Spooky women or how I spent my weekend

[Ray Dario]

Okay, this is really the wrong forum for this post. Sorry about that in advance, but I have sworn off the General Forum.

Saturday night, I went out with a budy of mine. I'd intended to stay home and write, but he called and offered to buy the first round, so, what the hell, I went.

After being terribly bored at a couple of different bars we went to a resturant where his girlfriend works. It's a nice place and has really good fried mushrooms. Anyway as we walked in I saw my girlfriend there with another man. Here I better back up and say that I have never considered my relationship with this woman to be "serious". Hell I don't take much in life serious. So anyway I noticed that she saw me, I gave her a smile and a little wave, but I wasn't about to go embarass her or screw up her date so that's all I did. Billy, my friend, and I sat down had a beer or six, ate some mushrooms and a plate of cheese covered french fries, and had some fun harassing his girlfriend then we left.

Now, I'm 38 my girlfriend is 32 so we are both adults, right? Well okay, I'm not really an adult, but she usually is. Well sunday she shows up at my house, mad as all hell, slaps the shit out of me right after I open the door, screams and yells and cusses me out for "stalking" her.

I told her I wasn't spying on her, hell I don't even give a shit if she dates other guys, don't harm me none, I figure. This makes her even madder. I guess we are broke up now, which also doesn't really bother me, but I'd like to know what I was supposed to have done in that situation, cause there I was, being cool about it, and thinking what a great guy I was and then "BAM" I'm in deep shit.

I just don't get it.

Ray

 

[Couture]

Ray, that there is one of them whatchacallit no win situations.

About the best you could have done was to give her an angry look and storm off. Then, call her up and ask who the hell she was with and demand that she not go out with anyone else or you will kick his ass next time.

 

[Ray Dario]

Couture;

I guess that might have been appropriate if she was "the one". But she's not "the one" for me, I'm not "the one" for her. I'm cool with that so why should I get mad about her seeing other guys. I wish her all the luck in the world finding Mr. Right. I didn't even get her logic. First she was mad because I was spying on her. Then when I explained what happened she was mad about something else. I never did figure out what exactly, just that it was all my fault.

Oh well, such is life.

Ray

 

[its Leslie]

Looks like ya wandered into the "twilight zone" Ray.

Maybe its just as well you never had the "urge" with her, she sure sounds like something is wrong in her life.

If you want to, extend some pity for the other guy, that might be real cool of ya.

Who knows maybe he will get beaten on next time.

I am assuming I am wrong here, but her response says only one thing to me, she wanted to play the field "without" you knowing or with whom. Your "catching" her out appears to have blown her cover.

Or had she already been seen by you, with other guys, on dates, previous to that incident.

 

[Ray Dario]

Leslie, I hadn't actually "caught" her out before. Didn't "catch" her out this time exactly since it was never really a serious thang! but maybe there is a clue in what you said. Maybe she wanted me to be jealous.

Afterall she knew that Billy's girlfriend worked at that resturant and that, even if I didn't go out and see her there someone I knew would. She couldn't have had any expectation of me not knowing about it.

So why get mad a me? Maybe I'm starting to get a handle on what she wanted, but sadly enough for her, I gave up giving a fuck years ago. Like I said, it wasn't meant to be. Really I'm a pretty mellow guy, I just play an asshole here on the boards sometimes when I get bored.

Ray

 

[Whispersecret]

Seems like her reaction has more to do with her behavior than it does with yours. People like to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. She KNEW it was questionable to be dating someone else perhaps, even if you hadn't made it an exclusive thing. Therefore she felt guilty about you "catching" her. Because she doesn't want to accept that responsibilty, she shifts the blame to you and creates this situation where you're "stalking" her. Then it's all your fault. You can't win. Move on.

 

[KillerMuffin]

1) She wanted you to admit that you were wrong and apologize for showing up at the same restaurant she was in and to promise to trust her.
2) She wanted you to be jealous that she was out with another man and show a little emotion.
3) She wanted you to apologize for being an inconsiderate asshole and getting jealous over something that's not your right to be jealous about.

No, you can't win and you're better off without.


If you ever pick up "The One" remember this lesson. Be assertive and communicative. That means don't get defensive no matter what she accuses you of, remain calm, and assert yourself by using statements that begin with "I feel" and "I think" and don't have the word "you" in them.

Instead of "You're overreacting," try "I think that we should both calm down a little and think this through a little bit."

Re-affirm love and trust. "I trust you," works wonders.

 

[Ray Dario]

Yeah, KM, that's kinda how I got it pegged now.

Oh well, life goes on. She really didn't like being my girlfriend anyway. Kept nagging at me all the time. Maybe her next boyfriend will make her happy. I hope so, underneath all the screwy things she did, she was an okay person, just real damn insecure, or seemed that way to me.

Ray

 

[mlyn]

Who knows what lurks in the minds of others?

Seems too hard sometimes to follow what another person was thinking?

But if she knew your friend's gf worked there, she might have suspected the gf called you (if she'd there for a while.) Or she might have wanted the info to get back to you... to force a confrontation.

better off without her I'd say.

 

[peterpan]

It sounds like she overreacted, but if I was on a date there would be a number of people I would not like to hang around. For example my mother. You don't think you have developed a mother-daughter relationship do you? They always fight.