Spontaneity

[FurryFury]

I think it's hot.

I tend to like the build up of anticipation while getting ready. It's yummy.

And then there's the whole "I'm going to come over tomorrow night, and I'm going to hurt you, and fuck your brains out, so think about that for a while..." stuff too.

I agree. Plus, with our schedules if we are not going to prioritize and schedule it, it's simply not going to happen at all except for "maintenance sex" and rarely even that. That is so much less hot than putting it on the schedule and making it a lovely, hot, almost sacred, time. Yes, I like it scheduled when our schedules are like this because I give a fuck about fucking.

 

[Keroin]

That's a good distinction to make, because I've had friends who are spontaneous but also inconsiderate, and will call me at the last minute to see if they can borrow my car, if I can help them unload some furniture they found on a street corner, if I can wait or rearrange my schedule because they decided to do X on a whim. After a while, that shit gets old. You can be spontaneous, but you need to have the resources or creativity to follow through with what you start.

I have had those friends too, and I've been that kind of friend in the past (the distant past). It does get old...fast. And I think what inconsiderate spontaneous people don't realize (I know I sure didn't) is that just because your friends and family don't tell you that what you do hurts their feelings or makes them feel as if you really don't respect or care about them, that is in fact how they feel. Not only that, you quickly gain a reputation as being flaky and unreliable. Free spirited and adventurous, I am happy to be. Flaky and unreliable? No.

 

[BiBunny]

Here’s what I don’t like, spontaneous does not have to equal irresponsible/disorganized/selfish/immature/wasteful with money. I think it is easy to use spontaneity as an excuse to be those things, (done that), but they are by no means inseparable.

For example, if I have a weekend free and money in my pocket, I am quite happy to hop on a plane to some unknown destination, without knowing where I’m staying or which restaurants I’ll eat at, etc, etc. If I have a weekend free but I don’t have money in my pocket, I’m still happy heading off to a new camping spot or some other activity that won’t cost me much. But if I’ve promised my family I’m going to spend the weekend visiting them, then that’s what I do because to break my promise and jet off to L.A. would not be spontaneous, it would be selfish.

Being highly organized also makes it easier to be spontaneous. My house is always tidy, my bills and paperwork are always up to date and orderly. Because of this, I can go do something crazy and not have to worry that I’ve left something important undone, I can pack to go anywhere in under half an hour, and I never have to ask, “Where’s my passport?”

No one I know tells me to “grow up” because I clearly am. It’s about balance.

Yep, I was thinking the same thing. I used to waste money like it was going out of style, and now I see what kind of mess that gets me into. Now I only throw it away on something frivolous once in a blue moon.

I am disorganized, though. I do try not to be selfish, though I think we're all prone to it once in a while. Nor do I think I'm immature. I may come off as sort of an indecisive idiot at times, but I've managed to live this long without getting murdered, getting arrested, or going bankrupt. Since I've been on my own for 8 years now, I think that's a testament to my ability to survive.

I'm never told to grow up, but I can hear it unspoken in the disapproval in certain people's voices. My mother's, for example. Sometimes my Owners', too. And that makes me sad that I'm misunderstood simply because routine doesn't appeal to me.

 

[Keroin]

Yep, I was thinking the same thing. I used to waste money like it was going out of style, and now I see what kind of mess that gets me into. Now I only throw it away on something frivolous once in a blue moon.

I am disorganized, though. I do try not to be selfish, though I think we're all prone to it once in a while. Nor do I think I'm immature. I may come off as sort of an indecisive idiot at times, but I've managed to live this long without getting murdered, getting arrested, or going bankrupt. Since I've been on my own for 8 years now, I think that's a testament to my ability to survive.

I'm never told to grow up, but I can hear it unspoken in the disapproval in certain people's voices. My mother's, for example. Sometimes my Owners', too. And that makes me sad that I'm misunderstood simply because routine doesn't appeal to me.

Organization can be learned. That's where routine is good. For me, it was steps as simple as hanging up my clothes immediately when I take them off, always putting my keys in a designated spot, keeping a whiteboard on my fridge and writing important notes where I would see them frequently, etc, etc. I even have a sticker on the inside of the window of our truck that says "Take your bags with you when you shop", so I'll remember to bring my cloth grocery bags, lol. Stupid things but easy to do.

BB, my question would be what sort of things "specifically" do you do that you think provokes these thoughts in your mom/owners?

 

[BiBunny]

Organization can be learned. That's where routine is good. For me, it was steps as simple as hanging up my clothes immediately when I take them off, always putting my keys in a designated spot, keeping a whiteboard on my fridge and writing important notes where I would see them frequently, etc, etc. I even have a sticker on the inside of the window of our truck that says "Take your bags with you when you shop", so I'll remember to bring my cloth grocery bags, lol. Stupid things but easy to do.

BB, my question would be what sort of things "specifically" do you do that you think provokes these thoughts in your mom/owners?

Well, I'll never please my mother, so I don't really know or care about her. I think for her, she doesn't like the fact that I don't have some high-paying corporate 9-5 job, so that she can live vicariously through me.

