Star Wars: Swords of the Force

[Armphid]

He was silent a moment. The darkness was comforting, somehow. It felt good to think that he couldn't be seen. And yet he knew that was only an illusion. He could be seen in many ways even in this blackness. Through infrared, ultraviolet, through the Force. There was something in that. Some wisdom or comfort he could draw from it if he applied his mind to the lesson.

He turned it away. He deserved neither wisdom nor comfort.

At length, he spoke softly, "I did enjoy it. But I also felt...as though I wasn't really a part of it." He sighed and gave her a squeeze gently. He knew what he was saying would worry her. It worried him. "It was like I was part of a scene in a play; that it wasn't really me there and that I...had no real part or connection to the events or the people. I felt...like I wasn't really part. Like I did not belong. I don't know that...I do, anymore."

He stared at the tent's ceiling in the dark. "It reminded me that everything I thought I was, I'm not. I never was. Strong. Resilient. Willful. Powerful. Brave. Caring. All those things were never qualities I possessed. I just faked it until you and the Sith exposed me for what I am." Weak. Frail. Broken. Selfish. Inept. "Anara and Alma and even Lizeth...they still think I'm the person they knew. I'm not. And I never will be again, if I ever was."

He was silent for another few moments. "I love you. That's the only thing I'm certain of about myself anymore. Other than that...I have been a failure in everything else." He closed his eyes. He would not shed another tear. Weakness. He kept crying. Pathetic. What would Master Solusar say? Disgusting. "A failure. That and my love for you, that's all I know about me. I don't...can't believe that anything else was ever true."

 

[HookerBoots]

Irina bit her lip again, feeling guilt swamp her heart. He felt this way because she'd made bad choices. This was her fault, and she . . . didn't deserve to have him with her after what she'd done. Instead of letting those feelings bathe over them both, and probably set up a feedback which would only make things worse, the former Sith tamped down on them, letting her love and wonderment shine through. Even though she'd caused him so much trouble and pain, he still loved her. That was . . . almost a miracle.

"My dearest love," she said softly, her arms tightening around him, "you are all those things, and more. And you always were." Irina kissed Ramza's chest again, then pushed herself up on an elbow to look at him. "How could you have endured what you have without being strong, without being willful and resilient?" Her eyes looked down at him with love. "How could you have made such an amazing recovery without being brave - to face the pain that would come with it - and powerful - to even have the ability to come so far so fast?"

She stroked the side of his face gently. "And how could you say you love me, without being caring? You couldn't, my heart, unless you didn't mean it, and I know that you did." Irina smiled a little sadly at him. "You will be what you were, love. On my life, with everything I am and will ever have, I swear it."

Lying back down beside him, Irina kissed his cheek. "Tomorrow, Ramza, we'll talk with your master - and perhaps Master Tionne - about how you're feeling. They'll be able to help." She nuzzled close to him, pressing her lush body fully against his. "Besides. Anara and your sister, even my sister to an extent, are sensitive to the Force. If you weren't at least able to be the person they knew, they would have sensed it. They weren't acting abnormal - that I could tell - and they weren't acting like they were talking with a stranger."

 

[Armphid]

Ramza listened without speaking. He almost did; wanting to interrupt with she said he was what he had thought. But he held his tongue. Still the thought lingered in his head; if he was strong and if he was capable, why had he done nothing but fail? Why hadn't he been able to do anything on the Sith ship but suffer? What were her answers to those questions?

The resentment behind the thought surprised him. It was considerable. He hadn't thought of it before now. Did he resent her? He did, even as he loved her. He resented her power and poise, her skill that exceeded his own and humbled him, her deeds on the ship were great while his were nothing. He endured she said. What of that? A rock could have done that much. He was supposed to be a knight.

But she meant every word she said. How could she? How could she think any of those things? She'd witnessed all that he had. She must know the things he did; she'd seen him fail firsthand, each time.

He didn't answer for a few minutes. He wasn't even sure what he'd say when he did. It might be best to just sleep and forget it.

But wouldn't that be running away from the problem? Perhaps not. But it would be avoiding it at least. So he spoke up at last, “How can you think I'm any of those things? You've saw every time I failed with your eyes, Irina. How...it doesn't make sense. How can we have witnessed the same events and reached such different conclusions?”

He closed his eyes. “You saw me earlier. Against Master Solusar and on the course. You saw my performance in both cases and it was awful. You say I've come far in little time. It doesn't feel like it to me.” He sighed. “Part of my mind says that recovery will take time; that from that kind of...thing...you don't just bounce back. But isn't that just seeking an excuse for my failures?”

 

[HookerBoots]

She shook her head. "I don't know how we reached such different conclusions, my love," Irina said, the fingers of one hand tracing abstract designs on his chest. "But I've heard your master say that 'there are innumerable ways to view a single thing', so maybe that's it." The former Sith pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "And you . . . I have seen you do valiant things, my love. I have seen you save your life and the life of two other innocent people with the strength of your heart. I have seen you save my sister, and myself, after being tortured to the point of death, over and over."

He was better than she was, no question. Stronger and more noble and . . . better, even if he thought he was weak. "You have done nothing but be what a Jedi should be - strong, caring, resilient, and brave." Irina held him close, wishing that there was something more she could do - but right now, there was nothing at all besides this. "I hope, my Ramza, that some day, I will be half the Jedi you are."

Nuzzling against his neck, she sighed again. "I'm sure you think I'm just trying to make you feel better, but . . . you are a miracle to me, love, and someone that I look up to, in my training as well as in our life together."

 

[Armphid]

When she said it that way, the things he'd done on the Sith ship, it sounded a lot more impressive. "Was that...really what I did? Those things would take someone..." He wasn't sure how to finish the sentence.

"Someone amazing," She murmured, her lips so near his hear he could feel her warm breath on his skin. "And the someone who did all of that was you, love."

He grimaced in the dark. It...he shouldn't accept or feel any kind of happiness about what happened there. The whole thing was a debacle. But...was anything wholly one way or the other? The Masters would say no. So was it possible that..."I may have...had some strength and some success. Maybe not complete but..."

Ramza fell silent again, thinking. He shifted his arms around Irina and pulled her a little more firmly to him. "I think you're giving me too much credit, but...I hadn't thought about it that way. I have to think about it more." He smiled, a bittersweet little smile, "But I'm flattered you think so highly of me, especially after...I don't think I'm much of a Jedi, love. Look at how easily you beat me, how easily I was caught, all of it. But...I'm glad you feel that I have...some value in that regard."

