Story Feedback

[StolenTurtle]

Hello everyone! I'm new to this site and I've just posted a story under the "Interracial Love" category.

I'd really like to hear your feedback as I am still an aspiring author and I know a lot of you have many years of experience of writing (or reading) stories under you belt.

Thanks!

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=228528

 

[davidwatts]

Hello everyone! I'm new to this site and I've just posted a story under the "Interracial Love" category.

I'd really like to hear your feedback as I am still an aspiring author and I know a lot of you have many years of experience of writing (or reading) stories under you belt.

Thanks!

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=228528

Hello and welcome.

I gave your story a peek and found it quite interesting. For one thing a black woman/white man story is a real minority around here. You avoided stereotypes and painted a nice picture with your words. Nice little details were included, like the peas, that made it a story that caught my interest.

The only quibble I have in the whole story, and this is probably more my problem than yours, as it's a pet peeve of mine. After doing a wonderful job of describing the couple, you throw in the 36C as a descriptive term. You could have described the breast he was holding in so many other ways that would have served a more erotic end, but then again that's probably just me.

It's a very nice first submission and should garner you many readers waiting for your next story. Good luck.

 

[StolenTurtle]

Thanks!

Hello and welcome.

I gave your story a peek and found it quite interesting. For one thing a black woman/white man story is a real minority around here. You avoided stereotypes and painted a nice picture with your words. Nice little details were included, like the peas, that made it a story that caught my interest.

The only quibble I have in the whole story, and this is probably more my problem than yours, as it's a pet peeve of mine. After doing a wonderful job of describing the couple, you throw in the 36C as a descriptive term. You could have described the breast he was holding in so many other ways that would have served a more erotic end, but then again that's probably just me.

It's a very nice first submission and should garner you many readers waiting for your next story. Good luck.

Thanks for your reply David. I'm glad you liked the story.

Regarding the "36C" bra comment. I kind of felt it was a bit out of place too, but before I posted the story on this site, I was reading through some of the recommended "how to" posts and came across one that said people wanted to see bra and dress sizes in the stories they read. So, I added them in after the fact and in reading it, I too think they felt a bit forced.

I think next time I'll leave those details out, or at least figure out a more creative way to relay that information.

Thanks again for your response!

-StolenTurtle

 

[MichelleLovesTo]

Thanks for your reply David. I'm glad you liked the story.

Regarding the "36C" bra comment. I kind of felt it was a bit out of place too, but before I posted the story on this site, I was reading through some of the recommended "how to" posts and came across one that said people wanted to see bra and dress sizes in the stories they read. So, I added them in after the fact and in reading it, I too think they felt a bit forced.

I think next time I'll leave those details out, or at least figure out a more creative way to relay that information.

Thanks again for your response!

-StolenTurtle

Every piece of advice I've seen says the opposite -- that giving exact dimensions is distracting -- and limits the appeal. Let the reader interprete the bra size by their own standards with no description that a general size. Unless the size IS the story.

I mean, I suppose if you're going for lowbrow, and we know the audience for that is there, but DavidWatts indicated the story was well done other than that. It makes me think you were aiming for HOT and well-written.

 

[davidwatts]

Thanks for your reply David. I'm glad you liked the story.

Regarding the "36C" bra comment. I kind of felt it was a bit out of place too, but before I posted the story on this site, I was reading through some of the recommended "how to" posts and came across one that said people wanted to see bra and dress sizes in the stories they read. So, I added them in after the fact and in reading it, I too think they felt a bit forced.

I think next time I'll leave those details out, or at least figure out a more creative way to relay that information.

Thanks again for your response!

-StolenTurtle

I'm sure that there are some readers that need these bra sizes, even though they do next to nothing to describe the size, shape or appearance of a woman's breasts. Many of these guys probably get no closer to a woman's bra than a JC Penney catalogue. How many women are actually even wearing the proper size bra anyway and just buy the size out of habit? You mentioned the size 12, and that gave me a far better idea of the general look of the woman.

Like I mentioned, you did a nice job with the story and the buildup as they were getting undressed was excellent, and you took your time and let the tension build instead of wham-bamming the story into a half page. Most of all, don't let hacks like me influence you. Write with your heart and you'll be better off.