Spirituality and BDSM: How important is it in your relationships?

[MissTaken]

I was doing some soul searching today and realized, that the two Dominants that I had been closest to and who had my complete trust were very spiritual men. They were open about their spirituality and confident in themselves and their beliefs.

Further, they were both of cultures other than that in which I was raised.

It made me wonder if it is a personal issue or if there is something to be discussed about one's spirituality and BDSM.

How does your spirituality impact your D/s?

Has anyone had any comparable experiences?

Do cultural differences between you and your partner impact your D/s relationship?

Is this really two threads in one?

 

[hurtme]

I normally don't date guys who share my religion (cause well, tehre aren't a lot of straight male Wiccans in redneck country, and if there are they are hiding under the bed) but my greatest D/s relationship was with a man who happened to share my relgion, I don't know if it made me feel more connected tohis energy or what, but it was definately the most intense...

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I'm an atheist, my slut is vaguely spiritual...I couldn't deal with someone with strong and specific religious beliefs, because that would conflict with my utter lack of beliefs.

 

[catalina_francisco]

For us we share an opposite and a commonality of spiritual influences in our personal lives which if really examined underlie the D/s relationahip in that it guides our way of interacting with others and each other. For me, Buddhism has to be the main focus of spiritual purpose, while Master was raised in a strict Catholic environment, the good parts which still remain. Many of the concepts from both regimes overlap or translate in an easy to understand mode. Added to that are other spiritual influences we share and acknowledge but rarely discuss outside as many would find them a bit too out there. Master in particular is a very gifted person spiritually which has eased my pain on more than one occasion, and unbelievably fast.

As to cultural differences, mine is true blue Aussie while his is Spanish with an overlay of Dutch, as it is his adopted country. The differences have complimented more than hindered our relationship, but there have been moments when we have had to understand why the other does something or thinks in a particular way we might not fathom in the moment. Those moments, and the subsequent discussions and extending of selves to relate to them, have only strengthened our bond in all areas. It has also lent a subtle undertone to the BDSM side of our life together which I had not fully realise until this thread question. Thanks Miss T for the thought provoking.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I live with an enigma, if ever one was.

A highly superstitous complete atheist.

I'm a cultural Jew, a cafeteria zen buddhist more than anything else in terms of spiritual belief.

SM can be spiritual for me, so can sleeping, listening to NPR and having my mind blown from a new angle, painting a picture and sauteeing veggies.

 

[niteshade]

I don't really get into religion, but I do know that I do not deal well with those who do. Or, let me rephrase... those who do, and are exceedingly vocal about it. I tend to get bitchy when people get preachy. I do seem to keep getting involved with catholics, and this wasn't a problem until the last one decided he wanted to get married, and told me I was going to have to go take classes to be catholic so we could be married in the church. As if I was crazy enough to consider marriage in the first place *not* On top of all that, if I have to declare a religious affiliation, it would be wicca, and that never seems to go over well with the priests for some reason. I have no idea why.

 

[KestralWolfe]

My own personal spirituality is highly important to me ... but ... it is never neccessary for my sub/slave to share, or even agree with my own views. I do require any girl who takes service with me to be open minded, but that is about it. If she is interested in what I believe, you bet I'll talk about it. I'll talk about it all day, lol. And, if through her own research she decides she wants to follow the same path, great! Yet another thing for us to share ... but ... it is not a requirement, and I refuse to push, or even discuss it past "I'm an eclectic pagan with a highly Discordian bent" unless she brings it up. Just as an aside, I deal the same way with my friends.

 

[archon32]

..there must exist a bond between the flesh and the spirit....

....what seems to plague the current mode of bdsm in my observations over the years has been this gamemanship whereby the most intense levels of spirituality within bdsm becomes lost within the rather shallow aspects of the equipment and fashionable statements that clutters the essence of bdsm and the obvious connection to spirituality:

as a martial artist with strong ties to the works of such leading thinkers as carl jung and wilhem reich -- i am both amazed as to the lack of insight by many within the 'community' and at times appalled by the obvious ignorance of the 'life' as another means to just 'get off'...

as the master bruce lee often extolled in his teachings of the martial arts of function and strength of mind must always transcend the flash and gloss of form --- bdsm needs to be willing to embrace the roots of spirituality that are innate within and to bdsm:

to reduce and to render bdsm to the levels of fashion and 'fun' play insults the obvious intelligence of bdsm, and reduces the concept of the 'community' into just another glossy piece of triviality that lacks essence and fuller dimensions.

 

[Netzach]

Fact is there's always been people for whom SM is revelry and orgasm, and people for whom it's lofty and spiritual, and synthesists like me who think it's holy to get laid and feel fantastic and mererly that, sometimes.

