surprise control me need help

[masterdrakin]

Ok here's the deal I have been Dom for a few ladies and men for play sessions and such and always have seen my wife as a strong proud independent person . She knows Of my dom side well here's the surprise last night she come up and said she wanted me to dom her ,now we have played the scene before but it was always for the the fun of it for her. This one was different as I started to get ready to play with her she stopped me and said I must not understand. She wants me to dom her not just for play but a Tpe full submission situation on going . Now my probably is she is hard headed and rebellious something I don't put up with in a sub. Now my play things well a few good lashes and well that breaks or cures the problem.now my problem is i don't know if I can go that far with her. Yes I have thought about it and wanted it .(yea i know be carefull what you wish for) but have always pampered her and well when I play the dom role I have a pretty sadistic side I love to cause pain and see you in it and push you to the limits. So guess I'm asking for some advice for me to help her get ready for this and how to break her in without actually breaking her.

ok after soome advice i tried to word it better and i am well aware of safe words and she does know how to use them like i said we have played befor but i have held back with her.she has some experience with the lifestyle but not alot in the pain depertment and thats where i love to go so im asking of ways to slowly work her into beign able to go there with out breaking her yea she has habits that need corrected but also ties into the pain area .

 

[Chiara_searches]

Ok here's the deal I have been Dom for a few ladies and men for play sessions and such and always have seen my as a strong proud independent person and she knows. Of my dom side well here's the surprise last night she come up and said she wanted me to dom her now we have played the scene before bit it was always the fun of it for her. This one was different as I started to get ready to play with her she stopped me and said I must not understand. She wants me to dom her not just for play bit Tpe full submission situation. Now my probably is she is hard headed and rebellious something I don't put up with in a sub. Now my play things well a few good lashes and well that breaks probably is i don't know if I can go that far with her. Yes I have thought about it but have always pampered her and well when I play the dom role I have a pretty sadistic side I love to cause pain and see you in it and push you to the limits. So guess I'm asking for some advice foe me to help her get ready for this and how to break her in without actually breaking her.

I mean this in the kindest way possible. But I've read your OP four times now and it's really hard to follow. Perhaps that's why no one has yet replied? Would it be possible for you to edit it? It seems like there are missing words that cause at least me to get confused, along with some odd punctuation. It doesn't read like some of your other posts I've seen and if you are really interested in advice, it might help others understand the context of your question.

 

[Jack199]

Agreed

 

[Stella_Omega]

Mmmm...I'm thinking you should tell her what you've said here.

Communication. It's a good thing.

 

[J D Danger]

as has already been said here Communication is key....talk to her..tell her how you feel..ask her questions..like why she wants this...

I think she has seen or heard about how you "play" with others and is turned on and impressed and maybe even feeling like she is missing out...this maybe a chance for you to do more then play a role.....if that is something you want

why would you have a problem treating her like any other sub you have played with?....I don't want to get to sappy here..but subbmission can be the greatest given gift....if she feels she wantd to give herself over to you...let her...gudie her...take her...you won't be playing anymore...but you will be leading her and I bet it will end up being great

why do you want to break her at all?....shape her....if she acts in ways you wuld not let plaything act...talk to her about it expain to her why you don't allow it...and then don't allow it

but if that changes her in a way that you do not want or like or that you think is bad for her...then do not be afaid to treat her different then you woud your play things

but again cummunication is key here....find out why she feels she is ready for this..and go from there

 

[bhndblueyes88]

why do you want to break her at all?....shape her...

This right here is a very important phrase to me. I don't think ANYONE (or anything) should be "broken". As a horse person, I detest the idea of "breaking" in an animal. it shouldn't be about forcing someone/thing to accommodate your demands. It's training, teaching, learning and growing. The end result should be something that's been BUILT upon the original, not something that's a broken version of the original.

 

[J D Danger]

This right here is a very important phrase to me. I don't think ANYONE (or anything) should be "broken". As a horse person, I detest the idea of "breaking" in an animal. it shouldn't be about forcing someone/thing to accommodate your demands. It's training, teaching, learning and growing. The end result should be something that's been BUILT upon the original, not something that's a broken version of the original.

exactly...I could not have said it better myself

 

[masterdrakin]

Ok sorry auto crap on my phone it was supposed to say breaks or corrects the problem. Not what it had actual said.

 

[satindesire]

A good Dom understands the value of a safeword in a situation like this.

How do you push her limits without breaking her? Make her use a safeword and be responsible for her own safety.

Use a safeword yourself and don't push her past a point where YOU feel comfortable.

If you've Dommed for pay before you really should already know these extremely basic ideas.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

This right here is a very important phrase to me. I don't think ANYONE (or anything) should be "broken". As a horse person, I detest the idea of "breaking" in an animal. it shouldn't be about forcing someone/thing to accommodate your demands. It's training, teaching, learning and growing. The end result should be something that's been BUILT upon the original, not something that's a broken version of the original.

