Swinging Question

[race_1962]

I 39 year old male that has been married to the same woman for over 18 years. I can count on one hand the number of lovers that I have had in my lifetime, only one in the last 21. My wife can count hers with one finger, if you do not count the one guy before me that came before entering - his lost, big time.

Anyhow, I love reading the stories and messages on this site and I admit that many of them drive my imagination into overdrive. Many times I have been tempted to introduce Swinging to my wife, but once the blood goes back to my brain I wonder why a woman would agree to it, if she is happy in her marriage.

The issue that stops me from persuing this further is that I think that in order for my wife to participate she would have to fall in love with the "other man" and could not just have sex for sex. I want to be her only love, but the idea of playing with another couple greatly excites me. Am I being a shallow, unrealistic jerk? I never want to cheat on my wife, so swinging seems like a fair alternative to me.

I am looking for a perspective from other couples that have attempted to swing. What were the pros and cons? After all, I just want to play, not get a divorce and divide my 401k.

Thanks in advance for your opinion.

 

[nhcpl]

race:
we are a couple in a similiar situation except we talk about it. Right now it is just fantasy. My other half says she is afraid of hurting me or us. There are times she says she can go through with it other times she says she can't. At least we are talking about it. When the time is right it will happen. I don't presure her though.

We have found it is best not to keep these types of desires from each other. Get it out and at least talk about it.

As far as separating sex from love goes. We have separated making love to each other and having all out animalistic sex. She syas that this is what she would have to do to be able to go through with it. I will tell you just having this added to our sex life is extremly fun!

Talk to your wife but don't presure her. Good luck

 

[Guest]

 

[SexyChele]

I'm not married, but I have had b/f's who have wanted to go to swing clubs/parties. I have to agree with Emerald_eyed - some women think they can enter into a "sex only" situation, only to discover afterwards that they have feelings for that other person.

Also, and this situation is something that I have seen. Your wife and you may talk about it and agree to it, but when she actually sees you pleasuring and being pleasured by another woman, it might turn into a very uncomfortable situation. There is a huge difference between imagining your husband with another woman, and actually seeing it happen in front of you.

Of course, you must also consider how you will feel. Exactly what are you feelings to seeing another man giving your wife oral pleasure? How do you think you would feel looking at your wife with another man's cock in her mouth, complete pleasure on her face? Can you handle watching another man having sex with your wife? What if it looks as though she is enjoying it too much?

I'm not saying you are a bad person if you can't deal with seeing your wife in these situations. Not at all. Some men can deal with, others simply cannot. But it is something to think about, talk about, and set boundaries to before you walk into a club or party.

 

[ynattirb]

I'm in a similar situation, but from the opposite side. When I met my husband, we were both virgins. My number one fantasy is sex with another man - any man - mostly because I am DAMN curious. He does not share this fantasy with me. We have talked about swinging because I think that may be the best way for me to indulge that fantasy. I do love him very much but just want to know what another cock looks and feels like. Anyone have any suggestions or experience getting the husband to want this too? Actually, like race_1962, I would love to hear what experiences people have had with swinging in general.

 

[race_1962]

I appreciate the great feedback that I have received, thanks everyone. I agree that I need to put more thought into this because it is easy thinking about swinging when you are the best lover your wife has ever been with versus being second best.

As I read the one reply from SexyChele I almost laughed as I read her say "How do you think you would feel looking at your wife with another man's cock in her mouth, complete pleasure on her face?" Since Jill (my wife) has never pleased me orally I find the possibility of her pleasing another man orally to be a very remote possibility.

I mean she once put "it" in her mouth once, but made a face and gagged as she gave it one short suck. She had the look on her face that she was having to down some nasty medicine, so needless to say I do not ask for oral from my wife anymore.

I know what you are thinking, well if you didn't smell or were so aggressive maybe she would be more oral. Take it from me, I just stepped out of the shower and just stood there trying not to scare or discourage her, I then lavished her with complements and tried to encourage her afterwards.

You see, Jill is even awkward in receiving oral, something she only allows me to perform on her once a month. Jill feels embarassed afterwards when I make her cum so quickly and violently from my tongue, since she was brought up to think that oral sex was wrong. Needless to say, I do not look at performing oral like taking down bad medicine, I love giving!

I could write all day on this, I have tried talking but she does not like to talk about it. I guess I was hoping to find a couple where the other woman would be a better influence on my wife. Shoot, I have an inground pool with a privacy fence and have yet to receive a "skinny dipping" session. Oh well......sorry for griping and complaining. I do love Jill deeply, but I just want a partner that will kiss me and want to enjoy hours of foreplay. It is tough being married to a saint.

Take care everyone and thanks for listening.

 

[asphaltangel]

Every mans Fantacy!

I can give you my exp. and my advice. I am a Bi married woman who has been a swinger all my life. I went thru 2 Husbands who thought that was what they wanted also. I have been with my current man(#3) for 15 yrs. I was very honest from the begining with him about my life style. He was mature enough to handle me. Most couples don't ever reach a point in their relationships where they could entertain the swinging life style. But if you begin with fantacy's and know that your relation ship could not be affected by your encounters then the sky is the limit.
We are both unique that we don't have the green monster of jelousy in our lives because we know that our love can only grow from sharing it with someone else. We have had only a select few other couples in our relationship and most of them ended with the husbands being hurt or jelous of their wives involvement with myself and my husband. So first work on you then explore further.

