Source of Orgasm: Does it matter?

[SweetErika]

I'm not usually one for polls, but a few other threads have me wondering:

When you're with a partner, does it matter where your (men: your partner's) orgasm comes from? That is, does it have to come from oral, PiV, anal, manual?

Or, are you just as happy for it to come from a toy or you touching yourself?

Or, is orgasm unimportant to you?

Explanations on why you feel the way you do, discussion, and adding your own relevant questions/discussion topics are welcome, as always.

 

[LeahLo519]

I've always been one of those women that have a hard time cumming from sex. It feels amazing, but I rarely orgasm. My guy felt bad, so I went to a doctor and he just said that some women can't get off as easily as others. Oral, on the other hand, is a completely different story...

 

[boxeater555]

My Preference

I definitely prefer my partner's orgasm to come from (and on) my tongue.

 

[silverwhisper]

i'm happy as long as my partner is happy. i don't care about how. :>

ed

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for weighing in, Leah and Box.

i'm happy as long as my partner is happy. i don't care about how. :>

ed

Thank you, Ed. For clarification...if your wife could only orgasm with toys or masturbation, or she preferred it, you'd be perfectly happy?

 

[silverwhisper]

oops, sorry erika: i missed that last bit in the original post.

[looks sheepish]

no, i'll readily admit that i'd feel, well, impotent in that case. however, i've never to my knowledge been w/ someone who i couldn't bring to orgasm at least twice though, so it's hard to know precisely how i'd feel in that instance.

ed

 

[M's girl]

.... however, i've never to my knowledge been w/ someone who i couldn't bring to orgasm at least twice though, so it's hard to know precisely how i'd feel in that instance.
ed

[sigh]

I know you put the TO MY KNOWLEDGE in italics, but still....
I still wonder what happened (and when it started happening ) when women felt they needed to become experts on faking orgasms. I know I have mastered the 'art' to perfection almost. Don't get me wrong: I have a VERY fullfilling sexlife at this moment and I do orgasm, but not all of the time. With my current partner I feel at ease to just let it be and not fake one (or two or more... haha) but that hasn't always been the case with former partners.

My experience is that some men feel less capable if they can't make you cum. The whole thing has been a big issue with someone at some point.

As Leah said: it would still feel amazing and I would have a wonderful time but somehow that was not enough for the guy I guess. And then, in the end, I had to feel guilty because he said he had NEVER come accross a woman who did NOT cum. I dared suggestion that maybe some had faked it with him but that was the wrong answer Do I need to disclose that the end of that relationship was soon after?

To capture the whole thing in one phrase: "faking orgasms can be healthy for your relationship" ....?

Oh, but that was not what this thread was about. Sorry. Do I mind how and where my partner orgasms? Sometimes I do, depends on what our sex is like at that moment. You know... you can have the kind of sex where you want to feel intimate, close, the "making love" I suppose, and then there is the wild, horny, crazy sex. I'm lucky... my BF and I have both. So it depends on the mood I'm in.... we're in. When "making love" I'm mostly for him coming inside me. Otherwise: wherever he wants it (or I do )

Hope I'm making sense. English is not my mother tongue and while we're on that subject: Erika, what does PiV stand for?

 

[SlyKitten]

I will have to admit that the best orgasms, for me, are when I am receiving oral. I don't have to get every time, but after a couple days of not getting it... I can be a bit cranky. I don't care much for manual stimulation, though it can be fun as foreplay.

Penetration does feel very good, but it takes me a long time to orgasm from that kind of stimulation only (angle has to be perfect to hit just the right spot in my vagina). It helps if there is another form of stimulation (anal or clitoral).

I use toys with my partner and don't mind pleasing myself in front of him but it's best if he makes me cum. I mean, I can play with myself any time I want and make me cum, so what's the point of playing by myself in the company of another? Well, it can be very exciting of course, but I'd be worried if that was the only way I could cum with a partner.

It doesn't really matter to me where my orgasm come from as long as I have one. Then again, being denied one can be fun too sometimes, with the right partner.

