Story Feedback

[Raquel_Mulgrew]

Okay, I just posted a new story called "The Promise" and I'm interested in what you guys think of it. I know there are a few typos and I've already submitted an edit to correct those.

Here it is:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=397864

Thanks so much in advance!

-Raquel

 

[ellynei]

As your commenters say, very romantic, and sweet, and hot.

It is an enjoyable read.



The butt: some people might be bothered by the unrealistic ease and hygiene of the unprepared anal-deflowering, which is an everlasting problem with the "surprise anal deflowering"-theme.

(Romance and a surprise first time enema, hard to intermingle in a way tasteful to those who does not like thinking about the enema that preceeds a romantic anal-session. Apart from the hygiene: 3 once juicesmeared fingers and one once juicesmeared cock as only lubrication of a virginal rear? Ouch!)



But then again, yes, "the surprise anal deflowering"-theme is much more romantic with a certain degree of lack of realism, and the story is so sweet, and romantic, and enjoyable as it is.

 

[RyanBlack]

Excellent story.

I especially liked the way you worked her memories into the story.

Anal can be hard to write romanticaly and realisticaly. I do prefer the skipping past the hygiene and extra prep--this is fiction not a "how-to"

One and only one critique would be re: your description of his hands as "manly" and "masculine" these seem more like place holder words you use until you come up with the descriptors you really want.

Bravo

RB

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Very Nice!

Excellent story.

I especially liked the way you worked her memories into the story.

Anal can be hard to write romanticaly and realisticaly. I do prefer the skipping past the hygiene and extra prep--this is fiction not a "how-to"

One and only one critique would be re: your description of his hands as "manly" and "masculine" these seem more like place holder words you use until you come up with the descriptors you really want.

Bravo

RB

Kudos author, you have real talent. Very nice descriptions, makes me feel as if I'm there.

 

[SweetOblivion]

Impressive...

beginning, though as others have pointed out you do resort to clichees as place holders - keep at it.

M.

 

[Raquel_Mulgrew]

As your commenters say, very romantic, and sweet, and hot.

It is an enjoyable read.



The butt: some people might be bothered by the unrealistic ease and hygiene of the unprepared anal-deflowering, which is an everlasting problem with the "surprise anal deflowering"-theme.

(Romance and a surprise first time enema, hard to intermingle in a way tasteful to those who does not like thinking about the enema that preceeds a romantic anal-session. Apart from the hygiene: 3 once juicesmeared fingers and one once juicesmeared cock as only lubrication of a virginal rear? Ouch!)



But then again, yes, "the surprise anal deflowering"-theme is much more romantic with a certain degree of lack of realism, and the story is so sweet, and romantic, and enjoyable as it is.

Hey, thanks!

This was my first "anal themed" story. I don't know how many more I'll be doing in the future - (well, I am in the middle of attempting my first "gay male" story so I may be doing a new one soon) but I thought it turned out okay. I don't really know how much preparation goes into anal sex as I've never done it, but I just used my imagination and wrote what felt right.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I'm glad you thought it was good!

-Raq

 

[Raquel_Mulgrew]

Excellent story.

I especially liked the way you worked her memories into the story.

Anal can be hard to write romanticaly and realisticaly. I do prefer the skipping past the hygiene and extra prep--this is fiction not a "how-to"

One and only one critique would be re: your description of his hands as "manly" and "masculine" these seem more like place holder words you use until you come up with the descriptors you really want.

Bravo

RB

Thanks for the compliments!

You're probably right about the "manly" and "masculine" adjectives. I do need to work on better descriptors for some of my stories. Admittedly, sometimes my descriptions can come off as bland or generic and it's simply because I can't think of a better word that encompasses what I'm trying to say.

Thanks so much for the critique. I'm glad you liked it.

-Raq

 

[Raquel_Mulgrew]

Kudos author, you have real talent. Very nice descriptions, makes me feel as if I'm there.

Wow! Thank you so much! What an incredible compliment!

-Raq

 

[Raquel_Mulgrew]

beginning, though as others have pointed out you do resort to clichees as place holders - keep at it.

M.

Noted. Thanks so much for reading/critiquing!

-Raq