The sub whisperer.



Well put.

Although forcing someone to accommodate your demands is just so tremendously entertaining.

 

[sereneone4u]

The sub whisperer.



Well put.

Although forcing someone to accommodate your demands is just so tremendously entertaining.

You are deliciously bad.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

The sub whisperer.



Well put.

Although forcing someone to accommodate your demands is just so tremendously entertaining.

you know what I mean!!

 

[J D Danger]

talking is still very important in this case...you said she has been able to take some pain....how much?....what has she enjoyed about it?...what are her limits?...does she even know them

you say you have used safe words in the past...keep useing them....a traffic light code words may work well also....red is a hard stop that is too much...yellow..I like that..but be careful go slow....and green...all is good...go go go

it sounds lie you want to jump into the deep end of the pool here and if you wife wants more then now and then play..you can't do that...go slow

you lie to be sadistic and dark..that's cool...but i you truely lie to push limits...help people move past their limits and explore them...you can't start with the darkest most painful thing you can think of

you say you have had subs before....I am guessing they have been pain sluts in one way or another..where did you start with them?

maybe a fun rule would help.....I have what I call a fun rule...if a sub I know pouts at anytime ..they get spanked in someway....nothing hard and not out of anger....just to let them know you don't pout around me...if the play grows..darker from there so be it

I would say start with low pain you both enjoy..and when she is too at ease withthat level...move up

you say she is rebellious?...don't let her be...take a night or two and talk set some rules...talk about how important it is to use safe words...and then if she breake them when she breaks them..don't pamper her...toss her down on the bed .or over your knee and tell her...you want pain?..I will show you what real pain is....and then use and trust the safe word

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

you know what I mean!!

It's a fine line, isn't it?

You are deliciously bad.

I like sadistic mode. It comes and goes. Right now it's flaring like a sunspot.


I must put in my pitch for communication. Talk to her. It's radical, but often works. While it can be fun to just probe and see what someone's buttons are, and parameters, it's also nice to be able to clear up weirdness, like this, before it becomes even weirder. Misunderstandings based on misunderstandings suck.

 

[masterdrakin]

talking is still very important in this case...you said she has been able to take some pain....how much?....what has she enjoyed about it?...what are her limits?...does she even know them

you say you have used safe words in the past...keep useing them....a traffic light code words may work well also....red is a hard stop that is too much...yellow..I like that..but be careful go slow....and green...all is good...go go go

it sounds lie you want to jump into the deep end of the pool here and if you wife wants more then now and then play..you can't do that...go slow

you lie to be sadistic and dark..that's cool...but i you truely lie to push limits...help people move past their limits and explore them...you can't start with the darkest most painful thing you can think of

you say you have had subs before....I am guessing they have been pain sluts in one way or another..where did you start with them?

maybe a fun rule would help.....I have what I call a fun rule...if a sub I know pouts at anytime ..they get spanked in someway....nothing hard and not out of anger....just to let them know you don't pout around me...if the play grows..darker from there so be it

I would say start with low pain you both enjoy..and when she is too at ease withthat level...move up

you say she is rebellious?...don't let her be...take a night or two and talk set some rules...talk about how important it is to use safe words...and then if she breake them when she breaks them..don't pamper her...toss her down on the bed .or over your knee and tell her...you want pain?..I will show you what real pain is....and then use and trust the safe word

Yes my previous toys were pain sluts and wanted more all the time and I know that's not her she has a mild pain lvl I am aware I can't jump into the deep end right away just looking for advice on some mild pain ideals and sessions.

 

[satindesire]

Yes my previous toys were pain sluts and wanted more all the time and I know that's not her she has a mild pain lvl I am aware I can't jump into the deep end right away just looking for advice on some mild pain ideals and sessions.

Bare handed spanking.

Make her hold an ice cube in each hand until it completely melts.

 

[masterdrakin]

......

 

[Stella_Omega]

I second bare handed spanking and also slapping. You don't have to hit hard. It isn't about the amount of pain, it's about how your bottom reacts to it.

Sensation play, like ice cubes, pin wheels, knife edges (the edge of a credit card will freak someone out like all fuck if they've seen a knife in your hand before you touch them with it) vibrating toothbrush...

 

[bhndblueyes88]

knife edges (the edge of a credit card will freak someone out like all fuck if they've seen a knife in your hand before you touch them with it)

>.> I wish the boy was on here so he could read that bit there. Awesome idea.

 

[Stella_Omega]

>.> I wish the boy was on here so he could read that bit there. Awesome idea.

*covers your eyes so you can't read the trick*

 

[bhndblueyes88]

*covers your eyes so you can't read the trick*

nah spoilers don't ruin anything for me Hell, if anything it might make it more interesting. what if it's NOT the ccard?

 

[masterdrakin]

Thanks for some of the tips everybody and Stella thanks for that edge play tip I hate to ruin a good knife dulling the blade to avoid accidental cuts due to a sudden jump or tensing action.