Submissives... feed back?

[CutieMouse]

See, I also don't understand the need to slash and burn. The only difference in how we do anything at all is that I'm viewing what we do through a new filter: "is this how he likes it?" I don't need to have my Dominant self tamped down, because it can't be. It's just not what I'm doing at the moment.

We still do all the same old shit - sit down, drink chardonnay, listen to him complain for a duration. The difference is that HE sets the duration, I let the conversation aim around what he wants to talk about. I'm more apt to listen and more sensitive.

He never tells me what to wear, but I certainly note, file and remember. Panties? Dislikes cotton, lace, or T backs, likes retro and fullback briefs in soft sheer or satin. So I know what to wear then, no one has to tell me twice. I know how he likes the hair on my body shaved, I know what he likes to order when we go out and if I'm there first I order it. I can tell when he's amenable to a deep conversation about feeeeelings and when he wants to talk about stupid TV comedy, and if I want to do one and he wants to do the other, it's no mystery as to who backs off and waits. I get my air time and my needs met.

Bingo.

 

[Netzach]

Now that's not to say I don't think it would be really HOT if he were going to grab me and totally mop a floor with me and piss down my throat and force me into the deepest depravity I've enjoyed inflicting on others. I'd dig it. But I'd also dig it not. It's up to him. If I were a betting girl, I'd say it's not going to happen, and that's all right.

 

[CutieMouse]

Now that's not to say I don't think it would be really HOT if he were going to grab me and totally mop a floor with me and piss down my throat and force me into the deepest depravity I've enjoyed inflicting on others. I'd dig it. But I'd also dig it not. It's up to him. If I were a betting girl, I'd say it's not going to happen, and that's all right.

I am having way too difficult a month for you to sit so perfectly inside my head like that. LOL

 

[FurryFury]

Here is another part of my opinion on your situation. I would not feel particularly loved and respected if I were told I HAD to become something I knew essentially I was NOT to make him happy.

I think it's awesome that you love him enough to try to do this for him.

I also think you can't rub out your essential nature and no one should ever ask that of you.

If you don't have an outlet for your Dom self, I doubt you will ever be all that happy and thus I doubt he will if he is with you.

Now you may also have some submissive qualities. You must if you are willing to try to do this but that Dom side should not be destroyed or neglected IMO.

It's great that you want to make him happy and he you. It should be a very interesting journey for you both.

I absolutely do know people that want to be totally MADE and alpha-ed. So don't think despite what most have said on this board that you are alone on that.

May the journey be hot and sweet most of the time.

 

[ShyVixen]

My main issue's with this are my own insecurities and fear abotu submission and udnerstanding exactly what they are... that is why I kindly asked him if we could do some more extreme trust excersices.... because I felt they might help me and I think I need to be extreme before I can settle in a more normal pattern....

Like you, SDS, I'm still learning to overcome the fear of certain aspect of submission. So I can sympathize.

However, I've come to the understanding that to submit, you cannot force your Dom to make you submit. It has to be something you overcome personally, or within the confines of your relationship without forcing him to make your submit. If you do that, in essence, you have taken away the control of what it is to submit, you are shifting responsibility onto another person for your submission. Submission is about giving up control, not about giving up responsibility.

Maybe I have a different attitude to submission because I not in a D/s relationship of any kind.

 

[secrets_within]

Like you, SDS, I'm still learning to overcome the fear of certain aspect of submission. So I can sympathize.

However, I've come to the understanding that to submit, you cannot force your Dom to make you submit. It has to be something you overcome personally, or within the confines of your relationship without forcing him to make your submit. If you do that, in essence, you have taken away the control of what it is to submit, you are shifting responsibility onto another person for your submission. Submission is about giving up control, not about giving up responsibility.

Maybe I have a different attitude to submission because I not in a D/s relationship of any kind.

I think you hit the nail on the head exacly right. Submission is giving something not having someone take it.

*hugs*

 

[His_pita]

It's less like slavery and more like religion. Crusaders didn't torture it out of me, I just saw a certain beauty, and a certain authority, decided I wanted to believe.

This is one of the best statements I've ever read to describe how I see my submission. Thanks Netzach

I also thing you can't rub out your essential nature and no one should ever ask that of you.

If you don't have an outlet for your Dom self, I doubt you will ever be all that happy and thus I doubt he will if he is with you.

I really agree with what Furry said as well. I am naturally submissive with a dominant streak in me. I wouldn't want either part of me rubbed out, and fortunately I have a Daddy that knows how to control both sides of my nature.

