Spontaneity

[Keroin]

That may not look like spontaneity, but I find this 'clock looking' thing important, too.
Being impulsive and basically spontaneous I often ignore the clock (and pay the bill with weariness). All my life I have been too late. And nobody seems to like that. Except some very close friends who understand, that I don't do this out of disrespectfulness. It just happens...

May there be any relationship between spontaneity and the affinity to get lost in a moment or task?

I don't think so. As I said, I am very spontaneous but I am never late if I can avoid it. If anything, I am early. Keeping someone waiting, barring a genuine reason (flat tire, house on fire, etc), is selfish and rude.

*Note BB, I would consider severe social anxiety a "genuine reason".

 

[Netzach]

I used to be never more than 10m late.

Then I married M. LOL.

Clock never eludes me, but I often have no idea what day of the week it is, having every day be Monday. Or Saturday. Depending how it's going.

 

[Skittles4U]

spontaneity... how i love thee! will you take me with you to climb the tree? i wish to dance in the rain let us not refrain. the droplets running down chest isnt your hair a lovely mess? grab my hand let us run free... spontaneity how i love thee!

 

[BiBunny]

I don't think so. As I said, I am very spontaneous but I am never late if I can avoid it. If anything, I am early. Keeping someone waiting, barring a genuine reason (flat tire, house on fire, etc), is selfish and rude.

*Note BB, I would consider severe social anxiety a "genuine reason".

Heh. I try not to be late. I usually fail, mind you, but I do put in an effort. It's usually a combination of, yes, not wanting to get there too early and have to stand around and awkwardly talk to (or not talk to) people I don't know and a complete inability to accurately calculate how long it takes me to get somewhere.

I used to be never more than 10m late.

Then I married M. LOL.

Clock never eludes me, but I often have no idea what day of the week it is, having every day be Monday. Or Saturday. Depending how it's going.

Yes, me, too. I went around all day yesterday thinking it was Friday. Then I realized Kitty hadn't come home yet, and I was like, "Damn. It's Thursday."

I usually know what time it is, but I guess you could say I don't really care. I rarely need to do anything at a given time. I just shoot for a day of the week for my blog-writing deadlines. I'm also a night owl. Some people would say it's a sleep disorder, that my nights and days are basically inverted, but it doesn't cause undue hardship or unhappiness, so I have a hard time labeling it a disorder. I just function better at night. So I work evenings and nights, and it's all fine and dandy.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Heh. I try not to be late. I usually fail, mind you, but I do put in an effort. It's usually a combination of, yes, not wanting to get there too early and have to stand around and awkwardly talk to (or not talk to) people I don't know and a complete inability to accurately calculate how long it takes me to get somewhere.

lol, that's my problem. I completely misjudge how long it takes me to do things.

And it goes both ways. I think I can get ready for work in a half hour in the morning, it takes 45 minutes. I jot down a list of chores and guesstimate 2.5 hours to get them done, I'm finished in an hour.

It's strange.

 

[Kojote]

I know exactly what you mean about always being a little late. When I was younger a friend of mine used to often tell me to meet 15 mins before eveyone else- partly cos it was nice to catch up before, but largely cos she knew I'd usually be running late!

Oh I know that, too.
All my better friends know that I will be late. And they arranged with it.
The worst one was almost exactly a week. Which was a rather extreme case.
Normally I just happen to have something to do or underestimate the time to get there or get ready.
Therefore I alway set about 30 minutes of margin.

I don't think so. As I said, I am very spontaneous but I am never late if I can avoid it. If anything, I am early. Keeping someone waiting, barring a genuine reason (flat tire, house on fire, etc), is selfish and rude.

*Note BB, I would consider severe social anxiety a "genuine reason".

You are absolutely right. It is rude and it is especially selfish.
I always opt for getting my important stuff done before attending to a meeting. And then I like to smoke a cigarette while getting ready and maybe drink another cup of coffee. I hate getting hectic...

Doing business changed that a bit. At least regardig to the related things.
But about the first things I tell new friends is to expect me to be late.

On the other hand (to try to balance it out a bit) there is no 'office hours' for my friends (or customers). When the phone rings I usually answer it, even when I am in bed. And when a friend stands at the door in the middle of my night (which isn't normally the time to sleep for other people) I get up, let him in and listen to whatever problem there may be.
After smoking a cigarette and drinking a cup of coffee...

What I try to say is, that I may be rude and selfish in being always late. But I try to make up for it in granting the same right to others.

 

[Keroin]

I used to be never more than 10m late.

Then I married M. LOL.

Clock never eludes me, but I often have no idea what day of the week it is, having every day be Monday. Or Saturday. Depending how it's going.

