Strangers In A Strange Land

[Trixareforkids]

Poetry is all about perception.
Each poem is a foreign land, even if it feels familiar.
Where we come from ourselves colors how we view each of these foreign lands.

This thread is for a combination of two separate threads that I had wanted to see

The first was a challenge. To take a piece written by someone else and write the opposite perspective.

The second was the societal roles/issues for males and females. Not a men vs women view, more the similarities and differences.

So what we have here, I hope, is a place to discuss how we perceive a piece and offer another perspective.

Society has trained us to think along certain lines depending on whether we're born with an inny or an outie. While there are some actual physiological differences in the brain structures of men and women, I believe the vast majority of our differences in perception are learned, not inborn.

Poetry, IMO, is quite good at making us see things we otherwise take for granted and hopefully expand our thoughts and views on those things.

So in essence it's an exercise that I find interesting and I hope will have us discussing male/female dynamics. Regardless of the later part however, I hope people will join me in exploring the ideas expressed by fellow poets.

For a look at the 2nd example of this (I've go the hunt down the first) see:

OldBear's Her Man's Shirt which I did the opposite perspective of in my His Old Shirt

 

[Trixareforkids]

.....

 

[todski28]

rejoinder salem blues

So you expect me
to just digest
This curse of poison
drink it down
like medicine
without you taking
a single shred
of responsibility
I tried
Romance, tried to
halve the household chores
treated you as an equal
Never expected you
to just lay on your back
and take it,
you with your teasing
promise, flirty eyes and dancing fingers

all just to keep me tagging along
like some puppy dog
constant
rejection
of my affection
you tore at my masculinity
shamed me for wanting
to have passion
to invoke lust
with the not tonight
and fuck
I love you
what am I supposed to do

I own my responsibility
look in a mirror and own yours.

 

[Trixareforkids]

Aww, lol. I was hoping someone would go for the "little girls are made of" rhyme as the twisted response. Since it's based on the "little boys are made of" one. Actually it's based on the poem What Folks are Made Of, which covers both.

It appears you see rejection as his motivation for cheating, interesting take.

Sounds like "what we have here is a failure to communicate". Which is unfortunately so often true in relationships. One feels rejected so looks elsewhere while the other is either oblivious or silently seething.


Edited to note: though Salem Blues is about a scorned witch, it was written in a joking mood, a mishmash of a nursery rhyme and the Salem witch trials horrors, both turned on their heads.

 

[Trixareforkids]

If there's anything of mine on the threads, as there's a ton I haven't submitted, that anyone would like to write the another perspective of, feel free.

And if you're willing to have others write another perspective of yours, throw your pieces in the pile

 

[todski28]

Aww, lol. I was hoping someone would go for the "little girls are made of" rhyme as the twisted response. Since it's based on the "little boys are made of" one. Actually it's based on the poem What Folks are Made Of, which covers both.

It appears you see rejection as his motivation for cheating, interesting take.

Sounds like "what we have here is a failure to communicate". Which is unfortunately so often true in relationships. One feels rejected so looks elsewhere while the other is either oblivious or silently seething.


Edited to note: though Salem Blues is about a scorned witch, it was written in a joking mood, a mishmash of a nursery rhyme and the Salem witch trials horrors, both turned on their heads.

Funny I had no idea about either the event or the nursery rhyme, she seemed fro in my head be blaming the partner and wanting him dead then to run around town trying to be provocative and flirty etc. I have broken up with a woman for doing exactly what I stated in the poem, promising this and that, hinting at it, teasing me then when it came down to it she would twist it around and make me feel like a criminal rapist, so after a few weeks I told her to fuck off, didn't cheat on her but the poem reminded me of the way she reacted, blaming everything on me, calling me this and that, then the next week going and sleeping with a friend of mine. She was a strange lady. Now off to look at a nursery rhyme I've never even heard of.

 

[twelveoone]

Poetry is all about perception.
Each poem is a foreign land, even if it feels familiar.
Where we come from ourselves colors how we view each of these foreign lands.

Reading poetry is...
This is the how it should be approached.
Should be interesting, sorry for that interjection.

 

[Trixareforkids]

Funny I had no idea about either the event or the nursery rhyme, she seemed fro in my head be blaming the partner and wanting him dead then to run around town trying to be provocative and flirty etc. I have broken up with a woman for doing exactly what I stated in the poem, promising this and that, hinting at it, teasing me then when it came down to it she would twist it around and make me feel like a criminal rapist, so after a few weeks I told her to fuck off, didn't cheat on her but the poem reminded me of the way she reacted, blaming everything on me, calling me this and that, then the next week going and sleeping with a friend of mine. She was a strange lady. Now off to look at a nursery rhyme I've never even heard of.

