Sub Sharing, Sub Swapping, and Sub Trading.

[Mr. Bootie]

Let the discussion commense. If you are a sub, then the questions would be Dom/me Sharing, Dom/me Swapping. Has anyone experieced this in thier bdsm experience?? What was the experience?? Was it what you thought it would be?? Did it help or hinder the relationship ??

 

[bunny bondage]

i know, i know, polyamerous relationships are right for some people. but for me, there's simply no way. i just feel very icky when i think about being shared.

 

[SexyChele]

i know, i know, polyamerous relationships are right for some people. but for me, there's simply no way. i just feel very icky when i think about being shared.

Yeah, what she said. Also, I feel the same way about sharing!

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Is this more of a fantasy type thing then??

Something found only in stories??

Thank You for your responses Bunny and SexyChele.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Once upon a time I would have said it is something I would never do or want. Things sometimes change as you evolve. For us we have long discussed the concept of sharing me and the reasons behind it, how it would happen, where it would lead, and what it would mean. Since then we have had our first experience of Master sharing me, and plan to continue at some point.

I can't say the experience was as bad as I would have thought, or bad at all, but then it was also a lot to do with the talking, and the understanding behind what we were doing, and accepting responsibility for whatever may happen with a commitment to support each other through any difficulties. In some ways I am proud to know Master feels secure enough in us and trusts me enough to even contemplate it. It has its value as do all things done with thought and purpose.

Catalina

 

[Mastersprincess]

Now I know that swapping and sharing happens in a lot of relationships. The question I have is this: How much say do the subs involved have? Do the Dom/mes have all the say in who the sub might be shared with? What about you Dom/mes out there that do share your subs.....would you allow your sub to choose who they are shared with? And what if the sub wanted to play with someone you didn't know? Do you have the level of trust to allow such a thing?

Shoot...maybe this questions belongs over in the jealousy thread.

 

[Netzach]

I don't get swapped. I don't "share" I don't think of myself as commodity or a thing, or my partner. I have an open relationship. We get to sexually explore as we see fit, sometimes in tandem, sometimes not. What this entails is total honesty and lots of communication and work. The payoff is that we really enjoy it, it's hot, and we have some very very close friends -with-benefits who are the dearest people. I don't consider us "swingers." I don't "swing" ---I fuck.

I'm the Domme. The only way this really impacts things is that I can order M to go play with or serve someone and obviously this doesn't go the other way. I'm not into making him play with people I consider assholes, or people he finds sexually repugnant anyway, so it works out to everyone's enjoyment.

 

[Mastersprincess]

Netzach.....thank you.

Please bear with me as I fumble around here a bit. If your sub came home from work one day and said that a hot, cute girl was flirting with him and he wanted to persue it only for the sexual fun, would you be okay with that? Anyone one else have an opinion?

One of the things I love about this forum is the diverse group of people. Each poster has his/her own opinion and I enjoy how most of the people here respect it.

 

[Justina123]

Sir and I also have an open relationship. Although we are quite committed to each other, we both at times play with others, both when attending public events, and in private. Sir has a couple of subs who occasionally come to his home for kinky fun, as well as an online submissive who also calls him Master. We all are aware of each other and I have no problem at all with it, although I am the one collared. The way I look at it is- it's not like he has "100 units of caring/dominance/whatever to share and if he gives 20 units to someone else, there are only 80 left for me." His time with others is not subtracted from our relationship. In fact, I think our openness adds to what we have.

I, too, sometimes have play time with others. For instance, a few weeks ago we went to a public weekend event and after Sir went to bed a Dominant did a wonderful violet wand/flogging scene with me. Sir gave his permission before going to sleep and it was okay with me as well; in fact, I loved it!

Also, sometimes when at play parties Sir will invite another Dominant to join our scene, or sometimes if he knows him well, to take over. I trust Sir's judgment and almost always this has great results.

- justina

 

[MissTaken]

I have shared

Yes, I have in a number of respects, shared my submissive.

For purposes of this thread and to answer Mastersprincess, I will discuss one situation.

It took her to visit a long time Dominant friend of mine. Someone I know well and have been intimate with. Now, to discuss the issue of her trust in me, she was nervous and excited. She may have wanted to drive home before knocking at the door, but didn't. I blindfolded her before going into his apartment and he and I co topped her for a while. To add to her pleasure and frustration , he also topped me for a bit, leaving her to listen to the sounds and not know what exactly was happening, but knowing it was all good (Yes, that damn switch thing.)

