http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=150628
Anybody care to comment?
I need to know if I should continue the story.
Anybody care to comment?
I need to know if I should continue the story.
Story Feedback
- Thread starter Lowie
- Start date
G
Guest
Guest
Don't wait for feedback for that.
I haven't had a chance to read it yet but if you feel the story should continue, then do so. Take it further.
If it feels complete then end it now.
Don't rely on readers to tell you where your story should go.
I haven't had a chance to read it yet but if you feel the story should continue, then do so. Take it further.
If it feels complete then end it now.
Don't rely on readers to tell you where your story should go.
carsonshepherd
comeback kid
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2004
- Posts
- 14,643
This isn't a bad story, but it's missing two things for me.
1) Emotional depth. The narrator never describes how he feels about what Lauren is doing to him. He says, "it hurts", but he never says if he's humiliated.. .turned on... angry... somewhat sleepy... What? The emotional reaction is what draws a lot of people deeper into the story so they can relate to the character telling it. If you put in something about, at first he was uncomfortable and then he started to like it, that would help me believe why he's staying with this woman. You do say he's very passive, and that's a start, but going into more depth on this would improve your story.
2) Resolution. I know you're planning on possibly writing more, but for this story to be satisfying, it should have some sort of mini-resolution for this section of the action. The way it is, it almost seems like you left out a paragraph, or just ended abruptly; and that cheats the reader.
There. Now that I've ripped it, I will say that this is a pretty well-written story with good descriptive action. Just tell us a little more, next time. Make us care about the people in the story and the story gods will grant you their favor!
By all means continue... You're showing promise, I know you can do more.
carson
1) Emotional depth. The narrator never describes how he feels about what Lauren is doing to him. He says, "it hurts", but he never says if he's humiliated.. .turned on... angry... somewhat sleepy... What? The emotional reaction is what draws a lot of people deeper into the story so they can relate to the character telling it. If you put in something about, at first he was uncomfortable and then he started to like it, that would help me believe why he's staying with this woman. You do say he's very passive, and that's a start, but going into more depth on this would improve your story.
2) Resolution. I know you're planning on possibly writing more, but for this story to be satisfying, it should have some sort of mini-resolution for this section of the action. The way it is, it almost seems like you left out a paragraph, or just ended abruptly; and that cheats the reader.
There. Now that I've ripped it, I will say that this is a pretty well-written story with good descriptive action. Just tell us a little more, next time. Make us care about the people in the story and the story gods will grant you their favor!
By all means continue... You're showing promise, I know you can do more.
carson