I get little phrases stuck in my head all the time. When they bump up against another random bit they sometimes form an idea for a poem. Most are crap that either get tossed or buried in a notebook of other random crap. I reference books and songs a lot, either directly (as in the thread title, which is a long time favorite) or indirectly by juxtaposing the words or just running with an idea a line or phrase brings to mind.

So after you've reading the origin poem for Salem Blues, has it changed your perception on the piece?

 

[butters]

so glad to see you putting this up, trix - i was simply cream-crackered with work and had neither time nor energy, plus it's way better coming from you since it was your idea!

now i've a few days off i'll give it a shot - inbetween cutting back trees and shrubbery.

anyway, kudos! it'll be interesting to see what develops plus, i agree with your 'approaching poetry' statement... it's about looking for areas to connect, aware of our own colours we bring and trying not to allow those to shorten the piece's own spectrum.

 

[Trixareforkids]

Reading poetry is...
This is the how it should be approached.
Should be interesting, sorry for that interjection.

You're generally a shot straight to the vein, interject away.

 

[Trixareforkids]

it's about looking for areas to connect, aware of our own colours we bring and trying not to allow those to shorten the piece's own spectrum.

Yikes! Now there's a tough thing to do.

Look at Tod's reply piece. He was unfamiliar with both the nursery rhyme and, if I read him correctly, the Salem Witch Trials, where it took him was to an old memory of being the scorned one.

It was written about revenge, the 'boy' she loved turning on her, cheating and trying to make her feel guilty for thinking bad of him, but she had proof in hand and was going to do the same to him, lay him low with a dose of the poison he'd taught her to make.

 

[butters]

bump so this doesn't get lost before i get to reply properly

 

[Trixareforkids]

.....

 

[Trixareforkids]

.....

 

[todski28]

You captured so well the undertow of my words trix great second,

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57627022&postcount=81

Be interesting to see a second on this.

 

[champagne1982]

The girl folding clothes in The Clothes Line

Laundry Day

His presence continues
to fill my day with each snap
of a pristine shirt-tail when I bring
it in and inspect my handiwork.

I can't find that stain he bled
onto the collar when he cut
his jaw with those cheap
disposable razors,

and I think about asking him
who wears that particular shade
of pink on her lips. But then I
wonder if I should make waves.

Especially now. Those sun bleached,
baby-soft diapers still clothe
a tender reminder of that night;
when everything was soft, and glowed

in the pool of light. When flickered
stop motion animation shadows on the wall
danced beside the bed. He peeled away
the silk nothings and kissed each inch

of breast and hip revealled by their
fluttering descent to the floor.
I can't destroy that moment with this
but I can't live, knowing his body

seeks pleasure from a pretty girl
who likely doesn't even know I exist.
Does he remember who I am? Does he
even care that I wash his clothes?


eta: I wouldn't mind seeing a poem from the voyeur's point of view in To The Man Outside My Window

 

[Trixareforkids]

Laundry Day

His presence continues
to fill my day with each snap
of a pristine shirt-tail when I bring
it in and inspect my handiwork.

I can't find that stain he bled
onto the collar when he cut
his jaw with those cheap
disposable razors,

and I think about asking him
who wears that particular shade
of pink on her lips. But then I
wonder if I should make waves.

Especially now. Those sun bleached,
baby-soft diapers still clothe
a tender reminder of that night;
when everything was soft, and glowed

in the pool of light. When flickered
stop motion animation shadows on the wall
danced beside the bed. He peeled away
the silk nothings and kissed each inch

of breast and hip revealled by their
fluttering descent to the floor.
I can't destroy that moment with this
but I can't live, knowing his body

seeks pleasure from a pretty girl
who likely doesn't even know I exist.
Does he remember who I am? Does he
even care that I wash his clothes?


eta: I wouldn't mind seeing a poem from the voyeur's point of view in To The Man Outside My Window

Nice Champagne! You approached it from a view that was completely unexpected for me. I love that it was such a surprise, especially as it speaks to the differences of what someone from outside the window sees and what's happening behind closed doors.

I'd really like to see Tzara do the voyeur's POV for your piece, his dry wit and style with your subject matter would be interesting.

 

[Trixareforkids]

.....

 

[champagne1982]

I'd really like to see a male response to this...


