Stupid Pride

[BiBunny]

Let me preface this by saying I am almost always a quiet, unassuming person. If someone upsets me, I usually just let it go. Occasionally, I'll request that the person who upset me and I have a conversation about it, but that's about it. However, I do let things build up inside me, and maybe twice a year or so, I'll come unglued and horrify everyone around me.

Saturday was one of those days.

B. called me while I was in the bathtub and left me a voicemail that *really* hurt/upset/pissed me off. (I'm not going to get into it; it's too long of a story, and it's not really important to the thread, anyway.) So I called him back, got his voicemail, and proceeded to rip him a new one. I don't normally do that, but I was SO angry. (No excuse, I know.) I was so mad that I don't really even remember what I said, but it was sufficiently nasty. Needless to say, I haven't heard from him since.

So that brings me to my question. Should I just call him and apologize? The childish part of me doesn't want to because he really hurt me. I don't feel particularly remorseful about saying what I said because I feel like he owes me an apology, too. An even more childish part of me is saying, "Bunny, if he really cared about you, he'd call you," but the logical part of me knows that he's probably saying the same thing to himself, that if I really cared about him, I'd call and apologize.

There's a possibility that he may never speak to me again, but it's more likely that our two stubborn asses are turning it into a "Who'll cave first?" contest. I guess I should just call and apologize and ask to talk it over with him, but I'm being dumb and prideful, I suppose. I also don't know how much time we should give each other to cool off because I don't want to make the first move and have him say something that sets me off all over again. He's never heard me speak that way before, so there's also a good possibility that he's still in shock, too!

So, anyway, what should I do? Try to wait him out? Give it a few more days and see what happens? Suck it up and go ahead and apologize, even if I'm not sure I really mean it? I just want to get the inevitable confrontation over with, so we can get on with it.

Our relationship is on shaky ground a lot of times, but recently, I think, we've become stronger than ever. I hope my big mouth hasn't totally fucked that up. I love him, but I think I'm just being very juvenile and stubborn about the whole thing.

So, who's volunteering to be the first to give me a swift kick in the ass?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

So, who's volunteering to be the first to give me a swift kick in the ass?

No need. We're all human (most of us are anyway) and entitled to bad days. Tactful ways exist to break an ice jam without coming off as begging forgiveness. A simple, "I'm sorry I let other things cloud my judgment in my response to you. I understood your message to say (whatever the topic). Am I incorrect in my assessment? If not, (whatever the topic) bothers me because (iterate your concerns)."

You've offered an olive branch without becoming a doormat. B. gets to approach the peace talks with or without a chip on the shoulder. Where things go from there is up to the two of you.

Best of luck regardless.

 

[BiBunny]

Thanks, AA. I feel less childish and like less of an asshole now.

 

[FurryFury]

AA said it well. I agree with him.

*hugs* for you.

Fury

 

[graceanne]

*leaves a cookie for courage*

 

[BiBunny]

*leaves a cookie for courage*

Thanks, gracie! There's no doubt in my mind that I need it.

 

[graceanne]

Thanks, gracie! There's no doubt in my mind that I need it.

I hate apologizing or anything near it. It always takes all my courage and strength of will to do it.

 

[SweetGigi]

I had to swallow my pride this past Sunday with Amato. We'd both had tough days and we were both ill as hornets; He knew He was, I didn't realize it so much. We went to dinner and were having a good time but then He said and did something that grossed me completely out. (what happened isn't relevant.) Afterwards, I refused to eat the rest of my meal. He didn't offered to apologize until AFTER we left and on our way home. I was still hungry and getting madder by the second. When Amato finally apologized and told me to stop and get something else to eat, it was too late. I was near tears due to a combination of my hormones, the situation, some other underlying things and I couldn't even think about food any more. He then started showing His anger and started treating me like a child. Now keep in mind, had He just commanded me to stop for food, I would have done so in an instant. The problem was that we both lost control. Eventually we ended up fighting over something stupid and went to bed mad. (We NEVER do that) While I was in the shower the next morning, I cried and thought it over. I decided that even though I was not in the wrong, I didn't want this to impact 'Us/us'. I am such a strong willed person... this was a bold step for me. I went downstairs and woke Him, and told Him how sorry I was. He listened to me and held me quietly. When I was finished, He kissed my head, sat up, got on His knees and apologized to me. (something He never does) He said that He'd not slept at all that night b/c He felt so bad. He knew He was wrong but too proud to admit it. He also knew that I KNEW He was wrong, but thought I would never come to Him over it. He was prepared, He said, to just chalk it all up and bury it deep, in hopes it wouldn't effect Us/us later. When I came to Him and swallowed my pride, He saw just how much I love Him and how much I was willing to truly submit. For me, as a strong willed person, to be willing to admit my fault in this even though I knew I was ultimately right... blew Him away. In the end it drew us closer together and I feel we have bridged a gap we've always had. (for 6 almost 7 yrs) Now I'm certainly not suggesting anything... but I hope that my story can help you see a different side to it all. I hope it all works out, Bunny. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

::hugs::

 

[BiBunny]

I'm being unbelievably stupid about this. I want to talk to him, need to hear his voice, but I'm such a chickenshit. I have a real problem with humility, it seems.

