Last weekend my gf and I attended a swingers' night in rural Spokane. We'd signed up on FetLife and the only requirement was couples- not single men - attend together. Once we were inside we noticed a 10:1 ratio men to women. I didn't bring her there to be fucked. She wanted to leave but I insisted we stay and wait for more people to show. An older guy with mom-jeans walked right by me and struck up a conversation w my girlfriend. And he stood uncomfortably close, too. Another guy who looked like he lived with his mother joined Mr. Mom-jeans. I went to grab a beer since Kari seemed to be handling these guys okay. Upon my return I saw the mama's boy cupping Kari's breast. She was sort of smiling so I didn't intervene. Soon the other guy had his hand on her breast. Where the fuck were the other women? Kari gestured to me she wanted my beer. I handed it to her and went to get one for myself. A man struck up a conversation with me and we talked for awhile. His wife was with another guy and he wanted to meet my wife. I pointed him in that direction but noticed she and the two guys were gone. We both walked around until we spotted them on the back porch. My gf was topless and the boys were all hands. She was willingly kissing them so I decided to wait and see. Soon the guy I'd met had joined in. I had seen enough. I wanted to find his wife. No luck. An hour later I saw mama's boy at the bar talking to mom-jeans. They were obviously done but the married man was still busy with Kari. I waited ten more minutes and then decided to investigate. Both were in the same place talking. He was shirtless and she was completely naked on a chaise lounger. She didn't see me so I retreated to the bar to wait. The men were talking about their mutual conquest of my wife and I was half-tempted to drive off. A couple approached the bar just as Kari and married man came around the corner. He introduced Kari to his wife and both made small talk. Another man tried to make small talk with me but I wasn't having it. I told Kari I was ready to leave so we left. I didn't say much on the way home. It seemed at first she was dismayed by the ratio of men to women but it worked out well for her. I'd hoped to get laid but only got a buzz from cheap beer. What a fucking joke.
Soured on Swingers
- Thread starter Ciceri
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write_or_wrong
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I don't have a lot of experience with swingers clubs but what I have says you experienced quite rude people. It is usually considered bad form to start hitting on either member of a couple without getting a clear indication that it's okay.
soflabbwlvr
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I don't know why you are blaming swingers. It seems to me that you selected the event, you insisted on staying when your wife wanted to leave, you left her alone when other men approached her, and you even sent another man to her. It does not sound like anyone there coerced your wife to do anything she did not want to do or consent to doing. It seems that she had a great time. If you want to be upset with the organizers of the event for allowing single men into an event billed as couples only, I can understand that. But you had the option of leaving when you saw who was there. Did you do any research into the host(s) before deciding to attend? You say it was a "swing night", which makes it sound like it was not at a regular swing club where every night is "swing night." Whenever the ration of men to women is heavily skewed toward men, the women will have their pick and men will be lucky to get any attention at all. This is true in swing clubs, vanilla clubs, and private parties. Don't blame the swingers, they did what swingers do.
Was that the Idaho White Rose?
We never went to a swinger's club or house party but met and talked to several couples we wanted nothing to do with. The biggest reason was because it seemed like the husband was doing 90% of the talking and the wife wasn't saying anything and just going along with it. Most of the husbands wanted to run right and fuck and told us so.
But it works for some not for others, whatever floats your boat and you have fun
But it works for some not for others, whatever floats your boat and you have fun
We've been to a couple clubs. It's more fun to watch than participate for us.
I know nothing about the club you went to but I’ve got to tell you that I think you dropped the ball here.
Honestly, to my mind your number one priority and obligation to your lady is to keep her safe. Not just keep her safe but make sure she feels safe.
Can’t really expect them to have a good time if they’re afraid and you’re not taking care of it.
Others may disagree, and that’s OK, but in my book you really screwed the pooch here brother.
R-
Honestly, to my mind your number one priority and obligation to your lady is to keep her safe. Not just keep her safe but make sure she feels safe.
Can’t really expect them to have a good time if they’re afraid and you’re not taking care of it.
Others may disagree, and that’s OK, but in my book you really screwed the pooch here brother.
R-
Sounds like your girlfriend had a lot of fun given at one point she was totally naked.Did you ask her if one of the guys fucked her or if she just got totally naked and they were groping her?
miska_darling
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A couple of things you got pretty wrong
- you attended a venue without knowing what you were walking into and whether it was even for you.
- you had “expectations/assumptions” instead of ‘simple interest’ and clearly the other attendees had the same attitude. You don’t seem to have set your boundaries and what do you expect FROM each others… not other people.
- you didn’t seem ready as a couple and needed to work on your communication and an attitude as a couple, not in a selfish way. She mentioned she wanted to go, you brushed it aside. You possibly got resentful she went on with it after that.
Then add to that, the fact that it was clearly a single men night, that single men have the same mentality you had of ‘wanting to get laid’ while missing the point that no one owes anyone anything at such events. Or that you got into a jealousy stage and that it sounded like a shitty dynamic for both the club and yourselves as a couple.
