Suggestions Please

[chipcarver]

My wife is approaching 50 and has very little desire to be intimate anymore. Not that our sex life has been great over the past 8 years, on average once a month or less. Now she seems to avoid it like the plague. I don't believe she is having an affair, she had one with her first husband and has sworn she will never do that to someone again.
One thing to take into consideration is that I have health problems, back injury, arthritis, and something they have yet to find a cure for. I have told her in the past that even though sex may hurt is does distract me for awhile during the process.
Should I just count my blessings for what I have and live without?

 

[SweetErika]

Does SHE consider the lack of intimacy a problem?

Have you considered the likely age-related hormone fluctuations? Even if she's not technically menopausal yet, she may be experiencing libido-killing symptoms. If she's not happy with your sex life, she should speak to a doctor who's well-versed in menopause and the treatments that may help.

Also, her lack of desire could be stress-related. Living with someone who has serious health issues and/or chronic pain can be downright stressful, particularly if one is doing the majority of the work both in and out of the home. If this could be the case, are there any ways you two could reduce her stress? Even if you don't have the means to, say, hire a housekeeper, perhaps you could ask family members and friends for some help so her load isn't so heavy (or at least she gets a break from it periodically).

Have you sought the therapy others suggested in your previous thread on this topic? There are therapists who specialize in/have a good understanding of medical conditions and chronic pain, as well as relationships. If I were you, I'd try to find such a professional and see what they had to say, even if my spouse didn't want to go.

Whether or not you want to fight for it or give up is totally up to you and your wife. It sounds like you have a lot of complex issues to deal with, and I'd strongly suggest communicating with your wife about them, seeking professional help, etc., rather than trying to figure out what you should do here.

 

[bumlicker]

yup suck it up like

the rest of us or get divorced