Starting out...

[SubsonicSound]

I've been with my girlfriend a good long while now - certainly the most serious relationship either of us have been in. I've long known she's quite submissive in the bedroom, but I was thinking in the more 'vanilla' context. But while we were talking recently, she (very shyly) mentioned that she'd often had thoughts about being more 'controlled' during sex.

Now, I'm up for trying almost anything, so we gave it a go... very mild stuff. Probably not even BDSM by most practitioner's standards. But she really enjoyed it - and I found I did too, to my surprise.

She's always been very eager to please - sweet girl, I really can't explain just how sweet - but I didn't really expect it to extend quite that far.

We've been slowly getting more and more into this, and have tried out a few things now - restraint, collars/leashes, commands, blindfolds, having to ask permission/beg...

It's always been quite loving, though. Physical punishment hasn't come into it. Safewords haven't proven necessary so far, because I've not yet been in a situation where I'd not stop just at 'stop'.

Basically, we've enjoyed it all so far, and are looking to go a little further. However in what reading I've been doing around the internet, including literotica, there seems to be a bit of a gulf between the really light stuff - like most of what we've been doing - and the very hardcore, which is frankly a little scary to inexperienced people like us.

She's definitely been hinting she wants to push on further though, and I've got to admit I'm intrigued myself.

Any hints for us poor novices?

 

[Chicklet]

It doesn't have to be extreme to be BDSM. It's a very broad term we have here... "bdsm" and pretty much anything you want can fit within that context. So don't diss your kink

It sounds like the two of you are on a perfect path to getting kinky. I'm not sure there're any hints I could really give you that you won't think up yourselves. I might suggest buying the topping book and the bottoming book for each other, and reading through them... they're great for beginners. Screw the roses send me the thorns is a good one to have, too. I think that reading those informative books can really get you some good ideas, as well as educate you about the safety aspects of what you're doing.

Good luck!

 

[RJMasters]

I've been with my girlfriend a good long while now - certainly the most serious relationship either of us have been in. I've long known she's quite submissive in the bedroom, but I was thinking in the more 'vanilla' context. But while we were talking recently, she (very shyly) mentioned that she'd often had thoughts about being more 'controlled' during sex.

Now, I'm up for trying almost anything, so we gave it a go... very mild stuff. Probably not even BDSM by most practitioner's standards. But she really enjoyed it - and I found I did too, to my surprise.

She's always been very eager to please - sweet girl, I really can't explain just how sweet - but I didn't really expect it to extend quite that far.

We've been slowly getting more and more into this, and have tried out a few things now - restraint, collars/leashes, commands, blindfolds, having to ask permission/beg...

It's always been quite loving, though. Physical punishment hasn't come into it. Safewords haven't proven necessary so far, because I've not yet been in a situation where I'd not stop just at 'stop'.

Basically, we've enjoyed it all so far, and are looking to go a little further. However in what reading I've been doing around the internet, including literotica, there seems to be a bit of a gulf between the really light stuff - like most of what we've been doing - and the very hardcore, which is frankly a little scary to inexperienced people like us.

She's definitely been hinting she wants to push on further though, and I've got to admit I'm intrigued myself.

Any hints for us poor novices?

Since things seem to be moving in a long term direction, I might suggest choosing a skill to learn which will have continued use down the road.

Something along the lines of Shibari (rope bondage). I would recommend looking into it. There are a few good books you can order and there is alot of information you can glean from online. Taking the time to learn a skill in using rope safely will come in handy for many other things in combination as you two explore further.

Good luck to you both.

 

[catalina_francisco]

There are so many options to choose from, many of them simple but far more effective than anticipated. That being said, you may find one or both of you begin to want to move nto or explore those areas you find a little unsuitable at the moment. Most of us have been there and it is not a result so much of finding the preliminary things don't work anymore as finding you gain confidence and self knowledge bout the things you are doing. The main things to remember are to play safe, and to enjoy the journey...if all goes well, the journey will never end, just become more enticing and interesting.

Catalina

 

[otalpsage]

another idea

If you would like...get together with a dom with both you and your girl friend and allow him to dictate the actions you take. Would be priviledged for the opportunity, but go where you wish. But then their knowledge can be yours and your friends. Good luck with your learning but take at own pace. Can discuss ideas anytime you wish. At your service Otalpsage/

 

[Acoradra]

Not up to our standards? well then, get out.
chuckles
I believe there is someone who can be quoted as saying "Imagination is more important that knowledge" Whatever little ideas you and your girlfriend come up with, mention them to each other, the more seeds you plant, and all that.
Although, as the safety thread reminds me, don't jump into things that you've never done before.

 

[myinnerslut]

you mentioned that physical punishment hasnt come into play.. mabye you could try giving her a light/erotic spanking and see how she responds to it. she may love it. if you rub her in the area you just spanked her, and played with her pussy throughout the course of the spanking, then it isnt very "punishing" and may be smething the two of you find you enjoy.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

You can also look online for 'munch' gatherings where like minded people and couples meet and chat. If you did fancy otalpsage's suggestion then this could be the place to meet a candidate.

SirFace posted a really good comment here which I think may give you some insight as a guy who's unexpectedly acquired a sub,

Good luck with it all

Velvet

 

[jadefirefly]

I'm going to be totally happy and thrilled for you guys first, that you've found something you two can enjoy together! That's awesome!


Now I'm going to be obnoxious.

Even if it never, ever, ever proves necessary - have a safe word.

Have one. Period.

Just. In. Case.

You never know what might happen. Some day you might be playing along, thinking everything is going fine, and for some unexpected reason she feels pain or panics. You need a word, both of you, that conveys how important it is that play stop now. Not just 'stop' as in "I don't feel comfortable going any further." Safe words represent a complete and utter cessation of all play and, if agreed upon prior, a removal of any binding attire or gear.

With luck, good communication and similar interests, you likely will never have to use it. And that would be great.

But have it anyway. Because you never know. Just like seat belts.