He closed his eyes. "We should sleep, my heart. Tomorrow is likely to be a long day."

~~~~~~~​

There were twelve people in the class that met early the next morning, not counting Master Solusar. They met on outside of the Great Temple, one of the lower and larger corners. Ramza and Irina were almost the last to arrive, Anara actually running out of the temple and almost bowling them over a few moments after they got there.

"Good morning, you two!" The amazonian blond smiled and hugged Irina before punching Ramza lightly on the arm, "You two look like you had a good night." She winked.

Ramza's lips twitched upwards but the smile did not fully manifest. "The best."

She sighed, "Lucky dog. She's sooo sexy." Then she turned on Irina, "And you're lucky too, he's a prime slice of hottie, isn't he?"

"Talking about me already, Anara?" Nuen Feng was grinning his self-satisfied grin as he sauntered over to the little group. "Ready for today? I'm pretty excited myself. I was pleased when Master Solusar asked me to join the class. I'm sure he knows that there's a lot to be learned from my-"

"Pat yourself any harder on the back and you'll break something, Feng," came the aforementioned Master's rough growl. "All of you have things to learn from each other. Mostly how to get killed. Which is why you're learning from me."

The scarred older man looked over the group. "You've all passed your competencies but I'm embarrassed to send you out as you are now and call you my students." He pointed at Irina. "There's not one of you here that could give her a workout. She used to be Sith and she could mop the floor with all of you. We're lucky she came along so we had someone here who can fight worth a damn."

He snorted. "Now we train. If any of you ever want to handle a lightsaber again, you'd better pay attention and not disappoint me any more than you already have."

 

[HookerBoots]

Irina's face was bright red when Master Solusar pointed her out. There had been serious disadvantages to being trained privately, but one of them wasn't being the center of attention for an entire class. Especially now that they were all, except for Ramza and Anara, looking at her like she was a viper that had landed in their midst. So much for blending in.

Who was she kidding? She'd never have blended in anyway. The flush drained from her cheeks as she looked back at the students who were staring, meeting their gazes with hazel eyes filled with the knowledge of her own skill.

But that didn't last long, since all of them turned their attention to the Master, not wanting to be called out for not paying attention. Kam's lessons in that regard were usually unpleasant. "Now, by the end of the class," he said, "you are all going to be able to do this."

'This' turned out to be a relatively complex series of moves that would, in theory, land a strong blow on an opponent if unblocked. After they all got the basic moves down, Kam split them into pairs to practice it, saying, "It's no good if you can't use it when you're actually fighting, so stop your bitching!" He looked over the group. "You and you, together," he pointed at a tall, slender human boy and a strongly muscled Cerean male. "You and you," he said, pointing at a pair of girls who had been the last ones to successfully run through the move.

Looking over the other students, he nodded. "You two," and two young men almost snapped to attention before turning to face each other. "And you and you." Another pair of girls, both with Mirialan tattoos and coloring, stepped together. Kam turned his gaze to the final quartet, studying them.

"Mebos, Orlandau. You two have shown me you can't beat Farlander, so you two together. That means Farlander, Feng, you two." He looked steadily at them. "Let's see what you can do."

 

[Armphid]

Ramza was sunk in misery as his failures were announced to the entire class. Again. He was proud of Irina, and he was. But resentment flared up as well. He did his best to choke it back down and pay attention to the gruff master's instruction.

When he was paired with Anara, he simply nodded in acknowledgment. Another reminder of how inept he was. Of how useless. Of how weak.

Anara gave the master's back a hard look and then turned to smile at Ramza. "Are you ready? I bet you want to get started and work the kinks out." He always loved fighting and sparring. This would be great for him!

"No." She blinked. His tone was utterly flat and listless. "But we should get started."

"Uh...yeah." She raised her training weapon, "Here I come, Ramza!"

He watched her, his own weapon still unlit. She rushed forward and only at the last moment did he finally raise his in defense.

~~~~~~~​

The training weapons cracked and sizzled. Nuen Feng's lazy, self-satisfied smile seemed was wider than usual as he and Irina separated from a pass. Both were breathing a bit heavily, and sweat was on both their brows.

"Well," he said after a moment, "I guess Master Solusar was wrong. I can give you a workout."

Irina grimaced. He was better than she thought he'd be from all his attitude. Those kind usually weren't nearly as good as they thought. Of course, as high as his opinion of himself was, he still wasn't close to where he thought he'd be. "I had a long day and a late night, so I'm a little tired."

"Ah, I see." His expression was almost gloating. "Orlandau keep you up with nightmares and crying, I imagine. He was always a little...soft. Nobles, you know." Nuen Feng put on what he thought was an empathetic expression, "But you and me, Irina, we both come from low families. We know how to work hard."

"Is that why you're talking so much?" Kam Solusar glared balefully at the smirking Feng. "There's something you're supposed to be doing. Get to it."

"Yes, Master, of course. I just wanted to let her catch her breath, that's all." He turned back to Irina, "Ready for more?"

She blinked, "Oh, do you mean you want to actually try it this time? I thought we were still just going through the motions."

His expression darkened for a moment before resuming its usual vaguely amused condescension. "I didn't want to move too fast for you."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. Ever." Her eyes were hard and her smile was cold.

"...Let's find out, shall we?"

 

[HookerBoots]

After three more passes, Irina and Nuen were no closer to having a decision about who was better. Both were sweating more heavily now, and both were smarting from training saber strikes. If they'd been using real lightsabers, Irina would be limping, her left thigh muscle sliced deep, and Nuen's left arm would be hanging uselessly at his side.

They parted again, stretching out stiff muscles for a moment, both of them watching the other for a surprise attack. From the other side of the practice area, Kam's voice boomed, "Taking a break, ladies?"

"Just stretching for a moment, Master," Irina called back, a heartbeat before Nuen opened his mouth. He glared at her, and she smiled back, the sharpness of a razor coated in sugar.

He gritted his teeth and grinned back, twirling his plasma blade casually. "Ready for another turn?" His eyes studied the way she was moving, and his smile turned more confident. She was tired.

