Stuck ... Please help...

[Guest]

I am fighting with the opening to a story I can't figure out which way to open it please read on and let me know which one sounds better. Thanks E.S. Raynes-MacLeod


First Choice
I woke to the sun pouring through the open window across the room, 'let me tell you, I hate mornings. Anyone thats known me more than a few days knows that, and everyone leaves me alone in the morning. That is everyone but my boss; an insane man who owns Chaos Collectibles, and the brunette that won't stop haunting my dreams. By the way, the insane man who own Chaos Collectibles... that would be me.'



Second Choice
The morning sun shown brightly through the open window as I laid on the couch wishing; not ofr the first time, that I worked nights. However as much as I hate mornings I had a company to run. So with a sigh and a mental bitch at the world I sat up. It was time to start my day. I could hear the shower running so I knew that my sister had made it home from her job as a bouncer down at Diamond's. She was two years my junior and like any good older brother I worried.

 

[neonlyte]

First.

 

[pop_54]

First

 

[3113]

The first--but it starts with the wrong sentence, that's why your stuck. Try this:

Everyone leaves me alone in the morning. I hate mornings. When the sun comes shining in through that window (some indication of how he feels or what he does--like he snaps or won't talk, or whatever). Everyone knows it's best to leave me alone. Everyone but my boss...

Continue on from there.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

First one sounds better, but I don't understand the use of quotes, and it seems like you're trying a bit too hard to be clever with that "By the way...the boss would be me" business. You've got a good hook there with the brunette who won't stop haunting your dreams, and I'd expand on that - "Every morning she comes to me and..." whatever she does.

The second opening sounds very stiff and formal and kind of unfocused.

On the other hand, he might wake up to the sound of his sister in the shower. He could still mention hating mornings, and you'd get to mention the brunette, but you'd also get to mention his sister, and I assume she's more impoirtant to the story than his hatred of daylight.

Also, as a rule of thumb, it's my general practice to write right through the first paragraph no matter how shitty it is and get on with the story. First paragraphs always suck, and you'd be surprised how many times you can go back and delete them altogether and have a much better story.

You'd also be surprised (or maybe not) at how many stories never get written because the author can't get past that first fucking paragraph.

 

[3113]

You'd also be surprised (or maybe not) at how many stories never get written because the author can't get past that first fucking paragraph.

I'm not surprised, Dr. M, but as someone who often can't get past that first paragraph, I have to say, we each have our own process. And sometimes, those of us who can't get past it are being told by our writing-brain that the story's not *worthy* of being written yet (or even at all!).

YOU can blast past it. But knowing myself and my writing very well...I'm aware that if I do blast past it, I'll find that I've blasted my way through the wrong mountain, and that the tunnel I've created leads nowhere!

Sometimes the blast-through advice is absolutely right, and a writer has to learn that they're a blaster, and there's no point in wasting time on this. But sometimes, it's not so right. Sometimes, the writer is the sort who is tapping away, trying to find the best spot to blast. And once they find it, they'll be able to speed through that tunnel to the end. To do otherwise would just be a waste of time.

 

[Guest]

Thanks

Thanks to everyone... i think i have found my muse once again.