Submitting to My Wife

[SomeJohn]

My relationship with my wife is pretty vanilla with some infrequent light BDSM themes, but no consistency to it. I recently resolved to make more of an effort to better serve and worship her and try to develop our relationship into an explicitly stated Domme/sub relationship. Things are going really well, we are very in love and I know she has noticed my efforts. I’ve told her i want to serve her. And said some other things to set the tone and lay the groundwork.

Today she went shopping and texted me a picture of men's underwear she was going to purchase for me asking if they were ok. My response was “You pick what you want to see your toy in. I think your toy is right between s and m sizes.” And she just replied, “Oh John.” I typed out a whole response to her that was something to the effect of “We will both be so much happier in our relationship once you accept your role as my Domme,” but I never sent it because I want to have that conversation face to face. I don't even want to start it by text.

We have so little time together of an evening and we are both exhausted at the end of the day, it will be hard to find the right opportunity to have this conversation, but I am so close to starting it.

I don't really have any fear of her knocking me back. Our vanilla relationship roles have her clearly more dominant over me. But sometimes it is hard to tell those closest to you how you really feel.

I just wanted to share this and get it off my chest. Wish me luck, and please, any advice you might have would be appreciated.

Cheers

John

 

[HotXBuns]

You're right to have the conversation face-to-face. "Oh John" could mean so many things, and you need that non-verbal communication to get a better sense of where she stands on your desires.

Hopefully you'll get some time in your busy schedule to talk it through in a relaxed setting, and when it does, be sure to listen to how she feels about it. It may take a couple of years to get where you want to be, but far better you get there gradually and both of you are comfortable with it than forcing the issue and having her perform actions that she's not at ease with.

Communication is the key. Observing body language and listening are the largest part of communication. It sounds like you're on the right track though and haven't rushed in.

I hope it goes well for you both. Good luck

 

[cookiecat]

Oh John!

The idea of what a D/s relationship looks like in your head might be so different than what's in her head.

To me, being the D in the relationship sounds exhausting. Being in control, figuring out how to set the "stage" so to speak.

Hopefully, the things you've consciously been doing for her has allowed you to set the stage for what a D/s life might look like.

Rather than a text, perhaps you can send her a submissive love letter? That you love her so much now, you're not looking to change the relationship because she's lacking - instead, you want to strengthen and deepen the relationship and the love you already have. Your want to show your love and lust through your service to her.

Ok. Those were clearly my words. LOL.

Or set a date night to have this talk.

Or just bring it up whenever. Sometimes whenever, on the fly works really well.

Anyhoo. Isn't it crazy to have all these feelings stuffed inside, clamoring to jump out? Good luck.

 

[SomeJohn]

Thanks for the responses cookiecat and HotXBuns. We had a wonderful and very sexy Friday night together, and I had an opportunity to tell her I want to submit to her desires and we both enjoyed her ordering me around in the bedroom.

I am just going to keep doing what I have been doing and try bringing it up in conversation when it's appropriate. I'll continue making that extra effort to serve her domestically and physically and continue to reinforce our roles as our personalities have already cast us. I think I just need to remember that the path and the process of submitting will be more important than the exact destination.

 

[cookiecat]

Thanks for the responses cookiecat and HotXBuns. We had a wonderful and very sexy Friday night together, and I had an opportunity to tell her I want to submit to her desires and we both enjoyed her ordering me around in the bedroom.

I am just going to keep doing what I have been doing and try bringing it up in conversation when it's appropriate. I'll continue making that extra effort to serve her domestically and physically and continue to reinforce our roles as our personalities have already cast us. I think I just need to remember that the path and the process of submitting will be more important than the exact destination.

 

[Jada59]

Good luck to you!

 

[SomeJohn]

Good luck to you!

Thank you

 

[LadyElsbeth]

Thanks for the responses cookiecat and HotXBuns. We had a wonderful and very sexy Friday night together, and I had an opportunity to tell her I want to submit to her desires and we both enjoyed her ordering me around in the bedroom.

I am just going to keep doing what I have been doing and try bringing it up in conversation when it's appropriate. I'll continue making that extra effort to serve her domestically and physically and continue to reinforce our roles as our personalities have already cast us. I think I just need to remember that the path and the process of submitting will be more important than the exact destination.

Such good news John and I am happy for you!! I am glad you had the chance to convey your desires (or at least some of them) to her this weekend.

If she is new to the role then continue to give her little hints about your sexy ideas that include your submission. As stated before, it can be intimidating to a novice about what is involved and to what degree your submission goes. You may just want what would be more of a casual submission every now and then instead of a full-time scenario where she is always in control. If it's new to you as well then communication is going to be your best bet for a happy life together.

