Song Lyric Translated into English

[gxnn]

Hi, everybody, I am not a native speaker of English, but my friend wants me to help him translate a song he writes into English. I told him I am not competent to do so but he said I have learnt English for some time so there would not be any problem. It is hard to say no to a friend, especially in our cultures. But after I have tried my best, I find my work is not something worth singing or fit for singing, it is not my fault because I do not want to lose any meaning in the original, but after I include everything, the translated work looks very clumsy and awkward. So I put it here to seek some advice or critique or whatever you see fit. Thank you in advance.

Background: He is a student of a college, due to the pandemic, he has been separated from the campus since the start of this year, so he writes a song to express his thanks to and thoughts of his teacher there.


Grateful to You


2020 is very unusual as known to all
Separated we as teacher and students all look forward to school opening
Troubles are never free from the live lessons
Confusing, hurrying, we keep company with each other
Being late for class occasionally is due to the traffic jam on Xifeng Street
Apart from lecturing you have to compete, do research and get projects
Other executive errands keep you busy as well
Your vacation does not come with the end of final exams


Your running figure is left in Xifeng Street
You write on the classroom blackboard full of nice instructions
You and I staying in Xidian become teacher and student
We live there together for four years
Once a relation of teacher and student, always such unchanged
We are good friends but more like family
Meeting and Departing are like a turn
Which undertakes the love


Four years of spring wind and autumn rain bridge the gap
Your black hairs grow gray over years, the chalks in your hands write down our history
Like a silkworm you give us all you have, like a candle you burn yourself to ashes
Growing seeds in spring extensively you reap a harvest of fruits in autumn around the country

 

[ElectricBlue]

2020 is a very strange year
Holding us apart instead of together, longing for
School days.

Teacher at the chalkboard, trouble at the back
Sit down, you're late, pay attention
It's your school days.

Traffic slow on Xifeng Street, teacher,
Got in the way of my
School days.

The teacher's busy, the work is always there
There's no holiday when the tests are all done
Even at the end of school days.

Run down Xifeng Street, teacher
Quick, the blackboard is empty, needs filling.
I want our school days.

Four years in Xidian you taught us
Sometimes we listened,
On school days.

But at the end of it all
We're just like a family
Remembering how good they were,
Those school days.

The blossoms grew and the autumn rains washed away
The black from your hair, it turned grey,
At the end of those school days.

You turned us into butterflies
While your candle flickered and dimmed
From those long school days.

When the children are grown
And the next seeds are sown
We remember you, teacher.

And loved our school days.

 

[gxnn]

2020 is a very strange year
Holding us apart instead of together, longing for
School days.

Teacher at the chalkboard, trouble at the back
Sit down, you're late, pay attention
It's your school days.

Traffic slow on Xifeng Street, teacher,
Got in the way of my
School days.

The teacher's busy, the work is always there
There's no holiday when the tests are all done
Even at the end of school days.

Run down Xifeng Street, teacher
Quick, the blackboard is empty, needs filling.
I want our school days.

Four years in Xidian you taught us
Sometimes we listened,
On school days.

But at the end of it all
We're just like a family
Remembering how good they were,
Those school days.

The blossoms grew and the autumn rains washed away
The black from your hair, it turned grey,
At the end of those school days.

You turned us into butterflies
While your candle flickered and dimmed
From those long school days.

When the children are grown
And the next seeds are sown
We remember you, teacher.

And loved our school days.

Thank you sir, this is a very excellent poem even to a foreign ear like mine! You have a great mind and a great hand that is what we call can turn rottenness into freshness or bring life to a dying man.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Thank you sir, this is a very excellent poem even to a foreign ear like mine! You have a great mind and a great hand that is what we call can turn rottenness into freshness or bring life to a dying man.

Thank you, good sir .

I tried to keep the thought within each of your sentences, and give it a flow. To make it into a song, one could improve the rhythm, I think.

I'm interested to see how others might approach this.

 

[Piscator]

Thank you sir, this is a very excellent poem even to a foreign ear like mine! You have a great mind and a great hand that is what we call can turn rottenness into freshness or bring life to a dying man.

Seconded - well done.

 

[gxnn]

Some Ancient Poems Translated by A Famous Translator of China

This man, Xu Yuanchong, a retired English language professor of Peking University, is now almost 100 years old and began his translation career in 1938. Unlike other translators who translate works into their mother tongue, he does the opposite and claims himself the first ever man in history who can translate a large number of ancient poems of China into English and French respectively. He even had this self-claimed honor printed on his calling card, to the surprise of many of his fellow countrymen.

There are of course many fans who love his works in China, perhaps they have this or that connection with him since he was once a college teacher who have taught so many students and it is the culture of the country that students flatter their teachers. But there are the same number of opponents who do not like his arrogance and his works, saying that he does not really know what poems are and that what he thinks is good or graceful may not be so or even vulgar in the eyes of the native readers.

So now I post some of his great works here for you to critique:

No.1
From hill to hill no bird in flight;
From path to path no man in sight.
A lonely fisherman afloat,
Is fishing snow in lonely boat.