For her part, Irina eyed him as well. He was far better than she'd thought. Her hands tightened on the hilt of the lightsaber, and she tilted her head. "I've been ready," she said. "And this time, Nuen, try to keep up, hm?"

He rushed at her without another word, blade raised over his head to swing at her. Irina blocked it easily, snorting derisively at him. Nuen swung the glowing blade around at her side, and she blocked that as well, but barely.

Before he could attack again, she stepped forward, into his body, setting him off balance as she tangled one of her feet between his. Nuen stumbled, his right arm flashing out to block what would have been a 'killing' blow at his neck, instead taking her next strike along the right side of his ribs, hard.

Kam walked over just in time to see it, and grunt. "Well done, Farlander." They parted, and Irina grinned insolently at Nuen.

The blond Jedi, however, seemed to almost sputter with indignation. "Master, she cheated!"

Kam looked at him, perhaps a touch of amazement mixed with the disappointment in his face. "Feng, don't be an idiot. She didn't cheat - she was smart." He shook his head. "Your opponents won't always play fair. Get over it. And that wouldn't have happened if your footwork was where it should be."

Nuen Feng gaped, his mouth open in shock at the reprimand, then closed his mouth. "Yes, Master," he said softly, his cheeks bright red.

Looking at the rest of the class, Kam grimaced. "All right, everyone. We're done for today - day after tomorrow, here, same time. And practice!"

 

[Armphid]

The class broke up; small groups going their separate ways. Nuen Feng looked long and hard at Irina. "You're his favorite so he may be willing to overlook it, Farlander, but I won't. Next time we practice, I'll remember that changing the rules of the engagement is a valid tactic." He glanced over, seeing Ramza and Anara heading their way. "But at least I know I put up more of a fight than your broken little boytoy." He turned and walked away with a toss of head.

Anara smiled as she approached. "You're really good, Irina! I'm jealous. I thought I was doing well but...all Master Solusar said was "Not enough" but he didn't say not enough what." She grimaced. "I hate that! How am I supposed to know what to improve if he won't tell me?"

Ramza tried to smile, he really did. He just didn't have it in him. His performance was terrible; he knew it. Utterly wretched. Kam hadn't said a thing to him when he observed the nobleman and Anara practicing. His heart felt like it was in his shoes. Why had he bothered to come to this practice? It was a foregone conclusion that he'd fail. All he had to offer anyone was failure. Why did he keep trying? "Your match with Feng went well, Irina. I liked watching you."

And he did. She was great to watch. Even when she reminded him of how easily she'd beaten him. Of how easily she could always beat him. Of how much better she was than him. Of how much better Nuen Feng was than him. Than anyone was.

Fuck. What was the point? Why was he even alive anymore? Why were any of these people still trying to support him? They had to know there was no use. They had to know how broken and weak and terrible he was.

Anara glanced back at him, "Yeah, it was pretty good. So was our practice, although...hmm." She then beamed at Ramza, "Hey, could you go grab us some bottles of water real fast? There's the cooler just inside, remember?"

"Sure thing." All he was good for, really. He turned and headed into the building.

Anara sighed. "He liked to spar and fight so much. And our practice...it should have been good but it was like...he wasn't even trying. I know there were shots I threw that he should have, could have blocked, but he didn't. He just...let them hit him. Almost like he wanted to be hit." She looked at the shorter woman and ran a hand through her bangs. "I wish I knew what was wrong. I thought this would be good for him."

 

[HookerBoots]

Irina barely heard the other two congratulating her on doing well. "I'll be right back," she said distractedly, stalking after Nuen. She caught him before he could turn the corner away from the others, grabbing his arm in a grip that was strong enough to hurt. "You don't think you get to walk away after saying that, do you?"

He looked down at her hand disdainfully. "As a matter of fact, I do." Nuen sneered, jerking his arm to get her to let go. "I have things to do," he said, "and you've no right to accost me."

Her hand stayed put, looking firmly at him. "I think I do. That sort of attitude isn't what I'd expect from someone who makes a point to call himself a Jedi at every chance." She sneered back, matching him glare for glare. "But I don't care if you think you have the right to talk about other people like that. You don't."

"You don't know what sort of history Orlandau and I have, so don't think . . . ."

"Oh, but I do know." Her fingers tightened. "I know what happened, and how you hurt him." Nuen's face went white, then bright red. "So, let me tell you this now, and believe me when I say it. If you hurt him again, ever, I will hurt you, very, very badly."

Licking his lips, Nuen put on a sneer again. "You wouldn't dare."

"Try me." She bared her teeth. "I killed another apprentice, and my Master. I was Sith for my entire life. Don't bet that I wouldn't risk getting in trouble here to keep him safe - Ramza is all that's keeping me from killing you where you stand, you get my drift?" Nuen's expression wasn't convinced, but he also wasn't sure that she didn't mean it. "So, I'll say it again. Hurt him, and you'll live long enough to regret it. He's been hurt enough, and I won't stand for more of it here, while he's trying to heal."

He tugged his arm back again, and this time, she let it go. The lack of resistance threw him backward against the side of the temple, hard enough to hurt. "And if I hear you say anything about him again, I'll make you eat it."

"I'll bet you will," he muttered, rubbing his arm.

"And you'd like it, wouldn't you?" she taunted. "I know you like taking it any way you can get it. Still getting it from little boys, or have you moved up the age scale?" Turning away, she waved one hand. "Don't let it happen again."

"I won't forget this, Farlander!" he yelled after her.

She turned to look over her shoulder. "I hope you don't."


Irina walked back to where Anara and Ramza were standing, looking at her as she walked back. They might not have been able to hear what happened, but they weren't stupid, and they could sense the emotions. "I'm sorry, he said something that I needed to correct him on."

Anara nodded slowly. "All right . . . do you think you could give me some lessons? Maybe you could tell me what I'm missing."

 

[Armphid]

Anara huffed again as Irina stalked off after Nuen. "...Or you could ignore what I was saying completely." She crossed her arms under her large breasts and blew a lock of blond hair out of her face. Ramza returned and handed her a bottle of water. "Do I talk really quietly or something?"

He blinked. "Not that I've noticed." He had a bottle for Irina and one for himself. "Where's...oh." He flushed as he spotted her squaring off with Nuen Feng. He could feel...her anger at the pompous man. It was so close to hate that it was shocking. She hardly even knew him...not that Feng couldn't have that effect on people. It felt...it felt bad but it also felt...good. It would be sweet, he knew, sweet to dip into that anger and that hate...it would fill him up and drive all his depression and doubts away...

