Steven Wrightisms

[Lord_Michael]

A lot of people are afraid of heights.
Not me - I'm afraid of widths.

 

[Lord_Michael]

"A lot of people are afraid of heights.
Not me - I'm afraid of widths."

 

[merryohmd]

*grins* I read the thread title as: Seven Rightisms and wondered ...

I might need to google/Youtube Mr Wright, he looks like fun by what you all posted here.

You would love him. I had the pleasure of seeing him in DC at the Warner Theater (really nice old place) from the 2nd row. He went on for one and 1/2 hours. The place was going nuts.

 

[mnbreastluver]

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

 

[beachbaby179]

What's another word for thesaurus?

 

[beachbaby179]

I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Perhaps you've seen some of it.

 

[DallasDonna]

'If God dropped acid, would he see people?'

 

[clearlight30]

I have a friend with a circular driveway, and he can't get out

 

[clearlight30]

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country

 

[JakeBNice]

"I once tried to commit suicide by taking an entire bottle of aspirin, but after the first two I felt a lot better."

 

[passionatewife]

"I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time."

 

[JakeBNice]

"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes."

 

[passionatewife]

LOL!

"If it's a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, someone somewhere is making a penny."

 

[DallasDonna]

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real
brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm
gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it...it feels real."

 

[passionatewife]

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

 

[1AliceWonder]

Just one at a time, please!

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

That comedian is a freaking genius. I haven't seen him for a while.

 

[1AliceWonder]

I bought some batteries but they weren't included.

 

[1AliceWonder]

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

 

[pensivepoet]

I saw a kid pushing 30 shopping carts across the parking lot
I yelled to him "hey! Someone else might want to use one of those!"

 

[beachbaby179]

If you're sending somebody Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

 

[DallasDonna]

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

 

[DallasDonna]

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

 

[1AliceWonder]

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

 

[DallasDonna]

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

 

[DallasDonna]

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap
department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know
when to stop unwrapping.