Together, he and I tied her in a rope dress. Then, he held a large mirror in front of her as I took the blindfold off. Slowly, he lowered the mirror to reveal himself to her. It was a highly charged moment and was met with many warm and delcious feelings, hugs and kisses. It was as if they had known one another a very long time.

She knows I wouldn't share her with anyone who wasn't safe or who wasn't worthy of her. She is special to me and therefore, I won't toss her around like a cup of sugar. However, we have found that sharing adds to the depth of our relationship.

IF she were to hvae had any major objections based on info I provided ahead of time or things that happened during the scene, I would have listened and maybe changed our plans. Maybe not. Then, I do know her well enough to know when something like this will be good for both us.

 

[WriterDom]

Re: I have shared

Yes, I have in a number of respects, shared my submissive.

For purposes of this thread and to answer Mastersprincess, I will discuss one situation.

It took her to visit a long time Dominant friend of mine. Someone I know well and have been intimate with. Now, to discuss the issue of her trust in me, she was nervous and excited. She may have wanted to drive home before knocking at the door, but didn't. I blindfolded her before going into his apartment and he and I co topped her for a while. To add to her pleasure and frustration , he also topped me for a bit, leaving her to listen to the sounds and not know what exactly was happening, but knowing it was all good (Yes, that damn switch thing.)

Together, he and I tied her in a rope dress. Then, he held a large mirror in front of her as I took the blindfold off. Slowly, he lowered the mirror to reveal himself to her. It was a highly charged moment and was met with many warm and delcious feelings, hugs and kisses. It was as if they had known one another a very long time.

She knows I wouldn't share her with anyone who wasn't safe or who wasn't worthy of her. She is special to me and therefore, I won't toss her around like a cup of sugar. However, we have found that sharing adds to the depth of our relationship.

IF she were to hvae had any major objections based on info I provided ahead of time or things that happened during the scene, I would have listened and maybe changed our plans. Maybe not. Then, I do know her well enough to know when something like this will be good for both us.

Sounds like fun. I think you and your pet could use a few days and nights next to the southern ocean.

 

[ownedsubgal]

first i'll say that sexual sharing is not polyamory......not in the least. there is a vast difference between a polyamourous relationship, and a relationship that involves sexual/physical sharing. i could not be in a relationship where my Master had other submissives, nor could i have more than one Dominant. but yes, my Master shares me with others. and of course since he is Master, he has the right to use whoever he wants to use whenever he wants to use them, but the fact is, it's rare that he's with another woman sexually, simply because he's not the sort into casual/random physical encounters. He would have no issue with being sexually monogamous. i, am not the sexually monogamous type. i have a need to serve and be used by those who can truly USE me...as in the only purpose i serve for them is to fulfill their needs....they don't love me, they don't care about me, they don't want to do anything for me, they simply want to use me to satiate themselves. so the only way to have that is for my Master to share me physically with others, often strangers. some experiences are good, some are bad. sometimes i enjoy them immensely, sometimes they're very difficult and unpleasant, to say the least. as it's not about my pleasure, it's about me being used, my Master does not care whether i consider a man i serve attractive/desirable or not....in fact, at times he may purposely have me serve repulsive men, to send a message to me that i am a servant even to the undesirables of the world. my Master instills the lesson that one of my major purposes on this earth, in this lifetime, is to serve and please men. not just him, not just men he knows and trusts, but men period. it is my place, my duty. so that is why i am shared with others. not for fun or sexual kicks. although if i have been very well behaved, my Master will not object to me being with a particular man of my choosing.

my Master has shared me with many, many men since we have been together, so i could not possibly describe all the experiences...sometimes they were organized and planned by him far in advance...sometimes they were spur of the moment...sometimes it was part of a punishment or discipline....sometimes it was a reward.....sometimes he participates, sometimes he simply watches, sometimes he is not there at all. He only has me serve older men, older as in over 40, and the vast majority of them are white men. some are Dominants, some are Sadists, some are totally vanilla. He places limits on what others can do to me...stuff like no scat, no blood, no fists, etc. Men he knows well and who use me again and again often have fewer limits/restrictions on how they can use me.

i feel EXTREMELY fortunate to have a Master who can love and treasure me immensely, and is still able to have me with others without getting jealous or feeling insecure (not that he doesn't get jealous at all, of course he does...but over sharing? never.) . He is a remarkable man.

 

[Netzach]

Netzach.....thank you.

Please bear with me as I fumble around here a bit. If your sub came home from work one day and said that a hot, cute girl was flirting with him and he wanted to persue it only for the sexual fun, would you be okay with that? Anyone one else have an opinion?

Absolutely. I know that might be hard to imagine if you aren't cut out for this kind of thing, but some of us are, it's as natural as my fiance/boy coming home and saying let's get Thai for dinner.