Ramza opened the water bottle, lifted it over his head and dumped it out over himself. The cold liquid was like a slap to his whole body; yet also refreshing, clarifying. Those thoughts he'd just had...that was a bad road to take. A very bad road.

Anara quirked an eyebrow, "Feel better?"

His wet hair was in his eyes and he brushed it back over his head with one hand. "...Actually, I do." He realized that his thoughts as a whole lately were doing that. Leading him down bad paths. He needed to find a way to...clear the hurt and feeling out of thoughts and look at the situation objectively. Maybe then...last night when Irina had done so, he'd seemed better than he felt. So maybe...

His love returned. As she and Anara spoke, Ramza reached out for her hand. When she took it, he pulled her close and kissed her sweetly. His words were low and whispered, for her ears alone, "Don't hate, love. Even in defense of me. He isn't worth it. But thank you."

Anara grinned, "Lizeth was right about you two. You catch your breath and then you're right back at it!" She stepped up to put an arm around both of them. "Come on, let's go get breakfast. And I'll bug Irina more for lessons. And then she'll say "okay" and we'll all go practice together." She gave both of them a squeeze, "So, step one, first! Breakfast."

 

[HookerBoots]

Irina sighed. He was right, even if she didn't want to admit it. Reacting that way to the petty bullshit that Nuen had put up wasn't smart, or even appropriate. But she smiled a little, holding Ramza's hand. "He's not worth it," she whispered back to him as Anara led the way to the dining hall. "But you are. So . . . I'll try and keep my temper."

Anara turned her head to look at them. "Are you listening?"

"Of course!" Irina lied.

The blond's eyes narrowed shrewdly. "Then what did I just say?" she asked with a smirk.

Blinking, Irina thought rapidly. "Umm . . . that if we don't hurry, we'll miss breakfast?"

~ ~ ~ ~​

"Of course I'll help you," Irina said, taking a bite of the hot cereal she'd picked for her breakfast. "I'll do what I can, at least - I've never tried to teach anyone before."

Anara beamed, then bit into a piece of fruit. "I'm sure you'll be great! We can start right after breakfast!"

"I'm afraid that won't be possible," a voice said from behind them. Three heads swiveled to see Jakara standing there, smiling a little sadly. "I have to borrow Ramza and Irina for a while. We have some things to plan out and discuss."

 

[Armphid]

Ramza stood when his teacher appeared, "Good morning, Master."

She sighed, "You don't have to...never mind. Good morning, Ramza." She nodded to the two women. "Anara, Miss Farlander."

Ramza sat back down, "Are we needed immediately, Master?"

She shook her head, "Finish your meal. A full stomach improves the universe, as you know." She herself took a seat on the other side of him. "And it may be a trying day, so you will want the sustenance."

Anara hummed around a large spoonful of fruit laden oatmeal. Then she swallowed and pulled it out, "Master Shahazdra, do you have special training for us, I mean, them too?" If there was special training, she wanted in!

The older woman smiled and shook her head again, "I'm afraid not, Anara. For the next several hours, both of them will be undergoing counseling."

"Oh."

Ramza looked down at his plate. He'd been hungry and most of the food was already gone, only crumbs remaining. Counseling. Was he that far gone? Of course, that was an arrogant thing to think. It was actually a very logical thing. From the outside looking in, he'd recommend it for someone who'd been what he went through. The thought of it however, and what he'd hear once word of it got out, made him lose his appetite.

"Finish," Irina nudged him and gave him a frank look.

"She's right, Ramza," Jakara agreed.

"Yeah, you shouldn't let it go to waste, anyway," Anara chimed in.

The soul weary Jedi smiled sadly. "I don't really have a chance against all three of you, do I?"

"Very little, if any, my former apprentice," Jakara admitted.

It was...touching. He nodded in acknowledgment and turned his attention to his meal.

 

[HookerBoots]

Irina and Ramza settled into chairs across a low table from three Jedi: Jakara, Tionne, and a dark-skinned man who seemed to lounge, almost cat-like, in the middle chair. The table held a globe of a shiny, clear amber material, a metal carafe, and two tall, narrow glasses. Jakara looked at the two of them, her face serious. "I should say that I am only here to introduce you both to the counselors." Her face was a little wry and sad. "I'm a little too, shall we say, involved in the events to be objective."

Irina's tilted her head a little, letting her long hair hide her face. She was . . . it wasn't healthy to think that way. Instead, she glanced at Ramza, who was studying his hands. "That is fair, Master."

Jakara gave her a thin smile. "Yes, well. In any case. I believe you both already know Master Tionne." The silver-haired woman smiled brightly and tipped her head. "And I don't believe either of you know Master Crason Kelora." The dark-skinned man didn't smile, merely raised one hand in a casual greeting. "He is, despite his appearance, a skilled counselor." Rubbing her hands over her robes, Jakara stood up. "I'll be on my way, but would like to speak with you both after you're finished here. Master Tionne will know where to find me."

Ramza smiled a little, lifting his head for the first time since they'd entered the room. "I would know as well - I've been able to find you since I was first assigned to you, Master."

She laughed softly. "That's true - but Master Tionne will escort you anyway." Gracefully, she walked to the door and let herself out.

As the door shut, Master Crason sat up a little straighter, his bright blue eyes glinting in the light. "All right, then. Let's get started." His voice was soft and slightly accented, eyes studying them both. One hand reached out, unstoppering the carafe and pouring a measure of the liquid into the glasses. "Drink those. It's a mixture that will let you relax a little more easily."

 

[Armphid]

Ramza regarded the glass with narrowed eyes. He wanted to pick it up and throw it against a wall. They felt that they needed to drug him? That he wouldn't handle this on his own? Did they think he was really that...but he was, wasn't he? He knew he was weak. And it looked like they knew it too.

He picked up the glass and drained it without a word. He set the glass back down and leaned back in the chair. Disgust at his own weakness surged in him. How pathetic he was. Irina should leave him. He didn't deserve her at all. "So. We're going to talk about what happened first, right? It started-"

"No." Master Crason's voice was deep and resonant. The black male leaned back in his seat and shook his head. "We're not going to talk about it first. Maybe not at all."