L would leave without me if I was late getting ready, lol. No doubt about that. He hates being late even more than I do.

Days of the week, meh, those are not such a big deal - I put reminders on the white board and on the laptop for important events/appointments.

 

[Kojote]

lol, that's my problem. I completely misjudge how long it takes me to do things.

And it goes both ways. I think I can get ready for work in a half hour in the morning, it takes 45 minutes. I jot down a list of chores and guesstimate 2.5 hours to get them done, I'm finished in an hour.

It's strange.

I know his one, too.
Seems to be a thing related to personal organization.
Some people seem to plot how long it takes to get dressed or get a certain amount of work done. And some people don't.
The more creativity (and therefore kind of spontaneity) involved in those processes, the less predictable the schedule....

 

[graceanne]

I'm not. Not that I have problems with spontaneity, I just don't consider it. K is, too much so at times. We tend to balance each other. He keeps me from being a total stick in the mud, and I keep him from making really stupid mistakes.

 

[Kojote]

I'm not. Not that I have problems with spontaneity, I just don't consider it. K is, too much so at times. We tend to balance each other. He keeps me from being a total stick in the mud, and I keep him from making really stupid mistakes.

That's a good deal!
Works for me, too. Without her I would be totally lost (and probably in jail for unpaid bills)...

 

[graceanne]

That's a good deal!
Works for me, too. Without her I would be totally lost (and probably in jail for unpaid bills)...

LOL I don't know if he'd be in jail, but we'd have a lot more debt. He's the kind who's like YEAH, LETS BUY IT! and I'm like 'um, lets go home and pray about it. if we still want it tomorrow, then we can buy it.' Sales people hate me. Well, unless they're girl scouts; but I'm a sucker for girl scouts.

 

[FurryFury]

My ex was always saying he wanted to be more spontaneous. What that translated to was that if I wanted sex, he didn't. He preferred me to be dirty and not shower and so on.

My parents were pretty spontaneous. To the point it was scary. You never knew what they would do, if they had limits or not. This lead to them acting out in all kinds of was and going places with no plan for a place to stay. Often also they sold things (often my things that I'd paid for) at surprise garage sales because they couldn't balance the check book.

I am NOT spontaneous in those ways at all. I want to know I can afford something or I don't buy it. I want to know where I'll be staying when on a trip. I want to be showered before sex and yes, I prefer to want sex.

I am in some ways. I'm very flexible and spontaneous when I'm with people I trust and when I don't have to be working.

 

[KissKitt]

I have a natural tendecy to be, but I've pretty much squashed it. It got me into multiple unhealthy situations, so now I tend to carefully think over my decisions.

 

[BiBunny]

You know what horrifies me? I know it's something marriage counselors throw around as a way to help people, but the very thought makes my skin crawl. Scheduling sex. Or any other sort of intimacy. Actually, "couples' date night" is bad enough. But sex or intimate cuddle time or whatever? WTF?

Right, because I want to be another chore on your list to be checked off. *Shudder*

 

[chy_girl]

Meh. It was just the first thing that popped in my head, honestly.

I don't like routine. I don't like being tied down to any one thing. The whole American Dream schtick makes me feel ill. Really? That's what you want? A house in the suburbs that looks like everyone else's and your dog and your 2.5 kids?

No thanks. I'd rather sacrifice a little security to keep from dying of boredom, LOL. Even if it does get me in trouble a lot.

The American Dream always sounded a bit like a nightmare for me. I want the older gabled house that requires TLC and the beautifully wild front garden where you can't really tell the flowers from the weeds. My two kids came with extra character and spice built in. My weekly "mom's night out" has very little to do with "mom" anything and is used to meet up with the couple who's collar I wear and be brilliantly beat on, set on fire, or waxed. And, for the most part, I like my current life. A lot.

Yeah. The attractiveness of "normal" alludes me.

I'm the sort of woman who always makes a shopping list, organized by section (produce, canned goods, deli, etc) and layout of the store in question...

The few times in life I've done things uncharacteristically spontaneous, it hasn't usually ended so well. LOL

Granted I've been saying this to you a lot lately, but what is wrong with that? It's a very smart way to shop and keeps you from having to back-track all over the store. And if the list is all lined up by how you go through the store, it's easier still.

As for the original question, I like planned spontaneity. In other words, it needs to be someplace I've been before for me to say "hop in the car, we're going for lunch on the coast". Otherwise, I have to look over the entire route on Google maps, check one way streets, top off the gas even if I'd filled it the day before, make sure there's snacks and water for the kids... It's kind of pathetic the first time.