My next question, of course, would be whether or not she was also bisexual.

Now, if he started spending more time with this new girl than with me, or not coming home or whatever, then there'd be a breech of the relationship, there's be a problem. But I don't really see that happening.

But that can happen with monogamous people too, my not WANTING him to look at anyone else or love anyone else more than me isn't going to keep that from happening, as I see it. Other people keep life interesting. If someone's going to drift apart, they are going to. If they are going to be loyal, it doesn't matter how much fun they have with their bodies, they will still come back to your bed.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: I have shared

Sounds like fun. I think you and your pet could use a few days and nights next to the southern ocean.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Netzach said:

"If someone's going to drift apart, they are going to. If they are going to be loyal, it doesn't matter how much fun they have with their bodies, they will still come back to your bed."


sooooo true!!!

 

[Mastersprincess]

Absolutely. I know that might be hard to imagine if you aren't cut out for this kind of thing, but some of us are, it's as natural as my fiance/boy coming home and saying let's get Thai for dinner.

My next question, of course, would be whether or not she was also bisexual. [/B]

I loved this!!

 

[Croctden]

Not much fun for this dom either

Yeah, what she said. Also, I feel the same way about sharing!

I've shared subs on rare occasions, but I've never particularly liked. I can show dominance plenty of other ways. And topping another's sub is creepy if I don't know them. It's as though I'm topping a robot.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Now I know that swapping and sharing happens in a lot of relationships. The question I have is this: How much say do the subs involved have? Do the Dom/mes have all the say in who the sub might be shared with? What about you Dom/mes out there that do share your subs.....would you allow your sub to choose who they are shared with? And what if the sub wanted to play with someone you didn't know? Do you have the level of trust to allow such a thing?

Shoot...maybe this questions belongs over in the jealousy thread.

For us, the sharing is totally Master's decision and I in no way express an interest in wanting a particular person. My being shared is about service for my Master in whatever way he sees fit and with whoever he selects. The only time I have a say is if I am concerned for a valid safety reason at which time we will talk about it and Master will then act as he sees fit.

The issue of my not being allowed to decide I want to play with another is nothing to do with trust. I am a slave and belong to Master and as such am used by him. I do not have the right to go looking for another to have an interaction with, nor do I want to. I have one Master who more than satisfies me sexually and emotionally. To be shared increases the depth of submission and trust I have with him, and shows me how much power he has over me to have me submit to an act that is opposite to everything I am and be okay with it. It is not about sex so to speak, as difficult as it may be to explain.

Similarly, if Master decided he wanted to sexually play with another, it would not be the same issue as sharing me. He has the right to do that if he chooses, but as his sharing me is a service, his experiencing another is not a service on his or my part. Fortunately at this point he does not see himself wanting to sexually experience anyone else, but if it arises he changes his mind it will be discussed and decided if it would be good or bad for us.

Both of us have experimented sexually extensively in and out of the lifestyle before our relationship and found the experiences were far from 100% satisfying even though they covered just about everything you could ever want to do. In each other that is not so. We have found the missing key, that special someone who rings all the bells on their own, so any inclusion of another is as a tool in the BDSM sense, not a sexual experience we need to fulfil a need or desire not quenched by each other.

Catalina

 

[MissTaken]

I just wanted to add that my experience is only with sharing MY submissive. To that end, I felt a certain sense of pride sharing her with someone as special to me as this Dominant is. And for her, not only did she enjoy being topped by us, she enjoyed the pride I felt in sharing.



I would not randomly share and am not sure I would share without being present.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I just wanted to add that my experience is only with sharing MY submissive. To that end, I felt a certain sense of pride sharing her with someone as special to me as this Dominant is. And for her, not only did she enjoy being topped by us, she enjoyed the pride I felt in sharing.



I would not randomly share and am not sure I would share without being present.

Yes, I agree in that Master will never share me without being present to ensure my safety, and to enjoy the pride he feels and the control he has over me in that situation.

Catalina

 

[SierraMoon]

My Sir has expressed interest in sharing me in the future. i have to admit that i do have mixed feelings about it, but will of course abide by His decision.

i am nervous about how i would respond to someone else.. or if i would. He of course would be with me, for safety and comfort reasons, but what if i did something wrong? How would the other Dom/me react? Would my Sir be understanding? These are just some thoughts that run through my head when thinking about being shared. i trust my Sir with my life, so i would go along with it, if He wanted it.

On the other hand, i find the idea of performing with another in front of Him highly exciting!! Him being able to stand back and watch as someone else uses me.

