So I'm watching the baseball game like a good American (you weren't watching the game, you unpatriotic scum?) and they have this promo for a new series on Fox called "girls club". The lack of capitalization is not my mistake, that's the way they spell it.
Anyway, it's the latest series from David E. Kelley, and something must be done about the man. The airwaves are polluted with his shows, and it's time for action. Write to the FCC. Call your congressman. I'm going on a hunger strike myself.
Let's examine his career. First he comes up with LA Law, a show about yuppie scum defense attorneys, and inflicts Susan Dey and Harry Hamlin upon us. I watched LA Law occasionally, thought it was occasionally OK, and went about my business.
Next comes Picket Fences, a show I have to admit I watched once. I saw the premiere, decided that I couldn't afford to waste precious hours of my finite life on these characters, even if one was played by the priceless Ray Walston. So I'll give this one a miss.
Next comes The Practice, a show about yuppie scum defense attorneys, which becomes extremely popular and allows Camryn Manheim to write a book called, "Wake Up, I'm Fat" and makes Lara Flynn Boyle a poster child for anorexic actresses. I've watched The Practice on occasion, and found it mostly unwatchable.
At the same time he's writing The Practice, Kelley was also writing Ally McBeal, a show about yuppie scum defense attorneys. The seminal TV show of the late 1990's, and I mean that as an insult, Ally McBeal made The Practice look like a recitation of the Harvard Law Review. I was dating an Ally fan at the time, and so I saw many episodes, and my loathing of the show was a point of friction between me and this girl, a relationship that, alas, could have used more friction, of another sort. But I digress.
Filmed in dark, butterscotch tones, and featuring a lead actress who made Lara Flynn Boyle look like, well, Camryn Manheim, Ally McBeal potentially did more harm to the US justice system than the OJ verdict. Every case seemed to be about nymphomaniacs who get fired for fucking the FedEx guy and then sue. The show bizarrely used special effects to show the inner thoughts of the characters...but not all the time. You'd go 8 episodes with nothing and they you'd see Ally's eyes literally jump out of her head. Made no sense.
Every character on the show was utterly loathesome, with no redeeming qualities whatsover. The characters spent most of their time bullshitting in the bathroom or singing (horribly, horribly) with Vonda Shepard in the bar downstairs.
Peter MacNichol, an actor I once liked, should be excluded from male company for the rest of his life. Perhaps it's a tribute to his talent that he was able to portray a man with no dick so convincingly, but that's no excuse. In my mind he's guilty, guilty, guilty.
Not content to destroy our legal system, Kelley next assault came against our schools. I've never seen Boston Public, but CBS runs the promos for the show endlessly on Sunday's during the NFL games, and they're so overwrought it makes you cringe. I don't know about you, but the teachers I had in high school pretty much went to work, taught us what was in their lesson plan, and went home. It seems like every episode some teacher throws themselves at some cataclysmic problem affecting one of their students. You get all the hot-button topics-- pregnancy, school shootings, drugs, racial conflict. Yawn.
Boston Public, however, does have mega-babe Jeri Ryan, and that at least mitigates some of the damage. From the promos it seems that she wears a lot of tight sleeveless blouses, so at least Kelley is improving the quality of feminine scenery.
Now Kelley has girls club, a show about yuppie scum defense attorneys. This one is about 3 gorgeous young women who discover themselves while fighting for their clients...blah blah blah. Actually, if I recall correctly, the announcer says something like, they fight for their clients, but they find that the most important thing is their friends. Comforting news for the bastards paying them $150 an hour for legal advice.
I don't know the other two actresses, but one of the girls (lower case) is Gretchen Mol, an incredibly beautiful woman and an incredibly bad actress. Ms. Mol is perhaps best known as the woman who nearly ruined the poker movie "Rounders". In that movie she played a yuppie scum law student who tries to keep Matt Damon from fulfilling his dream of winning the World Series of Poker. Kelley probably watched that movie and thought Damon was a fool for dropping out of law school to play cards, and thought Mol looked good sitting at a long table. Jerk.
As if all this wasn't bad enough, as if this indictment wasn't enough to convict Kelley of cultural homicide, the guy's married to Michelle Pfeiffer. I thought that when you sell your soul to Satan the Fallen One eventually comes by to collect. Where are you, oh Dark One? Is it not time to harvest this soul? Or is he doing your nefarious work too well to remove him from this world?