Ramza blinked. "Why? That's what this is about, isn't it?"

Again Crason shook his head. "No. What this is about is the fact that several people close to you have become concerned over your behavior recently. That's what we're going to talk about. We may get to your capture but there's been too much of that already." Keen blue eyes seemed to see into Ramza. "It's been almost all you've thought about since it happened. You've been reliving it over and over in your own thoughts and your dreams. I think that's enough, don't you?"

Before Ramza could answer, the muscular older man leaned forward. "What we are here to do, Ramza, Irina, is about now. Your lives as they are now and your feelings as they are now. At least one of you has been brooding on the past to the point of harming himself to distract from it." Again those eyes flickered to Ramza. "That's why you overrode the safety protocols on that training course yesterday. It's why you let yourself get struck in the saber practice earlier." He paused, "I should congratulate you for only going that far. You haven't tried to hurt yourself too seriously, or anyone else. Yet."

Tionne cleared her throat. "But we see you heading down a dangerous road. A dark one too. You both are very close to hate. Not of the people who hurt you, or rivals here, but of yourselves." Her face was earnest and her voice even and fair. "And that is terribly poisonous. That is what we are here today to talk about and try and stop. It won't be something we accomplish now but we have to start."

 

[HookerBoots]

Irina had drunk her glass more slowly, setting it on the table gently before leaning back. Interesting. They weren't going to talk about the things that had happened, but rather . . . . Her cheeks flushed a little, looking down at her hands. It wasn't . . . it wasn't surprising that other people had noticed the way they were both feeling.

After all, both of them were using the other as support, to keep from being washed away in the ocean of their own negative emotions. That wasn't a good basis for recovery at all.

"So, how are we going to . . . fix it?" She wasn't at all sure these people could fix what was wrong with them. Or even if she wanted them to. Didn't she . . . deserve to be miserable? After what she'd done, she did.

Tionne looked at her, the silver eyes piercing. "Well, to begin with, you won't always be meeting with both of us - or be meeting together." She tilted her head a little. "It's important that you both learn to function again without each other as a crutch - otherwise, you may never be able to fully recover, even with each other."

Crason nodded once, then shifted in his chair, rubbing one hand over his hair. "So, today, we'll start with something simple. Each of you will take one minute to tell the other what you love about them." He looked them over, eyes unreadable. "The other person won't interrupt, or use their time to respond. Ramza, if you wouldn't mind starting."

 

[Armphid]

"Of course, Master." Ramza took a deep breath and he smiled, an honest smile. "I'm not sure where to begin; there's so much."

Tionne almost sighed at the romantic content of that sentence. But instead she just nodded, "Just let yourself speak, Ramza. You have one minute."

He shook his head, "Not enough time." He cleared his throat. "I love Irina's fire. It's the thing that first drew me to her. I love that she's so strong and steady." Unlike him. "She has a wonderful laugh; and it has so many different variations and tones that it's amazing. I've never known anyone whose laugh can mean so many different things. I love that she can dance and fight but is still shy about some things. I love that she doesn't let anyone, including me, lie to her or act in a way she thinks isn't proper." He rubbed his hands together, "I love that she's smart, probably smarter than me, and how she thinks so clearly even during...trying times."

The emotionally scarred young man looked at his beloved. "I love her eyes. She has these eyes that are the richest brown you've ever seen. And there are so many shades in them when you look closely. I love her body. And I'd say a lot more on that but that's between the two of us."

Master Crason laughed, "Too bad." His smile was teasing. "I'd have been interested to hear about it."

"Crason," Tionne rolled her eyes. "Have you no shame?" She sighed and looked over at Irina, "Too many of our Jedi men are rogues, I'm afraid." Then she nodded. "When you're ready, Irina, you may begin."

 

[HookerBoots]

Licking her lips a little nervously, Irina rubbed her hands over her trousers. She wanted to reply, to refute, some of the things Ramza had said, but . . . that wasn't the point of the exercise. And she sensed that neither of the two Jedi would let her get away with breaking the rules. So instead, she swallowed and looked at Ramza.

"All right - hard to know where to start." She brushed a strand of hair from her face. "I love . . . how honorable Ramza is. How firm in his morals and principles he is - I've spent most of my life around people whose very identities are suspect, and it's amazing that I don't have to watch my back when I'm with him. His strength, I've never seen anyone who would be able to do some of the things he's done just since I've known him." Her fingers twined together in her lap. "I love his passion, the way that he gives his everything to anything he puts his mind to. I love his smile, the way that it makes me feel like I'm home, no matter where I am."

Irina smiled slightly. "And I love his hair, running my fingers through it . . . I could spend all day talking about everything else that's not nearly as decorous, but that, as he said, is between the two of us."

Crason laughed. "Neither of you is any fun," he joked, steepling his fingers. "But that was very good."

Tionne smiled encouragingly. "It was, you both did very well." Irina almost sighed - it all felt silly, being praised for talking about your feelings. "Now, then. We'll move on to another little exercise."

~ ~ ~ ~​

As they walked through the Temple, Master Tionne had produced a pair of apples from somewhere in her robes. "Here," she said, tossing them over her shoulder to Ramza and Irina. "You must be hungry."

Both of them caught their fruit, and Irina crunched into hers. "It's been a while since breakfast," she acknowledged. "Master Tionne . . . do you know what Master Shahazdra wants to talk with us about?"

The silver-haired woman turned to look back at them. "I think it may have to do with the rest of what we're going to try and do to help you both." She smiled. "We think we've come up with a plan that will still allow you, Irina, to get the rest of the education you need." One eyebrow went up. "Have you been doing your reading?"

"Umm . . . yes, Master." She hadn't, the past few days, but thought that she'd be given a little slack. Should have known better. She'd have to start up again.

 

[Armphid]

Ramza was quiet for the rest of the counseling session but the feel of it was not the same. That Irina had so much to say about him was difficult to define. It wasn't surprising that she felt so positive about him yet he was surprised by it. He knew she loved him; though in the depths of his black mood he did not know why.

She had said why though, and not only to him but to others. And there was far more of it that he could have suspected.