 

[Etoile]

What you are asking/expecting of him to do, is (frankly) a demanding and exhausting form of D/s, in which the submissive-type gets one hell of a lot of attention, and the Dominant-type gets all the hard work and stress. It work's great in erotica/porn/fantasy land, but it's pretty freaking hard to pull off in real life...

This is exactly what I have been thinking as reading this thread. Gee, it must be nice to expect the dominant to do all the work, I lie back and you force me into it. And if you can't, that's not my problem, you're not good enough!

IDK, YMMV, KWIM?

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

This will probably only apply to a few in here, but I am interested on feed back to understand my own emotions.


I feel the need to be utterly humiliated, dominated and forced before I will give my submission willingly...

If my alpha is not stronger then me, I feel he is unworthy of my submission.

To me, it is a battle of wills.. the words "I don't want too" are ingraned in my vocabularly... along with no...

I do not fear pain, I do not fear punishments.... I get a thrill on the battle of the wills...

I do not understand this, and it fears me... I know that my dom will be extreme with me while he breaks me, and Idon't want him to think I am weak (i.e. using my safe word.. as he fears he will push me to far and to fast breaking me emotionally...) But I truely feel that I need this...

If he wants me to be a good submissive to him, he needs to curb stomp all my bossiness, my dom tedencies and my stubborness... I am a dom's nightmare.. I say no just for the thrill of saying no, and I don't fear pain...

(think 25 hours of natural birth/labor and annoyed the doctor made me get pain meds for the last 3 1/2 hours...)

now, I don't expect him to beat me until I pass out.. far from it.. I expect most of these excersizes to be 100% mental...

My dom lurks on here as twingee. My goal is to get myself educated for his pleasure.. but part of my problem is, I need motivation.. If I have my way, I do not "care" about his needs.. which is why I feel the need for him to utterly dominate me and make me submissive before I can truely embrace that roll.

I need him to force me to 100% submit to him before I can do so on my own
Can anyone here relate to this?

Yes i can relate to you very well

I am subimissive to the core, but i still have dayz where i can sound very rebelious or bratty or whatever you call it and i just need to be reminded whos the boss here and who am i. I don't do that for purpose, i am just like that. Maybe it's cuz i am still learning i dunno, but i deffo need my Master to be very strict to me when i am like that and put me back into sumbision to him.

I wanna do it by myself sometimes, but it's hard. I am glad my Master knows how to sort me. Can't say i always like how he do that, sometimes i get just pissed off when i am not getting what i need or want, but thats times when i need him the most. I deffo need all his Dominance to be a good girl.

I don't think it's "more work" for the Dom as some sub in here said. It's deffo alot of fun as well when i am forced to do things the way he want it when actualy i don't feel like thats what i want that moment in time if you know what i mean? Alot of fun for the Dom, not for me. Cuz eventho i might be rebelious and dissagree with him in my head i always do what i am told.

Thing is he knows me very well so he KNOWS when i do it freely and when i gotta force myself to obey him. I think it must be very satisfying for him to see me as i do what he wants to do while i wanna do something totaly different and he knows i wanted/needed something different. Its just about realising whos "wants and needs" matters. Deffo not mine, i know that eventho i must say i don't like it sometimes. Like when i am too horny for example and just wanna play then. Sometimes it's still hard for me to accept we wont play untill HE wants too.

I can get all bitchy then and try things. Like try make him to play with me. I am glad he wouldn't let me win when i am like that. I couldn't respect him if he let me have what i want anytime i want it. He's my Dom and i expect him to be as Dominant as possible, i deffo need it

I can be submissive on my own as well and i am most of the time, but sometimes i need him to tame me as a wild mustang before i submit.

 

[SheDevilShay]

Yes i can relate to you very well

I am subimissive to the core, but i still have dayz where i can sound very rebelious or bratty or whatever you call it and i just need to be reminded whos the boss here and who am i. I don't do that for purpose, i am just like that. Maybe it's cuz i am still learning i dunno, but i deffo need my Master to be very strict to me when i am like that and put me back into sumbision to him.

I wanna do it by myself sometimes, but it's hard. I am glad my Master knows how to sort me. Can't say i always like how he do that, sometimes i get just pissed off when i am not getting what i need or want, but thats times when i need him the most. I deffo need all his Dominance to be a good girl.

