Some Like It Hot

[Chicklet]

Hey there guys,

I've been getting decent feedback on my stories, but one consistant complaint: it isn't hot enough. I've got the action, but I guess it doesn't convey through the entire story. Can anyone offer tips to an author who is still inexperienced at writing erotica and wants to improve the excitement level?

Chicklet

 

[Whispersecret]

Might I suggest a link to your stories?

 

[Chicklet]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=102627

I meant in general, but here ya go! = ) I used to have it in my signature so I keep forgetting to add it!

 

[MsLinnet]

Reply Please

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=102627

I meant in general, but here ya go! = ) I used to have it in my signature so I keep forgetting to add it!

Hi Chicklet

I hope you received my story plan on your Idea I have altered it since I sent it you but as I have not had a response from you my love I fear it was not any good.

Stabbing pain in my chest must be where you ripped my heart out ?

 

[KillerMuffin]

FYI: I can't see signature lines. Several people have them turned off because there are annoying tendencies to put long involved quotations, big pictures, and the most offensive to me, animated .gifs. Some of those wreak havoc with my epileptic brain so I keep them shut off.

I skimmed Private Lessons. It took you a full page and about 3/4 to get to the sex. The sex lasted for about 1/2 of a web page. This is total guesstimation here, but it appears that you have 2 1/4 pages of build up and 1/4 page of sex.

Generally, to get called hot, there should be as much or more sex than build-up. Generally because you never know what the readers want.

Additionally, during the sex you didn't play up the taboo. Beyond the occasional word like "teacher" and "student" there was no real illicit thrill going on. It was also pretty run of the mill. Oral sex to vaginal sex. You need to bring in the emotional factors do distinguish it. Remember that most readers have been doing porn for a few years now. The naughtiness of reading dirty stories has worn off and it's up to the story itself to provide the naughty feeling.

 

[Guest]

Chicklet:

I only had time to read one of your stories, so I went for "What are Friends For." I don't know whether you are just attracting the wrong readership or whether that story wasn't representative of the rest, but I thought it was excellent. It went at just the right pace and the sex was very well written. I didn't really notice the use of language as I was too wrapped up in the story.

You don't have a problem if all your stories are like that. Puts my efforts to shame. Just voted it as a 5.

The Earl

 

[TheEarl]

Sorry that was me. Goddamn I hate LineONE.

The Earl

 

[Axeltheswede]

some like it hot

I read "Private Lessons". I can see why people are telling you it is not hot enough.

Many parts of the first three quarters of the story do little to build tension or advance the action. In those areas you seem to take three steps forward, then two steps back.

Whenever you seemed to be on track, you inserted some business that allowed the thread of the story to drift away. I suggest you edit/rewrite with an eye toward getting to your point quicker.

Your sex scene was good. You might want to try a bit more dialogue, to spice things up a bit.

You do have a readable writing style. And, unlike Adrienne, you seem to have mastered the rules of grammar.

Hope this helps. You did ask.

 

[Chicklet]

Re: Reply Please

Hi Chicklet

I hope you received my story plan on your Idea I have altered it since I sent it you but as I have not had a response from you my love I fear it was not any good.

Stabbing pain in my chest must be where you ripped my heart out ?

I'm sorry!!! I don't think I got it!!! please send it again?

Chicklet

 

[Chicklet]

FYI: Generally, to get called hot, there should be as much or more sex than build-up.

THANK YOU!

This is just the kind of advice I'm looking for!

Chicklet

 

[Chicklet]

Re: some like it hot

unlike Adrienne, you seem to have mastered the rules of grammar.

LOL

Thank you = ) = )

For anyone curious:

I am getting a lot of notes that Private Lessons is pretty run of the mill, has been done before, etc etc. It was a personal challenge because I've *never* read anything even somewhat similar, so I was starting from base 1. It was to my horror that AFTER I submitted this story I found one with the exact same name, and the same main male character name as well! Oh, well. *I* know I wasn't copying.

Just wanted to clear that up = )

Chicklet