As long as you both stay open to one another, I think this could really work for you both. Just know that some of your ideas may not always suit her but be open to a compromise or alternative that she suggests. Who knows, it could become your favorite new kink.

Wishing you both the best!!

 

[Alex_Dreams]

deleted
(sorry, account was hacked, so I need to take everything down)

 

[Scareltt]

You Sweet Man!

My relationship with my wife is pretty vanilla with some infrequent light BDSM themes, but no consistency to it. I recently resolved to make more of an effort to better serve and worship her and try to develop our relationship into an explicitly stated Domme/sub relationship. Things are going really well, we are very in love and I know she has noticed my efforts. I’ve told her i want to serve her. And said some other things to set the tone and lay the groundwork.

Today she went shopping and texted me a picture of men's underwear she was going to purchase for me asking if they were ok. My response was “You pick what you want to see your toy in. I think your toy is right between s and m sizes.” And she just replied, “Oh John.” I typed out a whole response to her that was something to the effect of “We will both be so much happier in our relationship once you accept your role as my Domme,” but I never sent it because I want to have that conversation face to face. I don't even want to start it by text.

We have so little time together of an evening and we are both exhausted at the end of the day, it will be hard to find the right opportunity to have this conversation, but I am so close to starting it.

I don't really have any fear of her knocking me back. Our vanilla relationship roles have her clearly more dominant over me. But sometimes it is hard to tell those closest to you how you really feel.

I just wanted to share this and get it off my chest. Wish me luck, and please, any advice you might have would be appreciated.



Cheers

John

I don’t have a ton of time. Waiting for a friend for coffee. John, if you take a minute and read through my old posts, you mind find one or two good pieces of advice.

Your wife has no idea how fortunate she is to have a husband will to do this. She might be overwhelmed, or confused, or scared..

I was... plus I had a husband trying to top for the bottom.. WARNING don’t do that!

Off her two solid weeks of service. Show her what she can expect, treat her like the Queen she is. Don’t bring up sex. Show her you can give and do things for her not expecting anything in return.

At the moment if she is anything lkke me. Well when this started for us I pictured my husband wanting me in leather with a whip. He didn’t (well maybe he did, but he didn’t get that. Now flannel and a shower brush, Yep it’s happened, but there was a very good reason)

I have to leave you now.. however feel free to message me..I’ll over advice if I have the right advice to share..

 

[sweettalk4u]

I would try to make the environment conducive to what you want her to do. Don't ask or tell her anything. Let it keep coming from her. It has to be all her idea. Of course you could leave your ipad or laptop open on a submissive blog or website or even a chastity website. She might really go for that once she understands what the lifestyle is all about. But a bite at a time. She's doing very well it seems.

 

[twister947]

Submission does not require dominance. It can be a subtle, nuanced giving up of control, making room for your other at the top. Mindset.

 

[HotXBuns]

Submission does not require dominance. It can be a subtle, nuanced giving up of control, making room for your other at the top. Mindset.

So true. Well said.

 

[Underherthumb247365]

My wife of two years is my domme but we were in a female led relationship from the get go. We met on one of thoughs vanilla dating sights. I was more looking for just kind of a steady girlfriend but she new what she wanted from the start. She is almost ten years my senior, bi racial and was a divorcey for a few years. She wanted a younger man who was eager to please and found just that. After getting semi serious and ya trying different things she broke it to me that a domme role to her is empowering as a woman and it really gets her going. A young man eager to please this beautiful ebony queen was quick to say yes. Our sex life changed that night forever with her leading the pace of play and she took over the alpha role in our relationship within the bedroom. She broke me into it softly as not to scare me off, it started with some simple CFNM and maybe some hot wax and some orgasm denial. I was only aloud to cum under her control and how she wanted which was both exhilarating and frustrating at the same time but she knew just how much I could take and bring me back down. After about 4 months I moved in with her as she had a nice house with plenty of space and I just an apartment. There our relationship began to change even more. It was very apparent that I was to assume the role as housewife cooking and cleaning while she act as the breadwinner and she started to make it known more and more with some mild verbal humiliation during our sessions. Our dynamic changed again the first time she had to leave out of town on business. As I said before SHE was the only one who could make me come and introduced me to my first chastity session. She clothed as to not excite me had me strip and lay down, she applied a bag of ice to my genitals to shrink it down to wear she could properly fit the device and locked it with a tiny padlock and put the key in her pocket. I got used to it after an hour or so and helped her pack for her trip noticing she was packing some rather risqué items for a week long business trip but I said nothing. Out the door she went and off to the airport. That week is when I learned what it meant to be cucked.