Am i confused, or what??? lol

 

[catalina_francisco]

My Sir has expressed interest in sharing me in the future. i have to admit that i do have mixed feelings about it, but will of course abide by His decision.

i am nervous about how i would respond to someone else.. or if i would. He of course would be with me, for safety and comfort reasons, but what if i did something wrong? How would the other Dom/me react? Would my Sir be understanding? These are just some thoughts that run through my head when thinking about being shared. i trust my Sir with my life, so i would go along with it, if He wanted it.

On the other hand, i find the idea of performing with another in front of Him highly exciting!! Him being able to stand back and watch as someone else uses me.

Am i confused, or what??? lol

I don't think you're confused, just honest. It is similar to how I feel. I do feel though it is something you have to discuss at length long before moving to doing, and if there are any negative outcomes, that your Sir agree before to support you and help you deal with them, and then if that is not enough and you feel significantly harmed, that the sharing stop. It is definately a scary prospect before you actually do it, and I would say even afterwards in that the next experience if with a different person can be totally different to the first.

Catalina

 

[ownedsubgal]

being shared, or sharing, is definitely not for every submissive and every Dominant, every slave and every Master/Mistress, so it's something to think long and hard about before taking that first step...and even after it has been done, i would say it's a good idea to keep revisiting the issue, keep talking about each other's feeling on it, because what can seem like a good idea before actually engaging in it, can quickly turn into a disaster once it's done. also, people change...needs change, desires change. a Master who once craved having his property used by others may suddenly decide they can't handle that anymore....anything may happen.

catalina, i can very much relate to finally finding your perfect sexual partner in your Master....despite my considerable sexual experiences and partners before meeting Daddy, absolutely no one compares to him...no one has ever come even close to making me feel as wonderful and totally satiated as he does. needing to be with others sexually, does not have to signify a lack of something in one's sexuality with one's mate. if that is the problem, then being with others will only make things worse, imo. i need to be used by other men because there are some things that are impossible to get from one who loves you, cares for you, values you, cherishes you. being used in the truest sense, is not possible when there is that intense love...for instance i know my Master isn't going to intentionally cause any emotional or psychological harm to me...He isn't going to intentionally cause any severe permanent damage to me, etc...i am precious to him, his most valued possession. so while he may use me to satiate his needs and desires, he is always thinking of me and taking my feelings into consideration. i need to be used by someone who wishes to do nothing more than use me, who is not going to give a thought to how i am feeling or what i want or what i need. who just wants a girl to suck them off, or a girl to smack around for a night, or a girl to humiliate, or a girl to verbally degrade, or a girl to use sexually in every way imagineable....and when they are done using me, they are finished with me. i have served my only purpose for them and then it is over.

oh, also i wanted to add that although my Master is not physically with me everytime i am used by another, he never leaves me in an unsafe situation. for me to be alone for any period of time with another man requires one or both of two things: 1. my Master knowing them well and trusting them, 2. heavy security measures being taken. the reason he is not always there, has to do with the fact that some men just cannot fully "let go" physically and sexually with a woman when that woman's muscle-bound 210 lb. Master and Mate is there watching their every move. they can be intimidated and not able to get comfortable or be themselves, even if my Master encourages them to be heavy handed with me, they treat me like a porcelain figurine for fear of Daddy beating them down if they do otherwise. so, in order for me to be used properly by certain men, my Master will not be there during the session. immediately before and immediately afterwards, yes. checking on me constantly, yes. sometimes even having me secretly recorded while he watches from a nearby location. my Master wishes me to serve and be used, be used thoroughly. so if him not being present is necessary in order for me to be used as he feels i should be, then he will not be present. but it's hardly irresponsible or unsafe.

 

[catalina_francisco]

OSG, I apologise if you felt my discussion about sexual satisfaction with Master was directed at you. It wasn't, was more to explain to those who equate the act of sharing with that thought process that it is not the motivation behind the whole experience. I can identify with your reasons for doing it and it fulfilling a need in yourself, and in no way feel that is out of place or misguided....after all for us, it is about a service, humiliation, degradation, but in a way that is not destructive.

Your safety measures seem okay to me, though I am not sure I am ready to accept that and feel comfortable for myself. Master feels that even with surveillance, the risk is too high and like me, no matter how much he trusts someone, he allows there is always that temptation for some to abuse the trust. Maybe at some point in the future it will be the way we do it, but for now it is time to grow and gain experience in the whole process.

Catalina

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I don't want to share Sir with anyone, but if he so chose to be Dom to other people, I would respect his decision. And I have no desire to be shared. I want to serve only him.