I don't think it's "more work" for the Dom as some sub in here said. It's deffo alot of fun as well when i am forced to do things the way he want it when actualy i don't feel like thats what i want that moment in time if you know what i mean? Alot of fun for the Dom, not for me. Cuz eventho i might be rebelious and dissagree with him in my head i always do what i am told.

Thing is he knows me very well so he KNOWS when i do it freely and when i gotta force myself to obey him. I think it must be very satisfying for him to see me as i do what he wants to do while i wanna do something totaly different and he knows i wanted/needed something different. Its just about realising whos "wants and needs" matters. Deffo not mine, i know that eventho i must say i don't like it sometimes. Like when i am too horny for example and just wanna play then. Sometimes it's still hard for me to accept we wont play untill HE wants too.

I can get all bitchy then and try things. Like try make him to play with me. I am glad he wouldn't let me win when i am like that. I couldn't respect him if he let me have what i want anytime i want it. He's my Dom and i expect him to be as Dominant as possible, i deffo need it

I can be submissive on my own as well and i am most of the time, but sometimes i need him to tame me as a wild mustang before i submit.

Thank you, I thikn you related to what I was trying to say...

When I meant the alpha... I didn't explain it very well... Its sort of like.. my rottweiler only puts up with so much shit before he puts her back in her place... he doesn't let stuff bug him.. but eventually she pushes him to far and he reminds her of her place.. and she doesn't always LIKE IT... but then she's back to normal and the security is replaced...

I guess, I've spent to much time around animals and I am drawn to these type of patterns...

As much as I want him to own me, I don't really fear "losing" myself.. but I am afraid "of" myself... so, I need the security that he offers me, by making me feel like he's forcing me... I would never say no to him. I might fight a little, I might even be rude with out meaning to be.. (that got me a chore lsat night.)

but alot of times its because somethings bugging me... I had a PTSD trigger last night and turned into a complete bitch. He was NOT nice to me, but he waited me out until *I* was ready to talk. and I feel thorrible that I was a compelte bitch to him and was ready to make it up to him however I could...

Part of my complex nature is Im a gemini so I have multiple parts of my personality along with being german and irish. (woohoo, ironically my mom miscarried my twin, so I truely feel that a part of me is because of that.. btw I am a variation of pagan so my religious beliefs do tie into some of this for us...)

Anyways, you described waht I was feeling and thinking better then How I could have done it, which is what I was looking for and I am incredibly greatful to you for that.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

What you was trying to say its very hard to explain and can be too easily misunderstud. I think you did very good job with describing your feelings tho, but its maybe cuz i understand you so well, too well actualy

I must say when i saw how the other susb's reacted on your post i was scared to say i am just like you, but then i realised the only thing what matters to me is what my Master think about it. I spoke with him about it and i can say just this, he loves and cherish me - all i needed to know before i could reply to your post.

I think you are a good submissive SDS, eager to learn and please your Dom. You are very new in this, same as i am, but you will learn fast cuz you have the fire inside of you for it. Natural fire to give the best of you, but you realise you cant do that on your own sometimes no matter how hard you try.

I am sure your Dom understand what you need and will both keep you in line and help you to be the best sub ever for him

I am glad you showed up this webby!

 

[SheDevilShay]

What you was trying to say its very hard to explain and can be too easily misunderstud. I think you did very good job with describing your feelings tho, but its maybe cuz i understand you so well, too well actualy

I must say when i saw how the other susb's reacted on your post i was scared to say i am just like you, but then i realised the only thing what matters to me is what my Master think about it. I spoke with him about it and i can say just this, he loves and cherish me - all i needed to know before i could reply to your post.

I think you are a good submissive SDS, eager to learn and please your Dom. You are very new in this, same as i am, but you will learn fast cuz you have the fire inside of you for it. Natural fire to give the best of you, but you realise you cant do that on your own sometimes no matter how hard you try.

I am sure your Dom understand what you need and will both keep you in line and help you to be the best sub ever for him

I am glad you showed up this webby!

Its nice to find people who can relate to what I am going through!! I know there's many experienced subs/slaves here.. and even Dom's and Masters...

I think part of it is if you cannot relate or understand then you just can't get it because you don't know "what the fuck the bitch is talking about" (refering to myself here.)

And when your learning, its hard to "know" what you mean ebcause your not even sure how you mean it... A lot of it was just talking, listening, responding, trying to re-explain things and then realizing things and it just "clicks" into place in my brain, like ap uzzle piece that snaps easily into place when it matches the hole.

My Dom does understand me, and I know I am fiesty and not going ot be easy, but underneath all of that... I love him and want to make his world better just by being in it.