Now surprises... Nope. 97% of the time the only surprise will be how pissed off I get at the person doing the surprising. And if someone is in my family/friend circle do NOT "forget" to mention a pertinent detail if the event in question can effect me. In any way. Because that makes it a surprise of the worst kind and then they risk getting the index finger and shushed when they try to talk to me.

Yes, I'm a little weird.

 

[Bandit58]

You know what horrifies me? I know it's something marriage counselors throw around as a way to help people, but the very thought makes my skin crawl. Scheduling sex. Or any other sort of intimacy. Actually, "couples' date night" is bad enough. But sex or intimate cuddle time or whatever? WTF?

Right, because I want to be another chore on your list to be checked off. *Shudder*

It's kind of difficult to schedule anything in this house, unless it's dialysis Everything depends on how Sir is feeling at any given time.

So on our "off dialysis" days is when we schedule "our" time. Nothing's set in stone, but we usually manage to go out for lunch or coffee or a bit of shopping, come home and then have sex or even just cuddle if He's not up to much.

There's intimacy here as a matter of course. Lots of cuddles, kisses and hugs "just because" That doesn't need a schedule!

 

[BiBunny]

It's kind of difficult to schedule anything in this house, unless it's dialysis Everything depends on how Sir is feeling at any given time.

So on our "off dialysis" days is when we schedule "our" time. Nothing's set in stone, but we usually manage to go out for lunch or coffee or a bit of shopping, come home and then have sex or even just cuddle if He's not up to much.

There's intimacy here as a matter of course. Lots of cuddles, kisses and hugs "just because" That doesn't need a schedule!

Well, when someone has to spend, what, 8 hours on dialysis every couple of days, then it's a lot more understandable!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

You know what horrifies me? I know it's something marriage counselors throw around as a way to help people, but the very thought makes my skin crawl. Scheduling sex. Or any other sort of intimacy. Actually, "couples' date night" is bad enough. But sex or intimate cuddle time or whatever? WTF?

Right, because I want to be another chore on your list to be checked off. *Shudder*

I think it's hot.

I tend to like the build up of anticipation while getting ready. It's yummy.

And then there's the whole "I'm going to come over tomorrow night, and I'm going to hurt you, and fuck your brains out, so think about that for a while..." stuff too.

 

[rida]

You know what horrifies me? I know it's something marriage counselors throw around as a way to help people, but the very thought makes my skin crawl. Scheduling sex. Or any other sort of intimacy. Actually, "couples' date night" is bad enough. But sex or intimate cuddle time or whatever? WTF?

Right, because I want to be another chore on your list to be checked off. *Shudder*

I know it sounds awful and I felt the same way in the past.
But there have been times where Hubby and I have been so busy and leading sort of parallel lives (due to work/life schedules) that we had to make appointments to have sex.

It is usually not let lack of desire, but the lack of free time. Add kids, and the whole "sex on the kitchen counter" kinds of blows up.

 

[rida]

I think it's hot.

I tend to like the build up of anticipation while getting ready. It's yummy.

And then there's the whole "I'm going to come over tomorrow night, and I'm going to hurt you, and fuck your brains out, so think about that for a while..." stuff too.

Now in the above contest it is indeed totally HOT! And something Hubby has been using to create built up.

 

[graceanne]

I'm the sort of woman who always makes a shopping list, organized by section (produce, canned goods, deli, etc) and layout of the store in question...

The few times in life I've done things uncharacteristically spontaneous, it hasn't usually ended so well. LOL

What's wrong with that?

Granted, I'm the one who's not spontaneous. But I make up a menu for the time period I'm shopping for (normally a two week period), then I make a grocery list from that menu (so that I know I have everything I need), and then I organize it by section, but those sections are organized by the layout of the store. It's quicker, you're less likely to forget something, and it's more efficient.

I'm big on efficiency, which is probably part of why I'm not spontaneous. Being efficient requires thinking ahead.

You know what horrifies me? I know it's something marriage counselors throw around as a way to help people, but the very thought makes my skin crawl. Scheduling sex. Or any other sort of intimacy. Actually, "couples' date night" is bad enough. But sex or intimate cuddle time or whatever? WTF?

Right, because I want to be another chore on your list to be checked off. *Shudder*

I hear you, but when you're running around like chickens with your heads cut off, sometimes you have to prioritize sex, which means giving it a day and time.

K won't do it. Kills the mood for him, but he's the spontaneous one. I wouldn't mind 'scheduled' sex, because then I could plan for it. Make sure I'm clean and shaved. Make sure the kids get their meds on time, so they go to sleep on time. Make sure our room is cleaned up, and a cd in the cd player (really thin walls in our house). Stuff like that.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Now in the above contest it is indeed totally HOT! And something Hubby has been using to create built up.

I think scheduling and preparations also helps me transition headspaces.

