Splitting paragraphs, short paragraphs

[driphoney]

Now that the semester is over, I've been trying to self-edit my story before sending it to my editor (if he's still available! I'll ask when I'm done with my self-edit.)

I have read in the How To section that paragraphs shouldn't run more than 7 or 10 LitE lines. I've set my margins to match, which is a help; however, some of my paragraphs are still too large and seem to need to be that way. My question is: how do you split your paragraphs up? What decisions do you make?

Thanks.

dh

 

[Guest]

Now that the semester is over, I've been trying to self-edit my story before sending it to my editor (if he's still available! I'll ask when I'm done with my self-edit.)

I have read in the How To section that paragraphs shouldn't run more than 7 or 10 LitE lines. I've set my margins to match, which is a help; however, some of my paragraphs are still too large and seem to need to be that way. My question is: how do you split your paragraphs up? What decisions do you make?

Thanks.

dh

I look for naturally occuring break points; these can be when the flow of language changes, when there's some sense of a shift in time (during exposition, for instance), or when I want to emphasize something by setting it off from the paragraph.

Here's a short example from "Suggestion: Brunch."


She had the sense of something momentous looming toward her, that the decision she made, the next words she spoke, would determine her course, and perhaps Tom’s, for years to come. She didn’t know if she was ready to make that decision, or for the responsibility that she instinctively knew would accompany it. Then she saw Tom, waiting, trusting her, and her mind was made up. She would not let this get away.

Frightened but determined, shivering, but not knowing why, she said, “Hands and knees, facing away from us. Head down on your hands, ass in the air. Knees spread.” He complied immediately, the position allowing a clear view of his ass, balls and cock, delightfully contrasted with the vibrant green of her lawn and the riotous color a flower bed.


I could have combined both paragraphs, but there's a shift in the character's attitude in the last sentence of the first paragraph that plays out better in a separate paragraph, I think. There's also a shift in the writing that works better set apart.

Hope this makes some sense.

 

[driphoney]

Yes, I think it does make sense. I have this monster. (For some reason I actually am embarrassed posting my paragraphs, but I do it. Need to get over myself.)

It doesn't look so long on here, but when sized to LitE, it's pretty long. About 13, if I have it about right.

Can you see if I made my breaks about right? I'll mark them by *. Both might not be needed, but is just a choice.


"Now he looked up at his teammates, hoping to not let them down. It wasn’t the tussle with Deonne that had done him in. It was the fifty or so wind sprints he had made running after chickens, or from chickens as the case may be. *Delbert, it turned out, was a rooster. And he had taken one look at Kevin and pegged him immediately as a city boy. Every time Kevin, who had decided it was unfair to leave Deonne all by herself chasing the impressive looking rooster, got within fifteen feet of him, Delbert would charge at him and do a little wing flapping jump baring his claw. Goddamn! *Eventually Deonne, with a broom and trashcan lid, was able to get Delbert corralled. Kevin secretly renamed him Dinner, and vowed a covert op to make it reality. Shortly afterward the hens followed their leader into the pen and the serious business of football began."

 

[Darkniciad]

Those look like good splits to me. Seem natural.

 

[sr71plt]

Those paragraph spilts are fine.

Fiction is really pretty easy this way. You can split after almost any terminal punctuation--it doesn't have the topic sentence concept of school themes (truth be known, published nonfiction doesn't require that high school English paragraph arc business either). Shorter is better than longer. On a print page, you shouldn't let a paragraph go longer than twenty lines (more than occasionally). On a computer screen, even shorter.

 

[driphoney]

I've been trying to keep a thought or description together in one paragraph, but obviously, that isn't going to work on some of them.

I guess the same concept will run true with very descriptive paragraphs, such as scenery...

 

[wildehafer]

wot gnome said

those splits you indicated with the * look good to me.

 

[driphoney]

Thanks all for taking time and replying.

Mmm, wildhafer ... so, you have me wondering what you think it takes for a man to keep a woman...

 

[wildehafer]

Thanks all for taking time and replying.

Mmm, wildhafer ... so, you have me wondering what you think it takes for a man to keep a woman...

I shall find something appropriate from Mr Wilde, honey