Starting a new relationship...steps

[MDcouple11]

When you are starting a new D/s relationship, what is your normal course of action?

What is your first "date" like? (Assuming that you have had moderate contact before hand, but not an online relationship, just talking)

If you are a Dom/me, how fast do you expect the relationship to proceed?

If you are a sub, how fast do you want the relationship to proceed?

Do you expect it to move immediately to a physical relationship? If not, how long is the standard amount of time?

Do you treat the initial period like a normal dating relationship, or is it different because of the D/s aspects?

I know that everyone and every situation is different, I am just trying to get an idea of what others think/expect and what their experiences have been. Any comments are appreciated. Thanks.

 

[Ebonyfire]

When you are starting a new D/s relationship, what is your normal course of action?

I usually chat for a bit, online and sometimes by phone, and and discuss D/s.

I require the completion of a BDSM checklist, along with my requirements list, which is used as a basis for conversation.

No cyber, no webcam, and no phone Domination is used.

If there is a dialogue worth pursuing we arrange a meeting.

What is your first "date" like? (Assuming that you have had moderate contact before hand, but not an online relationship, just talking)

No moderate contact is needed if you have been talking to the person for a moderate time.

It is not a date, it is an interview.

Usually lunch or dinner in a public place.

If you are a Dom/me, how fast do you expect the relationship to proceed?

I don't. I move slow, from about 1 to 8 months before a first meeting. It depends on how fast a level of trust is built on both sides.

Do you expect it to move immediately to a physical relationship? If not, how long is the standard amount of time?

It depends on what you mean by physical. I do not depend on submissives for My sexual relationships, in fact sex is not an issue, but the quality of the D/s relationship is paramount.

I can get laid anytime.

Do you treat the initial period like a normal dating relationship, or is it different because of the D/s aspects?

My subs and I do go places together, cause I choose submissives who have congruent interests. I have to like them as men before dominating them, but they are not boyfriends.

 

[MDcouple11]

Thanks Eb, I really appreciate your response. Very thought provoking.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

From a male Dominant's perspective:When you are starting a new D/s relationship, what is your normal course of action? Lots of phone conversations. Some sort of checklist. More conversations.

What is your first "date" like? (Assuming that you have had moderate contact before hand, but not an online relationship, just talking) Mostly like a date in real life...or at least like a first date with someone you have been talking to for 2 months on the phone. NO SCENING ON A FIRST DATE.


If you are a Dom/me, how fast do you expect the relationship to proceed? As fast as it needs to, and no quicker. I am in no hurry to ruin a good thing by rushing, or commit to a bad thing because I didn't look before leaping.

Do you expect it to move immediately to a physical relationship? If not, how long is the standard amount of time? Sexually, I expect it to move fairly quickly if it is going to go that way at all(based on 2-3 months of preliminatry talking, and 1-2 real life dates). As far as SM play and the like, I go pretty slow, and feel out the other person's limits as I go.

Do you treat the initial period like a normal dating relationship, or is it different because of the D/s aspects? Well, it is a blend...I tend to take charge even with vanilla people, so a date is no different. I still think if you are going to do more than scene and run, you should at least consider 'normal' dating.

*Note: all of this has worked for me, and I am in a happy(and only temporarily long distance) D/s relationship. Your milage may vary*

 

[il mio angelo]

When you are starting a new D/s relationship, what is your normal course of action?
I don't really have a set 'plan' I just allow for the natural prgression of things. Depending upon how strong the connection is.

What is your first "date" like? (Assuming that you have had moderate contact before hand, but not an online relationship, just talking)
In my past D/s relationship, our first date was like any first date, vanilla in all ways. We met, went to a restaurant, talked, it was nice. In my current situation, I suspect it will be much the same thing, though this time distance is a factor as well.

If you are a sub, how fast do you want the relationship to proceed?
Again, no set 'plan,' the relatiionship will progress just as it is meant to. To intense to fast can sometimes work to a disadvantage, so I believe in not forcing anything.


Do you expect it to move immediately to a physical relationship? If not, how long is the standard amount of time?
I have no expectations either way. For me, if it is a first meeting, some time has already been spent online or the phone. I would treat this issue as I would with any other meeting or date. I have no set standard time frame, but I will not scene on a first, or even second meeting... at least I never have, and never plan to.


Do you treat the initial period like a normal dating relationship, or is it different because of the D/s aspects?
I wouldn't use the word 'normal' or even vanilla, because even during the early stages of building a relationship we are both aware of our roles and feelings. Yielding as a submissive would come natural no matter what the circumstance, it just wouldn't be at a level that it would or would potentially later become.

Basically, I just rely heavily on my instincts, it has worked well for me thus far.

 

[WriterDom]

I would prefer to go in small steps, but the truth is that all my bdsm relationships have been long distance, from 100 to 250 miles, and by the time we do meet, we are both more than ready to begin.

 

[Impish]

What is your first "date" like? (Assuming that you have had moderate contact before hand, but not an online relationship, just talking)

normal. vanilla like. except i was required to wear a dress.

If you are a sub, how fast do you want the relationship to proceed?

slower - because dominance and submission in my mind require *more* trust.

now venturing into my first D/s relationship, we are taking it very slow. he of course is setting the pace and frankly the deliberate slow burn is delicious and i am savoring each day.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: Starting a new relationship...steps

now venturing into my first D/s relationship, we are taking it very slow. he of course is setting the pace and frankly the deliberate slow burn is delicious and i am savoring each day.

That is wonderful.

It is so easy to get a taste of what you want and need and then rush a long, wanting more, more, more.

Enjoy each step, each nuance and yes, "savor" them. Like good dark chocolate, each bit needs to be held in your mouth, enjoyed and be allowed to tantalize your senses, before taking another.

I am glad things are working out for you, Impish.

 

[MissTaken]

I am sorry for killing this thread...it looked like a good one.

 

[hurtme]

I never got into a purely BDSM relationship, that person is always also my SO...and i really like to keep it mostly low key at first...simply becuase i need a high level of trust...i can't share my deepest desires with just anyone (You guys excluded) I like being wooed...even if i am a bit unconventional, i still believe that a man, dom or not, needs to woo his partner...dammit...and i might be awful forward sexually, but i still won't make the first move...

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I never got into a purely BDSM relationship, that person is always also my SO...and i really like to keep it mostly low key at first...simply becuase i need a high level of trust...i can't share my deepest desires with just anyone (You guys excluded) I like being wooed...even if i am a bit unconventional, i still believe that a man, dom or not, needs to woo his partner...dammit...and i might be awful forward sexually, but i still won't make the first move...

You aren't the only one...some of us like a real relationship that includes the BDSM aspect...



Even if that relationship is only fuck buddies or a 'friends with benefits' deal.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I don't think I ever make the first move, at least not consciously.

As I've said before, my flirting does not translate well online, which is one reason, I think that I don't make first moves.

Like hurtme... I like men who woo me. But I'm old and old fashioned like that. And this is totally off topic but hurtme's post made me think.

 

[Justina123]

All the D/s dating I have done, with one online exception which did not turn out well, was with Dominants I had met first at a "munch" type event, exchanged e-mails for a while, talked at one or more munches, then met for a "date." By the time we met in person, we both knew that we wanted to play. So yes, I usually have played on the first "date" and have never regretted it. I am a big proponent of attending area munches even if, as in my case, you have to travel an hour or more to get to one, because they provide a pretty safe way of meeting people and are just plain interesting.

- justina