Irina was a liar. He knew this better than most. She had been trained in lies, lived much of her life in them. The psychic bond between them would have made lying difficult, if not impossible, however, and he had felt no untruth in her words. As they bowed to the two masters and made their way to where Master Shahazdra waited, his mind turned over it still

What then did that mean? Could it be true? If that was who he was to her, why wasn't he that to himself? Could he become that person in his own mind as well as hers?

He stepped back and to the left suddenly, sliding one foot out. The assailant who had rushed at him quietly but fiercely from behind was tripped by the quick move and went sailing past him to land in a heap. “Yaaa-offmph!” Moments later, a small furry form bounded over Ramza's outstretched foot. The little Kushiban looked up at Ramza reproachfully and then nudged at the fallen shape.

Lizeth rounded the corner and sighed, “Alma, what were you thinking?” She shook her head as she approached, “Honestly.”

Ramza returned to a normal stance. His sister rolled up to a sitting position on the floor. “Hey, you saw him walking by with his head in the clouds like that! He needed a wake-up call.”

“If he were any more awake, he might have put you into the wall or worse.” Lizeth helped her friend to her feet, “You should have seen what he did on the ship.”

Ramza flushed, “Are you all right, Alma? I'm sorry about that but-”

“But nothing!” She tossed her long braid of spiky, black hair over one shoulder. “I was attacking you, that's exactly what you should do. And here I thought I'd have to teach you a lesson.”

“Even a master can learn from an apprentice,” Jakara said with a smile. The handsome older woman was standing hitherto unnoticed in the shadows. “And apprentices can learn from those they seek to enlighten as well. Since these two are on time for their meeting with me but you two should be at afternoon meditation with Knight Mebos.”

Alma looked suddenly shame faced, “Uh, I was just so worried about Ramza here that-” Jakara quirked an eyebrow. “I mean, we'll be going, Master.” As she turned, she mouthed the phrase, “I'll get you back” at her brother before she and Lizeth went back the way they came. The little Kushiban hopped after them, giving Ramza a saucy tail flick as she passed.

Lizeth waved before going out of sight around the corner, “See you soon, Irina.”

Ramza watched them go with a small smile on his face. “I have a very strange life,” he remarked to no one in particular.

“A complaint?”

“An observation, Master.”

She frowned, “Ramza, you don't have to...never mind. Come and walk with me a bit, the both of you.” They walked out of the corridor into one of the great entrances in the sides of the Temple. The sun bore down on them; bright and warm. Almost as if at some unknown signal, each took a deep breath and the scent of the nearby jungle filled them. Jakara pulled two chips out of a pocket and handed them over her shoulder. “These contain a number of important items but primarily your new schedules.”

“Schedules, Master?” Ramza pulled out his datapad and slid the chip into it. He began to review the pages that appeared. “I mean no disrespect but neither of us is a student.”

“We are all students, Ramza, didn't you hear what I said to your sister?” The redhead smiled a bit impishly, “You could learn a bit from her fire right now, for example.”

“Thanks, Master,” Ramza said in a pert tone.

“There you are. But to be serious, you are still both in rehabilitation and re-training. Given your counseling and other factors, we thought it would be useful to have a structure to things instead of simply bringing everything on you unannounced and unknowing.” She looked back at them, “I wanted you to have a chance to review them and bring up any questions or concerns before we move you in and start using it.”

Ramza still scanned the schedule. Irina looked up, “You said “move in,” does that mean that our permanent lodgings are ready?”

