Swingers?

[lovelylisa]

My boyfriend & I have been curious about the whole swinging lifestyle. We've been with each other for a long time & are curious about expanding our horizions so to speak.

Is there anyone who might be able to give us some information, or tell us about their experiences?

I guess this is some of the questions we've had but been to shy to ask!

Thanks

 

[Hotred911]

Check out swinglifestyles.com

It's mainly for locating other swingers in your area, but also has a great chat area where we've asked many of our questions and recieved great answers. It also has a definitions list explaining many you probably know, but also some words/terms related to swinging.

Feel free to PM me with any questions, we're still relatively new to the lifestyle but have had a few experiences and are looking for more.

 

[SlowGuy]

You should do a search in the How To forum, there have been a number of good threads on the topic.

ReadyOne has posted an excellent reading list that you should be able to dig up, too.

There is a book called "The Lifestyle," by Terry Gould and an on-line doc called "The Swinger's Compass." It's a 70 page Word doc and it has a quiz at the end to see if you are ready. Let me know if you have any trouble finding it.

Definitely read up and talk about it a lot before you go. It's not for everyone.

That said, swinging can definitely spice up your relationship. Actually, some of the best sex is often *after* we get home from the club. It's given my GF a chance to get some relaxed experience with other women.

It seems like the best candidates for swinging are couples like yourselves who have been together long enough to be secure in their relationship. (More often than not, it's the guys who have problems when they realize that their GF can get off repeatedly with different guys and girls in one evening.)

We've been to a number of clubs in No. CA. Like bars, swing clubs have different atmospheres and cater to different clientele. Some are rip your clothes off and pile on, others are stand around in nice clothes and chat until after 11, then discreetly slip off. Some have a younger crowd, others are older. Since lots of couples don't start swinging until after their kids have left home, those in the lifestyle tend to be older on average. Some are invitation only. See if you can get any feedback on specific clubs from discussion groups.

Our first visit to a nearby club was a disaster, the place was leftover 70's decor and they admitted single males. There were a few old timers standing around talking in the kitchen and one woman in a bedroom taking on a half dozen guys. We made our excuses and got out. My GF was very level-headed about it and we tried another place that was much more to our liking.

Even good clubs are variable from week to week. Some times there are a lot of great couples, other times it's all voyeurs or guys who ditch their dates and go wandering around.

I'd recommend against any club that allows single males, even "select" single males. Those clubs tend to be in it for the money and they're pretty creepy. Save that for later unless the lady is really into the idea of a gang bang.

You do need to set expectations between yourselves and stick to them. The first time we went to a club we decided in advance it was "look, but don't touch." Do you want to do same room swaps? Private room or group room? What will you do if she likes the guy, but you don't care for the woman or vice versa? After a while, you'll know when your SO is interested in romping with a couple, but initially it might help to have a physical yes or no signal. A butt squeeze for "yes" and tap in the middle of the back for "no."

Ran on a little longer than I should have, probably.

Best of luck. Shoot me PM if you have any questions.

-- Slo

 

[lovelylisa]

Thank you both for the info!

Would anyone else like to share?

 

[Guest]

My boyfriend & I have been curious about the whole swinging lifestyle. We've been with each other for a long time & are curious about expanding our horizions so to speak.

Is there anyone who might be able to give us some information, or tell us about their experiences?

I guess this is some of the questions we've had but been to shy to ask!

Thanks

My wife and I have been in this lifestyle for about a year. Its been really good for us, has relaxed a ton of things in our marraige. Theres a couple of things you need to to before trying it out.

First is find a club near you, I don't recommend experimenting with friends. Everyone I know who's done that has ended in disaster. At a club, you can meet people and make casual friends, but not be afraid to have sex with them.

Second is come up with some rules between the two of you. Are you going to swing with other couples? Pair off and be with others alone? Are you just going to play with girls? Its importand to do this and stick to them. Theres a lot of other things too, I won't clog up the board here, but you can PM me if you'd like. I hope this helps

 

[Lust Engine]

All wonderfully intriguing ideas. Damn I wish I had a woman who was brave enough to wander down the halls of a swing club with me.

Gotta admit I doubt if I'd be too brave at first but it's one step at a time.

 

[pointandshoot]

The most important thing to start off is that you both need to be secure in your relationship. Set ground rules as to what your comfortable with. Visit a main stream club not a small party held in a hotel room or someones house. Do not plan on doing anything your first visit. Just see what is happening and then go home screw the hell out of each other and then discuss the club experience.
Always remember in the lifestyle that no means no. In your main stream clubs, if you tell someone no and they persist, they are gone. people in the lifestyle know the meaning of no and do not question it. You just move on.
Stay away from the small gatherings because they have a tendacy to have males that will gang up on a new female. Very uncomfortable for her and her partner.

 

[The Pirate Hawk]

I think the most important thing is to talk before and after about what you both expect to happen, what you are willing to do, and how you want to do it.
I have watched couples walk around at clubs and argue about one not being in the mood to be with another couple, how could one of them do "that" with him/her, you don't kiss me or do that to me.

I have also seen a lot of love come from the experiences also.

Any specific questions just ask.

 

[The Pirate Hawk]

Re: Re: Swingers?

My wife and I have been in this lifestyle for about a year. Its been really good for us, has relaxed a ton of things in our marraige. Theres a couple of things you need to to before trying it out.

First is find a club near you, I don't recommend experimenting with friends. Everyone I know who's done that has ended in disaster. At a club, you can meet people and make casual friends, but not be afraid to have sex with them.

Second is come up with some rules between the two of you. Are you going to swing with other couples? Pair off and be with others alone? Are you just going to play with girls? Its importand to do this and stick to them. Theres a lot of other things too, I won't clog up the board here, but you can PM me if you'd like. I hope this helps

What club do you go to? Is it north of Indy? We might have some mutual friends.

 

[lovelylisa]

Thanks all!

I think that one of the big discussions we are going to have is on what's cool, and what's expected from both of us. We're mainly looking for another woman so I can explore, but, as I said before, this whole thing is very new & we're really just starting to figure everything out.
Ever since my boyfriend found out that I was really liking women too, he started trying to hook me up or tell me what to say ( I guess since he's been dating women his whole life he's only trying to help) but I would prefer that he just back out of it a little & let me do what I do. We've talked about it.

What an exciting lifestyle to lead! I love hearing about people's experiences. What got you started? How did the two of you decide this was what you wanted to do? Did you start online and then ventured into clubs? How do you pick a club?

 

[FieldofGoldfem]

go lisa!

wow baby! way to get proactive!

Hope you find her!

 

[lovelylisa]

Re: go lisa!

wow baby! way to get proactive!

Hope you find her!

Of course, you know honey that you're welcome to come by any time you'd like, no invitation required!

 

[coolone]

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm