Submissives, what attracts you to a Dom/me?

[Sandia]

What do you look for?
Are there signs that tell you if someone is right for you?
What turns you on (in the getting to know you phase)?

 

[P. B. Walker]

Mmmm hard to tell since I've never had a Domme... but I am attracted to powerful women with a agressive attitude. The kind of person that you know is in control the second you walk into the room. I've actually met very few women like this. I had a high school gym teacher like this once... mmm... sorry daydreaming there for a second. Anyway... I do want to point out this personality is different that a "bitchy, I"m the queen bee" type personality. That type of person turns me off.

Anyhoo.. that's as close as I can get being that I've never actually experienced something like that.

Cheers,

PBW "Young man, you'll be staying after class again for doing that"

 

[WillowPuss]

Sandia, this is a very good quesion.

However, it could also be a little dangerous for unattached subs to give a shopping list of what they are looking for in a Dom, as this is a totally open public forum and you can never be certain just who is reading.

Armed with such a shopping list, any wannabe Dom/me could then 'snare' an unsuspecting sub.

 

[MissTaken]

First impressions?

Well, the voice that wraps itself around my psyche. An ability to articulate and communicate well is a must.

The confidence to walk into a room or any situation and remain unfettered by foolishness.

Kindness, respect and a desire to know me as me before exploring the issues of how I may submit.

Eyes: There is a look that a Dom has when interested. It pierces.

 

[WriterDom]

Sandia, this is a very good quesion.

However, it could also be a little dangerous for unattached subs to give a shopping list of what they are looking for in a Dom, as this is a totally open public forum and you can never be certain just who is reading.

Armed with such a shopping list, any wannabe Dom/me could then 'snare' an unsuspecting sub.

I'd give the subs a little more credit than that. Think of the 1000s who put up personal ads spelling out exactly what they are looking for. I don't see any difference in doing that, and answering a question here.

 

[MissTaken]

Sandia, this is a very good quesion.

However, it could also be a little dangerous for unattached subs to give a shopping list of what they are looking for in a Dom, as this is a totally open public forum and you can never be certain just who is reading.

Armed with such a shopping list, any wannabe Dom/me could then 'snare' an unsuspecting sub.

I think many subs would be able to recognize the "blow hards" form the truly interested and honest Doms.

Tricks are never 100 percent fool proof for making the discrimination, but there are tell tale signs.



Thank you, WD.
I missed that post

 

[CarolineOh]

Sandia, this is a very good quesion.

However, it could also be a little dangerous for unattached subs to give a shopping list of what they are looking for in a Dom, as this is a totally open public forum and you can never be certain just who is reading.

Armed with such a shopping list, any wannabe Dom/me could then 'snare' an unsuspecting sub.

Willow, you are so thoughtful to be concerned, but I bet that the things most subs will list will be those things hardest for someone to fake.

Having never "shopped" for a Dom (at least not consciously) all I can do is consider those qualities that are most important to me in the one I have.
I would start with his bearing of quiet assurance, which makes me feel calm and anchored and safe in his hands.
His sense of humor assures me that he does not consider himself infallible, and that if a plan goes awry he will respond with a shrug and a laugh, rather than with anger or sullenness.
He does not limit or isolate me, he encourages me to be open and inquisitive. With all due respect to others styles, if he were to place limits on my communicating with others in the lifestyle, I would see that as a red flag.
He admit to his lack of knowledge and opens his ears and his mind to those who possess it, without any hint of resentment or envy towards those who know more than he does.
And most importantly, he makes it apparent at all times that our individual happiness is depenent on our happiness as a couple, that if I am distressed or anxious, that it is not just my problem, but ours.

 

[longingto]

What attracts me to a Dom/what turns me on....
I am very attracted to strong, confident men with a wonderful sense of humor. Men who are not shallow and recognize the beauty of the spirit as well as the outer person. Men who have not lost their lust for life. Men who enjoy every aspect of a sexual/bdsm relationship and can have fun with it.....but...remind me...who is in charge. Decisiveness, honesty, the willingness to communicate openly is very attractive to me. The looks are not as important as how they carry themselves.
What turns me on???? Oh God...what doesn't,...*giggle*... but i think the thing that turns me on the most...is his voice. The sound of his voice when he talks to me on the phone...or the power in his voice when he talks to me during a scene are both extremely erotic to me. How his body responds to my touch is a HUGE turn on as well as how he takes me where i have not gone before.
and oh my god...his aftercare.....unbelieveable.
A sense of adventure is wonderful and the willingness to explore, to learn, to expand our horizons.
As i have been writing this...i can feel my body responding to just the thought of him, his touch, his voice, the feel of his body, his hands and his deliciously sadistic mind.
i could go on and on about what turns me on....there is so much.
What turns me off...
Dishonesty....unwillingness to communicate...lack of confidence...men who are judgemental, who lack compassion, men who do not take care of themselves....uncleanliness....there is nothing worse than being with a man who does not take care of his personal hygiene.

