subs: Positive reinforcement?

[WriterDom]

How important is it to have your efforts appreciated and encouraged?

 

[ammre]

I don't really *need* appriation, jsut a little consideration at times for my needs is good enough, but for an extra special touch he will show his appriation for me... He feeds me

I'm a sucker for eating out, tgi fraday's, applebees, olive garden, macaroni grill.... So when i do something extra special good he'll treat me to dinner...

I'm sure you were looking for something sexual but he's normally the one who wants the sexual stuff so that would be a treat for him not me ;P

actually if you're talking physically... he does pet me... i'm a sucker for being petted very very lightly...

he describes me has His fluffy, a cross between a housepet and a human. While we're still working towards that nice O, he substitutes petting and food as my reward.

 

[Desdemona]

I don't need it all the time. But, if I have been struggling with something, it helps to know that He sees my progress. I don't need a special treat though. Just a simple, "I'm proud of what you did" or " you did a good job with that, I know it was hard for you" makes all the difference in the world.

Also, once in a while, Snooze thanks me if I've done something special. I find that very, very nice. I see it as part of nurturing the relationship. I try to thank Him and give Him positive feedback as well.

 

[Zaudika]

As the others have said. It isn't something that needs to be done 100% of the time. But it makes me a lot happier sub if it's done in one form or another often enough.
I think the small things like gentle petting, or touching as Ammre was talking about.. are the things that I appreciate the most.
A light stroke of my hair.. him running his fingers underneath the back of my choker/collar, reminding me of it in a public place... a gentle kiss when I've done something to please him. His hand resting on my hip for a moment as he passes by... etc etc.

 

[Justina123]

It sounds corny even to me, but when Sir tells me "good girl" and maybe gets a slight twinkle in his eyes, I melt. And if he combines it with a stroke of my hair or grazing his finger across my cheek...heaven.

Or when he whispers in my ear, 'I really appreciate the way you handled that situation so well" I can "feed off" that for a long time.

- justina

 

[Coca~Cola]

As a newbie to admit that this lifstyle REALLY turns on, I have to say that I had I very understanding DOM introduce me to some new things and he was so cute. He would get extreamly proud and happy when we pushed myself further than I had been before. Now I'm not sure that I will need that reenforcement everytime, but I did like it and it made me want to go even further...

and that's my 2 cents.

 

[cellis]

I don't need it all the time. But, if I have been struggling with something, it helps to know that He sees my progress. I don't need a special treat though. Just a simple, "I'm proud of what you did" or " you did a good job with that, I know it was hard for you" makes all the difference in the world.

Also, once in a while, Snooze thanks me if I've done something special. I find that very, very nice. I see it as part of nurturing the relationship. I try to thank Him and give Him positive feedback as well.

For the most part these things are enough for me... Like you said Des when He recognizes that I have done a good job or done something correct or something that He knows was hard for me.

He too, will tell me that I have done a good job or that He is proud of me...

And then He will go and do something like make me new restraints or a new bed...

What more could I want or need... except time and there will never be enough of that for us....

 

[cellis]

As the others have said. It isn't something that needs to be done 100% of the time. But it makes me a lot happier sub if it's done in one form or another often enough.
I think the small things like gentle petting, or touching as Ammre was talking about.. are the things that I appreciate the most.
A light stroke of my hair.. him running his fingers underneath the back of my choker/collar, reminding me of it in a public place... a gentle kiss when I've done something to please him. His hand resting on my hip for a moment as he passes by... etc etc.

Oh you so brought back a memory... we were at a munch once when He unzipped my skirt just a little... just enough so that He could rub and play with my bare skin on my back... When He does something like that, I feel so special.

 

[cellis]

It sounds corny even to me, but when Sir tells me "good girl" and maybe gets a slight twinkle in his eyes, I melt. And if he combines it with a stroke of my hair or grazing his finger across my cheek...heaven.

Or when he whispers in my ear, 'I really appreciate the way you handled that situation so well" I can "feed off" that for a long time.

- justina

Or my very favorite... when He takes my arm and kisses the inside of my forarm and calls me His "slub"....

 

[Desdemona]

OK guys, you're making me feel all mushy now. I love those little tender intimacies but I was thinking of them as a basic part of the relationship. I wasn't really thinking about the way He touches my hair or those light gentle kisses, or the way He slaps my ass as I walk past as positive reinforcement.

 

[cellis]

OK guys, you're making me feel all mushy now. I love those little tender intimacies but I was thinking of them as a basic part of the relationship. I wasn't really thinking about the way He touches my hair or those light gentle kisses, or the way He slaps my ass as I walk past as positive reinforcement.

LOL

But sometimes those little things He does reinforce His power.

 

[ammre]

heh the back thing... He knows that if i'm in a bad mood or worried or any form of stress+ mood and we're standing somewhere (be it on a line or jsut walking) if He puts His hand on the small of my back it feels so nice... (That's where my tattoo is, it's where my herniated disks were, and i think that's one of the most beautiful spots on a well formed female) He knows it makes me feel a little safer knowing he's there and having His hand there is jsut the trick... I used to be really weird about massages and people touching me so He also knows that when He does that it's a shared feeling, i like the being touched and perticularly there, and He likes that i let Him do it.