And, folks, don't even get me started on the movie "Mystery, Alaska"...
Anyway, it's the latest series from David E. Kelley, and something must be done about the man. The airwaves are polluted with his shows, and it's time for action. Write to the FCC. Call your congressman. I'm going on a hunger strike myself.
Let's examine his career. First he comes up with LA Law, a show about yuppie scum defense attorneys, and inflicts Susan Dey and Harry Hamlin upon us. I watched LA Law occasionally, thought it was occasionally OK, and went about my business.
Next comes Picket Fences, a show I have to admit I watched once. I saw the premiere, decided that I couldn't afford to waste precious hours of my finite life on these characters, even if one was played by the priceless Ray Walston. So I'll give this one a miss.
Next comes The Practice, a show about yuppie scum defense attorneys, which becomes extremely popular and allows Camryn Manheim to write a book called, "Wake Up, I'm Fat" and makes Lara Flynn Boyle a poster child for anorexic actresses. I've watched The Practice on occasion, and found it mostly unwatchable.
At the same time he's writing The Practice, Kelley was also writing Ally McBeal, a show about yuppie scum defense attorneys. The seminal TV show of the late 1990's, and I mean that as an insult, Ally McBeal made The Practice look like a recitation of the Harvard Law Review. I was dating an Ally fan at the time, and so I saw many episodes, and my loathing of the show was a point of friction between me and this girl, a relationship that, alas, could have used more friction, of another sort. But I digress.
Filmed in dark, butterscotch tones, and featuring a lead actress who made Lara Flynn Boyle look like, well, Camryn Manheim, Ally McBeal potentially did more harm to the US justice system than the OJ verdict. Every case seemed to be about nymphomaniacs who get fired for fucking the FedEx guy and then sue. The show bizarrely used special effects to show the inner thoughts of the characters...but not all the time. You'd go 8 episodes with nothing and they you'd see Ally's eyes literally jump out of her head. Made no sense.
Every character on the show was utterly loathesome, with no redeeming qualities whatsover. The characters spent most of their time bullshitting in the bathroom or singing (horribly, horribly) with Vonda Shepard in the bar downstairs.
Peter MacNichol, an actor I once liked, should be excluded from male company for the rest of his life. Perhaps it's a tribute to his talent that he was able to portray a man with no dick so convincingly, but that's no excuse. In my mind he's guilty, guilty, guilty.
Not content to destroy our legal system, Kelley next assault came against our schools. I've never seen Boston Public, but CBS runs the promos for the show endlessly on Sunday's during the NFL games, and they're so overwrought it makes you cringe. I don't know about you, but the teachers I had in high school pretty much went to work, taught us what was in their lesson plan, and went home. It seems like every episode some teacher throws themselves at some cataclysmic problem affecting one of their students. You get all the hot-button topics-- pregnancy, school shootings, drugs, racial conflict. Yawn.
Boston Public, however, does have mega-babe Jeri Ryan, and that at least mitigates some of the damage. From the promos it seems that she wears a lot of tight sleeveless blouses, so at least Kelley is improving the quality of feminine scenery.
Now Kelley has girls club, a show about yuppie scum defense attorneys. This one is about 3 gorgeous young women who discover themselves while fighting for their clients...blah blah blah. Actually, if I recall correctly, the announcer says something like, they fight for their clients, but they find that the most important thing is their friends. Comforting news for the bastards paying them $150 an hour for legal advice.
I don't know the other two actresses, but one of the girls (lower case) is Gretchen Mol, an incredibly beautiful woman and an incredibly bad actress. Ms. Mol is perhaps best known as the woman who nearly ruined the poker movie "Rounders". In that movie she played a yuppie scum law student who tries to keep Matt Damon from fulfilling his dream of winning the World Series of Poker. Kelley probably watched that movie and thought Damon was a fool for dropping out of law school to play cards, and thought Mol looked good sitting at a long table. Jerk.
As if all this wasn't bad enough, as if this indictment wasn't enough to convict Kelley of cultural homicide, the guy's married to Michelle Pfeiffer. I thought that when you sell your soul to Satan the Fallen One eventually comes by to collect. Where are you, oh Dark One? Is it not time to harvest this soul? Or is he doing your nefarious work too well to remove him from this world?
And, folks, don't even get me started on the movie "Mystery, Alaska"...
