Sweet Taste

[nycdoctor]

May the sweet taste of my lips envelop yours and touch the warmth from within your heart. Layered is my need for you to culminate my needs. For it's the wilds of my mind that encompass my feelings for you and with this i lay in wait. To be the one you desire and to love and lust for is my dream. Lay with me... come to me... let me fill your world with my presence and portray a picture of life seeking love and love seeking life. Laminate my mind upon your body. Let me
lavish you in prose and languish you with latent desires. Loudly i proclaim my intent and livid am i about my loss. Lay with me... come to me... till the end of time my heart weeps for you near. Let not one person stand at the edge of our love and hold us apart. Lay with me... come to me... let me fill you with my thoughts and touch you with my hands.... lay with me. Come to me...

 

[PatCarrington]

May the sweet taste of my lips envelop yours and touch the warmth from within your heart. Layered is my need for you to culminate my needs. For it's the wilds of my mind that encompass my feelings for you and with this i lay in wait. To be the one you desire and to love and lust for is my dream. Lay with me... come to me... let me fill your world with my presence and portray a picture of life seeking love and love seeking life. Laminate my mind upon your body. Let me
lavish you in prose and languish you with latent desires. Loudly i proclaim my intent and livid am i about my loss. Lay with me... come to me... till the end of time my heart weeps for you near. Let not one person stand at the edge of our love and hold us apart. Lay with me... come to me... let me fill you with my thoughts and touch you with my hands.... lay with me. Come to me...

no, thanks.....

just kiddin', doc.

 

[nycdoctor]

you don't like me

 

[PatCarrington]

you don't like me

sure i do, doc.

i'm just not convinced yet that i want to laminate your mind upon my body.

 

[Tathagata]

sure i do, doc.

i'm just not convinced yet that i want to laminate your mind upon my body.

it'd make your sweaters fit funny

 

[PatCarrington]

it'd make your sweaters fit funny

...and the last thing any of us beach bums need are fashion difficulties.

besides, who needs their fisherman's knit sliding all around? it's itchy enough.

 

[Trent_Dutch]

it'd make your sweaters fit funny

Only if you accept that mind is material, rather than a process....


Anyway... To get back on topic. NYDoc, I like your poem. It has a very prosey feel, and the a nice steady voice. I have one recommendation though... formatting. Although it is a slightly free form, prose like piece, it could still benefit from being put into lines (in my opinion anyway). It'll just make it somewhat easier to read. I know its a pernickity point, but... Its just my opinion.

Btw... to go back off topic. NYDoc... are you a medical Doctor? My brother did his placement in NY... in an Emergency ward in Brooklyn, SUNY i think.

 

[flyguy69]

...
Anyway... To get back on topic. NYDoc, I like your poem.
....

You do? I must be missing something. Perhaps my mind has delaminated.

 

[WickedEve]

You do? I must be missing something. Perhaps my mind has delaminated.

Except for Trent, the rest of you guys are mean. tsk tsk tsk



tsk



Doc, would you please explain this line: Laminate my mind upon your body.
I'm not entirely grasping it.

 

[flyguy69]

Except for Trent, the rest of you guys are mean. tsk tsk tsk



tsk



Doc, would you please explain this line: Laminate my mind upon your body.
I'm not entirely grasping it.

And I want a Chem 7 and a CBC and push a gram of epi on Trent, STAT! He is getting soft in the head.

 

[WickedEve]

And I want a Chem 7 and a CBC and push a gram of epi on Trent, STAT! He is getting soft in the head.

You shouldn't even be posting after getting tsked. Behave or I'll laminate you.

Honestly, it's not a good poem, and I wonder if the good doc it just teasing us.

 

[flyguy69]

You shouldn't even be posting after getting tsked. Behave or I'll laminate you.

Honestly, it's not a good poem, and I wonder if the good doc it just teasing us.

I know. But you know what those tsks are like. You get one and you wince. You get two and you lick your lips. Three and your heart starts to hammer in your chest. By the fourth tsk you're a junkie who'd step over his own mother to get more.

Where's a doctor when you need one?

 

[Trent_Dutch]

You shouldn't even be posting after getting tsked. Behave or I'll laminate you.

Honestly, it's not a good poem, and I wonder if the good doc it just teasing us.

Ok..... Its not a great poem. But then its not a bad poem. In my opinion.
Laminate has several meanings... not just putting clear plastic around a sheet of paper... it can mean to beat or compress, or work to a thin layer. It can also mean to make by uniting several layers, with something laminated being something created by the unification or bonding of layers... I am tending to read it as the unification of layers of existence... the mind to the body, the pseudo physical to the physical, his/her mind coming together to his/her body.

