Okay. As you all know, I'm absolutely in love with my Music Man. We've been together for almost two years, and we are now engaged...probably getting married in the spring. Running away to Mexico and all that good stuff.
And as most of you already know, he moved in with me this week. Yippee! We were really, really happy to finally be spending more time together. I think he was actually more excited than I was, if that's possible.
So now he's moved in, everything should be great and dandy, right?
I knew we would have some adjusting to do. A person can't just move in with another person and not have to adjust, compromise, and deal with little quirks. But this problem goes beyond a little quirk.
The day after he moved in, we had a massive fight. About sex, of all things! The one thing we never argued about. We were always on the same wavelength, always really in-tune with one another. The fight seemed to be about something that completely surprised and puzzled me. He said that I want sex too much. I pointed out that he always wanted it as often as I did, maybe even more, so what had changed? A reasonable discussion, I thought, until he lost his temper.
Anyway, this was a fight in which he yelled 'fuck you' and stormed out of the house. Okay. I could deal with a little temper tantrum, if that's all it was. But when he came back, and we sat down to talk rationally, he informed me that this is the way it's going to be: he wants sex maybe once a week. And that's it. And it's not going to change. So get used to it.
Okay. So I'm completely, totally, dumbfounded. This is a man who loved to have sex five times a DAY if he had the time. We were all over each other. And then...boom. Just like that, he wants sex once a week, when our average was ten times? I understand little dips in a relationship, and dry spells, and we've been through all that. But this isn't just a dry spell. This is him telling me that our sex life is changing, drastically. And immediately.
What the HELL is up with that? We've always been good at communication...God knows, I'm always one of those pushing 'communication!' on this board, right? We learned how to do it, and we did it. That communication is what made us click so well together. But now, he's determined that this is the way it's going to be...and he has no explanation, other than I 'want it too much.' HUH?
Needless to say, I'm pretty damn upset. And confused as hell. And over the last several days, he has barely touched me, hardly talked to me, and in general acted like a roommate instead of a fiance. His withdrawing of affection is becoming frightening. He assures me that I have done nothing wrong, and I know there isn't anyone else.
So now I'm wondering what to do. I lay on my side of the bed, after he turns away from me, and wonder if I'm willing to live like this. I love him more than anything. But I can't imagine a life in which our sex life changes so drastically, and at his whim, without giving a thought to what I need.
Am I right to feel betrayed, because what we were for almost two years has now been sidelined by what he says he wants now? And regardless of that, what do I DO? I asked him last night if he would have a problem with me using toys, and he got really upset with me. I mean, what does he expect???
Can you all help me work through this one?
You have all given me great advice in the past, and I always appreciate it. Thanks in advance.
S.
And as most of you already know, he moved in with me this week. Yippee! We were really, really happy to finally be spending more time together. I think he was actually more excited than I was, if that's possible.
So now he's moved in, everything should be great and dandy, right?
I knew we would have some adjusting to do. A person can't just move in with another person and not have to adjust, compromise, and deal with little quirks. But this problem goes beyond a little quirk.
The day after he moved in, we had a massive fight. About sex, of all things! The one thing we never argued about. We were always on the same wavelength, always really in-tune with one another. The fight seemed to be about something that completely surprised and puzzled me. He said that I want sex too much. I pointed out that he always wanted it as often as I did, maybe even more, so what had changed? A reasonable discussion, I thought, until he lost his temper.
Anyway, this was a fight in which he yelled 'fuck you' and stormed out of the house. Okay. I could deal with a little temper tantrum, if that's all it was. But when he came back, and we sat down to talk rationally, he informed me that this is the way it's going to be: he wants sex maybe once a week. And that's it. And it's not going to change. So get used to it.
Okay. So I'm completely, totally, dumbfounded. This is a man who loved to have sex five times a DAY if he had the time. We were all over each other. And then...boom. Just like that, he wants sex once a week, when our average was ten times? I understand little dips in a relationship, and dry spells, and we've been through all that. But this isn't just a dry spell. This is him telling me that our sex life is changing, drastically. And immediately.
What the HELL is up with that? We've always been good at communication...God knows, I'm always one of those pushing 'communication!' on this board, right? We learned how to do it, and we did it. That communication is what made us click so well together. But now, he's determined that this is the way it's going to be...and he has no explanation, other than I 'want it too much.' HUH?
Needless to say, I'm pretty damn upset. And confused as hell. And over the last several days, he has barely touched me, hardly talked to me, and in general acted like a roommate instead of a fiance. His withdrawing of affection is becoming frightening. He assures me that I have done nothing wrong, and I know there isn't anyone else.
So now I'm wondering what to do. I lay on my side of the bed, after he turns away from me, and wonder if I'm willing to live like this. I love him more than anything. But I can't imagine a life in which our sex life changes so drastically, and at his whim, without giving a thought to what I need.
Am I right to feel betrayed, because what we were for almost two years has now been sidelined by what he says he wants now? And regardless of that, what do I DO? I asked him last night if he would have a problem with me using toys, and he got really upset with me. I mean, what does he expect???
Can you all help me work through this one?
You have all given me great advice in the past, and I always appreciate it. Thanks in advance.
S.