 

[brighteyed]

When I want an orgasm it doesn't matter to me where it comes from unless I'm really craving a specific kind of stimulation.

I'd say about once every six or so times I won't cum during sex or I'll be close to having another orgasm when my partner is finished and in those instances I'll go ahead and masturbate to finish myself off. I try to be very comfortable about my body and sex regarding my own satisfaction and this kind of behaviour has garnered me some interesting reactions. I think only once a guy was honestly offended. I know my current partner likes to watch and that usually leads to another round.

As far as faking orgasms go... yeah, I've done it in the past, but my very strong pro-me-getting-off stance has prevented me from pulling a faker for quite some time now.

 

[bisexplicit]

While I can have, what I call, "little" orgasms from intercourse or oral, in order to have a "big" orgasm I have to do it myself. I know that its frustrating to my boyfriend, occasionally - but he /hates/ if I fake it; so, while he wishes he could do it for me, he prefers honesty.
But, at the same time, he has trouble orgasming as well...so, we're both fucked up and we do our own thing - and it works pretty well, in general.
I think we would both prefer if we were more normal, but I don't feel bad if he has to help himself along because I know its not due to the lack of my trying -- maybe its because I'm the same way that I understand. *shrugs*

 

[Chi-Guy31]

I also have to chime and say that I am greatly happy simply with my wife achieving orgasm, no matter how, I just want her to experiecne the heights of pleasure.

That being said, I must add that since my great penchant is for ass play and anal sex, I am doubly happy when she orgasms from this activity. Maybe it is because I enjoy it so much, whether giving or recieving, that if she climaxes from me licking, fingering or screwing her ass then my grin will be twice as wide.

And with this post.... I hit 500!!!!!

 

[SweetErika]

[sigh]

I know you put the TO MY KNOWLEDGE in italics, but still....
I still wonder what happened (and when it started happening ) when women felt they needed to become experts on faking orgasms. I know I have mastered the 'art' to perfection almost. Don't get me wrong: I have a VERY fullfilling sexlife at this moment and I do orgasm, but not all of the time. With my current partner I feel at ease to just let it be and not fake one (or two or more... haha) but that hasn't always been the case with former partners.

My experience is that some men feel less capable if they can't make you cum. The whole thing has been a big issue with someone at some point.

As Leah said: it would still feel amazing and I would have a wonderful time but somehow that was not enough for the guy I guess. And then, in the end, I had to feel guilty because he said he had NEVER come accross a woman who did NOT cum. I dared suggestion that maybe some had faked it with him but that was the wrong answer Do I need to disclose that the end of that relationship was soon after?

To capture the whole thing in one phrase: "faking orgasms can be healthy for your relationship" ....?

Oh, but that was not what this thread was about. Sorry. Do I mind how and where my partner orgasms? Sometimes I do, depends on what our sex is like at that moment. You know... you can have the kind of sex where you want to feel intimate, close, the "making love" I suppose, and then there is the wild, horny, crazy sex. I'm lucky... my BF and I have both. So it depends on the mood I'm in.... we're in. When "making love" I'm mostly for him coming inside me. Otherwise: wherever he wants it (or I do )

Hope I'm making sense. English is not my mother tongue and while we're on that subject: Erika, what does PiV stand for?

Thanks for "getting off track" (you didn't at all ) and sharing your ideas and experiences. I agree there's a lot of pressure to fake it, and it's a relief to find partners you don't have to with. It ties in nicely with this thread because I'm sure for those of us who don't orgasm every time having a partner who expected orgasms and/or felt only the ones from oral, sex, manual, or anal were "real" would make for a difficult decision to fake it or not.

PiV= Penis in vagina sex

 

[SweetErika]

oops, sorry erika: i missed that last bit in the original post.

[looks sheepish]

no, i'll readily admit that i'd feel, well, impotent in that case. however, i've never to my knowledge been w/ someone who i couldn't bring to orgasm at least twice though, so it's hard to know precisely how i'd feel in that instance.

ed

Well, I kinda added it when I realized people weren't explaining why, which is the interesting part IMHO.

