmonogamy:
Make sure this is something you both really want to do, not something that one of you is doing because you think it'll make the other happy. That's a good way to breed resentment and hurt feelings.
Don't open up the relationship if you're having relationship problems. Adding another person or couple to the mix is not the way to save a dying relationship.
Don't allow someone to join you unless you both are absolutely comfortable with him or her.
The three (or more) of you should set up ground rules before you all get naked. I recommend that there be no sex on the first meeting. Make a coffee date or meet in some other public place and set up ground rules at that point. Things like pregnancy/disease prevention, acceptable levels of contact/intimacy (some people may not have a problem with sex, but they may see kissing as too intimate, for example, or two men might balk at incidental contact with each other's cocks) should be considered.
I'm sure others will add to this list, but it gives you something to think about.
Bandit58
Sir's wonder woman
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2002
- Posts
- 8,121
I second Eilan's list, but want to add:
COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION!
Talk to your partner, be it about making sure their feelings towards these activities haven't changed, whether they're having jealousy/trust issues, or what they liked or didn't like about what you did/didn't do.
Sir and I have shared another woman a couple of times. We talk about it both before and after the act. And I know that if I decide that I'm not comfortable with it anymore, then we won't do it again. Our primary relationship is much more important than a bit of outside fun.
COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION!
Talk to your partner, be it about making sure their feelings towards these activities haven't changed, whether they're having jealousy/trust issues, or what they liked or didn't like about what you did/didn't do.
Sir and I have shared another woman a couple of times. We talk about it both before and after the act. And I know that if I decide that I'm not comfortable with it anymore, then we won't do it again. Our primary relationship is much more important than a bit of outside fun.
satindesire
Queen of Geeks
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- Apr 19, 2005
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- 13,101
It's already been said once, but let me repeat this so that you understand just how important this is...
Unless your relationship is like...almost perfect...then don't do it. Seriously.
Because this kind of stuff is so touchy and iffy that if one or both people aren't 100% into the idea and 100% madly in love with their partner and 100% committed to the absolute best relationship they can have, then adding another person into your relationship (even if it's just for sexual stuff) will make AAALLLL your other problems...no matter how small...fifty times bigger.
And I'm not kidding here. I say this with seasoned swinging experience.
The relationship WILL NOT SURVIVE if you aren't okay with each other before you go around bringing other genitals around.
Unless your relationship is like...almost perfect...then don't do it. Seriously.
Because this kind of stuff is so touchy and iffy that if one or both people aren't 100% into the idea and 100% madly in love with their partner and 100% committed to the absolute best relationship they can have, then adding another person into your relationship (even if it's just for sexual stuff) will make AAALLLL your other problems...no matter how small...fifty times bigger.
And I'm not kidding here. I say this with seasoned swinging experience.
The relationship WILL NOT SURVIVE if you aren't okay with each other before you go around bringing other genitals around.
silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2005
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- 11,319
jraymond: in addition to everyone else's thoughts--and eilan's beaten me to the punch on the most important stuff--make sure that your wife's into the idea, and that you're OK with the idea of her calling out someone else's name. that's tough for some people, and the reality of it isn't for everyone.
ed
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SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
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- Apr 27, 2004
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- 13,442
Have you considered seeing how you react to more mild forms of sharing, like watching your wife dance, flirt, kiss, makeout, or touch others at a bar, club, swingers event, etc.?
If not, that might be something to try first. Then, if you're both comfortable with it, you can move on to considering more involved scenarios. If you're not, there's little to no harm done, and you can keep sex with others as a fantasy or move on to different fantasies.
If not, that might be something to try first. Then, if you're both comfortable with it, you can move on to considering more involved scenarios. If you're not, there's little to no harm done, and you can keep sex with others as a fantasy or move on to different fantasies.
my wife and i have that fantasy as well, it makes for hot pillow talk but we have both decided that it's best kept as a fantasy, i'm affraid our relationship would not survive if were made a reality, we have an awsome marriage and love eachother dearly and the risk is not worth taking, thats our opinoin..
i will admit it does turn me on to see other guys lusting over my wife though.
i will admit it does turn me on to see other guys lusting over my wife though.
i agree...i definately would suggest small scale trials before actually making any meetings or anything...check a couple websites exclusively for swinging maybe visit a nude beach just to see how u react when around others nude when its not sexual and take it from there
subish2009
Literotica Guru
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This is a long-harbored fantasy of mine as well. My husband has never been 100% into it, but willing to go along for my sake. But because the idea of sharing me doesn't actually turn him on particularly, I decided it wasn't worth pursuing.
That said, we did have a close male friend for a few years for whom we regularly "performed." That was an awesome compromise for us as I got to have the extra male attention I wanted, but it was very non-invasive in our relationship. We did EVERYTHING in front of him, but the only time he ever touched me was once when my husband wanted him to spank me while I was on my hands and knees sucking my husband's cock. I still fantasize about that one.
And there was one night that ended in the three of us being part of six couples partying at his house. There was a lot of nakedness, a lot of fucking in front of each other, and he did suck on my nipples a little bit (and I sucked on those of his date a little bit), but that was all. Never any full-blown swapping.
That relationship was pretty much perfect. We all got along so well, had a really strong friendship before any of it started, and were all very much on the same page. I feel like that was a once-in-a-lifetime connection. It only ended because we moved away.
If you can find something like that, it could be really great. But for me, anything less would be too much of a risk to the well-being of my marriage and my family. Good luck.
That said, we did have a close male friend for a few years for whom we regularly "performed." That was an awesome compromise for us as I got to have the extra male attention I wanted, but it was very non-invasive in our relationship. We did EVERYTHING in front of him, but the only time he ever touched me was once when my husband wanted him to spank me while I was on my hands and knees sucking my husband's cock. I still fantasize about that one.
And there was one night that ended in the three of us being part of six couples partying at his house. There was a lot of nakedness, a lot of fucking in front of each other, and he did suck on my nipples a little bit (and I sucked on those of his date a little bit), but that was all. Never any full-blown swapping.
That relationship was pretty much perfect. We all got along so well, had a really strong friendship before any of it started, and were all very much on the same page. I feel like that was a once-in-a-lifetime connection. It only ended because we moved away.
If you can find something like that, it could be really great. But for me, anything less would be too much of a risk to the well-being of my marriage and my family. Good luck.
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