Stepchildren

[BlueDaisy]

Who was the step parent blue? And at what age did you become a stepchild.

KS, I had a step-father. My daddy died a month before I turned 5. Mother remarried soon after I turned 9.

I guess my situation was a bit different than most step-families. My mother was 38 when I was born, and my step-father was 13 years older than she. When they married, he had grandkids older than I. My own birth siblings are 13 and 15 years older than me. I was almost more like a grandchild.

"P", my stepdad, never tried to replace my father, but he was a father to me. His 3 children (all older than my own siblings) treated me like a little sister, even though I was young enough to be their child.

He died when I was 17 (I'm 42 now).

 

[Vivacia]

I had a step mom like that. She wanted to be my friend. It didn't work out. She was really cool and everything. it's just that when she tried to display authority of any kind over me I wasn't having any of it.

Be a mom first and a friend second. It's what is needed most.

I have never tried (and don't want to really) be a mum to them at all - They don't need that, they are too old for that now hell they are 22, 20 and 19...

So really I don't have anything to do with them (other then when they need to borrow money or something like that) on a parental front and to be honest wouldn't know how to go about it if I did sudden have to slip on that "mum hat" as I am only 26 and haven't got a family of my own.

 

[Killswitch]

Well.....all's I will say is that I jumped in with both feet.....right into the frying pan.

 

[bad kitty]

Yeah, I have a 6 yr old step son. He is a very unruley child but that is thanx to his psycho mother. there are very few people who I wish would die or just drop off the face of the earth. His ex wife is one of them. Greedy bitch.

 

[Killswitch]

How many of you have stepchildren that live with you full time.

 

[sanjuaneros]

I do, and it is hard at times.

How many of you have stepchildren that live with you full time.

 

[Killswitch]

Do you feel like a fifth wheel sometimes?

 

[Gilly Bean]

I don't have step-children, but I've had 3 step fathers, 1 step mother, and a cumulitive of 6 step siblings.

They were all different to me. My step mother has been in my life since I was 3, so I really don't remember a time when she wasn't there. She didn't have her own children then, and they decided that the best thing for us was for my dad to get snipped, because she was afraid that she would treat her own children differently. She grew to resent that when I was older, though.

She's had her moments where I think she really hated being a mother to us, but I can't honestly say why. She was very discontent when I hit about 9 or 10, and stayed that way up until I moved out (or rather, I was kicked out because of her) at 17. We have a much better relationship now that I am out of the house, though it isn't all roses and daisies.

My step-father's were all different. My first one was at the same time that my step-mother came into my life, and he and my mother had my half-brother when I was 5. He was out of my life not too long after, so I really don't remember him much, so I can't recall if he ever treated me all that different or not.

My mom went through a period after that where she just wasn't going to get married again, and she moved us in with this guy who just plain didn't like kids at all, I don't think. I'm not sure how old I was when she moved in with him, but I want to say I was about 7. During all of this, I lived with my father, so my memories there are clearer.

Anyway, non-married daddy #2 just never had any patience with us kids. He was always yelling, and never listening, and it rubbed off on my mom. They had my younger half-sister, bringing my sibling count to 4. I tried living with the two of them for a short period in 5th grade, which meant switching schools. I went from being a pretty good student, to almost flunking 5th grade, because I was depressed living there, my mom never made sure my homework was done, and she ell very easily for the 'i don't feel good' trick. The habits and feelings that started there have stayed with me. I made my first will, and had my first thoughts of killing myself that year.

I don't know how it might have been if that guy would have been easier on us, or if my mother would have seen how he treated us, but she finally saw that she didn't like him when my sister was about 15 months old.

She came across the offical step daddy #2 about 6 months later. He was fresh from a divorce, and had 3 children of his own: a 6 year old girl, a 3 year old girl, and a 1 year old boy.

When they got married, and started living together, there was a very clear line on 'his' kids, and 'her' kids. Brooke was the worst example (my sister). He was more than willing to spank her for small infractions, and even had her sleeping in a walk in closet for some time.

It was while she was married to that jackass that I stopped going to her place all together. I couldn't handle how he treated us, or how I was always the baby sitter, (my older brother had stopped going about a year before, I tihnk), and how resentful I felt about my mom at that time. I would spend the next two or three days locked in my bedroom being all depressed, so when my step mom and dad said I didn't have to go if I didn't want to, I stopped going.


Anyway, she didn't meet #3 until I was 18, and had a daughter of my own, but I like this guy. He's very nice, even tempered, and helps us out when we need it. At my wedding, he handed us $200 and told me not to tell my mom, because she had told him that he didn't have to give us anything if he didn't want to. He also has 3 children of his own, but when we do holiday's and stuff, they do his family at one time, then ours, so we really don't mix much, but I like them for the most part.

So, anyway, I've had 3 or 4 step daddies, and the mom, and I've had mixed times with all of them. I know that I love my step mom, much as I hate her at times, but she was there for my entire life. She supported my hobbies, and helped out when I needed it. I think she might have understood being a parent better if she had one of her own, though.

The dad's I just tend to ignore in the past, and concentrate on the new one. He's been around the longest, so hopefully it will last.

 

[Debbie]

Do you feel like a fifth wheel sometimes?

Yes and lol that would happen way more often if I let
bigrednz's ex wife boss me around.
*Sigh* She's a hard woman to get along with and just
loves to throw a spanner in the works.

In our household there are the same rules for all the
kids.

Being a family unit and parenting means you have
to work together, else you are wasting your time
with the kids. They soon learn who is the easy target that will give in.
And they also will play one parent against another.
Being a step parent you also can hear from the step
kids,"You aren't my Mum/Dad, you can't tell me what to do."

This is when the parent must reinforce the step parents authority
and show a united front.

 

[Zas]

HI everyone, Im still pretty new and looking around on here, but feel I have something to add to this....

I am on my second marriage, and at the time of our wedding my only son was 10. My husband has 2 sons - one was 15 and the other 9 at the time, they lived with their mother in another state, so I did not know them.
My marriage was great, my son loved his new dad, we were all very happy, did not meet either of his boys, but we used to talk on the phone.
We'd been married for almost 5 years when the younger boy wanted to come and live with us. We said yes as his home life was not all that good, and we tried so hard to make him feel welcome and part of our family unit.
It almost ruined our marriage, he did not want anything to do with me or my son, only his father and he didnt want to share either. He was rude to me when dad wasnt around - pushed my son into the background with his jealousy and tried to come between me and my husband.
Finally it all got too much and we moved him out, and my husband went with him, then six months later the boy went to live with his girlfriend - we still live apart but are working on putting ourselves back together.

Im sure that sometimes step parents work out, you only had to look at my son and my husband before all this happened, but boy oh boy, step children can cause some hassles - especially teenagers.

 

[concrete]

the love of my life... MRS. C. ,,came with package deal..
raised and adopted the boy as my own..
now serving his country well,,

 

[Ryaine]

I have been on both sides … I was a stepchild at 12 & my stepdaughter is 15, and she lives with her mom. She’s great the mom is a piece of work.

 

[Ladyhawke]

I've been a step-kid four times, (twice with mom, twice with dad) and I learned from step-mother #1 what NOT to do if I ever find myself in that situation. Let me just say my friends all knicknamed her "step-monster". My mom is still married to her third husband and he's a nice guy, thinks of my kids as being his grandkids as much as their other grandpa's. So I've had good and bad and I hope if I'm ever in that situation I can use my experiences and be the best I can be.