Subs and Doms

[brownhairedboy2]

When you first got into BDSM did you know right away what you wanted to be in the relationship, sub or dom? Or did you have to experiment around a little before you got comfortable and found a niche that you liked in what role you wanted to play in the bedroom?

 

[Impish]

right away

I am in everyday-life quite confident and in control of my life...financially, emotionally, and while interacting with others at work. Sexually however and in the dynamic of "love" I have NO desire whatsoever to control.

 

[lillum]

All in the family

I was raised to be a naturally submissive wife,as almost all the women are in my family.The men we choose are the HOH type and their are only a few breakups.When it came time for my awakening into BDSM and D/s that to felt all to natural to me....lillumm

 

[bunny bondage]

always and forever as long as i remember,
i'm one hundred percent sub

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

No question in my mind. I have been a submissive all my life.

There were times, before I knew anything about BDSM, when I felt confused, because others tried to force me into roles I didn't want to be in, and I am much happier since D/s has become part of my life. I don't have to buy into that sort of crap, I can just accept who and what I am, and live that truth. It's immensely satisfying and much less stressful.

~anelize

 

[Howling_Ire]

it always seemed natrual to me, alot of people i know think i'd be a dominate in that kind of relatinoship..but when it comes to sex i really can't stand men who are submissive.. it's just a big time tu rn off.

 

[brownhairedboy2]

I'm looking to get into the BDSM scene but am not sure what I would want to be. You all seem so sure, for me it kind of depends on what mood I'm in as to which role I am leaning to at the time.

 

[bunny bondage]

I'm looking to get into the BDSM scene but am not sure what I would want to be. You all seem so sure, for me it kind of depends on what mood I'm in as to which role I am leaning to at the time.

well good news, that's ok too. you can switch back and forth as often as you please. just because most of us are solidly locked into one role, that doesn't mean everybody is. in fact, "switch" is a very common term for people who feel like you do. it's all good.

 

[brownhairedboy2]

There sure are a lot of sub women here.

 

[His_sugar]

I would have to say, looking back over the various real life groups I have belonged to.. they consisted mostly of submissive men/women, Dommes and Switches.

Rarely did a single Dom wander into our settings..

And as for me? Yep, you guessed it.. another of the masses.

Female submissive

 

[Zaudika]

There sure are a lot of sub women here.

Yup, there is,..several Dom/me's too.


I've always been sub, though I have a bit of a playful Domme streak in me. For non serious play in the past, I've been Domme, and in teaching some people a bit about the lifestyle in the past I've done the role also. In both areas it was never inside a relationship.
As far as relationship goes I'll always be sub, and even if I might have a teasing Domme streak going for a moment, a single word from my Master and I'll be at his feet.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I'm loo++++ to get into the BDSM scene but am not sure what I would want to be. You all seem so sure, for me it kind of depends on what mood I'm in as to which role I am leaning to at the time.

There is nothing wrong with experimenting. It helps to join a BDSM group, cause there you can get to meet like minded people, and play in a safe environment.

Or if you are more shy, you can find one or two people to get friendly with and try out new things.

We all started somewhere.

 

[bunny bondage]

Is Dommes just the plural spelling of "Dom" or is there a difference between a "Domme" and a "Dom"?

"domme" means a female dominant whereas "dom" means male

 

[brownhairedboy2]

Dommes and Switches.

Rarely did a single Dom wander into our settings

Is Dommes just the plural spelling of "Dom" or is there a difference between a "Domme" and a "Dom"?

 

[brownhairedboy2]

"domme" means a female dominant whereas "dom" means male

Oh, ok.

Now just how the hell did your answer get posted before my question?! lol

 

[brownhairedboy2]

Rarely did a single Dom wander into our settings..

I would have thought that it would be just the opposite knowing how most men are, that Doms would be the most plentiful of the types represented there.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I would have thought that it would be just the opposite knowing how most men are, that Doms would be the most plentiful of the types represented there.

Being a dominant is a lot different than being a man or behaving as such. It is not about sex, as many think. NOt all men are dominant.

I can vouch for that because I have submissives, and I assure you they are men.

 

[brownhairedboy2]

Being a dominant is a lot different than being a man or behaving as such. It is not about sex, as many think. NOt all men are dominant.

I can vouch for that because I have submissives, and I assure you they are men.

Well I'm in my 20's and most of the "men" around my age seem very dominant around women..selfish even. So I would figured that there would be a lot of male doms around?

I have heard it said that the subs have the real power in a BDSM relationship despite outward appearances. If this is true is the dynamic the same for male subs and dommes as well?

 

[FungiUg]

When you first got into BDSM did you know right away what you wanted to be in the relationship, sub or dom? Or did you have to experiment around a little before you got comfortable and found a niche that you liked in what role you wanted to play in the bedroom?

I knew what I wanted to be before I got into D/s. In fact, didn't realise people did it for real. So my desires were already well defined... it was just a matter of discovering other people who shared them.

 

[Etoile]

Yeah, I knew what I was right off the bat. I enjoy the occasional fling with topping but both my personality and my sexuality are submissive.

 

[Mr Blonde]

I would have thought that it would be just the opposite knowing how most men are, that Doms would be the most plentiful of the types represented there.

If I had to guess from my observations, the BDSM area of Literotica looks something like:

50% female submissives
25% male dominants (doms)
10% female dominants (dommes)
15% other/unknown/male submissives

Those are just primary roles that regular people are most often identified with in their posts. And we really do not have that many dommes, but thankfully the ones we do have are prolific and well-spoken so the domme point of view is not lost.

As for real life, I have never had problems finding single submissive women when I was looking to date. There is still the challenge of finding someone compatible, but I have never got the sense that the numbers were unbalanced against me.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Owlz]

Thank you, brownhairedboy2,

for starting this thread. I think I could learn a lot about the lifestyle & where I 'fit in.' I'm in the same exploration/discovery phase as you are. My Lit. story may suggest Dom-ness, but then again, maybe not. I let the reader decide.

There's also a very-highly-recommended website called Castle Realm www.castlerealm.com, where there's a TON of info. on Dom, sub, and (I believe) switch lifestyles.

My $.02

Owlz

 

[Owlz]

Where do switches fit into those stats?

EXCELLENT question, PO.

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

ITA with bunny bondage