No. 2
Abed, I see a silver light;
I wonder if it's frost aground.
Looking up, I find the moon bright;
Bowing, in homesickness I’m drowned.

No.3
The boundless forest sheds its leaves shower by shower;
The endless river rolls its waves hour after hour.

No.4
Spring Morning
This morn of spring in bed I'm lying,
Not to awake till birds are crying.
After one of wind and showers,
How many are the fallen flowers!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

How come if they were originally written in Chinese, they translate into basic rhyming couplets in English?

 

[gxnn]

How come if they were originally written in Chinese, they translate into basic rhyming couplets in English?

You have asked a very good question, that is also what many other people want to know.
There seems no readers in English speaking countries asking him to help translate the Chinese poems, so perhaps that is his linguistic exercise or a showing off of translating ability, which is intended to tell others, "It is very difficult to translate poems, but I can do it, even to put them into a foreign language so well that the readers of that language are all impressed, and they will say, 'what a great translator he is!'" Perhaps that is what his mentality is. Self-importance, in a word.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Pulling a fast one is several!

 

[ElectricBlue]

This man, Xu Yuanchong, a retired English language professor of Peking University, is now almost 100 years old and began his translation career in 1938. Unlike other translators who translate works into their mother tongue, he does the opposite and claims himself the first ever man in history who can translate a large number of ancient poems of China into English and French respectively. He even had this self-claimed honor printed on his calling card, to the surprise of many of his fellow countrymen.

In order to see what he has done, to see whether he maintains the meaning of the original with all its nuance, one would need to see a literal translation. You could then compare that with the rhyming poetry he has derived. These rhymed versions aren't very sophisticated, so it's difficult to judge how successful he really is.

I have the same question with Japanese haiku translations - keeping the same syllable structure is impossible - it cannot be said to be accurate. Nevertheless, haiku elegance can still exist in translation.

 

[gxnn]

There is another attempt of Chinese translators to give an original Chinese song words of English, like this one My Motherland and I and this one Folk Songs Flow Out Like a River in Spring .

You are welcome to give your valuable comment or critique.

 

[Winter_Fare]

@gxnn
Sometimes you don't need to understand the words at all to capture a song's meaning.

"My mother my country" was written as straight nationalist propaganda in 1984

"The Folk Song River" carries the same Party tune in this rendering. I can't find a more traditional version via YouTube, I would love to hear it if there's one out there:

Too much of what we in the west see as Chinese music is either generic pop, or bombastic orchestral CP message that obscures both the song and the artist.

(It must be more complicated than that! I would love to hear your opinion…)

Contrast these two versions of the "Weaving Song"

Modern

Traditional

My point is, a lyric without music is like an artist without freedom of expression. A poem without a soul. Translating a song is waaay harder than translating a poem, especially without cultural nuance

 

[Winter_Fare]

There is another attempt of Chinese translators to give an original Chinese song words of English, like this one My Motherland and I and this one Folk Songs Flow Out Like a River in Spring .

You are welcome to give your valuable comment or critique.

Both these links are broken x

 

[gxnn]

Both these links are broken x

From inside China, without resorting to illegal means, we cannot get access to Youtube. The links I provide here is the only that I can get but seems unwelcome by this great forum. It is a pity! Thank you for your resources of the same songs and informative critique.

 

[Winter_Fare]

From inside China, without resorting to illegal means, we cannot get access to Youtube. The links I provide here is the only that I can get but seems unwelcome by this great forum. It is a pity! Thank you for your resources of the same songs and informative critique.

Please can you copy paste the translation?

Or instead of direct links, give us a few details about the pages so people can search them out? X

 

[Winter_Fare]

@gxnn
Sorry for spamming you with replies but this fascinates me! I would love to hear your opinion, maybe even your own interpretation of the lyrics of the folk song if it's not too cheeky to ask.

Maybe you can find similar videos on the Chinese net?

In the modern link, Siqingerile is singing the "weaving song" with folk rock style accompaniment

In the traditional link, a Tuvan women are using khoomei (呼麦) vocal technique accompanied on acoustic instruments, but it's clearly the same words/tune

 

[gxnn]

@Winter_Fare
May I ask that you know Chinese language or cultures? You seem to know something that we in China are not familiar with.

Below I give you the exact address if you like to hear the two songs mentioned above

Folk Songs Flow Like River
你一定没听过的英文版《山歌好比春江水》_哔哩哔哩_bilibili https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1Lr4y1s7de?spm_id_from=333.999.0.0

My Motherland and I
《我和我的祖国（英文版）》_哔哩哔哩_bilibili https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1oJ411T7HE/?spm_id_from=333.788.recommend_more_video.-1

 

[Winter_Fare]

Ah! So I can't find the song I wanted to show you on bilibili, but it's this style of singing, only women.
https://m.bilibili.com/video/BV1ah411J7rM

*EDIT*
It's this song! But with no dancing obviously x
https://m.bilibili.com/video/BV1Fh411m7MG

 

[Winter_Fare]

May I ask that you know Chinese language or cultures? You seem to know something that we in China are not familiar with.