Can’t tell if the consent is key approach was respected, but yeah the fact that you nearly left her behind…
It’s obviously not for you. To be honest, it does sound a bit like your attitude towards other women would have been pretty much the attitude you hated other men being towards your wife.
- you attended a venue without knowing what you were walking into and whether it was even for you.
- you had “expectations/assumptions” instead of ‘simple interest’ and clearly the other attendees had the same attitude. You don’t seem to have set your boundaries and what do you expect FROM each others… not other people.
- you didn’t seem ready as a couple and needed to work on your communication and an attitude as a couple, not in a selfish way. She mentioned she wanted to go, you brushed it aside. You possibly got resentful she went on with it after that.
Then add to that, the fact that it was clearly a single men night, that single men have the same mentality you had of ‘wanting to get laid’ while missing the point that no one owes anyone anything at such events. Or that you got into a jealousy stage and that it sounded like a shitty dynamic for both the club and yourselves as a couple.
Can’t tell if the consent is key approach was respected, but yeah the fact that you nearly left her behind…
It’s obviously not for you. To be honest, it does sound a bit like your attitude towards other women would have been pretty much the attitude you hated other men being towards your wife.
You need to communicate with each other ahead of time re: boundaries and if one says no then you both stop, assuming your primary focus is on your marriage. The two of you are at fault as much if not more than the men. Admittedly they should have engaged with you as well
Wife gave them the green light without checking with you. That is on her.
Wife gave them the green light without checking with you. That is on her.
One_ping_only
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This is what my wife and I are fearful of if we ever tried a " swinger's club " so to speak?? She definitely doesn't want men making advances on her this way and if anything she had mentioned to me she'd only go to " observe " other people.
She's more of a vouyer as most of us are but she's afraid of any " action " with other men or strangers. I know she'd enjoy watching other people and we'd have a nice time after spending sone time at the club. Just don't know if actually stepping foot into one would be the right choice
??
She's more of a vouyer as most of us are but she's afraid of any " action " with other men or strangers. I know she'd enjoy watching other people and we'd have a nice time after spending sone time at the club. Just don't know if actually stepping foot into one would be the right choice
??Two of the men had sex with her and the other guy just groped her.
I agree. We really wanted a good balance of men to women. She said she wasn't set on staying but then seemed fine once people were interacting. I really would have left early on but then she loosened up.
Wonderer67
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My wife and I are right on the cusp of attending the first time swingers night at the local club. The club has an excellent reputation and a pretty strict no means now policy. (if someone says no, they mean it).
I don’t know who’s at fault here, but it seems some of the men at the club were extremely forward. I’m admittedly talking completely out of turn here, as I’ve never ever been to a swingers club before…
But at least how I would envision it is that people would strike up a conversation and try to show interest before being so forward. This gives me a lot of room for pause to see if we want to try to move forward with this.
(like a poster above, we would be there more to watch than to engage, and we have promised ourselves, if we do go, that nothing will happen the first night… just test the waters…)
I don’t know who’s at fault here, but it seems some of the men at the club were extremely forward. I’m admittedly talking completely out of turn here, as I’ve never ever been to a swingers club before…
But at least how I would envision it is that people would strike up a conversation and try to show interest before being so forward. This gives me a lot of room for pause to see if we want to try to move forward with this.
(like a poster above, we would be there more to watch than to engage, and we have promised ourselves, if we do go, that nothing will happen the first night… just test the waters…)
Oh wow she did have a good time then. Would have been fun if you would have joined her rather than being off on your own..at least you could have watched and participated.
She did have a good time. She didn't volunteer the details; I had to ask. But I could tell she enjoyed it. It's odd.. I didn't really plan on being with her. I foresaw getting it on with women. I'm not sure I'm ready to join other men on her. I might at some point
So once she told you and it sat with you for awhile does the thought of here being with the guys turn you on?
She is still interested in trying again. So am I. The fact one of us got busy made it worthwhile but I'd like to get laid, too. Yes, she's on the pill so not really worried too much. She was willing to stay longer and that's a good sign. Yea.. knowing men had their way with her is a turn-on
I’m sorry you had a disappointing experience. But don’t beat yourself up or get discouraged. It was your first time remember. Next time you’ll have a better idea of what to expect. Keep us posted, please.
That said, for me it sounds like a perfect night. My wife and I are a hotwife couple. Not swingers. If we were ever to venture to a swingers club there would have to be a lot of available men. Either single or married men where his wife is busy with other men. Your wife’s activity with those three men would be perfect for us. Although I would be watching.
That said, for me it sounds like a perfect night. My wife and I are a hotwife couple. Not swingers. If we were ever to venture to a swingers club there would have to be a lot of available men. Either single or married men where his wife is busy with other men. Your wife’s activity with those three men would be perfect for us. Although I would be watching.
Cardinal
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Careful what you ask for
write_or_wrong
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Sounds like you and wife have the right idea. Lots of honest communication in advance, a plan (just watch first time), and open minds. Too bad the club doesn't have wrist bands for avoiding awkward situations. If you guys were wearing "just here to watch" bands, you might get approached by other newbies and you could talk about it together while watching the arm candy get into it.
drobert44
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Yes, take it slow, tell those cocks to buzz off....