Admittedly, I'm a little surprised at the above, Ed, because it seems somewhat contradictory to your first statement (assuming your wife was happy orgasming any way). However, the difference in opinions here is precisely why I asked, and certainly makes for a livlier discussion.

 

[Eilan]

Another good thread!

When you're with a partner, does it matter where your (men: your partner's) orgasm comes from? That is, does it have to come from oral, PiV, anal, manual?

I have had an orgasm from all of the following--though not at the same time . I can't say that I have an absolute preference, though.

Or, are you just as happy for it to come from a toy or you touching yourself?

Honestly, I don't do this very often. While it feels nice, it's never quite the same. Unless, however, I'm touching myself during sex. I enjoy it, but I do it mainly because it drives my hubby wild to watch.

Or, is orgasm unimportant to you?

It's important, but sex, for me, isn't about the orgasm. I can have one of those any time I want. It's about the physical closeness between me and my hubby. It's also about knowing each other well enough to be able to do what drives the other wild.

FWIW--yeah, I can think of one time (but only one at the moment) that I faked an orgasm, and it WASN'T with my husband. I'm not particularly proud of doing so, but what's done is done.

 

[Munachi]

Well I have only ever come from masturbation or oral. And while with masturbation I can control the strength of the orgasm better, I do prefer oral, just because it is with someone else... and it feels nicer... actually since I haven't received oral in quite a while now, not being in a relationship (and while I have a kind of fuck buddy he is not into oral sex at all) just the thought... erm, sorry...

anyway, I guess an orgasm from anal or PiV would be great, just because I never had one, and thus it would be like something very special if it happened...


As for faking, I never faked - but I am pretty sure quite a few of my partners thought I had orgasms. From some of the things they said after sex it sounded like they thought I had one... Hm... never was with someone who really seemed to take a lot of issue that I didn't have one though. In some cases well they just resolved that with oral sex, and yes I also have been with guys who seemed not to care much if I came or not - though those usually weren't guys I had sex with a lot of times.

 

[silverwhisper]

erika: i know, it does indeed sound contradictory, but like many i suspect, i do tie a lot of my sexual self-esteem into my ability to produce orgasms in my partner. i have been able to give women orgasms just by telling them erotic stories, and in at least one instance, was physically present to ensure that no self-pleasuring was occurring. i can only explain the apparent disharmony in my statements by saying that like i said, to the best of my knowledge, this is for me a hypothetical.

ed

 

[Eilan]

erika: i know, it does indeed sound contradictory, but like many i suspect, i do tie a lot of my sexual self-esteem into my ability to produce orgasms in my partner. i have been able to give women orgasms just by telling them erotic stories, and in at least one instance, was physically present to ensure that no self-pleasuring was occurring. i can only explain the apparent disharmony in my statements by saying that like i said, to the best of my knowledge, this is for me a hypothetical.

ed

Sexual self-esteem? That sounds like something that could be discussed in its own thread.

 

[silverwhisper]

eilan: i hadn't thought the expression particularly novel.

[shrugs]

ed

 

[bertrande]

While I can have, what I call, "little" orgasms from intercourse or oral, in order to have a "big" orgasm I have to do it myself. I know that its frustrating to my boyfriend, occasionally - but he /hates/ if I fake it; so, while he wishes he could do it for me, he prefers honesty.
But, at the same time, he has trouble orgasming as well...so, we're both fucked up and we do our own thing - and it works pretty well, in general.
I think we would both prefer if we were more normal, but I don't feel bad if he has to help himself along because I know its not due to the lack of my trying -- maybe its because I'm the same way that I understand. *shrugs*

I tend to be the same (and I have seen it said in at least one other thread) I can have several "little" orgasms from intercourse, whether it be vaginal, anal or oral. Usually but not always I have a huge orgasm in a session and that often involves a combination of intercourse and manual stimulation. It takes me much longer to come through oral these days, often to the point of frustration so I prefer to be "finished off" with intercourse.

