sbaggyblurb
Virgin
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2008
- Posts
- 7
Hi,
I'm writing a story about a bisexual cougar of the womanly kind.
The story is set in the English city of Hull, where she preys upon students from the local university.
It's a more stylistic rather than graphic form of erotica i.e. I try to use metaphor, similie and implication to create sensual tension, rather than the normal clinical description.
Here are a couple of excerpts:
.........
"Kingston-upon-Hull"!
The given name for that city, straddling the luscious brown lips of the Hull, where it gushes rhythmically into the watering mouth of the Humber estuary, adding it's distinct flavour to the life juice of the Humberside. Like a room full of rugger players, the Humberside thrives on it's notoriety. Rough, ready and exciting.
......
She let the smooth creaminess roll around her tongue and wash her palate… the thick, warm, bitter-sweetness, as it flooded her consciousness and trickled into every sense. She tried to hold on and let the rich flavours suffuse every pore in her mouth. But the urge kept growing… inexorable… until she could bear it no longer. The burning thirst deep within demanded satisfaction. With a rush, the creamy liquid was released on it's journey. The glow spread, slowly at first, into her core. It was not uncommon for Leonardos' virgins to believe that that was as good as it got. Until stage two ignited. "Oh my God…" was not an uncommon ejaculation for first timers.
......
Apart from a fresh pair of eyes to spot typos and dodgy grammar, I'm looking for an editor who can help make the story more widely appealing, through structure and identifying the parts that are confusing or don't read well.
If you can help, please drop me a line.
Sbaggy.
I'm writing a story about a bisexual cougar of the womanly kind.
The story is set in the English city of Hull, where she preys upon students from the local university.
It's a more stylistic rather than graphic form of erotica i.e. I try to use metaphor, similie and implication to create sensual tension, rather than the normal clinical description.
Here are a couple of excerpts:
.........
"Kingston-upon-Hull"!
The given name for that city, straddling the luscious brown lips of the Hull, where it gushes rhythmically into the watering mouth of the Humber estuary, adding it's distinct flavour to the life juice of the Humberside. Like a room full of rugger players, the Humberside thrives on it's notoriety. Rough, ready and exciting.
......
She let the smooth creaminess roll around her tongue and wash her palate… the thick, warm, bitter-sweetness, as it flooded her consciousness and trickled into every sense. She tried to hold on and let the rich flavours suffuse every pore in her mouth. But the urge kept growing… inexorable… until she could bear it no longer. The burning thirst deep within demanded satisfaction. With a rush, the creamy liquid was released on it's journey. The glow spread, slowly at first, into her core. It was not uncommon for Leonardos' virgins to believe that that was as good as it got. Until stage two ignited. "Oh my God…" was not an uncommon ejaculation for first timers.
......
Apart from a fresh pair of eyes to spot typos and dodgy grammar, I'm looking for an editor who can help make the story more widely appealing, through structure and identifying the parts that are confusing or don't read well.
If you can help, please drop me a line.
Sbaggy.
