Stasis

[LunaKat]

This reflects the current state of my life.

-Stasis-
By M.D. Burke

I feel this other life running along side mine
A life so close
Yet just out of my reach
Defused in a symbolic moment

Is there is nothing after this life?

Just…nothing
A pail quiet nothing
Rendering all my struggles in life meaningless
Making captive my thoughts to temporal concerns

Life is a kind of cruel accident of sorts
A confused continuum of dramas and events
Leaving me despondent

I am a washed out figure against a dim silence
Stilled as a grayed eternal visage
A scorned transfigured being
Amidst the wreckage of my own doing

Resentment is a hiss of translucent frustration
Underscored by evil
A dirty little sin
Imprinted with unseen consequences

An accompaniment of divergent life-events
Reveals my willful delusion of regrets
Fancies with no touch to true evidence
It flickers as an intention of fatefulness

I can't find my way through all this
These multitudes of distractions
Afterimages of sorrow
Converge into a flux of indelible delusion

I dip my finger in a stasis pool
Each ripple a colorful vignette of touch and sentiment
Memories of a life that's never been
Pigments that color my soul

Stasis

 

[hot4teacher1975]

Dang, that's some heavy shit.
I like. I've had a rather "black" week so I can relate to the dark imagery especially well.

"...a hiss of translucent frustration", what an awesome metaphor for resentment.

At first I thought that the diction might be a little much, a little to convolluting. But on reflection, I can't think of what I'd change.

Nice job.

 

[thenry]

I'm nobody, but I think you're close. Tighten it up. Cut the clichés. Trim 25%. I'm not going to tell you how.

 

[LunaKat]

Originally posted by hot4teacher1975
Dang, that's some heavy shit.
I like. I've had a rather "black" week so I can relate to the dark imagery especially well.

"...a hiss of translucent frustration", what an awesome metaphor for resentment.

At first I thought that the diction might be a little much, a little to convolluting. But on reflection, I can't think of what I'd change.

Nice job.

Thank you Hot4, I appreciate your thoughts

 

[tarablackwood22]

I like it very much.

I agree with thenry....I think it needs trimming, and cliche removal.

pail = pale