Something sincere- I would like your opinion.

[riff]

OK. Here is the deal. In 1985 my older brother got massive head injuries in a car-train wreck. The injuries rendered him to the status of a mental idiot. He requires supervision- not all the time, but he cannot live on his own.

As my parents grow older, the day approaches when I will be responsible for his welfare.

Both my mom and my dad have told me to live my life without thought of it- but neither one of them would want to see him in a home without family. I don't want that either.

I wish I could say, "He ain't heavy, he's my brother..."

 

[red_rose]

That has to be difficult to think of. And I honestly don't see how you can live your life without considering it, as you know that it will come around eventually.

 

[SweetCherry]

Would he be capable of an assited living facility? Where he in essence has his own apartment, but there's stii people there to care for him? Maybe a group home situation? If there's one in your area, those might be suggestions. You would be nearby and you could see him quite often. You would also have the ability to stop by often and take him out and do things with him. But there'd also be someone there to help care for him. Just my opinion.

 

[Guest]

Riff,
There are, actually, wonderful assisted living or group home facilities that are much like a family. Of course, there are some not so good ones. But, I know of success stories and continue to have faith in the system. What would be the ideal situation for you and your brother?

 

[perks]

it's a choice we all have to make whether it is our sibling or parents or whatever.

Make your decision on how you would like to be treated if you were him and he were you.

 

[Ezarc]

Riff,
You need to live your life. Be there when you need to be and you can do it. You are a strong man that knows his walk in this world. He will be a part of it.
Take Care,
Ezarc

 

[freakygirl]

Riff

It's a hard decision that only you can make. I agree with Perky. Make the decision that you would want made.. if it was you.

*hugs*

And if you need to talk to someone who's been there done that (with a disabled parent) feel free to pm or email me.

 

[Hamletmaschine]

... Make your decision on how you would like to be treated if you were him and he were you.

Ms. Perky is bucking for sage-dom. I have to agree with her, as usual.

 

[Guest]

I have brothers.

I honestly don't think I can be responsible for them in a condition you've descrived.

I'm a heartless bastard.

 

[truegentleman]

I would look into an assisted living home or group home like what has already been suggested. Wanting to take care of him is admirable, but you can't stop living to take care of him. It is not like you would never see him again. You can visit him, even take him out for trips if you like, but it does take a lot of pressure off of you.

It might seem like you are being selfish, but really you are doing what is best for the both of you.

 

[freakygirl]

I have brothers.

I honestly don't think I can be responsible for them in a condition you've descrived.

I'm a heartless bastard.

atleast you are honest

 

[riff]

There are excellent assisted living centers- but... I have this guilt thing. I just want for him to be happy and well cared for..

It isn't time to make these decisions yet, but I think of them. They loom over me.

LOL... he did go to a place a while back. Hehehe... it's quite a story. It was like a scholarship thing. They taught him how to get up when he falls down (he is paralyzed on one side). But what the couldn't teach him was that when there is a room full of people watching TV that you do not just get up and change the channel..... Which pissed a lot of residents off.

 

[perks]

Ms. Perky is bucking for sage-dom. I have to agree with her, as usual.

nah, it's just that when I put myself in the other person's shoes it makes the answer so very apparent. My Dad needs 24 hour care, and they wanted to put him in a home, and I helped arrange it so he could stay in his own space. It's not easy.

ANd if the answer is well, if I were him I would want to be with family. It's more than just that one aspect. Would he want to be with family that can't handle it, who will break down and not be the family he needs them to be, or would he be better off with someone that visits him regularly but cared for by those who are equipped physically and emotionally.

There's more than one facet to a hard question.

 

[Cheyenne]

I think most people would say they would want to be at home taken care of by family. BUT, that isn't always what is best for them OR the family. Sometimes the best place for the person is not at home, but in a facility getting the proper help.

 

[peachykeen]

riff - I am in a similar situation. Now that my mom is battling breast cancer, this thing I've managed to put off thinking about most of my adult life has taken on a new urgency. Add into the mix that my husband's career, which could potentially move us all over the world in the next few years, is taking off and taking on the responsibility of my sister and nephew could bring it to a grinding halt. Pressure? Yeah, a little.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

It is not just your brothers quality of life that has to be thought of, but your quality of life also...

An assisted home near you that you can spend time with him sounds a good idea. He gets freedom to experience life and you have your time out to also.

 

[perks]

I think most people would say they would want to be at home taken care of by family. BUT, that isn't always what is best for them OR the family. Sometimes the best place for the person is not at home, but in a facility getting the proper help.

I agree with this.

I know I stated it in my post above this one, but it bears repeating.

If I were the ill person, I'd want to have the best care I could get and know that my family loves me.

It's a LOT of time, either way.

 

[riff]

Maybe I am being selfish- thinking only of how his injury impacts me. Then comes the guilt. But, hey, I am not married or anything- maybe we will be old bachelors together?

Sometimes, you just want to say "Fuck."

 

[lilminx]

I agree with peope who say to look into an assisted care facility. There are going to be other people with disabilities there as well, so he won't feel so isolated. The burden is also lessend for you.

 

[freakygirl]

Look into programs that would allow you to care for him at home while still having your life.

There are lots of state funded programs that would have someone come in while you were at work or away to care for him.

You don't have to tie yourself down to him. But think about it.. He is used to having family around. Putting him in a home could hurt him more than help.

Assisted living homes are understaffed and alot of the times the staff they do have only want a paycheck. They don't care about your family member like you do.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Sometimes, you just want to say "Fuck."

Don't feel guitly thinking this.

You are still young and need your own love and attention from someone special that is just there for you full time...

 

[peachykeen]

been thinking about this on and off all day, when not thinking about naked people.

in my case assisted living facilities are not an option. My sister is too much on the borderline, and we investigated the possibilty of residential schools for autistic kids for my nephew but he is too high functioning. May have found a good foster family for him, fingers crossed. But my sister, whew. Dunno what I'm gonna do there. Cross that bridge when I come to it I guess.