When I told him I needed help getting out of 'work bitch' mode and into 'his girl' mode, so as not to waste the time we have together by being stroppy and venting and carrying on, he created a little routine for me to follow when I got home. And now, without fail, focusing on and going through that process clears my mind and gets me excited for what is to come.

 

[sweepthefloor]

I know what you mean about being spontaneous and having the feeling that people just want you to grow up. I have always been on the cusp, and have done some things that maybe I should not have. I do wish I could find some more structure and routine, I kind of crave that.

I once climbed to the top of a water tower. I was working at this shop, and saw this man up there painting the water tower. All of a sudden, I had this huge desire to climb up to the top and see what the city looked like from up there, and I also wanted to know: what kind of man paints water towers for a living. So, I took my camera, and my cell phone and climbed up the ladder to the top.

Going up was easy. I just kept climbing. The guy saw me climbing up and he helped me over the ladder and onto the scaffold. Once, I got up there he strapped me to his rope quickly without saying a word, it was totally insane. After, I was safely roped, I said, “Hey.”

I stayed up there for a while, and the guy shared his lunch with me. I guess it is not everyday some girl climbs a water tower, and he was kind of rocked. I showed him where I worked and he came over after his work was done everyday. Apparently, the same people that paint water towers, paint bridges too, and they travel all over to do it.

Getting down was a lot harder than getting up. It was the moment of thought: How did I get up here? Am I freaking nuts? I didn’t want the guy to know I was afraid to go down, because after all, I climbed up there. When I looked at the ladder and knew I had to swing my legs over to get on it, my heart was pounding, but I was still roped, I just did it, and he unhooked me.

When I got down, the boss of these people lectured me to never do that again. It was a spontaneous urge, and I acted on it. It probably was not a smart thing to do though! I could have gotten hurt, or the man could have been a lunatic up there. It is probably illegal or something, I don’t know. I got in my truck and went back to the shop.

So, yes I think I have a spontaneous tendency, but I am trying to tone it down. It leaves me with a less then disciplined nature. I just do what I want, when I want, (annoys friends and family) ie: “Sorry, I made a last minute beach trip!” I am trying to set up some boundaries for my self. And when all else fails, I just start sweeping with my broom.

 

[Keroin]

Here’s what I don’t like, spontaneous does not have to equal irresponsible/disorganized/selfish/immature/wasteful with money. I think it is easy to use spontaneity as an excuse to be those things, (done that), but they are by no means inseparable.

For example, if I have a weekend free and money in my pocket, I am quite happy to hop on a plane to some unknown destination, without knowing where I’m staying or which restaurants I’ll eat at, etc, etc. If I have a weekend free but I don’t have money in my pocket, I’m still happy heading off to a new camping spot or some other activity that won’t cost me much. But if I’ve promised my family I’m going to spend the weekend visiting them, then that’s what I do because to break my promise and jet off to L.A. would not be spontaneous, it would be selfish.

Being highly organized also makes it easier to be spontaneous. My house is always tidy, my bills and paperwork are always up to date and orderly. Because of this, I can go do something crazy and not have to worry that I’ve left something important undone, I can pack to go anywhere in under half an hour, and I never have to ask, “Where’s my passport?”

No one I know tells me to “grow up” because I clearly am. It’s about balance.

 

[intothewoods]

Here’s what I don’t like, spontaneous does not have to equal irresponsible/disorganized/selfish/immature/wasteful with money. I think it is easy to use spontaneity as an excuse to be those things, (done that), but they are by no means inseparable.

For example, if I have a weekend free and money in my pocket, I am quite happy to hop on a plane to some unknown destination, without knowing where I’m staying or which restaurants I’ll eat at, etc, etc. If I have a weekend free but I don’t have money in my pocket, I’m still happy heading off to a new camping spot or some other activity that won’t cost me much. But if I’ve promised my family I’m going to spend the weekend visiting them, then that’s what I do because to break my promise and jet off to L.A. would not be spontaneous, it would be selfish.

Being highly organized also makes it easier to be spontaneous. My house is always tidy, my bills and paperwork are always up to date and orderly. Because of this, I can go do something crazy and not have to worry that I’ve left something important undone, I can pack to go anywhere in under half an hour, and I never have to ask, “Where’s my passport?”

No one I know tells me to “grow up” because I clearly am. It’s about balance.

That's a good distinction to make, because I've had friends who are spontaneous but also inconsiderate, and will call me at the last minute to see if they can borrow my car, if I can help them unload some furniture they found on a street corner, if I can wait or rearrange my schedule because they decided to do X on a whim. After a while, that shit gets old. You can be spontaneous, but you need to have the resources or creativity to follow through with what you start.