 

[Justina123]

Sir is an atheist and I am a Christian- in fact, my ex and I spent over 20 years begin missionaries in various countries.

Sir does not share my beliefs but never puts them down, in fact,he has told me that he finds they enhance my submissive nature. One of the things I love about him is I have never felt I needed to "tone down" my natural spiritual side, if you will, or watch what I say. I am not preachy or anything, but I often speak in terms of "thank God" for this, remind the kids to "count their blessings", admire the beautiful things and creatures God made, etc. If a "thank you Jesus" comes out during an orgasm iri spanking or flogging...so be it. Or even better if it comes out "thank you, Lord!" ha.

I believe to the depth of my soul that Sir is a good man (thougj he HATES to be called this, ha!) and I absolutely know he is part of God's plan for my life.

justina

 

[deepstare]

There's a lot to say about this topic and I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought about it.

I find a mathematical harmony, a perfect equation you could say, in an ideal dominant/submissive relationship. This bond can be found to some degree or another in most of the major religions and many of the lesser known ones.

I look at it as mainly the teacher and the student. Teachers grow and develop through constant teaching while their students naturally grow from instruction. Yet the two question each other, stimulate each other, force each other to grow. Ever see the 5th element the movie? The part where the girl is growing skin? Skin grows because stimulation by the sun's UV forces the body to protect itself. People grow spiritually the same way.

2 partners, both growing. But it is important to remember that the submissive is not necessarily sub because she (or he) is weak, rather because she needs guidance and instruction to become great. Many religions demand a more obdient and submissive role from women. Some argue this is because holy books were often written by men who want to maintain their authority. I disagree. I simply find it natural (I am a guy though!).

But that's just one point of many. The bottom line is that a dom/sub relation, a really good one, can make both people grow spiritually, mentally, and otherwise.

I wonder if anyone else feels this way? Its hard to find people like minded

 

[catalina_francisco]

But that's just one point of many. The bottom line is that a dom/sub relation, a really good one, can make both people grow spiritually, mentally, and otherwise.

I wonder if anyone else feels this way? Its hard to find people like minded

Count me in. If I wasn't evolving I would feel I was doing the wrong thing with the wrong person. It is not just about a sexual turn on as many think, but goes much deeper, much longer.

Catalina

 

[deepstare]

Absolutely...I'm surprised I didn't use the word sex at all in my 1st post! But yes, a good dom/sub relationship goes much further than just sex. It's a beautiful thing...hopefully I'll have one some day

 

[MissTaken]

But that's just one point of many. The bottom line is that a dom/sub relation, a really good one, can make both people grow spiritually, mentally, and otherwise.

I wonder if anyone else feels this way? Its hard to find people like minded

Yes, any good relationship between two adults should facilitate growth in all fashions. It doesn't necessarily have to be a relationship that is centered on D/s.

I do feel that when Dominance and submission intertwine effectively, with the right T/two, there are moments in which the relationship is spriritual. Call it synchronicity?

 

[KestralWolfe]

But it is important to remember that the submissive is not necessarily sub because she (or he) is weak, rather because she needs guidance and instruction to become great.

The wording of this I do not agree with. Submissives, as well as Dominants need proper instruction, intelligence, and insight to become great.....it is not why they are submissives. Know that I am not trying to be rude, I just disagree with the wording of this, and wonder if maybe you didn't realise how it sounded.

But that's just one point of many. The bottom line is that a dom/sub relation, a really good one, can make both people grow spiritually, mentally, and otherwise.

[rant ]
Freaking BRAVO! So many times I've wanted to bop people on the head for their arrogance..."I'm going to turn her into the best slave ever!" (et al.) Pththththtbt The beauty of Ds is that we all can grow and learn so much from eachother.....Dom/mes and Sub/Slaves from eachother, friends from eachother...it's a beautiful thing, but so many Dom/mes that I have known, have acted as though the sub/slave could not function without him or her. They never realised why I laughed at them, and when I saw how confused they were (having thought it was a joke of the Domme's, and not to be taken seriously) I became seriously troubled. How can people get that arrogant? [/rant ]

*puts away soapbox* Sorry about that....and yes, I could go on all day about it. Thank you, deep, for bringing this up

 

[deepstare]

MissTaken: 100% in agreement! A dom/sub relation should NOT be centered around the dom. Both people teach other, grow from each other. And though I have yet to experience it, I believe there is a spirtual link when the two become close enough. Very powerful...

Kestrel: Good call on the wording of that, you are correct. Its the weekend...I'm allowed to take a break for perfect wording! Glad to see I hit someone else's nerve with that last part. And watch out with Nietzche...he had some dead-on statements as well as truly wrong ones. But that's another topic entirely

I'm glad I came to the BDSM board...you people are great!