 

[Desdemona]

LOL

But sometimes those little things He does reinforce His power.

Sometimes it seems like EVERYTHING He does reinforces His power.

 

[Etoile]

It is incredibly important to me to receive positive reinforcement and to know that I am appreciated, valued, and loved. It is for precisely this reason that Daddy doesn't always allow me to have that - if I beg for an "I love you" I will get it, but more often that kind of thing is strictly controlled. It's an exercise in trust, really - I have to trust that Daddy loves me and appreciates my gift of myself, even if I'm not constantly told that.

It's important enough to me that a simple "good girl" will lift me off the ground for hours.

 

[WriterDom]

There is positive reinforcement and there is what I call nilla needs. In the pre-forum days there were flame wars over the term vanilla. I don't think they ever understood that is wasn't a judgment on their sex life.

 

[morninggirl5]

Positive reinforcement is very necessary for me. In fact, positive reinforcement will change my behavior ten times faster than any type of negative reinforcement and twenty times faster than any punishment.

 

[Etoile]

Positive reinforcement is very necessary for me. In fact, positive reinforcement will change my behavior ten times faster than any type of negative reinforcement and twenty times faster than any punishment.

But do you still feel that negative reinforcement and/or punishment is necessary in some situations? We can't get all-positive all the time, is the way I see it.

 

[s'lara]

<snip>It's important enough to me that a simple "good girl" will lift me off the ground for hours.

This nailed it for me.

i used to sail on a "good girl" through an entire day. If my efforts received acknowledgement in the positive, i was over the moon. While i didn't expect it all the time, i certainly appreciated the validation when i did got it.

lara

 

[wolf2002]

It's important enough to me that a simple "good girl" will lift me off the ground for hours.

I have been thinking about this little phrase for days now... I guess I just don;t understand it. Why shouldn;t you be praised and encouraged for your efforts? 'Good girl' sounds so cold... is there no room for warmth in your relation, besides the trust? Especially since you appearantly need plenty of this?

Please explain...

Wolf

 

[cellis]

I have been thinking about this little phrase for days now... I guess I just don;t understand it. Why shouldn;t you be praised and encouraged for your efforts? 'Good girl' sounds so cold... is there no room for warmth in your relation, besides the trust? Especially since you appearantly need plenty of this?

Please explain...

Wolf

Perhaps because I am a submissive and love to serve and please... Just the recognition of that is enough... It has nothing to do with warmth and trust... There is plenty of that in my relationship... Sometimes when He gives me a task I just need to know that I have pleased Him and He is more than willing to tell me...

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Say "good girl" to the right girl at the right time ...

Quietly smiles and keeps that metaphor to himself.

 

[Etoile]

I have been thinking about this little phrase for days now... I guess I just don;t understand it. Why shouldn;t you be praised and encouraged for your efforts? 'Good girl' sounds so cold... is there no room for warmth in your relation, besides the trust? Especially since you appearantly need plenty of this?

Yes, of course there is warmth in my relationship - it's just that Daddy knows how much I want to hear "you're a good girl" (it's not just "good girl" like you'd say to a pet animal) and so uses it as a reward rather than an everyday statement. The rest of the time, yes, I have to trust that Daddy appreciates me. Grunts and moans are another way form of praise, and I get plenty of those - it's the actual words "good girl" that are the rarer reward. I don't know if that helps any; I can try to explain it further if you need it.

 

[wolf2002]

Yes, of course there is warmth in my relationship

I didn;t mean my post as critizism, I am just curious... In my own experience, both as Dom and submissive, praise, encouragement and appreciation have always been very explicit...
As a sub, 'good boy' can make me float... but when I am told that I performed wonderfully, that I did a perfect job, that I really satisfied my Domina this time.. well, then I reach the sky... perhaps I am not a very good sub, since just the recognition of that position is obviously not good enough for me....

Wolf

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

But do you still feel that negative reinforcement and/or punishment is necessary in some situations? We can't get all-positive all the time, is the way I see it.

Why not?

Of course, every one of will misbehave on the occasion, and need correction. BUT, I don't see negative reinforcement working as a training tool on anything more than a case by case basis. It wouldn't work with me. If I am trained with negative reinforcement I am afraid of fucking up with every move. I am constantly second-guessing myself and worried that I'm going to get punished for screwing up.

OTOH, I live for positive reinforcement. I love nothing better than to hear Him tell me how proud He is of me, or what a good slut I've been, or how well I've served Him. Why wouldn't I want to do a better job? Constantly improve? Push harder and farther next time?

Ok, grant you, negative reinforcement has its place. And He does use it. As I've shared in other threads, He ignores me, while I'm in the same room. It's awful. He lectures me in that voice and ignores me. I'll do just about ANYTHING to avoid that discipline.

I'd muuuuchhhhh rather have the positive stuff.

Interesting how training works isn't it?

~anelize

 

[niteshade]

Say "good girl" to the right girl at the right time ...

Quietly smiles and keeps that metaphor to himself.

Oh no, please share!