I mentioned the formatting previously... I kinda see the poem like this (I hope you don't mind me doing this to your poem NYCDoc, I am trying to defend it )....

May the sweet taste of my lips,
envelop yours and touch the warmth
from within your heart.
Layered is my need for you
to culminate my needs.
For it's the wilds of my mind
that encompass my feelings for you
and with this i lay in wait.
To be the one you desire
and to love and lust for is my dream.
Lay with me... come to me...
let me fill your world with my presence
and portray a picture of life seeking love
and love seeking life.
Laminate my mind upon your body.
Let me lavish you in prose
and languish you with latent desires.
Loudly i proclaim my intent
and livid am i about my loss.
Lay with me... come to me...
till the end of time my heart weeps for you near.
Let not one person stand at the edge of our love
and hold us apart.
Lay with me... come to me...
let me fill you with my thoughts
and touch you with my hands....
lay with me. Come to me...


Yes... it could benefit from some revision (some modification to line length and pace etc), but I appreciate the authors word choice. Look at all the alliteration, all those L's in the latter portion of the poem... they start the poem flowing, keeping the voice constant, almost liquid.

It is only my opinion, but I kinda like this poem.

 

[Trent_Dutch]

Where's a doctor when you need one?

You probably scared him/her away. He/She will probably never return to the forum, will never write poetry again, and will probably despise his/her creative instincts for the rest of their life.

P.S.... thats 100 posts. Now I need to get a digital camera so I can get a photo of my ass, so ya'll can bite it.

 

[WickedEve]

You probably scared him/her away. He/She will probably never return to the forum, will never write poetry again, and will probably despise his/her creative instincts for the rest of their life.

P.S.... thats 100 posts. Now I need to get a digital camera so I can get a photo of my ass, so ya'll can bite it.

You don't need to defend his poem. This board is for poetry discussion, and if you can say you like it, then I can say I don't like it. I don't have a problem with the word laminate. I'm not sure the way it's used in this poem works for me as a reader. And I don't think we scared him off. He's been on the board before.
I'll pass on biting your ass.

 

[flyguy69]

You probably scared him/her away. He/She will probably never return to the forum, will never write poetry again, and will probably despise his/her creative instincts for the rest of their life.
...

But there is a downside, too, right?

 

[Trent_Dutch]

I'll pass on biting your ass.

You sure? You aint seen it yet... I'm having trouble getting an Avatar up, so I'll leave the offer open.

I wasn't trying to say that you aren't allowed to be disparaging (I won't quote Voltaire here, because he's quite well trodden ground I'm sure). Thats why I mentioned it was only my opinion.

 

[flyguy69]

You sure? You aint seen it yet... I'm having trouble getting an Avatar up, so I'll leave the offer open.

I wasn't trying to say that you aren't allowed to be disparaging (I won't quote Voltaire here, because he's quite well trodden ground I'm sure). Thats why I mentioned it was only my opinion.

Congrats on 100 posts, TD

But unless you're a seventeen-year-old lingerie model/poet, your ass will remain unblemished by my teeth!

 

[WickedEve]

You sure? You aint seen it yet... I'm having trouble getting an Avatar up, so I'll leave the offer open.

I wasn't trying to say that you aren't allowed to be disparaging (I won't quote Voltaire here, because he's quite well trodden ground I'm sure). Thats why I mentioned it was only my opinion.

Oh, was I being disparaging? I think his poem needs lots of work, and I do wonder if he's teasing us a bit. I wonder because the last time he was here, I remember him stirring things up a little. At least, I'm pretty sure it was the doc. And I did question that one word. I didn't think any of that was disparaging.

No. Really. I'll pass.

 

[sandspike]

laminate

Since must men think with their penis the Doc would have to place ......
you know where I'm headed (pun intened) w/ this.

 

[PatCarrington]

I kinda like this poem.

i'd consider the blood work.

 

[Tathagata]

...and the last thing any of us beach bums need are fashion difficulties.

besides, who needs their fisherman's knit sliding all around? it's itchy enough.

especially with the sandals, black socks, powder blue shorts and the white belt

 

[flyguy69]

especially with the sandals, black socks, powder blue shorts and the white belt

That sounds like a metal-detecting uniform!

Hey, good to see my little yellow drinking buddy back!

 

[PatCarrington]

especially with the sandals, black socks, powder blue shorts and the white belt

you forgot the shirts with little alligators on them.

those guys don't show up at the jersey shore until june.

and they all live on long island.....that's the law now.

they had to be gathered in one holding area, to protect the sensibilities and fashion sanity of the masses.

 

[WickedEve]

especially with the sandals, black socks, powder blue shorts and the white belt

Ohhh, baby.
Please tell me that you have a photo of yourself dressed that way. Maybe your daddy? Grandpa?