Do you mean that you're not familiar with that particular song? Or the juxtaposition of old and new styles on traditional folk music?

Below I give you the exact address if you like to hear the two songs mentioned above

Folk Songs Flow Like River
你一定没听过的英文版《山歌好比春江水》_哔哩哔哩_bilibili https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1Lr4y1s7de?spm_id_from=333.999.0.0

It comes across as quite simplistic I think, and the rap riff in the middle is just weird!
"Sing with me
Here I sing, you chorus
Oh You Chorus
Folk songs are like rivers in spring days
Breaking through all the obstacles
Oh Obstacles
Sing with me
Here I sing, you chorus
Folk songs are like rivers in spring days
Breaking through all the obstacles
Ducks are having fun on water
Ships are building skyscrapers
Mandarin duck's love will last forever
March partridges fly hither thither
April river overflows every corner
Spring come on now all the smart tea pickers
Tea fragrance spreads for a thousand meters
Sing with me
Here I sing, you chorus
Oh You Chorus
Folk songs are like rivers in spring days
Breaking through all the obstacles
Oh Obstacles"

My Motherland and I
《我和我的祖国（英文版）》_哔哩哔哩_bilibili https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1oJ411T7HE/?spm_id_from=333.788.recommend_more_video.-1

China catches my heart
No-one can break us apart
No matter where I travel
You are what I'm singing for
I'm singing of your high mountains
Singing of your land and rocks
Sing of hometown big or small
Sing of them once more
Oh China how I love you
When I nestle in your arms feeling blue
You share with me stories before
Make me cheerful
My motherland and me
Are the spindrift and the sea
I am your dear spindrift
You are the sea that hugs me
Whenever you get to smile
You raise me up make me high
I share all your sorrows and joys
Share seashells on the shore
You're the mother we all adore
We all adore
Oh China how I love you
When I nestle in your arms feeling blue
You're the mother we all adore
We all adore


I prefer the Wikipedia translation:
Never can we be apart
my motherland and me
No matter where I travel
the hymn flows from me
To every mountain on thee
to every river that streams
Uprise the wind
small villages
where my heart rests in
My beloved land
my close memories
I lay my head in your breathing
You dear my faith treasure my dream
my motherland and me
Like the oceans wide
Like the waves in rows
I long for your embraces
I long for your strengths
Moments when you are smiling
All love ripples in me
I share your joys
and your sadnesses
My dear mother country
You are the ocean full of lives
You send the waves and raise me high
Forever loving forever worthy
My dear mother country.

 

[Winter_Fare]

@gxnn do you think it's odd there are you recordings of folk singers singing a folk song on Bilibili? Or is it just not that kind of music platform?

Is there a better website for traditional folk music?

 

[Winter_Fare]

Ah! So I can't find the song I wanted to show you on bilibili, but it's this style of singing, only women.
https://m.bilibili.com/video/BV1ah411J7rM

*EDIT*
It's this song! But with no dancing obviously x
https://m.bilibili.com/video/BV1Fh411m7MG

To illustrate the contrast I took a screenshot since the video won't show for you @gxnn

 

[gxnn]

My respect to you, sir. @Winter_Fare
I was just surprised to see in this English web site there are friends who know Chinese cultures so well. I am just a frog sitting at the bottom of a deep well, knowing only what I am able to see through the narrow mouth of that well.
So far, I think Bilibili is the best Chinese website which is very friendly to all the people, especially the youths. You can see whatever you wish there except the sensitive contents that are banned by the government.

 

[Winter_Fare]

My respect to you, sir. @Winter_Fare
I was just surprised to see in this English web site there are friends who know Chinese cultures so well. I am just a frog sitting at the bottom of a deep well, knowing only what I am able to see through the narrow mouth of that well.
So far, I think Bilibili is the best Chinese website which is very friendly to all the people, especially the youths. You can see whatever you wish there except the sensitive contents that are banned by the government.

You shouldn't put yourself down gxnn. Your perspective is valuable to me anyway, and no-one has a limitless view.
I'd never heard of bilibili before so thanks for the info x
It's definitely a youth website, so censorship aside I'm not surprised there's zero folk music, I guess it doesn't appeal to young people. Sad though

 

[gxnn]

You shouldn't put yourself down gxnn. Your perspective is valuable to me anyway, and no-one has a limitless view.
I'd never heard of bilibili before so thanks for the info x
It's definitely a youth website, so censorship aside I'm not surprised there's zero folk music, I guess it doesn't appeal to young people. Sad though

Perhaps you do not know how to search on that site, actually there are a large number of folk songs or folk music of China and other countries. You may try the following key words in English or in Chinese in the search of that site, then you will find the song or music you desire.

folk song=民歌
folk music=民间音乐
folk ballad=民谣

I also give a link so that you can judge whether it is the thing you want or not
【群星】《中国民歌4》_哔哩哔哩_bilibili https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1Cp4y1W7pg?spm_id_from=333.337.search-card.all.click
That song turns out to be first sung publicly in movie or on stage by Ms. Peng, China's top folk song singer and First Lady

 

[Winter_Fare]

@gxnn thank you so much!