Jakara nodded, “They will be fully prepared for you in a few hours; the last of the cleaning and the stocking of the place are all that remains.” She turned and slid her hands into the sleeves of her robe. “You will still be spending much of your days here. Isolation is unwise given the current situation but this way you will also be able to have peace.”

~~~~~~~~~​

“Why can't we just go now?” The voice was a man's, a strong and smooth baritone. “They're weak.”

“He's right,” answered a woman's voice. It was warm and rich but cruel and imperious.

“Cynis thought there were weak too,” answered another woman's voice; sensuous and amused. “That didn't turn out well for him.”

“No, it did not.” Alecto wore a loose robe that was unbelted; partly open to display her pale smooth skin and alluring hints of her willowy form. “He was destroyed. Right now, we are weaker they are.” She held up a hand to stall any comments. “It is not an insult; it is an observation.” Her wine red eyes surveyed her companions without passion. “But strength alone is not enough. They won last time when strength was against them. Because of they were together and cared and we were alone and hated each other.” Her vermilion gaze held each in turn. “That bond made them invincible.”

There was silence for a few moments. The imperious woman spoke, “We will train.”

“And become strong,” the man agreed.

“What about their bond?” The sensual woman crossed her arms beneath assets so generous as to almost be impossible. “If they have that, how will we overcome it?”

Alecto nodded. “They do have it and it will grow stronger. So we must have a greater bond among us.”

“...How do you intend to accomplish that?”

The analytical face changed, a slight smile briefly transforming the doll-like expression. “We will train for that as well. Starting now.” The robe slid from her shoulders.

 

[HookerBoots]

There were other things to do for both of them before they could move into the new apartments, and unfortunately, they couldn't stay together for them all. Ramza went to do some supervised physical training, while Irina was sent to a classroom for more negotiation and mediation training. It was being taught by a male, human Jedi who was just tall enough to look Irina in the eye. The rest of the class, however, was far shorter - a class full of ten-year-old (or equivalent) padawans.

Her cheeks turned bright red, and she sighed, walking over to an empty spot next to a little girl with shiny black hair in two tails. The little girl looked at her, eyes wide, and whispered as she sat down, "Did you want to borrow my notes?"

Struggling not to laugh, Irina looked back at her as she slipped her datapad from a pocket. "Thank you, but I've been doing some of the homework while I was traveling."

~ ~ ~ ~​

"Another one?" Lizeth rolled her eyes. "How much of my blood are you guys going to take?"

The Jedi in medical robes smiled tolerantly. "This isn't a blood test, Miss Farlander."

"Oh yeah?" The brunette folded her arms. "Then why the needle?" She nodded at the syringe in the woman's hand.

"It's not for drawing blood. I've got a drug that will let you enter an altered state of consciousness, and we'll analyze your brain waves while you're there."

Lizeth blinked. "Whoa . . . okay. That sounds weird. But all right, I guess." She hopped up onto the table and rolled up her sleeve. "Let's go."

~ ~ ~ ~​

Irina sat down across from Master Tionne, her eyes confused. "You want to know about my parents?"

The silver-eyed woman nodded. "And your grandparents. And as far back as you know." She poured a cup of fruit juice for each of them and pushed one across to Irina. "The more I know, the better I'll be able to tell whether your line was always Force users, or not."

Taking a sip of the juice, Irina nodded. "All right. Well, let me see. My parents . . . my mother's birth name was Tharen, and she came from . . . off-planet, I don't recall where. My grandparents came with her." She thought for a moment. "Did you want the whole story, or just the names and places?"

 

[Armphid]

The jungle was about them; primal and lush. The sounds and scents of life teemed about them. Not far away The Great Temple reared up; a buzz of activity and voices and the sounds of machines. Two figures moved together in a small clearing in the verdant wild. They were not moving out or from it but in it. Smooth, steady motions flowed one into the other; legs and arms assuming different stances and positions. There was a beauty to their movement; a sure grace and a fluid strength. To the unknowing, they almost looked to be dancing. Those with a keener eye would note that sped up to a normal speed, the motions would not be a dance but a martial art.

Ramza's chest gleamed with sweat in the humid air of the green, wet woods. He was stripped down to his waist. His muscles ached; the physical training had been long and grueling. He had been pushed to his limits and tried them over long hours of lifting and running, of climbing and acrobatics, and now the session ended as it began. Gliding through the ancient forms of Teras Kesai. It had been a long time since he'd practiced them, preferring to focus on his swordplay, but he recalled them well. He had forgotten the blended sensation of physical and mental peace they could bring.

Jakara had doffed her outer robe and the clothes beneath were a bit clingy from her own sweat, emphasizing the pleasing though not ample shape of her figure. Her wealth of red hair was twisted up high into a bun. “Your body remembers but you don't seem to know the forms as confidently as you once did.” They finished the form, coming to the ceremonial opening bow. “But your coordination is good given how tired your body is.”

“Thank you, master.” He felt her praise was undeserved. He had worked hard but he felt his results were mediocre at best. “You may be overly generous. I strove hard but what I achieved...” He shook his head.

“Was it better than yesterday?” The older woman unfettered her hair and let it fall about her shoulders. His expression answered for her; acknowledging but grudgingly so. “Then you made progress towards your goal. Is that not a satisfactory achievement?”

Ramza sighed. “It should be but...it doesn't feel like it.” He started to move through a few stretches to keep himself from stiffening and cool down slower. “It's not enough.”

She smiled fondly. “Enough for what, exactly? To what standard should your efforts be measured?”

He grimaced, “That's not fair, master. I know there's no...I should be able to do more.”

“Ah, so you aren't using a standard at all.” Jakara nodded. “And so no matter what you do, you fall short and are able to scourge yourself as you feel you deserve for your perceived failures on the ship and on Filgaia.” Ramza winced but didn't speak. She looked at him a long moment. “Forgive me.”

“Master?”

She shook her head, “I left that tendency alone when we trained and worked together because I believed it to be part of your drive but it has turned self-destructive. I should have addressed it then and for that, I am sorry.”

Ramza frowned, “You're being too hard on yourself, Master. There's no point worrying over what you should have done. All you can do is do better the next time. Should is only constructive when looking ahead; the past and the now are beyond it's purview.” Then he blinked. No worrying about should have dones...it was true, but...in his situation...but that applied for all situations, really. He caught Jakara's sly smile. “Master, you...”

Her smile grew, “What, Ramza?” Her eyes were wide and innocuous. “You were the one talking. Thank you, by the way, you are exactly right and I feel much better.”

He stared for a moment; torn between amusement and rancor. She tricked him! But it was...gah! “You sly minx,” he tried to say it with heat but as he was fighting to keep from laughing, the effect wasn't as intended. He let the laugh out, feeling foolish yet also relieved. “I should give you a spanking, is what I should do.”

She quirked an eyebrow, “Oh? I'm not sure you could manage it, though I'm flattered. And what would Irina say?”

He scoffed, “She'd tell me to paddle you harder.”

The Jedi master pulled a rueful face, “She would at that.” Then she winked, “And maybe I would too.”

“Master!”

She laughed merrily, “Your training is done for today. You should find Irina in Tionne's study. I think she was going to grill your lady over her ancestry.”

He nodded. “I imagine she wanted to do it as soon as we arrived.”

“She has exercised considerable willpower.”

Ramza picked up his shirt and jacket, “I'll go see how they're doing then.” He paused a moment. “Thank you, Jakara.”

She gasped at that; eyes wide, “Oh....” One hand went to touch her chest as she watched him go.

 

[HookerBoots]

Irina sipped her juice, taking a break from answering the questions that Tionne had asked her. The woman wanted as full a recounting of her family's past as possible, and while she was being kind, it was clear that she wasn't fully happy with the bits that Irina remembered. "I'm sorry, Master, I just don't know any more." Irina sighed. "My parents never talked very much about their grandparents and all."