Wanted: A Real Man

I'm not looking for a boy toy
a model kit that I have to build
and handle with extreme care

I want a real man; gently used
is quite alright, as long as he comes
pre-assembled, in working condition

Functioning motor neurons
are more important than
a dent free exterior

I want to hear how he gets
all revved up
before I take him for a spin

Little bits of cushioning
poking out show character
and indicate to a comfortable ride

He needs to hugs my curves
and be able to handle my reigns
when the going gets rough

His antenna should be well tuned
so he can pick up my song and
his speakers good so I can hear his

I'd like an automatic transmission
so I don't burn out the clutch
trying to get him into gear

And finally, no built-in GPS,
getting lost and finding your own way
is the best part of new adventure

Your poem sounds like a response to this one of mine...

The Oil Change

He stood beside her,
Tin lizzy in human form,
Massaging her hubs,
With castor oil.
He slowly torqued,
Her grease nipples,
While she tugged,
His air hose,
And opened her brake,
Control valves.

He crawled beneath her,
Giving her chassis,
A twelve point
Inspection.
Her rack and pinion,
Steering nearly drove him,
Off the hoist,
When he heard,
The gears mesh,
Inside her transmission.

She purred when the key,
Was turned in her ignition.
The wetness coursed through
Hoses heated with,
Hydraulic fluids.
Pistons stroking in,
Tight cylinders, sucking,
Squeezing, banging, blowing.
Valves clamouring and splashing
In delightful synchronization.

His satisfaction is,
A job well done,
His reward a well,
Maintained exterior,
A clean interior,
And high viscosity oil.
Next time, maybe an,
Investment in,
Tire rotation,
Will be in order.

 

[Trixareforkids]

Your poem sounds like a response to this one of mine...

The Oil Change

LOL, you know a lot more about cars than I do. Or at least are able to fake the knowledge better.

They are quite complimentary aren't they. Though mine is the kick the tires phase and yours is street racing

 

[champagne1982]

LOL, you know a lot more about cars than I do. Or at least are able to fake the knowledge better.

They are quite complimentary aren't they. Though mine is the kick the tires phase and yours is street racing

My hubby is a journeyman auto-service technician. I was a technician on CF18 Hornets for a dozen years in the Canadian armed forces. I know a thing or two about a thing or two .

I'm pretty sure I'd take your's for a little spin.

 

[Trixareforkids]

My hubby is a journeyman auto-service technician. I was a technician on CF18 Hornets for a dozen years in the Canadian armed forces. I know a thing or two about a thing or two .

I'm pretty sure I'd take your's for a little spin.

The Navy wanted to make me a code braking electrical engineer, but I wised up to the fact that I don't deal well with authority before they could fully pull me in. They were hot for me, lol. I had to have 4 waivers to pass the physical and they gave them all to me. Fortunately they only waiver I couldn't get was for an actual HS diploma, back in the 80s women couldn't get in with a GED so I took that back door out. It's funny, I ended up working with a few ex-Navy engineers later for a company that build power plants. They all agreed I'd never have made it, as I question EVERYTHING that doesn't look/feel right to me. Good drinking buddies though.

 

[twelveoone]

The Navy wanted to make me a code braking electrical engineer, but I wised up to the fact that I don't deal well with authority before they could fully pull me in. They were hot for me, lol. I had to have 4 waivers to pass the physical and they gave them all to me. Fortunately they only waiver I couldn't get was for an actual HS diploma, back in the 80s women couldn't get in with a GED so I took that back door out. It's funny, I ended up working with a few ex-Navy engineers later for a company that build power plants. They all agreed I'd never have made it, as I question EVERYTHING that doesn't look/feel right to me. Good drinking buddies though.

Do you mean Cod Breaking? as in training of fish?
Hi, its me again, questioning EVERYTHING that doesn't look/feel right to me.
What the hell is a code braking electrical engineer,[/B?

 

[Trixareforkids]

Do you mean Cod Breaking? as in training of fish?
Hi, its me again, questioning EVERYTHING that doesn't look/feel right to me.
What the hell is a code braking electrical engineer,[/B?

I believe their title at the time was Cryptologic Technical Engineer. First you had to become an electrician, then a satellite 'engineer' and then you did data mining. They wanted you to know the equipment first. And they wanted me to sign on for 12 years for all the training.

Here's what it is now, a bit different than 25 years ago.

http://www.navy.com/careers/information-and-technology/cryptology.html

 

[twelveoone]

I believe their title at the time was Cryptologic Technical Engineer. First you had to become an electrician, then a satellite 'engineer' and then you did data mining. They wanted you to know the equipment first. And they wanted me to sign on for 12 years for all the training.

Here's what it is now, a bit different than 25 years ago.

http://www.navy.com/careers/information-and-technology/cryptology.html

I thought that is what it was, and about that time it would have been electrical.
i.e. the Enigma was mechanical and Turing automated the process and so on...
until now, where everything is known but not understood.