sucked out

[Gave Up]

Sucked out

When this hits your ears
Will you fall apart
Drowning in tears
Will you sit in the dark
Crawling on the floor
Feeling yourself
Wishing there was more

Spread apart, suck out what can’t be undone
shed a tear, go ahead and try to run
fall apart, you have to live with what you’ve done
sit and smile, you know that I have finally won

you didn’t listen to what they had
sick of spit, ice is what I add
do you wonder if we ever had
brought her up, made her glad
lived for her, so what if we had
inside you, was it really so bad

spread apart, suck out what can’t be undone
shed a tear, go ahead and try to run
fall apart, you have to live with what you’ve done
sit and smile, you know that I have finally won

You made me and now you must live with it
You came to me, thought you could get away with it
Keep in mind, when you are down on your knees
Sucking for dollars, begging them please
I would have given you everything
but you wanted to have everyone
not just me inside your filthy fucking soul

 

[bluerains]

this one...

Sucked out

When this hits your ears
Will you fall apart
Drowning in tears
Will you sit in the dark
Crawling on the floor
Feeling yourself
Wishing there was more

Spread apart, suck out what can’t be undone
shed a tear, go ahead and try to run
fall apart, you have to live with what you’ve done
sit and smile, you know that I have finally won

you didn’t listen to what they had
sick of spit, ice is what I add
do you wonder if we ever had
brought her up, made her glad
lived for her, so what if we had
inside you, was it really so bad

spread apart, suck out what can’t be undone
shed a tear, go ahead and try to run
fall apart, you have to live with what you’ve done
sit and smile, you know that I have finally won

You made me and now you must live with it
You came to me, thought you could get away with it
Keep in mind, when you are down on your knees
Sucking for dollars, begging them please
I would have given you everything
but you wanted to have everyone
not just me inside your filthy fucking soul

is unlinked...a bit...thoughts are disjointed..maybe thats your point ~

 

[Sabina_Tolchovsky]

~

Anger is a good tool when you can use it but you have to be careful or you end up just ranting a circular argument and loosing your point. I guess my point is that this poem seemed a little muddled in thought. You should try something where you don't rhyme but still maintain flow...I think you would have more impact this way.

 

[Gave Up]

Anger is a good tool when you can use it but you have to be careful or you end up just ranting a circular argument and loosing your point. I guess my point is that this poem seemed a little muddled in thought. You should try something where you don't rhyme but still maintain flow...I think you would have more impact this way.

thanks for the tips, when i start putting it to music, i will def keep that in mind!

 

[Sabina_Tolchovsky]

that's what I'm here for...lol

 

[RhymeFairy]

Sucked out

When this hits your ears
Will you fall apart
Drowning in tears
Will you sit in the dark
Crawling on the floor
Feeling yourself
Wishing there was more

Spread apart, suck out what can’t be undone
shed a tear, go ahead and try to run
fall apart, you have to live with what you’ve done
sit and smile, you know that I have finally won

you didn’t listen to what they had
sick of spit, ice is what I add
do you wonder if we ever had
brought her up, made her glad
lived for her, so what if we had
inside you, was it really so bad

spread apart, suck out what can’t be undone
shed a tear, go ahead and try to run
fall apart, you have to live with what you’ve done
sit and smile, you know that I have finally won

You made me and now you must live with it
You came to me, thought you could get away with it
Keep in mind, when you are down on your knees
Sucking for dollars, begging them please
I would have given you everything
but you wanted to have everyone
not just me inside your filthy fucking soul

Mind if I bounce?
Sorry I cannot resisit~



~~~~~~~~~~~



sucked apart
embedded in ice
thinking all was well.
well think thrice

covert this anger
of womanly wills.
tarnished tyrant
spreading his thrills.

ego speaking, in tongues
like glue, sticking his
talons of fear in you.
jabbingly sharp,
all the way through.

shoveling wasted years
into warp speed, while
waving his magic wand
presto, a new you.

he thinks, sees only his want.
you, cuffed and shackled,
inside a 4x4 steel box.
hanging over the cliff rocks.

he made you, he thinks. only
his will is yours. listen, obey,
all will be well. if not, you
shall not live, to tale
your tail.

 

[Gave Up]

Mind if I bounce?
Sorry I cannot resisit~



~~~~~~~~~~~



sucked apart
embedded in ice
thinking all was well.
well think thrice

covert this anger
of womanly wills.
tarnished tyrant
spreading his thrills.

ego speaking, in tongues
like glue, sticking his
talons of fear in you.
jabbingly sharp,
all the way through.

shoveling wasted years
into warp speed, while
waving his magic wand
presto, a new you.

he thinks, sees only his want.
you, cuffed and shackled,
inside a 4x4 steel box.
hanging over the cliff rocks.

he made you, he thinks. only
his will is yours. listen, obey,
all will be well. if not, you
shall not live, to tale
your tail.

COOL! i like that alot!