Struggling with body image. Do you have any physical "dealbreakers"?

[Hugo55]

Only personality can break the deal

I had a lover who had survived a bad automobile crash, she had not been expected to live. After hospital and burn treatment she had no hair, was missing one ear and had scars in many locations of her body. She was the best lover I have ever had. She went back to her husband five years ago, I still think of her every day. No there are no physical deal breakers. - Hugo55

 

[pfflyerhot]

There's nothing girlish about what you said. As a woman, I found it very attractive.

Same.

 

[eudaemonia]

I don't have anything more eloquent to add than what's preceded but wanted to address this point:

I'm a size 12-14, so on the bigger side

For the record, size 14 (US) is the average, so you're hardly on the bigger side. (Yes, I'll dig up the cite if you like. )

 

[njlauren]

I agree with Ms. Quote, women are really hard on themselves when they look in the mirror (a lot more the n most guys, with some exceptions). There is an old joke that an attractive 30 year old woman looks in the mirror and sees, not the girl she was at 18, but all these flaws from age, whereas a 30 year old man looks in the mirror and still thinks he looks as good as 18 and ignores the love handles, beer belly and thinning hair entirely. Women tend to see the flaws and ignore the rest, men just see what they want to see. I can usually tell female characters in stories written by men when I see words like "she looked in the mirror, and thought to herself she still had "it" or "she put on the tight dress she had worn on her first date with the hot quarterback back in college, and look how it looked in the mirror and said 'damn, girl,you are still that hot chick' (sorry if this made anyone barf, wanted to make a point).

Speaking as someone observing women, I can say with some confidence that the kind of man who would find fault with the things you are talking about probably would not take you out on a date in the first place, because they would tend to head for the women who are 'perfect', who have had plastic surgery and spend a grand on a dress without thinking about it....in other words, vain and shallow enough to want someone like themselves.

Even though you have clothes on, and may be wearing things to flatter your figure, men are attracted to you because they are, and they know what they are getting into. If a woman is 6' tall and thin she is going to look the same nude; if she is shorter and is a bit more 'fleshed out' you see that when you meet in clothing, so it isn't like it is a big surprise if someone has a larger belly or boobs that aren't saluting the setting sun in a tribute to silicon, you kind of know. The clues to what is hidden are there when we are dressed, someone meeting me would not be expecting me to have the body of a swimmer, as I once had, time and age and the way my clothing fits tells the tale.

Be yourself and assume that because the guy (or woman, if you swing that way) showed interest in you, it will carry over to the bedroom, because they already know what they are getting, and liked it, and most people will care more about how you are as a lover, what you do in bed, then if you have some stretch marks or other imperfections

 

[satindesire]

My arms are covered with scars from years of self-harming.

No one has ever mentioned it as a reason they wouldn't date and/or be in love with me.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

I used to date a guy who had really bad burn scars over his shoulders and back from when he was a child and pulled a kettle of boiling hot water over himself.

The deal breaker was that he never once took his top off in front of me and would even insist on having sex with his top on and he would not let me touch his back or shoulders under his top. Come to think of the deal breaker was probably his lack of trust.

On a seperate note a friend was in a really bad motorbike accident and is missing both of his legs below the knee and has some really interesting scars and he couldn't care less about what females think. His confidance is amazing and as he says "I'm not ashamed by what I look like so why try to hide it, if the other person doesn't like it then they don't have to be with me".

 

[haurni]

"I'm not ashamed by what I look like so why try to hide it, if the other person doesn't like it then they don't have to be with me".

That's pretty much my thinking. If they're shallow enough to dump you because you don't look like a pin-up, or if they can't deal with who you really are, that's their loss.