Tionne let out an almost musical sigh. "It's all right, Irina. There's nothing wrong with that." She smiled, resting her hands on the arms of the chair. "You know more than quite a few people who I talk to, and, well . . . it may not be very kind of me to talk to you about your family after everything."

"Don't worry," Irina said, looking down into the glass in her hand. "It's not . . . it's different from what happened." She looked at the door, her head tilting to one side. "Oh, Ramza's almost here."

The silver-haired woman grinned. "It's sweet - you just lit up when you said that." She laughed softly when Irina blushed. "I do the same thing when Kam gets close." The door opened, and both women smiled. "Good afternoon, Ramza. How was the training?"

"It went quite well, thank you, Master Tionne." He answered her, but his eyes kept straying to Irina. "I came to claim your inquisitorial subject, if you're done with her. And it's almost time for dinner."

 

[Armphid]

Dinner at the Academy took on many forms. Many people had a quiet meal in their quarters. Others took food from the kitchens and ate together on the outside of the Temple or in the nearby jungle. However, a great many ate as one in the huge main cafeteria. Students and staff mingled freely, many instructors as well, though there were technically separate tables on a raised area for the Masters and for any visiting dignitaries who may be offended at the mixing that went on in the main area below.

It was a riot of different races and outfits of differing colors. Most wore the standard Jedi robes but there were no specific rules about doing so; particularly for those who became Knights. As such there were spots of color among the brown and white ; some bright and vivid, others muted. The noise was both muted and immense, a background buzz that could be heard from far down the corridor but didn't quite need shouting to be heard over. Many languages clashed and rolled together, though most of the conversation was in Galactic Standard.

The noise and bustling life in the vast room swept over Ramza and Irina as they entered. It was heady to feel all those minds at once; even muted and shielded as most of them were. All of it at once...it felt overwhelming, possibly more than his recovering body and mind were ready for. And yet, he'd had so many merry meals here in the past, part of him yearned to join the company. He gave Irina's hand a squeeze and indicated the cavernous room with a slight incline of his head, “What do you think?”

“It's very different from what I'm used to,” she demurred.

He smiled a bit. “For me as well. It wasn't, at one point.” Perhaps he'd changed too much to come back to this communal part of things. Was that permanent? Perhaps he'd never really been a part of it. In the back of his mind, he recalled old words about his position as a noble and what it meant, words that had come from Nuen Feng and Irina. “Will it ever be again, I wonder,” he murmured.

“Hey!” Alma emerged from the crowd, Lizeth trailing behind her. She was carrying a large basket and waved at them, “We were about to go looking for you.”

Lizeth smiled up at them, her eyes a bit wide and owlish. “Master Tionne sent me a message that you two were heading to dinner.” Her voice was a bit slower paced than usual, her tone bemused and a bit spacy. “We thought it might be a little too noisy for you here, so you could come and see our room.”

Ramza blinked, “You two are roommates?”

“Yeah,” Alma shrugged, “My old roommate wanted to move to a floor closer to her boyfriend,” she rolled her eyes, “And since Lizzy doesn't know anyone else yet, it made sense.”

“Lizzy?”

Lizeth giggled, “Yeah. I like staying with Alma. She's great. And pretty. And her hair is so soft.” The brunette hugged her friend from behind, “But it looks so spiky. How does it do that?” She lifted a hand to start poking at Alma's ponytail. Alma's expression immediately became flat and annoyed before settling into resignation.

Ramza tried not to laugh. He really did. He was unsuccessful however. Alma glowered at her sibling as he laughed, “Hey, he's got my spiky hair too. Why don't you poke him?”

“Irina'd get mad. He's hers to poke.” Irina was now inspecting Alma's braid carefully, running it through her hands and holding it up to a studious eye.

Ramza grinned from ear to ear, “I'm guessing they did the last of the tests today.”

“Uh huh,” Alma grunted. “Lizeth's having a prolonged reaction to the one drug they used but they said she'll be fine. She's just going to be high for another hour or so.” She shoved the basket into Ramza's hands, “Make yourself useful,” she huffed. “Come on, let's go eat.”

“Okay, little sister,” he grinned. She gave him a stern glare as she passed him; supporting Lizeth as the other girl chattered on about her deceptive hair. His grin only grew.

 

[HookerBoots]

Jakara had appeared just as they were finishing dinner with Lizeth and Alma, letting Irina and Ramza know that their new housing was ready for them. She even invited the two younger girls to come along with them, and they came eagerly. At the end of the hike to the small, formerly empty temple that would house the two lovers, however, they were all less excited. Clearly, the Council had wanted to be sure that they were far enough out not to worry about the rest of the students.

"The whole place is yours," Jakara said, handing Ramza the codes for the door. "It's not very big, but there's enough room for you both to be comfortable." She looked up at the temple. "I think you'll like it."

They walked inside, and Irina looked around, her eyes assessing and pleased at what she found. "It's excellent, Master. Thank you, and thank the council." The door lead directly into a medium-sized main room, furnished with several thick rugs, an assortment of cushions, a set of shelves that had been carved into the stone wall, and two half-round couches. The colors were soothing blue and earthy brown, accented with the stone of the temple walls, and in the center was an unlit brazier.

Lizeth sighed. "I wish I had a place like this." She looked over at Alma. "Not that there's anything wrong with my roommate, but more space would be good. Since some people have mountains of stuff they're used to piling all over."

The other girl opened her mouth to respond, but caught Jakara's eye and settled for making a face at Lizeth. "It's a nice place," she said meekly.

Jakara nodded. "Off to the right is a bedroom, to the left is the kitchen and a small den and meditation room." She gestured, then looked at the two younger woman. "Alma, Lizeth. I think it's about time the three of us headed back to the main temple. I'm sure you have homework."

"But Master, we just . . ." Alma trailed off. "We just need to say goodbye, and we'll be right out." She swallowed, and turned to look at her brother. "Ramza, have a good night. I'll find you tomorrow to talk more about . . . well, lost of things."

Lizeth didn't say much, just threw her arms around her sister and hugged her tightly. "Good night, sister."

 

[Armphid]

The silence grew thick in the moments after Jakara and their sisters left. Ramza and Irina both looked around the main chamber, then at one another, then away, and at last back again, neither sure of what to say.

Ramza's lips quirked in an almost smile. "Not exactly what I had in mind for our first home together."

Irina quirked an eyebrow, "Wasn't that supposed to be some safehouse on Hoth?" He nodded and she shook her head, "I'll take this then, a hundred times over." She walked around the low couch, running a hand along the back of it. Her robe slipped off of one shoulder and she let it slide down her arms as she faced away from him. A slight twist and the neck of what she wore beneath slipped enough to show a teasing hint of creamy, smooth skin, "I don't think I could ever just walk around naked in a place like that."

He closed his eyes and let out a long, slow breath. Then he opened them, his orbs glittering with lingering want, "That is a very good argument."

She chuckled, "It always is."

Ramza stepped up to her, one hand moving up her side before he took hold of the sides of her robe and continued to slide the garment down and off of her. Irina goggled at him a moment, "Ramza, what are you-"

"Aren't you going to start walking around naked? I thought that was a promise."

She laughed and pushed him away with one hand, "Sex fiend. I need to study, Ramza. But later..."

~~~~~~~~~​

They were sitting together on the couch. Ramza was on one end, one leg along the back of it, the other down as normal. Irina was nestled with her back against him, reading from a datapad. The temple was quiet except for the muted sounds of the jungle but here away from the Academy, the feeling of life all around them was a constant and steady flow in the Force.

Ramza leaned his head on the back of the couch. It was so peaceful here. This really was a good idea. There was so much emotion jangling around at the Academy, it could be easy to be unsteadied by it i his current state. But here...he could rest. Really rest.