That said I see no problem with using toys or masturbation to help out in a situation when needed as long as the other person involved is okay with it all.

 

[Shagly]

It requires practice, practice and more practice.

 

[SweetErika]

While I can have, what I call, "little" orgasms from intercourse or oral, in order to have a "big" orgasm I have to do it myself. I know that its frustrating to my boyfriend, occasionally - but he /hates/ if I fake it; so, while he wishes he could do it for me, he prefers honesty.
But, at the same time, he has trouble orgasming as well...so, we're both fucked up and we do our own thing - and it works pretty well, in general.
I think we would both prefer if we were more normal, but I don't feel bad if he has to help himself along because I know its not due to the lack of my trying -- maybe its because I'm the same way that I understand. *shrugs*

I tend to be the same (and I have seen it said in at least one other thread) I can have several "little" orgasms from intercourse, whether it be vaginal, anal or oral. Usually but not always I have a huge orgasm in a session and that often involves a combination of intercourse and manual stimulation. It takes me much longer to come through oral these days, often to the point of frustration so I prefer to be "finished off" with intercourse.

That said I see no problem with using toys or masturbation to help out in a situation when needed as long as the other person involved is okay with it all.

Well said, ladies. I get the little ones too, and enjoy all of our activities immensely, even if I don't orgasm at all. After all of these years, we're really still learning about what makes both of us tick, so I suppose I don't have any expectations apart from making love, giving and receiving pleasure, and exploring.

I will say toys can give me more intense and plentiful orgasms that I really enjoy and crave. On a spectrum of physical satisfaction, I'm most satisfied by the intense ones. But using them on my own and using them with a partner are completely separate in my mind...being with someone is satisfying in a different way, and I definitely prefer it.

All in all, I don't see a difference in where the orgasms come from when I'm with a partner...having one via PiV isn't more valid than oral, which isn't more valid than my hand or a toy. I guess I count my blessings that I can have them any way, and that my husband is so open and secure in this area that I don't feel the need to fake anything.

 

[SweetErika]

It's important, but sex, for me, isn't about the orgasm. I can have one of those any time I want. It's about the physical closeness between me and my hubby. It's also about knowing each other well enough to be able to do what drives the other wild.

I couldn't have said it any better. Smart lady!

 

[phoenix1224]

My woman hasn't come from oral but, my fingers and cock ALWAYS do the trick...

Althought I enjoy making her cum any way that I can, personally, I prefer it when she cums on my cock... I just love the way her muscles squeeze me tight... Sometimes to the point where she actually squeezes me out...

 

[BigM]

When you're with a partner, does it matter where your (men: your partner's) orgasm comes from? That is, does it have to come from oral, PiV, anal, manual?

My wife prefers to come during traditional intercourse: it's more of an emotional connection that makes it special for her, especially if we both come together (which is roughly a third of the time we have sex).

Personally, I like to make her orgasm orally. Guess it's that control thing. Using a toy on her is also a blast -- it gives me a voyeuristic thrill.

Don't know what PiV is. Gotta go look it up -- and add one more thing to my "to do" list.

 

[SweetErika]

My woman hasn't come from oral but, my fingers and cock ALWAYS do the trick...

Althought I enjoy making her cum any way that I can, personally, I prefer it when she cums on my cock... I just love the way her muscles squeeze me tight... Sometimes to the point where she actually squeezes me out...

My wife prefers to come during traditional intercourse: it's more of an emotional connection that makes it special for her, especially if we both come together (which is roughly a third of the time we have sex).

Personally, I like to make her orgasm orally. Guess it's that control thing. Using a toy on her is also a blast -- it gives me a voyeuristic thrill.

Don't know what PiV is. Gotta go look it up -- and add one more thing to my "to do" list.

Good explanations, gentlemen. Now if I could only get my hubby to post so freely!

BigM: PiV= Penis in Vagina sex (the term "sex" can mean various things to people)
This and other abbreviations, as well as a vast amount of info on the basics have been cataloged for your convenience in Eilan's post in the How To FAQ Read Before Posting Sticky