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

How does your spirituality impact your D/s?

Has anyone had any comparable experiences?

Do cultural differences between you and your partner impact your D/s relationship?

Great thread idea Miss T!!

As for me..i am an eclectic pagan (NOT Wiccan) on a Shamaness path. I find that for me it is a better and deeper connection if my Owner (or past pets) share the same spiritual background as me.

I connect with people, all of them, all at once. I do not know how to tell lies, nor how to keep secrets from those i love. (Nor would I want to).

I understand how some people think our sexuality and spirituality are not comparable. But, for me, it's almost mandatory. I have had *Play* relationships with others not of my belief in the past. They never seem to work out. I either feel too much or they attempt to *convert* me.

My belief system is a fact of life..it has been that way for eons. My connection to Divinity should not bother anyone as i feel it makes me a better person. Yet, in my experience, it does seem to matter. And i could never give myself fully to anyone who did not want to know or understand what it is that makes me tick.

So, i stick with my own kind, spiritually. Just makes sense.

pet

 

[Ms_Kat]

Our spirituality

I was born and raised Irish Catholic and my husband's father is a Southern Baptist preacher. Obviously, there are significant differences there (well, if you know anything about those two branches, it's obvious).

Our whole relationship is a spiritual one. The Bible teaches that "A man shall leave his mother and cleave unto his wife." There is no other relationship described in this manner. It is the penultimate in human closeness. It is meant to be unbreakable. Sorry if it sounds preachy, but that is where we operate from.

In our rough times, this spiritual connection was the only thing that held us together. It was our foundation and our strength. In all honesty, it was also a stumblingblock for me to understand my need to dominate and for him to understand his need to serve. The understanding we came to is that a husband serves his family (including his wife) the way that Christ served the church - giving up his life completely for its fulfillment.

Through this idea my husband and I have found great contentment and a wonderful fulfilling relationship that I doubt would exist without the very basic agreement of our spiritual beliefs.


Hugs,

Kat

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Ms. Kat..

wonderful post and beautifully stated. I have never looked into the bible deeply at all recently...especially since i decided to walk an un*christian* path. However, that was possibly one of the MOST touching statements i have read anywhere, thus far. Thank You.

Pet

 

[ImmortaleAmante]

I do not require a sub who shares my spiritual beliefs but they do have a deep impact on who i am and what i do so in that way they have a direct influence on my role as a Domme. Yet i would find it difficult to have a relationship with a sub whose religious beliefs i could not understand and that of course applies equally to how a sub sees my beliefs.

I do agree that in a D/s relationship both should learn and grow from the other and so i like a sub who can challenge and discuss ideas with me. For me a D/s relaionship is a deeply spirtual and emotional one, there is a connection between a good Dom and sub that is magical and powerful.

Yet there is nothing wrong with using BDSM play just for a sexual kick either.

BDSM has helped me on my spirtual journey and taught me much about myself but i always remeber that i was not alone in that journey.

 

[Princessintrng]

Recovering Catholic Here

I don't really get into religion, but I do know that I do not deal well with those who do. Or, let me rephrase... those who do, and are exceedingly vocal about it. I tend to get bitchy when people get preachy. I do seem to keep getting involved with catholics, and this wasn't a problem until the last one decided he wanted to get married, and told me I was going to have to go take classes to be catholic so we could be married in the church. As if I was crazy enough to consider marriage in the first place *not* On top of all that, if I have to declare a religious affiliation, it would be wicca, and that never seems to go over well with the priests for some reason. I have no idea why.

NS; I can relate to what you are saying, my oldest daughter who was raised as a Buddhist married a man who is an extreme Christian and she has become an extreme Christian, to the point of telling me I could not see my granddaughter if I didn't become a Christian. Well that didn't work out, I don't do well with ultimatums and she forgot just how stubborn I could be. But anyway, when her husband's family kept trying to persuade me to come to church etc. I finally found 2 statements that seemed to end the invitations: "I'm sorry, God and I have an understanding, he stays out of my house and I stay out of his" "Well there is the small matter of me bursting into flames if I set foot on holy ground" So far my daughter and I have agreed to disagree on the religion issue and yes I see my granddaughter very often.....

 

[KestralWolfe]

Princessintrng: ROTFLMAO! I'll have to remember those two the next time my mother tries to get my husband and I to come with her to church!

Deep: ty

And I have to agree with deep on one more thing...I'm glad I joined up here. I know I don't come around as often as I should, but oft times, life interferes.

YAY LIT! Yet another thread that seems to have attracted those who think much, and don't mind sharing.