 

[minx1]

I'm being unbelievably stupid about this. I want to talk to him, need to hear his voice, but I'm such a chickenshit. I have a real problem with humility, it seems.

If I were you I'd bite the bullet Bibunny, before positions become so entrenched that it more difficult to come back from them.
I know its difficult...but someone has to break the stalemate.

What the worst that can happen? He may still be mad...but even if it was just to say, I miss your voice or I think we could do with talking, its a step forward and offering him a way in.

At the end of the day, the only way to resolve this is to talk...better it happens sooner than later.

Good luck eh

 

[BiBunny]

I caved. I took the pussy way out and sent him an email, but I made the first move. I apologized not for what I said but for how I said it. Then, I left it up to him to make the next move. Think about me, ok?

 

[callinectes]

I caved. I took the pussy way out and sent him an email, but I made the first move. I apologized not for what I said but for how I said it. Then, I left it up to him to make the next move. Think about me, ok?

Bunny, I am really torn here. I want to support you and want you to be happy but I can't forget about how he treated you a few months ago..and I assume the situation that caused that to happen hasn't changed. For what it's worth though, I am thinking about you. (hugs)

 

[BiBunny]

Bunny, I am really torn here. I want to support you and want you to be happy but I can't forget about how he treated you a few months ago..and I assume the situation that caused that to happen hasn't changed. For what it's worth though, I am thinking about you. (hugs)

Thank you, callinectes. I really do appreciate it.

 

[SweetGigi]

Everyone is here for ya, Bunny.... even little ole newbie me. Even if my posts are too long.

*giggles*

Just let everyone know how it all turns out, ok?

*hugs*

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I caved. I took the pussy way out and sent him an email, but I made the first move. I apologized not for what I said but for how I said it. Then, I left it up to him to make the next move. Think about me, ok?

I don't think there is anything wrong with making the first move Miss BiBunny irrespective of where you currently feel the responsibility resides. Isn't the catch cry of D/s forums 'communicate'. We are forever advising people 'talk to him/her' .

In best possible practise , manipulation ( attempted or otherwise ), lack of admission and personal pride over honesty have little place for me. When faced with indecision or tempted to 'play games' I revert back to the knowledge that for me the only regret larger than failure of a relationship is personal failure to convey my feelings and needs with respectful candour and have the trust that the Dominant involved will contend appropriately. All sounds a little romantic to seclude D/s and TPE relationships from what I consider mostly mainstream behaviours however it has served me well. Even when the outcomes have not been in my favor, I know the premise has afforded me the freedom to be honest, take the deep breath knowing the truth may set me more free than I truly desire , irrespective of the outcome there resides the dignity of having remained true to my own odd set of principles . The same set quite evident during more cordial times.

The general rant above clearly set aside , for what it's worth I think you have done the right thing . Thinking of you Miss BiBunny

 

[myinnerslut]

I caved. I took the pussy way out and sent him an email, but I made the first move. I apologized not for what I said but for how I said it. Then, I left it up to him to make the next move. Think about me, ok?

i hate having to make the first move and i know how hard it is. you did the right thing, even though it must have been very hard. {{hugs}}

 

[BiBunny]

Thanks, everyone. (I'm not going to call names because I know I'll leave someone out and feel bad!) I'll update when I find out something.

 

[BiBunny]

He emailed me back, and we talked about it. He forgave me for what I said and told me that the only reason he hadn't already apologized himself was that he knew he'd hurt me and was ashamed to approach me. We're so pathetically chickenshitted that it's not even funny. Thanks again, everybody. We made this a lot more difficult than it should've been.

 

[Irony_Sinclair]

He emailed me back, and we talked about it. He forgave me for what I said and told me that the only reason he hadn't already apologized himself was that he knew he'd hurt me and was ashamed to approach me. We're so pathetically chickenshitted that it's not even funny. Thanks again, everybody. We made this a lot more difficult than it should've been.

Did you, he, and you and he, learn anything from this? If so, then in the end it was a positive. If not, well...

On a side note, and not in any way to detract from Bunny's thread, but it makes me think about the modern age and it's impact on our relationships. I don't own a cell phone, a PDA, or a GPS, a blue thingy, or any of that. I'm not a techno-phobe, I just have my limits, especially with communication. Now, don't get me wrong, I love to communicate, but not all the time. Sometimes I wonder if people don't communicate too much. That is to say, in this day and age, we can reach out and touch someone at the press of a thumb and I wonder if that is always a good thing.

Sometimes we need time and seperation of some sort to think, reflect, digest, what have you. Just musing. Sorry Bunny. I'm glad you and B. made good.

 

[BiBunny]

Yes, we did learn something: Think before you speak! That goes for both of us. I think you may have a point, too, that the ease of communication often will make it easier for people to ignore important issues.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

NExt time that happens, you call Henry Kissenger to meet you both in Switzerland, and he can mediate the negotiations.

Seriously, I am glad it worked out for ya.

 

[BiBunny]

NExt time that happens, you call Henry Kissenger to meet you both in Switzerland, and he can mediate the negotiations.

Seriously, I am glad it worked out for ya.

Hahaha! That was wrong.