 

[A Desert Rose]

What do you look for?
Are there signs that tell you if someone is right for you?
What turns you on (in the getting to know you phase)?

~~~~~A sense of humor and a quick witted mind, first and foremost, gets my attention right away. Charm and intelligence, men who say volumes in few words. Assertive men who do not back down from their opinions and can validate them.

Then of course, the usual stuff.......

Rose

 

[cymbidia]

off topic...

Hey guys?

That longingto chickie up there?
She's a personal friend of mine from my everyday life.
As a matter of fact, when i was to meet Tex for the first time, it was to her house i went. She was a close friend of his and made us dinner. We sat there with her and her kids and ate then wandered out back to sit on her patio swing and talk (while she cleaned up). It was the most unthreatening, relaxed, and low-key first-meeting i've ever had, i think - and a large part of that had to do with longingto's easy way with me, a stranger in her house. Her kids were nice to me, too - that helped.

Anyway, the chickie has submitted a pile o' poems here, too, if you want to go see them.

Please make her welcome here.

 

[CarolineOh]

Hi, longingto chickie. I'm very pleased to meet you.

 

[Shadowsdream]

welcome longingto....

I hope you will have an amazing time here amongst new friends

 

[WillowPuss]

Just want to add my greetings to longingto ...

welcome, hope you will soon feel right at home

 

[cymbidia]

What attracts me?

Confidence, charisma, an indefinable air of command, and the certainty that he knows the ways of power and control. I look for vast experience and an open-mind. He's got to be very sexually sophisticated. A sense of humor is a definite requirement, as is a core of simple human kindness.

All of these intangibles are either present in a person or they are not. There's no in-between on these and there's no way to successfully pretend to have these attributes if one does not possess them.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Sandia, this is a very good quesion.

However, it could also be a little dangerous for unattached subs to give a shopping list of what they are looking for in a Dom, as this is a totally open public forum and you can never be certain just who is reading.

Armed with such a shopping list, any wannabe Dom/me could then 'snare' an unsuspecting sub.

From the information I have been getting from female and male subs this is very true.

However, if the sub does not allow themselves to be swept away by pretty words and haste, the wannabe cannot maintain the facade over time.

Only the fakes are speed demons (*noting exceptions).

*Predators are generally more patient. You need to use all of the tools available not to fall victim to their expertise.

Ebony

 

[MzChrista]

What attracts me?

Confidence, charisma, an indefinable air of command, and the certainty that he knows the ways of power and control. I look for vast experience and an open-mind. He's got to be very sexually sophisticated. A sense of humor is a definite requirement, as is a core of simple human kindness.

All of these intangibles are either present in a person or they are not. There's no in-between on these and there's no way to successfully pretend to have these attributes if one does not possess them.

Gotta be a he?

Damn.

 

[CuriousEric]

I would have to say I like to be submissive because I love to do anything to please a woman. I like how they are doing what they want without worrying about what I want. But I don't like them do be downright mean and kick me in the nuts or something like that hehe.

 

[MzChrista]

I would have to say I like to be submissive because I love to do anything to please a woman. I like how they are doing what they want without worrying about what I want. But I don't like them do be downright mean and kick me in the nuts or something like that hehe.

Damn I guess thats strike two for yours truly.

 

[CuriousEric]

I can take some pain, just not to my buddy downstairs.

I would like a woman to drip candle wax on my chest...now I think that would excite me.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Damn I guess thats strike two for yours truly.

You are determined to make me pee my pants before the day is over!

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

I can take some pain, just not to my buddy downstairs.

I would like a woman to drip candle wax on my chest...now I think that would excite me.

It is more fun to drip it on Mr. Happy.

Eb

 

[MzChrista]

I can take some pain, just not to my buddy downstairs.

I would like a woman to drip candle wax on my chest...now I think that would excite me.

Well if they aint toys they shouldnt look so much like toys, thats my feelings.

But you come to the right place, Eric, lots of cool people here. hang out and read up, you will dig it.

 

[CuriousEric]

I dig it already.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Well if they aint toys they shouldnt look so much like toys, thats my feelings.

But you come to the right place, Eric, lots of cool people here. hang out and read up, you will dig it.

And they just hang there looking all hangy and forlorn, begging for attention. What harm can a little squeeze do?

Eb

 

[CuriousEric]

Mine is rarely hangy and forlorn. But my raging hard friend does like much attention.