With the Owners...I dunno. They get annoyed that I'm not content to sit on my ass 24/7 and watch TV or whatever. But, geez, I work at home, I live at home, I do everything at home. I don't want to spend my free time at home, too, even if it's their home instead of my own. I've tried to explain it, but they just don't get it, I guess.

 

[Sugar_Spice]

spontaneity... how i love thee! will you take me with you to climb the tree? i wish to dance in the rain let us not refrain. the droplets running down chest isnt your hair a lovely mess? grab my hand let us run free... spontaneity how i love thee!

Aww! Super cute! Lets run all the way there! -We might know we're not late, but no one else does!

 

[Sugar_Spice]

Oh I know that, too.
All my better friends know that I will be late. And they arranged with it.
The worst one was almost exactly a week. Which was a rather extreme case.
Normally I just happen to have something to do or underestimate the time to get there or get ready.
Therefore I alway set about 30 minutes of margin.

Hahahah- a WEEK?? Aww... I do hope the poor young friend wasn't still stood waiting for you! ...a week!

 

[Sugar_Spice]

You know what horrifies me? I know it's something marriage counselors throw around as a way to help people, but the very thought makes my skin crawl. Scheduling sex. Or any other sort of intimacy. Actually, "couples' date night" is bad enough. But sex or intimate cuddle time or whatever? WTF?

Right, because I want to be another chore on your list to be checked off. *Shudder*

I know what you mean too- there's a part of me that doesn't like to plan ahead too much for fear that as soon as I plan and commit to something it becomes something of an obligation, no matter how fun the actual thing itself may be.

I'm quite sure there's infinite ways to play on the kinks of planning to fuck at a scheduled time, and I'm sure it'd be quite impractical to never never plan ahead... but still, I do prefer anything if it's a free choice at the time rather than something that's been festering too long in my diary beforehand!

Besides- there's nothing worse than overrating things!

 

[Kojote]

Hahahah- a WEEK?? Aww... I do hope the poor young friend wasn't still stood waiting for you! ...a week!

She knew me pretty well back at that time.
She wasn't even upset. Only the tea wasn't ready, when I finally showed up.

 

[spontaneity]

I like to think of myself as spontaneous (it's not just a name ). I absolutely hate sitting around and purposely keep myself busy to avoid doing so. Of course, a few aspects of life will invariably fall into some sort of routine (such as work), but even with those I try to mix it up even with small changes. In the case of work, it helps to have a lenient boss.

All of my partners have been spontaneous on some level. I'm not quite sure I could be with one who wasn't. I'm not asking for much, just for someone who doesn't mind leaving the house for some fun that night without knowing where we're going when we leave. Also, scheduled date nights and sex, as someone mentioned, is also a horrible concept to me. You've got to do better than that.

 

[~Haze~]

So let's talk about being spontaneous. Are you? Aren't you? How has it affected your life?

I am. I often wish I weren't. Nobody else in my life is especially spontaneous, and I spend a lot of time essentially feeling trapped. Not to mention the fact that people often make me feel like there's something wrong with me because I'm not interested in boring things like sitting around and watching TV all day or whatever. I get the feeling that most of these people wish I'd just "grow up."

On the other hand, it's nice knowing I get to experience things that many people don't, simply because I'm not averse to trying those things. I love the feeling of being free, too.

Not to get bogged down in semantics, but I think you're talking as much about being adventurous as well as spontaneous. Experiencing those things that others miss out on, is more of your adventurous nature. But otherwise - I agree entirely and I am very similar.

I am spontaneous (and I am also adventurous) because 1. That is just the type of person that I am and 2. That is the type of behavior that works best with my schedule.

It's tough for me to plan a vacation six months from now. I don't like planning. I don't like waiting and I don't know what/how busy I will be when that six months is up. Regardless of what's going on, I will still be able to get away, but if things are busy back home, I won't be able to enjoy myself.

So when it comes to vacations, I prefer to make "let's go away tomorrow" plans.

And also - as you mentioned, I am not one for sitting around, but if I am and I (as I usually do) suddenly get the urge to go... I get up and go.



And you're right, Bunny.. it is a double edged sword.

The part that sucks is that it's not an easy lifestyle - especially for grown ups (and I'll deal with that one of these days when I grow up) and it's tough for women I am involved with because most of the time, people need notice (for work) and plans (for piece of mind). My work is better suited to those last minute trips/vacations. My mind is more at ease when I don't have a schedule.

 

[reachedme]

I think its part of the human spirit to be spontaneous , bold and adveturous, none of us would be here reaching out and chatting with one another but alas we have responsibilities and that can kill our spirit, damn near killed mine.
one question though, would you rather a lover that wanted a scenario played out exactly or someone that took you on a journey into the unknown

 

[BiBunny]

Funny that this was bumped when it was. I've been railing against the complacency of the human spirit the last couple of weeks.

 

[reachedme]

be free, for god's sake be free

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

be free, for god's sake be free

That's what a friend said, when he introduced me to going commando.

 

[reachedme]

That's what a friend said, when he introduced me to going commando.

were they drunk after a realy bad day as well?

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I am spontaneous when I know it's expected/wanted from me.

Most of the time I tend to hold back and just do what I am told which suits me the best me thinks.