Candy

 

[SexyChele]

As I read the one reply from SexyChele I almost laughed as I read her say "How do you think you would feel looking at your wife with another man's cock in her mouth, complete pleasure on her face?" Since Jill (my wife) has never pleased me orally I find the possibility of her pleasing another man orally to be a very remote possibility.

I mean she once put "it" in her mouth once, but made a face and gagged as she gave it one short suck. She had the look on her face that she was having to down some nasty medicine, so needless to say I do not ask for oral from my wife anymore.

<snip>

You see, Jill is even awkward in receiving oral, something she only allows me to perform on her once a month. Jill feels embarassed afterwards when I make her cum so quickly and violently from my tongue, since she was brought up to think that oral sex was wrong. Needless to say, I do not look at performing oral like taking down bad medicine, I love giving!

I could write all day on this, I have tried talking but she does not like to talk about it. I guess I was hoping to find a couple where the other woman would be a better influence on my wife.

Okay, let me put another scenario out there for you. Let's say you meet another couple and everybody likes everybody and gets on well. Now, let's that, for some reason, your wife allows this other man to eat her pussy, and she discovers she likes it. How is that going to make you feel?

I really have issues with the last statement you made. I'm sure you probably didn't mean it the way it came out, but if my S/O were to say something like that about me, I would be hurt. What you want is for another woman to show your wife "how it should be done". Talk about the probability of making your wife feel inadequate! Why not just pick up a girl from the local strip joint, bring her home, and tell your wife to take notes on proper technique.

Sorry, but that's the way this statement hits me.

Also, I have been looking into the swinging lifestyle, and have had long conversations with men who have been involved with it. I don't think it's something I could get into. Not out of jealousy or anything like. One common factor I've picked up is that very few of these encounters practice any form of safe sex. The argument has been presented that these couples are more "open" so there is no need to "stray", and they stick to the same "community". Yet, I also hear of men (and I would imagine women, too) involved in this "community" engaging in sex outside of the swinging environment. That scares me, quite frankly, cause there is a ton of shit out there that you can bring home and not get rid of.

Swinging, I believe, took a dramatic fall in the mid-80s when the AIDs epidemic hit. It seems as though lately there has been an increase in the number of clubs and parties - and very few practicing safe sex.

I would think that would be more of a major concern than anything else.

 

[race_1962]

First, I want to thank everyone for taking the time to write such well thought responses. Your responses have confirmed to me that swinging is something that is best kept in my fantasies and stories where real feelings can not get hurt, nor give my wife and I a sexual disease.

SexyChele's comments cut me like a knife. I do not blame her since she admits that she could have misread what I meant. I did not imply that I need a woman to show my wife "how to do it", but that as a couple I would like to have more friends that have a positive attitude towards sex and not think a man is perverted for wanting to go skinny dipping with his wife in their own pool in their private backyard. Just like I like having my teenage kids hanging around other kids that want to go to college, success breeds success.

I know that SexyChele did not know that I meant that comment in that spirit, so no big deal. I care and deeply love my wife, but I just wished that she did not feel so guilty about sexual matters.

Part of the reason I submitted this reply was for fun, the other part to confirm my belief that I definitely could not share my wife, so thanks again for your notes.

I hope that you all do not think I am a jerk for entertaining these thoughts.

 

[SexyChele]

Whew! I'm so glad that I had indeed misunderstood your comments! That's the problem with these here bulletin boards - you don't know each other, can't hear the inflection in voice, or the smile that's on their face when they write their responses!

Best of luck to both you and your wife!

(And I hope that knife didn't cut too deeply!)

 

[CurlyGirly]

Just wanted to throw my two cents in for anyone else..

I think the most important to anyone who is thinking about swinging is COMMUNICATION. I live in a city that has a HUGE Polyamourous Bisexual community. I have learned a lot from my friends here about it all, and communication is key.

Lately, I've been thinking about having sex with a man again and was really worried about how my girlfriend would react. We talked about it, and surprisingly she was really interested. So, you never know. *grins* I was gonna make this longer, but I got a phone call.

 

[petticoatcpl]

wife with other man

we had been married for 7 years (30 now) when we decided to have another man join us. It happened because after two children I had simply lost my "spark" as my husband aptly put it. We are very happily married and there is no jealousy and has been none. Neither of us had every imagined doing this. However after many many discussions about what we thought might help re-ignite the spark of our sex life we both realized that this is what seemed to be the most likely. My husband was really nervous and so was I but it was an exciting nervousness.... he ended up finding a man through an older friend of his. I was 33 at the time and the older man was 50.... he was very sophisticated, very self assured and he was very kind an gentle. That night changed out lives... my husband fell in love with watching me with other men and I simply loved the attention... we actively were into swinging for over 5 years and every encounter was sexy, exciting and something we both remember and talk about often... my husband ended up really into it and he and his friends (my lovers) initiated many many "situations" where I was the focus of attention.... it worked for us ... possibly it won't for everyone .... couple48@hotmail.com

 

[shynsexy]

race_1962

I just wanted to share my experience with swinging. I hope it helps a little.

My husband and I got into the lifestyle and I admit, it was more for him than me. So we met a couple we thought were good for us, but it turned out the woman in the other couple wanted to always be with my hubby. she would always call, email, want to video-chat. you name it. she would come over while i was working....she would get mad when he told her we were going to bed.

she turned out to really want to be with him, and not just sexually. it wasnt a good experience for us. and i wouldnt go into anything like that again. I hope you chose wisely. shy